A Cat's Deluge
I stood at the edge of my apartment's small balcony and stared down at the dismal-looking city below. Rain pelted me like small rocks, the pain shooting through my nerves but never really reaching my brain.
My fingers tightened their grip around the cold railing as the rain soaked my hair and clothes. I felt like part of me had gone insane in the past few months, my mind taking a trip I hadn't been invited on.
"Where are you going?" Sven had asked, his look concerned.
I hadn't had an answer. Part of me truly didn't know, the other part didn't want him to know so he couldn't follow me. This was part of my pathetic plan to cut myself off from the rest of the world.
Yes…I knew it was pathetic. I knew I had sunken down into a hole I had dug myself. It wasn't so deep that I couldn't crawl back out; I had just decided to "accidentally" forget my ladder.
I had turned to everything I had never known before. Alcohol, drugs, sex, money…none of it had helped. The drugs had made me an even sadder case than I already was, and the alcohol did nothing but make me a prolonged date with the toilet.
The sex was pathetic, as I had expected it would be. It was obvious to me now that only one person held that part of my heart and mind and he wasn't coming around anytime soon.
Money, on the other hand had held my emotions at bay for a little longer. I now lived on my own in a place far remote from where my new emotions had sprouted from. I had a car, several belongings I didn't really need, but most of all I had freedom.
The problem was it wasn't the RIGHT kind of freedom. It wasn't the kind of freedom that allowed me to go where I wanted and to see the people I needed. Nothing would return that to me now…I felt emotionally grounded and not in a positive kind of way.
I jumped a little as I felt my cell phone vibrate to life in my jeans pocket, shaking my mind out of its numb state.
I retrieved it and stared at the glowing screen in the dismal light, a familiar name flashing black against the white background.
"SVEN"
He had called so many times now, always leaving the same message. "Where are you? Are you okay? Please come home…". I had never answered and I never planned to. Not for now at least.
I watched the screen fade again as he left a message. A pang of guilt hit me in the stomach as my phone informed me that I had a rather long voicemail waiting for me if I chose to listen…which for now I didn't.
When would I finally be able to answer the phone? I had promised myself that someday I would get over this…that someday I would figure myself out and go back to the life I had once loved to lead. That day hadn't come yet…and I couldn't see it on the horizon.
"You really fucked me up," I muttered as I stared out at the rainy sky. "Why is it that whenever I think of you I want to shoot myself in the head?"
He would never answer. He was dead…he was gone, and somehow, some way I had to accept that.
Fuck accepting it. For now I had to learn how to deal.
So this is the next chapter…obviously. Now that I've pointed out the obvious I wanted to explain why I'm going to write yet another chapter tonight that will probably be just as short. Haha
As you can tell the beginning of this story has been a little slow. I feel like I need to explain where everyone is emotionally and physically, but especially emotionally. A lot happened at the end of "A War I Did Not Start & Could Not End" and I want you to know how the characters are dealing with the aftermath, especially Train.
So I'm writing little vignette's of each character and I want to get them posted quickly so I can move on to the true body of the story. So if you're bored please bare with me. This isn't going to be how the entire story goes, I promise : ]
Ciao!
Train X3