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- Danni

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Chapter 3

I didn't get any sleep last night.

I kept on tossing and turning in my bed, my body was tired but my mind kept on replaying the events that happened earlier.

The moment the memories filled up the blank spots that lingered in my mind for a while now, I became angry.

Which, you know, isn't normal. But then, since when was I ever normal? I'm a mediator, I'm in love with a ghost – yes, I found out that I still loved Jesse. And perhaps I'll always will – I've gone back in time, etc… Not the kinda things you find in regular teen just around the corner.

Anyway, I was mad. Boiling mad. I wanted to hit something. Or someone. I couldn't hit the wall 'coz I'll just hurt my hand and that just wouldn't go well with me. I needed a person. And not just any person either. I couldn't go around hitting anyone, of course. I needed someone who knew what I was going through.

The person I just had in mind was still in the pool when I went downstairs. He was talking to a group of girls around him. Giggling and acting all flirtingly.

Oh please, skank much?

"Hey Paul", I said as seductively as I could. But inside, I wanted to hurl. I just realized that I hated him and the idea of his tongue down my throat was beyond me.

"Hey Suze", he said. He didn't even shoo the other girls away. Now if he were my boyfriend, wouldn't he not want to get caught by me with other girls? Ugh, I hate Paul. "So, what was the noise about?"

"Oh nothing." I shrugged. "You know, some girl just found out that her boyfriend tricked her into loving him and becoming his girlfriend and she just realized that she loved someone else."

"Whoa, too bad for her. Kudos to the guy though." Was all he said then he turned to continue his talk with the other girls. Could you believe that?

Oh right, it's Paul Slater, jerk-extraordinaire, we're talking about here.

"God, be insensitive why don't you?" I almost screamed. My fists were formed into balls now. It was taking a lot of me not to strangle and beat the hell out of him.

"Huh?" he asked. He raised an eyebrow at me. Self-control, Suze. Count 1 to 10 and you'll be all right. "Come in the tub and give your boyfriend a kiss."

Okay, screw self-control and screw his pretty face. I have just had enough. "Kiss this." I said just before my fist connected with his nose – breaking it if the sound of splitting cartilage was any indication.

I ran back to the house and to my room. I wanted to continue to hit Paul but I figured that I still wouldn't be able to hit him 'coz people would break us apart. So, knowing Paul, he was gonna run after me to my room, and I was just gonna wait for him there for Round 2.

Not long after I was inside my room, the door flew open revealing Paul all covered in his own blood.

"What died in here?"

He did not just say that.

"What the fucking hell is your problem, Paul?" I asked – well, more like screamed at him. Normally I wouldn't swear, but there are just times I have to to make my point clear.

"What's my problem? I'm the one who got punched in the nose!" He screamed back. But because of his broken nose, it didn't sound right. It was actually funny-sounding. It was like 'Whath mah pwablem, Am da one who got punth en da nooth."

"Well, I wouldn't have done that if you weren't a conceited bastard!" I shot back at him. Our faces were really close now that if I moved just a few inches nearer, I could kiss him. But I wouldn't. Good thing the door and the windows of my room were close 'coz we would have attracted too much attention. Not that they were gonna understand what we were talking about.

"What the crap are you talking about?

"Like you don't know."

"What? If it's about what happened earlier, then I'm sorry. I thought you liked it. I didn't know you had an issue of people seeing your butt."

"Yeah, you shou – wait, what?"

"What?"

"I have an issue of people seeing my butt?"

"Isn't that what you're miffed about?"

"Heck no."

"Then what?"

"I'm talking about Jesse!"

Then he hesitated for a moment. A moment too long. "Who?"

"Don't lie to me, Paul! You damn straight know exactly what I'm talking about!"

I saw Paul's eyes grow dark for a second. I suddenly felt cold and shivers were running down my spine. Here was the feeling again, I was scared. I was scared of Paul Slater. He backed me to the wall and pinned my head in between his strong arms. "Okay, so what if I did?" He hissed, "What are you gonna do, Suze? Huh?"

He got me there. I didn't know what to do. It was like my brain went to hibernation mode. I stammered, "I-I…"

He smirked. "You don't even know what to do, do you, Suze? You can't sic Rico Suave on me 'coz isn't here. Or anywhere on this planet for that matter. He's been dead for over a century, remember? He's dead. And there's nothing you can do about it."

I knew Paul could be a jerk and hurt anyone, but I didn't know that he could hurt me emotionally too. That was the most hurtful thing anyone said to me. Everything he said felt like a stab to my heart. I knew what he said was true but I didn't want to believe it.

"Get out." I managed to say.

He ran a finger down from my chin to my neck. My heart seemed to beat fast again. It was so loud that I was sure that Paul was gonna hear it. "You're just mad because you know I'm right. I hit a nerve, didn't I?"

