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Homecoming

– Chapter 4 –

Work

I believed all of your dreams, adoration
You took my heart and my keys and my patience
You took my heart on my sleeve for decoration
You mistaken my love I brought for you for foundation
All that I wanted from you was to give me
Something that I never had

Sakura tried not to let her jealousy show up on her face, so instead what Sasuke saw was a deep scowl. Her dainty, doll-like features were twisted in a way that reminded him of an alpaca in mid-chew. He, having been a prodigy, mastered most ninja skills with astonishing speed. Prodigies always exasperated her; Neji, Tokuma, and even Kakashi-sensei also managed to pick up basic medic skills from watching her at work with a speed that felt like a mockery of the time and effort she'd put into mastering the art of healing. Sakura huffed as she examined Sasuke's stitch patterns on the pillows. Columns of neat little bars of even length tied up in tidy little bows lined the pillow. As usual, he was irritatingly competent and his stitch patterns were precise and almost looked machine-sewn. How did he manage to do this so easily with a hooked needle? It'd taken her a few years before her stitch patterns were this even and practiced, and he was doing them one-handed!

She took a deep breath, one that filled her belly, as she tried to tamp down on her irritation and instead nurture her pride in her student. "Sasuke-kun?"

He cocked an eyebrow at her.

She threw the pillow at his head, half out of frustration and half out of playfulness. He leaned a little to the side and the pillow flew past his head. Sakura heard a small sizzling sound as the pillow bounced off of the energy barrier that encased his cell. The ANBU guards heard it too as snake-face and rat-face turned to look at the source of the sound. After they saw the pillow bouncing across the concrete floor, they silently turned back to their original positions.

"You're annoying," she told him with a wry smile on her face. "Has anyone ever told you that? You're incredibly annoying at how you're too good at anything you put your mind towards."

"I try my best," he said with no humor in his voice as he went to pick the pillow up, but Sakura chuckled nonetheless at his dry response. At that, he smirked.

Over the last few months, she and Sauske had settled into a comfortable routine. She came by three times a week, usually Monday-Wednesday-Friday, to tutor him in all things related to medical ninjutsu. While their interactions were stilted and awkward at the beginning, over time that too had settled into a routine. She talked, he listened. She always gave him various tips and pointers related to the immediate task, but she also told him about the various going-ons in the village that she'd heard from Ino, the latest news about people they grew up with that she'd heard from Ino, and updates on the peace that had settled across the world that she heard thanks to her proximity to Tsunade and Kakashi. She told him about how Tsunade-shishou and the council were trying to pin Kakashi-sensei down to fullfill his duties as the Sixth Hokage; how the kage summits now were more like drinking and whinging sessions as opposed to tense negotiations; how she was working on a children's mental health clinic to help children traumatized by the war adjust to a life in peace. He never seemed bothered by her talking. He hadn't told her to be quiet or that she was annoying, and on occasion he even asked questions, so talk she did. Someone had to fill the silence.

Various teaching instruments dotted Sasuke's cell. In the corner next to the bookshelf was a CPR dummy and a skeleton. The bookshelf supported stacks of medical textbooks, most of which Sasuke had covered in no time due to his intelligence and ample time to study. Next to the bookshelf was a folded up massage table that they'd used while feeling and locating various muscles, tendons, and organs in each other's bodies, since there was no way Sakura could drag a cadaver down here for Sasuke to analyze. A small fish that Sakura used to demonstrate the theory behind basic healing ninjutsu swam by itself in a fishbowl that sat on the desk. He had mastered most of the content she'd taught him, thanks to his dedication to her instructions.

They'd progressed much quicker in their lessons than Sakura anticipated. With a huff, she sat back down in the chair and blew a piece of her hair away from her face. Sasuke gave her a look, and she wrinkled her nose at him. "In terms of the basics and the book stuff, you've got those down pat…"

Sasuke sensed a "but" coming. "But…"

Sakura heaved a sigh. "But, to be honest, most of the things I learned, I learned on rotation. But, I can't exactly take you over to the hospital and let you work on some of the patients."

"Ah."

"Ah indeed," she replied. "I mean, I could bring in small animals for you to practice on, but I don't want to deal with what happens after you heal them."

