Chapter 4: The greatest conflicts exist not between two people, but between a person and himself.

Edward's POV

It never mattered that the sun was rising, only to be hidden by the clouds hanging on the skies of Forks. It never made a difference to me. Today, however, I felt different. I felt brand new; changed.

And I knew this was all because of Jacob. I wanted to see him again. I needed to see him again. I thought of his soft skin under my fingers; under my lips and I felt my body tingle. The house was awake as usual; nothing else had changed. It was just me.

I felt so good. I felt powerful; like nothing could deter me. Nothing. The rumblings around the house and the thoughts told me I was needed downstairs. I sighed, not wanting to leave this futon. The futon that was reminiscent of Jacob and how he haunted me; how he owned me.

Changing rapidly, I made my way downstairs where the entire Cullen clan was waiting for me.

"Good morning, Edward," greeted Esme before she sat down, next to Carlisle on the couch.

"Good morning," I said, glancing around the room, where my siblings were seated with their mates. A pang of longing cut me. I ignored Jasper's pained expression and thoughts as he caught my emotions.

"Enough with the frivolities," interrupted Rosalie, " it's not like we sleep. Mornings and nights make no difference to us. Edward, you know what we need to talk about."

"Yes, Rosalie," I sighed before lowering myself on the empty couch.

" He's going to be one of them. Do you realize that?" she screeched.

" I know, Rose. It crossed my mind but what am I supposed to do? Abandon my mate because he's a shifter?"

" How can you even stand the smell?" she said, wrinkling her nose.

"His smell is exquisite. I love it."

" Urg..."

" Edward," started Carlisle, " what Rosalie has been meaning to say is we are so happy that you've finally accepted and found a mate. We are behind you a hundred percent."

"No. That's not what I meant. Being with that mongrel will have repercussions. Can you imagine what the Volturi will do when they find out about this? Wolf and vampire? Pretty sure that's illegal," Rosalie snapped.

I hadn't thought about that. The Volturi hated werewolves; and even though the Quileutes weren't Children of the Moon, they loathed them. Caius had hunted werewolves till near extinction. This would definitely complicate things. Jacob's future pack could get eradicated. I don't know if I could risk that. I didn't want to risk Jacob. I wanted him; more than I could describe but I didn't know if my need for him was greater than the price for his life.

I thought I loved Bella. Everything about my relationship with her had been sweet and maybe even, romantic. But with Jacob, I knew he would be able to handle me-the real me. The vampire me. There was nothing sweet about what I wanted with Jacob. It was intense passion. All I could think of was possessing him. Owning him. Marking him as mine. I knew he would fight and resist me. But, I was looking forward to that part too. I wanted to fight with Jacob. I wanted him to resist me.

Was a I willing to give up the person whom I've waited a century for? He was after all the reason why no one else had been good enough for me. Could I live the rest of my damned live knowing I had willingly given up the best thing that had happened to me?

"Edward," said Alice, interrupting my thoughts, " your future disappears in few months...Maybe Rosalie is right...maybe being with Jacob is not such a good idea after all."

"Could you live without Jasper?" I whispered, almost torturously.

"If it meant saving his life..."said Rosalie, softly as she glanced at Emmett.

"If I don't see him? Does my future change then?"

" You'll be alone. Miserable..."

"And Jacob?"

" I don't know. I can't see him. But,Bella's future disappears. You and her are no longer together."

" Jacob likes her," I said, " he has a crush on her."

" So, if you can't be with him, you'd sacrifice yourself and let him have her?" said Jasper.

" Yeah. Edward is the self sacrificing type," boomed Emmett.

" Hm...so maybe, your disappearance had nothing to do with death," contemplated Alice, " maybe it's because of Jacob. He's a shifter, isn't he?" she asked as she looked over at me, for confirmation. I nodded.

" Okay, well then...maybe I just can't see shifters."

" That would make sense," said Esme.

"So, we don't have an unfair hunting advantage," added Carlisle.

"What you're all saying is... I have to get used to that smell?" asked Rosalie as she wrinkled her nose.

Esme laughed, " I guess so."

" What about the Volturi?" I asked, " I don't want Jacob to die because of me."

"But, you can't...and don't want to live without him," said Carlisle.

"Maybe you don't have to make a decision right away, Edward," said Rosalie, " maybe you should let destiny run its course. Maybe you should give him a chance to have a say in this whole thing. This after all is his life too."

"I don't know," I replied, squeezing my eyes shut blocking them out of my vision, wishing I could do the same with their thoughts. I was painfully aware of Carlisle and Esme's concerned thoughts, Alice's guilt at not being able to solve my problem, Jasper and Emmett's confusion at the dilemma this problem posed, and Rosalie's conflict, with her underlying support. I had no doubt that she would support me; that if push came to shove, she would support Jacob and fight for him. Fight for me. Over the years, Rosalie and I had come to some sort of unspoken understanding.

