A/N: To canny-bairn, breverson, deeda and guest…THANK YOU for your reviews! Everyone else…THANK YOU for reading! Here's another chapter that I hope all of you will like!
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
Jake's Series #4
"I hear there's a new girl."
I grumble out an affirmative and take a drink; Lord knows Seaver makes me need one.
JJ cocks an eyebrow and a corner of her mouth begins to curl upwards. She leans forward on her arms which gives me ample view of her chest. I take another drink because I am now convinced all blonde women are meant to be the end of me.
"She sounds great! I think I like her already," she says in response to my uninformative grunt. I roll my eyes at her and take another sip of my scotch. "Easy there, tiger," she tells me. I see a hint of concern in her eyes but she doesn't know the week I've had so I don't care to set down my glass.
"Long case," I tell her. I don't offer any more details and take another sip. Maybe I should slow down, but I see JJ's frown which only irritates me more so I could care less how fast I'm drinking. Sometimes even I need a break from being the responsible, stoic Aaron Hotchner.
JJ clears her throat before she speaks. "Why was it bad?" she asks with a controlled, low voice. She is clearly annoyed with me.
"An AWOL, reckless agent." I am about to take another sip of the double I ordered but this time JJ's fierce look stops me. I purse my lips and wait to hear what she has to say.
When she knows she has my attention she speaks. "I'm sure it isn't that bad," she tries to placate me with a chipper voice. I shake my head and I'm back to not caring what she thinks so I pick up my drink and quickly take another sip while she continues to talk. "Emily said she has potential and—"
"Emily must have neglected to remember how Seaver disobeyed my direct orders and put herself and the team in unnecessary danger. That's not potential in my book," I snap. I slam down my half drank double so hard even the ice cubes clink. JJ flinches and looks at me with her big, baby blues. She looks shocked and hurt by my outburst. I realize I can't stay here in the mood I am in or I'll end up saying something I'll regret. "I should go. This isn't a good time."
Out of the corner of my eye I see JJ sit up straighter at my words. I place some cash to cover the both of us onto the table. I begin to scoot out of the booth and pause, still avoiding her eyes, so I can offer a voiceless apology. She doesn't say anything so I get up and walk out of Jake's.
I'm outside now and guilt begins to overwhelm me. I know JJ doesn't deserve how I treated her and now I'm out here and I am officially an ass. I breathe in deep and the crisp autumn air fills my lungs. The sensation feels good and clears my head of the alcohol I just guzzled.
My phone begins to ring and I selfishly hope it is her but it is Jessica.
"Hey, Jess."
"Hi. Jack's class isn't back from the apple orchard yet. They're running late by about twenty to thirty minutes. I'm going to wait at the school until he gets back."
I nod as if she can see me. "Okay. Let me know when you are heading back and I'll come get him."
"Oh?" she says, clearly confused. She usually kept Jack until after dinner this day of the week whether I was home or not.
"Yeah, I think I should spend time with him tonight."
"I understand," she softly says. And I know she knows just what I'm talking about. "I will call you when we're on our way home."
"Thank you Jess," I say before I hang up. I stare at the phone in my hand to see if I've received a text from JJ while I was talking to Jessica but it says I have no messages. I rub my forehead and sigh. I really am an ass.
Before I can think twice about it I walk back inside the bar. I stop just inside the door and see that she hasn't moved. She is playing at the label of her empty beer bottle and looks as calm as anyone else. I can't believe the patience she has with me and inwardly smile at the fact she knows me so well. She must sense my eyes on her because she looks up and gives me a tight smile. She jerks her head to indicate for me to come back. I walk slowly to the booth and I see that she had Abby take my scotch away and replace it with a big glass of ice water. I sink into the booth and apologize.
"Sorry, Jayje. I don't know what just happened." I sincerely don't know why I lost it so easily. I will be the first to admit that it takes a lot for me to lose my patience and let it show to anyone, especially Jack and my colleagues.
"Me neither." Her voice has no contempt in it and I wonder how much effort that takes. "Aaron, are you okay?" she asks me softly. Her gaze never wavers from mine as I turn my head and consider how she addressed me.
