"Are you making pancakes?" Gray yawned, rubbing his eyes and making his way over to the kitchen. Natsu was standing behind the counter, pouring batter into a pan. A stack of pancakes sat next to the stove.

"Mhmm," he replied, tipping his head back to gesture at the coffee maker. "Coffee's ready." Gray slipped in behind him and grabbed two mugs, pouring one for each of them and setting Natsu's next to him on the counter. "You sleep okay?"

"Yeah, but I feel bad for your back," Gray said, glancing over at the couch. A blanket and pillow were shoved in one corner, and there were still red lines on Natsu's cheek from where the couch had pressed against him. Natsu shrugged.

"Once a week isn't gonna kill me," he said, smiling and taking a sip of his coffee. He flipped the pancake in the pan with one hand and Gray raised an eyebrow, impressed.

"Well, I mean, we can switch," he offered. Gray had been staying over on Fridays for nearly two months now – it was easier than driving home late, and he didn't have to worry about taking a cab if he had a few drinks. And, Gray had to admit, it was nice waking up to the sound of Natsu making breakfast. His own apartment was too quiet.

"I honestly don't mind," Natsu said softly, pointing to the cupboard for Gray to take out some plates. They both stacked up their pancakes and sat in silence for a moment, enjoying the food.

"You're amazing at this," Gray said eventually around a mouthful of food. "I'm terrible at making pancakes. I always burn them."

"'s 'cause you're impatient," Natsu replied, nudging Gray with his elbow. "I mean, it's not like I make pancakes often. No point in putting in the effort just for me." He looked down at his plate and made patterns in the syrup with his fork.

"Does that mean I'm special?" Gray joked. Natsu coughed and reached out for his coffee, taking a huge gulp. He stood up quickly and grabbed both their plates, taking them over to the sink and rinsing them.

"So, you heading to your parent's today?" Natsu asked as he wiped down the counter. His hair curled around the back of his neck and he grabbed an elastic from the basket on the counter, tying it back in a small ponytail. Gray blinked.

"Wow." Natsu looked up at him, frowning. "No, you just... you look different. I've never seen you with your hair up." Natsu laughed, brushing his bangs aside.

"Ah, Lucy keeps telling me I need a haircut but I'm too lazy."

"No, you..." Gray paused. "It looks good. Suits you."

"Thanks."

There was a strange pause that made Gray feel slightly unsettled, until he remembered Natsu's previous question. "Oh, yeah, no, I'm not going to my parent's, they're apparently going to some kind of bocce tournament." He rolled his eyes. "They have more of a social life than I do."

That wasn't really true, he mused. Not anymore. He'd been spending more time with Natsu, even outside of Friday evenings. They'd gone out for dinner a couple times, and once to the winter market. Another time Natsu had been given some free football tickets from work and they'd gone to the game, braving the cold even though neither of them particularly cared about the sport.

"So what, I don't count as a social life?" Natsu teased. Gray rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing a dishtowel and taking the plates from Natsu.

"I guess you do," he replied, stacking the dishes in the cupboard. He yawned, stretching, then looked at his watch and shrugged. "I have no idea why I'm even looking at the time," he admitted. Natsu laughed, grabbing his cup of coffee and heading back over to the couch.

"I, ah, I'm not doing anything today either," he said, shoving the blankets out of the way. He looked so much younger in his baggy shirt and pajama pants. "Do you like board games?" Gray contemplated the question.

"I don't not like board games," he said eventually. "Although Charades turns into an Olympic level event at my parent's house." Natsu laughed. "Why?"

"Oh, there's this – I saw it the other day after work, this board game café? It opened up right next to my work and looked kinda fun." He glanced up at Gray, looking so different with his hair pulled back. "You, uh, wanna try it out?"

Instead of going home, which was nearly a half-hour drive from Natsu's apartment, Gray just showered at Natsu's, borrowing a clean shirt. When he finished getting dressed he noticed that the familiar coconut scent was now following him around. It was nice.

His phone buzzed as he was brushing his teeth and he picked it up, seeing a text from Cana. You wanna come here for supper tonight since mom and dad are busy? He bit down on the toothbrush, using both hands to reply.

Sorry, Natsu and I are going out. Maybe Tuesday?

It was several minutes before she replied. Did you spend the night with him again?

Gray frowned. Cana had never been nosy about his friendship with Natsu before, and even though it was only a text, it felt somehow... accusatory.