"I could do with some more pets," he deadpanned. Sakura couldn't help giggling. The first few times he made his dry observations, she'd been so very confused. As a child, Sasuke was grimly matter-of-fact. There was no sense of playfulness to him whatsoever. Now, as an adult, he displayed an unexpected humor. These days, even when he was insulting Naruto, it was done more for humor than out of insult. Maybe this was because he'd achieved the catharsis he'd been seeking, or maybe it was a healthy coping mechanism for the harsh realities of his life. Many other elite nin, such as Genma and Tokuma, who Sakura had last seen a bit over two months ago before he left for an extended mission, had well-developed senses of humor. With a smile, she thought about how Sasuke had changed in small but noticeable ways. She hoped that this was a reflection of larger changes.

"Sakura?"

Hearing her name snapped her out of her reverie. "Yes?"

Sasuke paused for a moment and thought carefully about what he was about to say next. "Tell me about your fight with Sasori." He hesitated, then added, "Naruto told me some bits and pieces, but I want to hear more."

She stared at him with wide eyes. He held her gaze, his eyes dark and unreadable, and smirked at her surprise. Was Sasuke really starting a new avenue of conversation with her? One that was about her? This was a sudden change of conversation topic. Sakura then shook her head at herself. Sasuke was changing; she shouldn't judge him by who he was and she should encourage some of the better changes, like this new inquisitiveness about and trying to forge bonds with the people around him. "Sure! What do you want know?"

He watched her as she began to drag the CPR dummy into the center of the room. He walked over and helped her drag the prop into the center of the room. Their hands brushed one another's, and Sasuke smirked again, this time about how Sakura flushed. "Everything. Start from the beginning," he commanded.

She nodded and hastily withdrew her hand, only to absent-mindedly rub the spot where he'd touched her. "Let's review some basic first aid. If you need to jumpstart someone's heart, where do you place the defibrillator electrode paddles if you're doing it from the sterno-apical position?"

Sasuke first placed his right hand just to the left of the center of the chest, his fingers facing up to indicate the direction the paddle should be placed, then along the right ribs underneath where the heart would be, his fingers running parallel with the bones of the rib cage. "Why do we do this?" Sakura asked while hovering over him.

"So that the electrical current can run through the heart," he replied. "Did you take on Sasori on your own?"

She gave him a hearty smile and shook her head. "Good. And no, I didn't. Chiyo-sama used me as a puppet. Because she'd taught Sasori everything he knew about puppetry, she was able to guide me to his weak spots. Where do you place the paddles if you're doing it from an anterior-posterior position?"

Sasuke moved, almost bumping into Sakura, so that he was crouching to the dummy's left and rolled the dummy onto its right side. The dummy was weighted, so it wasn't the easiest task. Using a knee to prop up the dummy he indicated a paddle at the chest and another at the back, both in the left half of the dummy's chest. "How did you destroy his puppets?"

"The same way I punch craters into the ground. The first puppet wasn't that hard," Sakura answered as she nodded in approval of his indicated positions for the paddles. She was back to hovering over him. "Fighting Sasori's Third Kazekage puppet was much harder and Chiyo-sama damaged two puppets trying to take that one out, but I was able to demolish it after I used myself as bait to lower his guard. What do you do if you're out in the field, someone's got cardiac arrhythmia, and you don't have access to a defib?"

Sasuke slowly turned towards her, resting the dummy back on the floor. He almost always looked indifferent, but now he looked concerned, which surprised Sakura. "You used yourself as bait?"

"Yes, and it worked."

He looked her in the eye, an odd gleam in his eyes and a tiny frown on his mouth. "You put yourself at risk."

"And it worked. Now, what do you do if you're out in the field and you don't have access to a defib?"

"Use chakra, specifically lightening release, but we have to be careful not to use too high of a current," Sasuke intoned. Even though his voice was even, she could hear flickers of disapproval in his intonation. "Why did you put yourself at risk like that?" he asked, agitation seeping into his voice.

"Because it was the only way to destroy the Third Kazekage puppet. That was not even the worst of the battle; that was practically the warm up. What is the fatal level of current?"

"100 milliamps." He frowned thinking about Sakura's comment about Sasori's puppets and how her using herself as bait was only the beginning of that battle. "What was the worst part?"

"Probably when he stabbed me through the abdomen with a poisoned sword. That would've been a fatal injury," Sakura sighed. She heard Sasuke take a sharp breath in. "But it's okay though! Chiyo-sama saved me with a special technique of hers that she developed to give life to puppets, and then she gave her life in exchange for Gaara's. After you've placed the paddles in the correct spots, what is the procedure?

