Okay, so I got into a Tumblr argument with some idiot the other day about putting Daniel Tosh into a Fake News fic. Apparently it's absolutely awful to do so because Daniel is a douche and, supposedly by their argument, they (the person I was arguing with) were jumping the bandwagon of the fandom because it's just gone downhill and is being run by 16 year old fangirls.

I basically told them the fandom can go to fucking space if it wants to and that I can write about what I want because it's called fanfiction for a reason. And I know there are people that enjoy this, so bleh.

So in spite of that, this is going to be Daniel/John centered, since I noticed from But I Just Want to Tell You I Love You! that some people surprisingly Ship the two of them. Scarily, I do, too…

I guess this is slight canon to BIJWTTYILU! (tired of typing it all out), but not so much that you have to know exactly what's going on.

Quote Four: John's Got a Bit of a Temper

Take a long, hard look at yourself you self-deluded, arrogant douche! –John Oliver, one with a temper we suppose

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're a complete idiot!"

Rob's ears perked up as he heard two very familiar voices yelling in Jon's office, he supposed. It wasn't hard to miss their voices. When the two of them were together, they were practically always shouting at one another.

"Why am I an idiot?"

"Because you're just so stupid!"

Rob had paused right outside of the door to listen in. The door was cracked, but he didn't bother to peek in. He was curious as to whether Jon was in the room, but quickly brushed that thought aside. If Jon were in his office, he would be a small third voice trying to calm the situation.

"You're not logically answering the question."

"Don't use words like 'logically' to make yourself sound smart!"

Ed spotted Rob and approached him. "Hey, what are yo—?"

Rob quickly threw an arm around Ed's neck to pull him close, then used his other hand to cover Ed's mouth.

"Shush!" Rob whispered while Ed flailed about. He finally slowly edged his vision into the small crack in the door to witness the argument firsthand.

Daniel was sitting on Jon's desk with his arms crossed and rage evident on his face. But it wasn't as bad a John, who was pacing around the room and looked like a ticking time bomb.

"Look, I don't know what the fuck your problem is," Daniel uncrossed his arms to wave his hand dismissively. "But you need to chill."

"I need to chill?" John stopped pacing to face Daniel and point to himself. "I don't understand why you always stick up for him. You're just as much an idiot as he is!"

"Hold on," Daniel held out his hand and frowned. He always loved pissing people off, and John was definitely no exception, but things always changed when Stephen was brought up. "You better watch what you say. Are you also implying that because Jon is friends with Stephen that Jon is an idiot, too?"

John gritted his teeth. "I-I didn't say that!" He pointed his index finger at Daniel and shook his hand angrily.

"I didn't say that you said it," Daniel bit his thumb. "I said that you implied it."

"Listen, you twat," Daniel's eyes widened at the seemingly offensive word. He needed to study the British slang a little more closely. "I'm getting sick of you."

"Oh, good," Daniel clapped his hands and smirked. "'Cause I'm surely getting sick of you, too!"

John didn't know if it was even possible to get any angrier than he was at this moment. He could just simply punch Daniel in the face for no reason but just existing. "I don't even know how anyone around here can even stand you."

"Y'know, everything you're saying to me I can just say ditto to," Daniel shrugged. "So what else ya got?"

John could feel his sanity flying out of him. If he argued with Daniel anymore, who knew what would happen?

"Well…" John just had one last thing to say; or more like shout. "How about you take a long, hard look at yourself you self-deluded, arrogant douche!"

Before Daniel could wittily retort, John was already storming out of the door. The Brit threw the door open with serious force, managing to whack Steve in the face. He had apparently also shown up not long after Rob and Ed to listen in on the argument. While Steve rolled around in pain, Ed continued to flail about in Rob's grasp, and Rob stared in horror at what John was probably going to do to him, John decided to promptly ignore all three and stalked off.

In the meantime, Stephen was looking around helplessly for Jon. When he attempted to turn the corner toward Jon's office, he bumped right into John.

"Ooph!" Stephen took a step back. "Oh, John, I'm sorry. Have you seen Jon anywhere? I need to ask him if he's got that awesome stick of stain remover because I—" Stephen paused when he noticed John wasn't looking at him. "John? Is something—?"

"Shut up!" John yelled as he swatted at Stephen for seemingly no reason before speeding off.

But Stephen's face dropped when he realized why John had nearly swung at him.

Was John…crying?

John went to the roof of the studio. Hardly anyone knew that there was a way to open the door to the roof, or that there was even access to the pathway that led up there. So John figured I'd be the perfect opportunity to use the vacancy of the roof to his advantage.

He hung over the railing and stared aimlessly out over the city. The breeze was a little chilly, but he didn't really pay it much attention. He swiped a hand under his eyes and sniffled.

"Damn Daniel fucking Tosh," he muttered. "He's such a jerk."

John normally never let things like this get to him; he was a stronger person than that. But Daniel…just drove him absolutely insane. How could someone be that much of a douchebag? Not only that, Daniel supported Stephen's feelings for Jon when it was obvious that John liked Jon as well. John honestly felt like he was in high school again.

And it sucked.