Yeah, I'm here every Friday, he replied. Decided to go out this evening too. Why? She didn't respond, and eventually he shrugged, shoving his phone in his pocket and heading into the living room where Natsu was waiting to leave.

The café was enormous and busy, but they managed to find a small table in the corner and dig through the huge stack of games until they found something that took less than hour to set up.

"Unfortunately for you, I have a market." Natsu grinned, dropping the card in the middle of the board. "Which gives me ten points, which I believe makes me the winner." He raised his eyebrows at Gray, and added, "again."

"Son of a bitch," Gray sighed, dropping his cards and shaking his head. "Either you're some sort of freakish prodigy, or I'm just terrible at anything that involves cards." Natsu snorted, collecting the pieces and setting them back in the game box. He'd won all of the games they'd played so far, with the exception of Pandemic, which they both lost horribly.

"I'm gonna go with prodigy," he said, settling the lid back on the box and then taking a sip of his coffee. "Can you believe they have a game here called 'Sexy Truth or Dare'?" Gray's eyes widened. "Who would play that in public?"

"Obviously someone," Gray said, shrugging. "People are weird." Natsu hummed in agreement, leaning forward on his elbows.

"Looks like they're gonna kick us out pretty quick," he said, nodding over to one of the employees who was not-so-discreetly mopping the floor. Gray looked at his watch and realized it was nearly seven o'clock. "I guess we'd better get outta here."

"I guess," Gray said reluctantly. It was getting harder, he noticed. Harder to leave the lively, entertaining, warm company of his friend and go back to his cold, lonely apartment.

He sighed as they got into his car, waiting for the heat to kick in so they wouldn't freeze. As they pulled away from the café and headed up the road towards Natsu's place, the content, euphoric sensation that Gray had been feeling all day began to dissipate. He didn't want it to. He needed it.

Looking up at the signs above the overpass, his eyes were drawn to the exit. He knew Natsu's apartment was straight ahead, just across the river, but that wasn't where he wanted to go. That would mean saying goodnight and going home to darkness and silence and loneliness. Before he could stop himself, he flicked on his signal and swerved into the other lane to take the exit off into the country.

Natsu was silent for several seconds. "This isn't the way home," he said eventually, but his voice held no confusion or concern. Gray hummed.

"I know," he said quietly. Natsu didn't argue as he pulled off onto one of the roads that were fenced on either side by enormous trees. The branches reached towards each other at the top, forming an arch of tangled fingers. Gray sighed contentedly – he loved driving out here. It was quiet and peaceful, no messy traffic jams or honking horns, just trees and grass and sky.

The sun was starting to set, a rich orange bleeding from the sky across the snowy farmer's fields and reflecting from wisps of cloud. Natsu leaned his head against the window, looking pensive as the light washed over his face and colorful hair.

"What's wrong?" Gray asked, finally breaking the quiet. They hadn't turned on any music, and had been driving in a comfortable silence for the last half hour. Natsu turned to him with a contemplative look, then glanced back at the road.

"I wanna go somewhere," he said after a moment. "If you don't mind. And I'll... I can explain it when we get there?" He chewed on his bottom lip. Gray frowned at the odd request, then shrugged. He couldn't think of any reason to say no.

"All right," he said, smiling at the bright look on Natsu's face. "Where to?"

"Just... take your next left."

Gray followed Natsu's directions for nearly an hour, winding through roads that were sometimes paved, sometimes gravel. The car shook underneath them and Gray could smell the dust from the rocks that were pinging against the undercarriage. It was dark now, the sun long past the horizon, and Gray switched on his high beams to see where they were going. It was snowing again, softly, and the flakes drifted in the twin lights in front of the car.

"Here," Natsu said, pointing to a dark shape on the right side of the road. Gray slowed down and pulled over, leaving the car running as he peered out the window. It appeared to be a rundown farmhouse – probably abandoned, with rotten beams and a rusted-out car parked beside it.

"Where's here?" Gray asked. Natsu laughed, looking fondly at the building.

"Home," he replied. "Or, what used to be home. This is where I grew up." Gray raised his eyebrows. Natsu didn't talk much about his childhood – neither of them did – and for some reason it made Gray sad to realize he didn't know this about his friend.

"When did you move away?" Gray asked. The car was still running, heat blasting on their feet to keep away the mild chill of the evening.