"Stand clear of the person and make sure others are standing clear as well. After the defibrillator has delivered the shock, CPR needs to be started immediately after. With a defibrillator, the voltages to revive a human heart can range from 200 to 1700 volts. AEDs deliver a 3000 volt charge in less than 0.001 seconds," Sasuke rattled off the pertinent facts, to which Sakura nodded approvingly. He, however, did not share that sentiment. "Why were you stabbed?"

"I had to protect Chiyo-sama, and I figured I could take it. And if I couldn't, then Chiyo-sama could revive me," Sakura answered honestly. She began rubbing that spot on her hand again. "It was a calculated risk, and it paid off. At the end though…Chiyo-sama said that Sasori could've avoided the last attack when the puppets stabbed him through his core, the only living part of him, but he didn't. I'm not quite sure what happened there," she murmured, lost in her memories and missing Sasuke's deep frown. Why had Sasori chosen death? With a shake of her head, she returned to the present moment and gave Sasuke a smile that he didn't return. "Now, how do you do CPR?"

While it was quite admirable that Sakura had defeated an Akatsuki member, the fact that she had put herself in such danger bothered Sasuke. "You shouldn't put yourself in danger like that," he told her as he began to hunch over the dummy. "What if she hadn't been able to revive you?"

Sakura rolled her eyes and drew back. Men. Kakashi-sensei and Naruto had responded similarly once they heard the details of the fight. Part of her, the part of her that was a little girl who craved Sasuke's attention, whooped and cheered at his protectiveness. Most of her, the capable adult who'd sacrificed so much time, sweat, blood, and tears into her trade, chattered bitterly. Sometimes it felt like he'd grown to respect her capabilities over the course of her overseeing his medical training, but then he'd show his ass again. "In case if you haven't noticed, I'm a ninja like you and not a glass doll. Almost dying is a common occupational hazard, one that you're quite familiar with," she pointed out. "So it's a good thing she was able to revive me. Now, show me how you do CPR."

Sasuke dutifully demonstrated CPR for her. He placed the heel of his hand on the breastbone at the center of the dummy's chest and using his body weight, pressed straight down by one-third of the chest depth at a pace of 110 chest compressions per minute. After thirty compressions, he tilted the dummy's head and pinched its nose shut. Sealing the dummy's mouth with his own, he blew steadily for a second. He repeated this until Sakura told him, "Okay, good, you've got the hang of that. Now onto some other first aid that you'll likely encounter in the field: where do the blood vessels of the rib cage run?"

"On the inferior edge of the ribs," Sasuke recited. He didn't know what to make of her blithe response. Yes, almost dying was part of being a ninja, but this was Sakura they were talking about.

"And this is important because…?" she egged him on.

"If someone has been stabbed through the ribs, knowing where the blood vessels lie is crucial in knowing how to staunch blood loss." His mind was still stuck. As she had pointed out, it was a part of their lifestyle and she had, not even a year ago, healed him from life-threatening injuries on the battlefield.

"If someone has received a blow to their abdomen, what are some of the first things you need to check for?"

"Damage to the liver and stomach. If stomach acid leaks into the body cavity it will cause a fairly quick death, whereas bleeding from the liver can be easy to miss and a slower killer but fatal nonetheless." He finally had a retort ready to go. He faced her and bluntly stated, "Sakura, you're a medic. Second clause of the rules that govern medic nin: 'no medic nin shall ever stand on the front lines.'"

Sakura looked at him with impatience. She ran her fingers through her hair in agitation, occasionally pulling out errant strands and flicking them to the side, and paced next to the dummy. He saw it in her eyes that she was getting irritated at him, and her voice was clipped the next time she spoke. "Yes, we're trained to stay back as long as we can, but not forever. Besides, the fourth clause states that those who have mastered Creation Rebirth are permitted to disregard the previous clauses, and I have. How do you treat shock?"

"If possible, lie the person down. Elevate the person's feet by a food, unless the head, neck, or back is injured or if their hip and leg bones are potentially broken. Perform CPR if needed, and treat obvious injuries. Keep them warm and comfortable."

