So You Want To Be FAMOUS?
Introduction:
So you want to be famous? Well, I don't blame you--who wouldn't want to be! And I, Gilderoy Lockhart (my new autobiography 'Magical Me' is out in bookstores everywhere--buy your copy today), Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defence League, and five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award, am just the one to show you how.
Section 1: Requirements
1. Have talent.
You must have some sort of talent in order to be famous--something that sets you apart from the rest. After all, I didn't get famous on just my charming smile alone! I am also a talented author, adventurer, and defence against the dark arts expert (for full details, see my published works). But I'm not here to brag; I'm here to help you get a bit of the fame such as that that is so generously and lavishly bestowed upon me. So, find your talent and work at it and one day you too may have your picture on the front page of a newspaper. Now don't get discouraged if you're only known for one small thing. After all, we can't all be winners of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award and a bestselling author, but everyone has to start somewhere.
2. Be photogenic.
No one wants to see an unsightly face looking back at them from the morning paper. Witches adore wizards with charming smiles, gorgeous hair, and fashionable robes. I myself was gifted by fate with strikingly handsome features. Now don't be discouraged if you are not quite as perfectly stunning as myself! A dazzling smile and neatly groomed appearance will help you get far in the world of fame! (For a full listing of cosmetic charms and hair products tested and approved by yours truly see my autobiography 'Magical Me'--in stores worldwide.)
3. Ability to deal with publicity.
One must know when to seize the moment. If you conquer a banshee and no one is there to see it--who's to say you have done so at all? (For more on banshees, read my bestselling book 'Break With a Banshee'.) You must make people aware-- display your talent, spread the word, and hire photographers and publicists. And remember, fame is a fickle friend. There may be those who will try to put a negative edge on things--don't let them! Put a positive spin on things. Dazzle them with your charming good looks. Make the public fall in love with you and you can do no wrong.
4. Have a great personality--like yours truly.
No one likes a grump or a bringer of bad news. Be happy, polite and charming. And as winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award, I know charming! Be gracious to your fans and always be willing to sign autographs (requests for my autograph may be sent by owl). Never turn down a photo opportunity and always flash a smile.
Section 2: Famous Witches and Wizards
Gilderoy Lockhart (yours truly and five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award--though I don't talk about that. After all, I didn't banish a ghoul by smiling at it!), Celestina Warbeck, that Harry Potter fellow, and others whose names have slipped my mind.
Section 3: How to Apply
Do something that gets recognized. Make a name for yourself (though perhaps not literally if you're not good at that sort of thing).
Note--This job is not for you if: you don't like attention, are boring, or are ugly.
Author's Note: the editors have seen fit to shorten my writing, so for a full account of my take on fame, how I got to be famous, what I think of my fame, and information on my fan club, see 'Magical Me' pages 324--658.