"I was eleven," Natsu replied, wiping the condensation from the window so he could peer at the farmhouse again. "Mom died, and dad didn't want to stay here. It was too much for him, so we moved into the city." He sighed. "Looks like it's abandoned now, though. I'd hoped..." he trailed off.

"You'd hoped..." Gray prompted.

"I'd been thinking about buying it," Natsu admitted, turning and looking at Gray. "I know I don't need it, it's too big for just me, but... there's lots of memories." He looked defeated, shoulders slumped forward and eyes focused on the steering wheel.

"Where's the gate?" he asked suddenly. Natsu looked up and frowned.

"Just... around the corner there, it's..." he gave Gray a suspicious look. "You're not—"

"Why not?" Gray said, pulling out from the edge of the road and making his way to where Natsu had indicated. "If it's abandoned then nobody's going to be here. Have you been back?" Natsu shook his head as Gray turned into the driveway, pulling up right next to the gate and turning off the car. He unbuckled his seatbelt and gestured for Natsu to get out. "Come on. Show me home."

With the help of the flashlight from Gray's emergency kit, they made their way through the gate and towards the house. Gray peeked over at Natsu and was immediately glad he'd decided to do this – the childish wonder on his friend's face was heartwarming.

"We had a swing set there," Natsu said, pointing to an empty spot next to the house. Up close it was clear that nobody had been here in a long time – the door was hanging off its hinges and the frame around the windows was nearly rotted through. It didn't seem to faze Natsu, though.

"Mom grew strawberries – that was the garden, we had all these vegetables. Carrots were the best, you just kinda rinsed off the dirt and ate them." He stopped in his tracks as they got closer to the house.

With the flashlight pointed at the house, Gray could see a dilapidated looking sign hanging on one chain that read welcome to our home. Natsu made a soft sound.

"My mom made that," he said quietly. He knelt next to it, running his fingers over the flaking paint. "She loved to paint – she did dragons on the walls of my bedroom." His fingers explored the chain and managed to wiggle it loose, pulling the sign off the post. "I don't think anyone will notice," he said, giving Gray a smile.

"You don't talk about her," Gray said suddenly. It was true – Natsu had spoken about his parents only a handful of times, and had never given details other than that his mother had died of cancer when he was young.

Natsu sighed, tipping his head back and gazing up at the sky. "Look at the stars," he whispered. Gray looked up and was immediately overwhelmed. There were millions of them, spilled across a backdrop of inky black, stretching out in every direction as far as he could see. It was dizzying. "Hey, do you have a blanket?"

Five minutes later they were sitting on the hood of Gray's car, shoulders pressed together as they leaned back against the windshield to stare at the sky.

"I can't even pick out constellations," Gray murmured, lost in the mesmerizing patterns of bright on dark. "There's too many of them." Natsu hummed next to him.

"I miss this," he said softly. "It was always so quiet out here, and..." he hesitated, then sighed. "I miss my mom."

Gray turned to look at Natsu, nudging him with his shoulder. "What was she like?"

"She was... amazing."

Natsu continued to talk as the night grew darker – more words than Gray had ever heard him say at once. Even after their positions became uncomfortable and Gray couldn't feel his fingers, he didn't want to get up and leave. This, here, cold and cramped under the stars, was a thousand times better than all of his nights alone.

Three days later, Cana showed up at Gray's apartment with her hands on her hips and a dangerous glint in her eye.

"We need to talk."

Gray frowned, gesturing for her to come inside.

"That's a bit dramatic," he said, stepping into the kitchen. "Coffee?" She nodded and he began to fill up the pot, looking at her curiously. She returned the gaze, chewing her lip in contemplation as she sat on the back of the couch.

"So, I know you're not an idiot," she began. Gray snorted, filling the coffee machine and turning it on. He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms.

"I'd like to think I'm not," he said slowly when she didn't continue. "Cana, what's going on?" They'd never been ones for deep, personal talks, and the look in her eyes was making Gray nervous.

"I can't believe I have to tell you this," she muttered, then looked straight at Gray. "You're in love with your best friend and you can't see it."

Gray blinked. The complicated feeling in his chest that he'd been ignoring for so long reared its head, and he felt his stomach drop. In love? With...