"I said get out, Paul." I growled. "Out of my room, out of my sight and out of my life!" I got ready for another punch to his face but he probably knew what I was gonna do 'coz next thing I knew, he grabbed both my hands and held them above my head. I tried to wriggle my hands free but Paul was a strong guy. I am so gonna get bruises tomorrow.

I saw Paul's eyes search my face. He had this expression, like he was disappointed in me. I don't know how long we were in that position but as soon as I felt my arms ache, he let me go. "You'll see, Suze, that what I did was for the best." With a final shrug, he left, slamming the door on his way out.

I just collapsed after that. It was like all the wind got knocked out of me. I laid on my bed, hoping to get some sleep and I could just forget about everything.

But I didn't get any sleep. Or forget anything at all. I stayed up all night thinking about what happened and what I've done.

My head was dizzy with all the thinking. It was all so complicated.

I miss Jesse. He always knew what the best solution was. I still love him. God knows how much. But then, Paul's a nice guy too, despite everything. He was my boyfriend and he wasn't all that bad. Beneath that jerk head of his was a great guy. I still like him. But, did I love him?

Why do I have to choose?

It's so hard to pick one over the other. Paul was here with me. In this century. He's good looking, smart, kind (sometimes), rich, a shifter like me… what more could I ask for?

He's not Jesse. He's a conceited jerk and a liar. A voice inside told me but I pushed it away. Sure he was a jerk at times. And he lied because he wanted to be with me. If you look at it in some point, it was kinda sweet. In a psychotic, twisted kind of way. But sweet all the same.

But… there's always a but.

What about Jesse? I just couldn't forget about him. I still loved him. But where would it go? Paul was right; he didn't live in this century anymore. I couldn't just go back in time and live there…

Right?

Of course I'm right. Pfft, what was I thinking anyway?

I have a life here.

I'm probably just not thinking right. I so need sleep.

Anyway, I left the house early in the morning. And guess where I'm going. The library. Yeah, the Carmel Library (A/N: I don't know if there is one. Just made it up. Hee hee). An idea occurred to me when I was in my bed. If I saved Jesse, it means that his life is continued. And being continued, it's going to be someday recorded. And now in the future, there's probably a book that has at least some info about his life.

I was gonna do some research about Jesse.

So, when I got to the library - the librarian looked at me strangely. Probably surprised that a teen came into the library on a summer day – I went to look in the history section. I grabbed as many books as I can carry and brought them to the nearest table.

Oh boy. It was gonna be a long day.

Around lunchtime I just have had enough. The books I got didn't give me any information that I didn't know. Some of it were even incorrect. There was this one totally outrageous book that said Jesse was 'rumored to be not sure of his sexual orientation'.

And then I was like, "What the hell?" I almost shredded the book if the library hadn't called my attention. So instead, I tore off the page – quietly – when the librarian wasn't looking and hid it in my pocket. No one says anything like that to Jesse and goes away with it.

Good thing the author is dead though. Or else I would have killed him myself.

I grabbed the last book on my table, My Monterey by Colonel Clemmings. Oooh, this was the book that I read before that had some information about Jesse. I wonder if there was going to be any added info too. This should be interesting.

I flipped the pages until I reached the part about the barn. I read each line careful not to miss anything important.

Maria de Silva had an affair with the slave runner, Felix Diego and somehow, Hector de Silva, Maria's supposedly fiancé, got wind of it. On the night before Hector was about to break off the engagement, Hector was almost killed by Felix Diego. Rumors say that Maria sent Diego to kill her cousin so that they can be together while others say that Diego came on his own accord. No one knew how, but Hector was said to have been warned by an unknown person about what was to happen. So, instead of being murdered, Hector was the one who killed Diego. No charge was brought up against Hector because witnesses said that it was out of self-defense.

Woo, go Jesse. I smiled. I'm in the book too! Sure, it says 'unknown person' but I know it's me. Who warned Jesse about the fight except me? Go me.

Anyway, I kept on reading the other paragraphs. There wasn't really much. It says that family and friends are the top things that mattered to Jesse. But I knew that already.

Then there was a short paragraph in the bottom of the page that made me stop. I read it again and again making sure that I wasn't seeing things.

… Hector de Silva mostly lived a private life. No one knew except his family and close friends if he had any other relationships aside from the failed one he shared with his cousin Maria.

However, according to Hector's sister, Josefina de Silva–Herrera, Hector loved another person. A woman by the name of Susannah. Little is known about her but it is said that Susannah and Hector had met before. But sadly, exactly two weeks after they met, on the day Hector planned to propose to Susannah, she was kidnapped and brutally murdered by Felix Diego's brother, Castel.

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