"Good!" Sakura complimented him in an overly cheery and sugary voice as she moved away from him and towards her pack. She was still pulling on her hair and discarding loose strands onto the floor. That meant she was very annoyed with him. She was the type of person to try to cover up distress and anger with a smile, and as he learned years ago the more false cheeriness she projected the worse her rage and depression.

He hadn't meant to insult her; he was simply concerned, not that he thought she would appreciate hearing those concerns. What had Naruto said about dealing with Sakura when she was irritated? He vaguely recalled his blond teammate, while recounting anecdotes about Sakura's temper, advising giving their teammate the space to blow off some steam when her anger got the better of her, so Sasuke settled for dragging the dummy back into the corner of the room as Sakura rearranged her pack. He noted how there were faint lines on the ground indicating where the stand holding the dummy had stood for the last three months while she zipped up the largest compartment of her pack. The room was silent for a couple of minutes except for the sound of Sakura slamming something onto the table or her zipping up the pockets of her pack with a little too much force.

As she began to sling her bag over her right shoulder, he realized would need to say something soon before she left. Sasuke wasn't about to apologize for feeling protective about her, but to assuage her irritation he also needed to show he respected her strength. "I will not be able to train with you next Wednesday," he told her. Not an apology, but also not pressing their previous line of conversation.

"That's not next time, but the time after next time, yeah?" Sakura confirmed. Sasuke nodded. Sakura finally looked at him again and almost rolled her eyes. For someone who was imprisoned here, he didn't act like it. Though many things about him had changed, his arrogance and his unshakeable conviction in his outlook had not. The feisty part of her wanted to finish their previous line of conversation until she won; the sensible part of her knew to drop it. "You're really busy these days down in this cell, huh?"

"Kakashi will be here to discuss the council's verdict on my sentencing."

Oh, right. That. Naruto had recounted some of the meetings and discussions while they'd been out at Ichiruka and she remembered that things were swinging in Sasuke's favor, but the finer details escaped Sakura. "Ah. Well…good luck," she hedged, giving him a small smile. "Do you want to meet next Thursday instead?"

Sasuke nodded his head once. "See you then."

"See you then," she replied with a loud sigh. Bird-face let her out, and after she stepped out of the cell she partially turned around and gave Sasuke a wave. He waved back, and a few seconds later she was gone. He looked at the clock (3:52pm) and then up at the observation box, where he saw the tails of Ibiki's coat as the interrogation specialist left the space. Sasuke went over to the bookshelf and selected one of the textbooks Sakura had lent him. He opened to a random page, seeing but not comprehending and absorbing. Soon, he would be out of this place. An odd feeling rose through his stomach and chest and questions filled his head. Where would he go from here?

The next time he saw Sakura, she was back to smiling and laughing that laugh he liked, the one that sounded like carefree bells tinkling in the wind. "Hello Sasuke-kun!" she greeted him as she stepped into his room. He exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, and the tension in his body that he hadn't realized he'd been carrying since the last time he saw her also released. Things were back to normal—well, as normal as they got between them.

Sakura pulled out a stack of notecards from her pack while humming a tune that he recognized from the radio the ANBU guards occasionally played. It was a song where the only thing he could catch was a woman singing work work work work work in a leisurely voice. She kept humming for a few more seconds until she popped straight up with a sharp "Oh!"

She whipped around to look at Sasuke, who raised an eyebrow at her. "Before I forget, to confirm: next time I'll be seeing you is on Thursday?"

Sasuke nodded once in affirmation. Sakura smiled at him and resumed humming the song as she unbound the stack of notecards. "Okay, pop quiz time!" she chirped and dove into quizzing him on various facts pertinent to being a field medic. What is the average human resting heartrate, and at what point is an elevated resting heartrate worrying? (Answer: 60-80bpm, and 100bpm.) What is the proper procedure of injecting a patient using a syringe, and why? (Answer: overfill the syringe, turn it upside down, and push some of the liquid out until you reach the correct dosage; this is to get rid of any possible air bubbles in the syringe because injecting air bubbles into a patient's bloodstream will lead to death.) What is a test for unconsciousness? (Answer: the "Hand Drop Test" is the go-to for testing possible pseudocoma.)