"Natsu?" He shook his head, laughing. Cana gave him a look that clearly said yes. "Cana, that's ridiculous. I'm not gay." He tried to keep his voice steady, but the floor suddenly felt like it was moving under his feet, black-and-white tiles swimming in his vision. "I like women. Amy and I... we … seventeen years, Cana, I'm not..." The words were jumbled, he couldn't get them out properly.

"Just because you love her doesn't mean you can't love him," Cana said gently. She motioned for Gray to come over to the couch, but he couldn't let go of the counter because if he did, his legs would give out. What was happening? A million feelings were exploding in his chest and he couldn't keep them straight.

"He's... my friend." Gray shook his head, trying to shake off the sensation that something was deeply out of place.

"Gray," Cana said, standing and moving into the kitchen. The coffee had finished brewing and was hissing behind him. Why were his hands so cold? "You stay over at his place every week. You brought him to Christmas. You spend all your time together... when you talk about him, your face... it changes. You're bright. Happy."

"But I'm not gay," he said shakily, running his hands through his hair. "I'm not... not a teenager, I'm forty-three years old. I've never liked men."

"Maybe it's just him," Cana suggested. "You never cared for women except for Amy either. But you can't pretend the feelings aren't there." She reached out and touched the back of his hand. "I know you're lonely. I know you miss her, but Gray, Amy would un—"

"Don't," Gray hissed, snatching his hand away and backing up until his shoulders hit the fridge. There was nowhere to go. "That's not the same." His chest ached and he struggled to breathe. This wasn't the same. She was different. "I can't." His voice broke on the last word.

"You have to." Cana leaned forward, trying to force him to make eye contact. "It's been five years, and I know you're never going to move on, that's not a thing, she'll always be part of you. But you can let him be part of you too." There was a long silence. "She would want you to be happy."

"Don't tell me what she would want!" Gray yelled, anger flaring up in his chest. He balled his hands into fists, exhaling sharply. "You don't know any—"

"She was my family too!" Cana shouted. Gray stared at her, stunned by the hurt in her eyes. "You weren't the only fucking person who loved her, you asshole!" And then Cana was crying, wiping angrily at her face. "I miss her too. So do mom and dad. But I can't just sit here and watch you throw away something that could be fucking amazing because of your stupid guilt. She wouldn't be mad and you know it. Do you know how many times she told me that she wanted you to be happy after she was gone?"

Gray's stomach ached and he felt his own tears falling, but he couldn't bring himself to wipe them away. She... he'd never...

"But..."

"You're making excuses," Cana continued, voice still shaky. "You're making up reasons not to believe it but you know, deep down, that I'm right." She sighed. "It's been six months. And if it was just him pining after you I wouldn't have said anything, but you clearly feel the same way about him."

"Him... what?"

"Oh, Gray," Cana said, shaking her head. "You're so dumb sometimes. Of course he's in love with you. He's just not acting on it because he thinks you're straight and he doesn't want to lose his best friend."

"I am straight," Gray protested. "I've..." All the uncomfortable feelings, the pieces of him that got mixed up around Natsu, the things he pushed away and tried not to think about, summoned up a thousand memories. Natsu's soft smile, his pink hair, the way he moved around the kitchen in the mornings. The comforting scent of his shampoo on the pillow, the way their feet touched when they watched movies, the ridiculous way he laughed when he stepped on Gray's feet during dance class. "Shit. Fuck."

"Gray, it's okay." Cana reached over and put a hand on his elbow. "You deserve to be happy. He makes you happy." She squeezed his arm. "But you're being selfish."

"...what?" Gray couldn't stop crying.

"You're taking everything from him that you took from Amy, and you're not giving anything back, and he's just going along with it 'cause he's stupid and in love with you and cares about you as a person."

"He..." Gray's fingers clenched on the countertop. Was that true? He thought about the dancing, him sleeping over, their breakfasts together, the soft warmth of Natsu against him while they watched movies. "Shit." They'd basically been dating this whole time. "Fuck, shit... you're..."

"Of course I'm right," Cana said, voice soft. She reached out a hand and Gray took it, hesitantly, and let her pull him into a hug. "It's okay," she sighed as he leaned into her, shaking, unable to control his tears. "You can do both. You can grieve and miss her and be happy with him at the same time."

"H-how?" he asked, chest tight. "I don't... I didn't mean to..."

"I know you didn't," Cana replied. She put a hand to his hair like she'd done when he was little and had fallen and scraped his knee, and he sighed. "But you need to figure out how to make it right."