When Carlisle had found her battered body on the streets, he had taken pity on the waste of this woman's youth. However, when he changed her, he had been hoping she would be my mate; that she would have complimented me in the same way Esme complimented him. Years spent together trying to become mates - though unsuccessfully - had lead us to understanding each other as siblings all the more. I knew that she would make sure my mate were alive and safe. That she wouldn't hesitate to keep him alive. For me.

" I need some time alone," I said, standing up and without waiting for their reply, I darted out of the house, in a blur.

Minutes later, I was perched on the summit of a mountain in the Olympic Park of Washington. The wind swirled with snow flakes, that never breached the ground. I sat, blending into the environment perfectly, with my cold exterior. I was a block of ice on the top of the frozen tip of this mountain. The cold, however, was not numbing; much to my dismay.

Nothing blocked the anguish, the conflict that raged inside my head. And although at this altitude, I had no other thoughts inside my head, other than my own, I couldn't be more confused.

On the one hand was the life I had always craved-full of love and acceptance from the one person who completed me. The person who was my other half. And on the other was the Volturi. The Volturi was a coven of Italian vampires. The largest coven, known to exist. They made our rules and protected our community from being exposed. I was sure that my being in a relationship with a shifter would not be acceptable in their books.

I didn't understand. I didn't know what to do. How was I supposed to choose? Although the decision between my mate and his life was an easy one, I was conflicted. Maybe a little selfish even. I wasn't willing to give him up, not when I hadn't had the chance to hold him, yet. People might say it was easier to give something that you never had up, but Jacob was mine.

I let out a blood curling scream, throwing my head back. My nails raked my exposed throat, and I could feel the dull edges rip through the marble of my skin. I felt no pain, but I felt a tinge of something. I didn't know if could be described as pain, but it felt right to punish myself. It was the least I could do.

"Jacob," I whispered softly, as I dropped to my knees, and pressed my face into the snow.

Could I walk away from him? I didn't know if I was strong enough to do such a thing.

His family...his family were a pack of wolves. Wolves that despised me, and everything I stood for. Between his family and the Volturi, we didn't stand a chance.

Russet skin flashed thought my head as I laid face first into the snow, symbolizing warmth, love and everything that was good in my life. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pulled myself upright. Maybe Rosalie was right. Maybe, I didn't have to make this decision on my own.

Didn't Jacob deserve the chance to make the most important decision of his life? Wouldn't he want to know? That he was my mate. That I was his. That he was mine.

My new found hope dwindled as I thought of Jacob's outrage in the bathroom, the other night. He had a crush on Bella. He was straight. And as far as I knew, so was I. Yet, here I was. Pining after him. Lusting after him.

I sighed.

What was I supposed to do?

I looked up as Jasper lowered himself down on the roof of the Cullen mansion. I had finally made it back home, but I wasn't ready to face anyone yet. Jasper had felt my emotions and hadn't been able to resist coming up here.

We sat in silence for a while before he broke it.

" You should follow your emotions, Edward," he said softly as he stared at the full moon, dangling in the velvety sky, " I've never had such strong emotions coming from you. Not even when it concerned Bella."

" I don't know what to do," I admitted, " on the one hand, there's Jacob and on the other, there's saving him from me, and our kind." I laughed bitterly before I added, " I'm so conflicted about this and he doesn't even like me."

" He likes you. Trust me," he said convincingly and I glanced up at his face. A small confident, almost smug smile tugged at the corners of his lips and I couldn't help but feel optimistic about this.

" And, for what its worth, you can't save him from our kind, Edward," he added, " he's a wolf. He was born to deal with our kind."

" To kill our kind," I corrected.

" To protect humans from our counterparts," said Emmett as he joined us on the roof and dropped down on my other side, " we don't kill humans. We feed off animals. Our sacrifice has to count for something, doesn't it?"

Jasper made a gurgling sound in agreement, but said nothing. I chuckled as I looked over at my brothers. Their surprised looks caused me to laugh out loud. They stared at me, like I had grown a second head before joining in.

" I think you should just follow your heart, without worrying about the circumstance. Jacob can take care of himself," said Emmett, " he's a wolf. Or will be."

" Emmett's right. For once," added Jasper as Emmett narrowed his eyes at him, "you have always calculated the consequences to your actions. Always had everything in such control since you've changed. On your bloodlust, on your desire to rip Bella to pieces and drain her body from every last drop of blood, adapting to our lifestyle. You'll be surprised how exhilarating life can be when you let go of your need to be in control. When you learn to trust your instincts, learn how to go with the flow of your emotions, and go with your heart."

Were they right? I wondered. And as an answer to my inner musings, a lone howl broke against the silence of the night. My body stiffened and I sat up straighter as if the wolf was calling to me. I felt my chest rise up and down, in practiced ease.

Just like that I had my answer.

Author's Note:

Hello people,

I know this is a much shorter chapter. But, it gets better and longer, I promise. I just needed this chapter in here, so you guys can just get a feel of Edward's inner conflict about Jacob and his feelings.

Let me know how you liked it because honestly, I've read and re-read this chapter and there's something that's bothering me about this chapter but I just don't know what.

Lisa

(The greatest conflicts exist not between two people, but between a person and himself.) Quote by G. Brooks