John had always been an outcast as it was, but now that he had to deal with it at work, it wasn't anything pleasant. He thought that discovering that Stephen was an outcast as well would either give John a chance to be friends with him or one up him. John saw him as competition in his way to Jon, so the former wasn't much of an option.

But then fucking Daniel Tosh had to go and screw that all up. And to make matters worse, it was like Daniel loved seeing John angry over the fact that he could never get close to Jon.

And it wasn't like John could really do much. It seemed apparent that Jon really liked Stephen, too, and John was just chasing after something that he was sure would never be.

John lowered his head and tried not to cry. This was absolutely pathetic, and he knew it…but there wasn't anything he could do to stop it.

"So, this is where you go and hide, huh?"

John's heart dropped. He couldn't dare turn around, not with the tears streaming down his face. Why did he have to show up here of all times?

"Go away," John said simply.

"Nope. Free country. I can go wherever I please."

That damn condescending attitude. John gritted his teeth.

"Just go away!"

"Stop fucking crying."

John's eyes widened. He knew?

"You're the one that started the stupid ass argument, so you brought this upon yourself." John heard him getting closer to him. Maybe he'd be Supreme Dick and just push him over the railing. John would almost welcome it.

But when Daniel put his blazer on John's back, the Brit grew very confused. Daniel stood on the other side of him and John turned to face him.

"What the fuck is this?" John held onto the blazer so it wouldn't slip off of him. He almost threw it off, but noticed that it was keeping him warm.

"It's fucking cold out here, idiot," Daniel said. John thought he was being snide about it, but Daniel wasn't smiling. In fact, he looked rather serious.

"I know that, stupid," John remarked. "What the hell do you want?"

"You can't have Jon and you know that."

John couldn't believe Daniel had just said that so casually. "W-what of it?"

"You keep getting pissed at me like it's my fault or something," Daniel pointed to himself.

"N-no, but you seem to get off on the fact that I love Jon but that I can't have him!" John yelled. "And it pisses me off!"

"Y'know, Stephen's an outcast, just like you are. You should be able to relate to him more than anyone. But yet you tried to be a dick to him just because he liked Jon. And look where it got you," Daniel explained.

John wanted to retort, but he sadly knew that Daniel was right. Even though… "Did that still give you any reason to have to knock me down just because I didn't like Stephen?"

"You didn't like Stephen only because he liked Jon and he was in the way to you getting to Jon," Daniel shoved his hands into his pockets. "You didn't even give him a chance. Just like every other dickweed here."

John blinked. "Huh?"

"Well, now the correspondents are starting to get to know him better," Daniel shrugged. "But maybe they discovered that if Master Douchebag could warm up to Stephen that the others could, too."

John couldn't believe that Daniel of all people could be so insightful.

"Then if you hate me so much, why don't you go comfort Stephen some more?" John leaned over the railing again. He just couldn't understand what Daniel was trying to get at. If Daniel was pissed off at John for not giving Stephen a chance, why would he even bother talking to him?

"Because now you're more of an outcast than he is."

John raised up from leaning over the railing and looked at Daniel like he had lost his mind. "Really, now? So now it's just you're turn to come and pick on me, huh? Wanna go ahead and start with the Harry Potter jokes or something? C'mon, let's go!"

"John, shut the fuck up!" Daniel grabbed John's shoulders aggressively and John inwardly panicked. "I know what it's like to be an outcast! I'm a fucking dick! Everyone fucking hates me! The first thing I did when I began working here was target poor ol' Stephen because he was the perfect victim to bully!

"But in time, Stephen made me realize that he can smile and be friendly even while being outcast by everyone he works with. And he loves Jon more than anything, while Jon tries not to make a big scene out of it. Stephen doesn't understand that, but he's still confident. And seeing that made me want to help him, and he taught me that I could be a better person.

"But you…you did the same thing I did. But you came into this job knowing that you weren't going to like Stephen just because he liked Jon. But Stephen and Jon have always been friends.

"And you've never had anyone."

John honestly couldn't believe what he was hearing. Daniel of all people…could understand him? He knew the same loneliness as John?

"So stop trying to pick fights with me all the time when I try to talk with you!" Daniel said. "I may like picking on you, but I'm an ass to everyone here. I think Jon already accepts that. But you don't have to be alone in this, all right?" Daniel turned away as he said that, and John realized that that had to be the most embarrassing thing Daniel's ever said to anyone.

John smirked. "Fine," he grabbed Daniel's hands on his shoulders and lightly brushed them off. "Fine. I get it."

Daniel huffed, his breath visible in the cold air. "Good. It better be burned into your skull."

"Whatever," John tried not to smile, but it proved futile. He threw an arm over his mouth and hoped Daniel didn't notice. Too late.

"What the fuck are you smiling for?" Daniel smirked.

"That stupid look on your face, you wanker," John began to walk toward the door.

"Wanker? Really, you're gonna pull that British shit on me?" Daniel rushed to catch up to him and they walked side by side. "You're just begging me to make fun of you now."

Ugh, how did this end up being this long. AND THIS SAPPY, TOO?!

So, I had plans to finish this and make another chapter for Wyatt Cenac before he left The Daily Show, but I'm a slacker per usual. So expect a John/Wyatt chapter next because I'M GOING TO MISS WYATT SO MUCH AWJDHAJLKHDFH! ;_;

~Midori