As Sakura asked him question after question, Sasuke watched her. Her gaze flickered up to him now and then, but her focus was almost entirely on the notecards and helping him learn all the necessary information. She was the same as the girl he knew and she was so different. She'd always had the ability for intense concentration, but when they were children it came and went in spurts and was often applied towards the frivolous aspects of life. Then again, what he and others perceived as frivolous were the roots of her current position: the compassion, the caring of others' feelings, and the willingness to place others' well-being ahead of her own were traits she always had. The difference was that she had grown up and others had nurtured her strength, as evidenced by the purple diamond that was now on her forehead, instead of deriding her. The changes in her meant that their interactions for the past year had been completely different to what he'd imagined. During those years of exile, he'd thought of her, Naruto, and life in Konoha. He had his regrets, but he pushed them down because he had a clear purpose. But after speaking with Itachi one last time, those regrets came roaring back.

After the twelfth question, Sasuke decided to break the flow of their interaction. Why, he did not know, but something inside him was gnawing at him to clear the air with her. "Things are different between us," he stated.

It could've been what he asked or the soft tone to his voice, or it could've been the fact that it was a question phrased as a statement, but it made Sakura look up from the notecard in her hand. She half expected to see derision in his eyes, but she only saw confusion.

She smiled. "We've grown up."

Sasuke said nothing in response, but the look on his face conveyed that was not the answer he wanted. Sakura wasn't stupid; she knew what the elephant in the room was. She used to fawn over him, and at times he'd accepted her affections and other times he'd rejected her. As an adult, she wasn't tripping over him. She was his equal and they knew it, but questions still lingered over their new dynamic.

She gave him another smile, this one smaller, and looked up at the ceiling, in the middle of which the spider crouched. With a laugh, she admitted, "When we were kids, I thought that if I told you how I felt about you enough times, you'd start reciprocating. Except we're no longer the kids we used to be." The look on her face softened, and she decided to throw caution into the wind and admit to something so obvious that she had spent the last year trying to resist it. "That's not to say I don't love you. I still love you. That hasn't changed and it don't think it ever will." To her horror, her eyes began tearing up—what for, she didn't know why, blame it on sentimentality—and she kept looking up at the ceiling until the tears stopped growing. She dabbed the edges of her eyes with the end of her shirt; she would not cry here, not now. Not ever again. She turned her attention back onto Sasuke with a sigh. "But that doesn't mean I haven't thought that we'd be better off without you, or that I'm willing to sacrifice my life and who I am for you. Not too long ago, I would've done anything for you."

"Not long ago," Sasuke repeated. Another question phrased as a statement.

"Now…now, I can only do as much as the other person reciprocates." She smiled at no one in particular as she thought about the various relationships in her life and how they worked. She thought of how Naruto was like a brother to her; she thought of her renewed friendship with Ino; she thought of Tsunade-shishou's dedicated tutelage; she thought of her parents' enduring marriage. "Relationships, romantic and platonic, are hard and they require compromise. When one person does all the giving and the other does all the taking, that's not sustainable."

Sasuke's lips twitched. "That's not what happened between us."

She smiled. "You gave in your own way, and I know that. Naruto told me about how during the chuunin exams, you put yourself in harm's way to save me. It's just…you never cared much for connecting with people." She was babbling now, but she didn't know what else to do. Otherwise it'd be awkward silence, and anything was better than that. "Back then I kept trying, but I've learned that you can't force people into anything. So I stopped trying to force a connection with you."

Sasuke frowned a little. "And what of these past few months?"

Sakura's smile widened; whether because she was genuinely happy or because she was trying to cover up her distress, she did not know. "I've really enjoyed our time together these last few months," she told him honestly. "I feel like we've reached an understanding, and that maybe you respect me." She looked down at the stack of notecards and all she could feel was sadness for all the pain that she had put herself through for others' sake. For his sake. She kept the tears at bay and looked back up at Sasuke. "I hope we're friends," she told him honestly. "I know that we've had our differences, but I hope that we can move on and have a healthy friendship."

He gave her an odd look and she wasn't sure what it meant. For several seconds, neither of them said anything. She was about to return to quizzing him when Sasuke cleared his throat. "Sakura?"

"Mm hmm?"

"That time in the Land of Iron—I—" Sasuke hesitated and looked to the wall behind Sakura's head. "I didn't mean to."

He didn't mean to what? Try to kill her? Then again, she couldn't recall him ever apologizing to people with words like "I'm sorry" that normal people used, so this was probably as good as it got. "I know," she told him with a shake of her head and a wry smile. "To be fair, I guess I had it coming since, you know, I was convinced that I could kill you for everyone's sake."