"You called me Aaron."
She smiles. "I've been calling you Aaron for weeks, just not necessarily out loud," JJ confesses. I wonder why it took her so long to use my given name, but I'll take what I can get.
At my lack of response she continues. "You know, one of the most frustrating things about working with you is that you rarely show any emotion. While your control is admirable, the team always wonders how you manage to keep it so well; when we make mistakes, when you face unsubs…"
JJ lets her sentence fade into the air. I still don't move but I do lower my eyes. She must want to know why I lost my cool with her rather than project my anger to those who deserve it. I grimace and wait for her interrogation. She surprises me instead.
"Something more is going on than what you're telling me. What is it?"
The kindness she shows me after I treated her so badly makes me feel even worse. I kick myself and purse my lips. I look at everyone in Jake's and they are relaxed and enjoying a Phil Collins song that is playing in the background. These people look like they don't have a care in the world and I am envious.
"Aaron?"
I hear my name and sigh. I briefly shut my eyes to refocus and remind myself JJ isn't the bad guy.
"Jack's been having nightmares," I confess. I'm not sure where to look so rest my eyes on JJ's gold necklace her sister had given her. "It's been approximately a year now." My voice is barely above a whisper but JJ's slow intake of breath tells me she heard every word.
"So you haven't been getting any sleep." JJ's voice is soft and concerned. "His nightmares aren't the sole reason you're not sleeping though."
I shake my head and meet her eyes. "No," I say quietly. JJ is right. Jack's nightmares aren't keeping me awake as much as my apprehension of his well being is. I feel powerless, tired and guilty. "I don't know what to do JJ. I can handle my own grief but my son's…I can't make it go away for him." I pause and consider how to continue.
"I want to 'make it all better'," I smile lightly. I know I sound like I'm talking to a five year old but in a strange way it comforts me.
In one fluid motion she gets up and plants herself next to me. I move to the side a bit but stay facing the table with my head down. I feel one of her well-manicured hands land on my forearm. She is sitting so close to me that I can smell her green apple shampoo. JJ gives me a sympathetic smile and raises her other hand to rub my back a little.
She is figuratively keeping me afloat and I realize how much I need her support.
"Why don't you take a few personal days?" she ventures slowly. I don't immediately dismiss the idea which surprises me. "The stress of the BAU, your worry over Jack and not to mention dealing with your own grief, it is going to wear you down fast. Jack needs his dad right now. He'll understand if his superhero needs to take a few days off from chasing the bad guys."
I let out a light chuckle at JJ's words and lean back and straighten my legs under the table. The movement makes her hands release me and I miss the comforting touch. I rest my head against the wood panel that lines the booth and turn it to look at her. "You think so?" I ask her. My voice sounds scratchy and tired.
"I do," she says. She smiles sweetly at me. "I'll even lend you Boo if you'd like."
I let out a small laugh. "I don't think I could take her away from Henry. Or you. You love that dog the most out of the four of us. And Henry is a close second. He won't be able to part with her."
She crinkles her nose as her smile grows bigger. "Henry won't mind, he loves Jack. He'll do anything for him."
I stare deep into her blue eyes and wonder if there is a deeper meaning to her words. I don't have to wonder for long because her demeanor changes. "Will you mind?" I ask her, almost afraid of the answer. I know we are talking about more than just Boo.
"No, I won't." She holds my eyes with hers for a few more moments. Her gaze tells me a lot of things that I'm sure are reflecting in my own. However, I know we both know we can't acknowledge what we see in each others faces. Because we know, for various reasons, that this isn't our time yet.
Our silent agreement marks a promise of something and that we'll have to wait and see what it is. Our moment has passed so I reassure her with a smile and pat her knee. "Thanks, Jayje. For always knowing." I figure that is the best thing I can say right now and when I see her face I know I was right.
She stands and holds a hand out to me. "Come on. You and Jack are cordially invited to a Macaroni and Cheese dinner and a movie at the Jareau and Boo residence." She gives me a wink and expects me to play along.
I feel a grin appear on my face. "Offer cordially accepted."
I take her hand and she helps me begin to 'make it all better'."