He knew this, he had been there, but it was still a shock to hear her say the words, to hear her admit…that. All he could do was nod his head.

Upon seeing Sasuke nod, Sakura exhaled a breath she didn't know she was holding in. Had they just apologized to each other? Not quite; it was more like they reached a shared understanding of their past. She was fine with that, because she had tried to kill him, but then again, it was for the greater good that she had.

After last time's heaviness, she'd come in today with a plan so that there'd be no time for distracting, depressing conversations, but Sasuke clearly had other ideas. She picked up the next notecard, but a question that had been nagging her all these months popped back up in her head. Given how today's conversation had already turned dark, there was nothing to lose. "Hey, Sasuke? Can I ask you something kind of personal?"

The hesitation in her voice was clear. He gave her a look, one that conveyed curiosity. Sakura took a deep breath and gathered her courage. "Why did you want to learn medical ninjutsu and healing techniques?" she asked. She already had an inkling as to what the answer would be, and it was one topic that neither she nor Naruto had broached with Sasuke since he'd come back. But if she didn't ask now, she might never get the chance to otherwise. She held her breath.

Sasuke looked away and towards the clock on the wall which displayed a time of "5:44" in bold, red numbers. Why had he? He shifted in his seat slightly, willing himself to answer Sakura's genuine and earnest question. Of all the people in the world, she was the one he trusted the most, not that she realized. He could trust her with his answer, he told himself. She still cared for him after all this time and all that had happened, and if he was going to be a part of normal life in Konoha, whatever that was, he needed to build the connections to others he'd forsaken in the past. After a long pause, he drew in a breath to steady himself to answer her query. "I feel like Itachi would've wanted me to."

Sakura exhaled a loud gush of air, causing her dark-haired companion to look at her with concern. "Generally speaking, breathing is recommended while having conversations," he remarked.

She ignored his sassy comment. "Why do you think Itachi would've wanted you to learn how to…heal?" she asked. She knew she was pushing her luck, but now that he'd started opening up she needed to take the chance.

Sasuke frowned, probably questioning what she was up to, but he didn't voice those concerns. Instead, he considered her question and tried his best to be honest. "Everything Itachi ever did was in service of other people," he murmured after an extended silence. "Everything he did was to protect the people and the village he loved. I think if he had been allowed to choose his own path, if he hadn't been pushed from such a young age, he would've chosen to become a medic nin."

"What happened between you and him, at the end?" she asked quietly.

Sasuke drew in a deep, shuddering breath. He didn't speak for a couple of minutes; a faraway look appeared in his eyes. Sakura knew from experience that she needed to wait patiently and that Sasuke would in return answer her question. As the seconds ticked by, Sakura was struck by how jaded Sasuke looked. He'd always held himself with dignity and maturity beyond his age, as children of trauma often do, but now she was never more aware of how he reminded her of Tsunade: young, beautiful features underscored by middle-aged weariness.

"He explained everything," Sasuke whispered. "And I finally understood the sacrifices he made."

"Do you regret fighting him?"

Sasuke's answer was swift. "Yes," he replied. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "There are a lot of things I regret."

Sakura knew she was treading further and further into dangerous territory, but some impulsive part of her pushed her to keep going. "What else do you regret?"

"A lot of things," he repeated. "I regret my path towards vengeance, I regret being twisted by Tobi and diverging from what Itachi wanted for me, I regret wanting to destroy Konoha, I regret not being able to see underneath the underneath."

Sakura watched him as he spoke and frowned. His regrets were quite vague—he'd repeated Kakashi-sensei's catchphrase to boot—and from her experience, vague regrets were usually insincere ones. The only specific one he had had to do with his deceased brother, whatever "diverging from what Itachi wanted for me" meant. And the thought of that made Sakura angry. She felt her anger jump from zero to a hundred within a couple of seconds. What excuse did he have for all the other pain and destruction he'd caused? He wasn't the only one in the world who'd experienced horrific loss, and if working with traumatized children at the hospital had taught Sakura one thing it was that people like Sasuke chose to articulate their grief and trauma in a very specific, violent way. He'd been willing to force peace and unapologetically kill anyone or thing that threatened his twisted idea of world peace. He had thought, with his typical pride and egoism, that he could single-handedly be their savior. Thank gods Naruto talked some sense into him.

After a long, awkward silence, she spoke again. "In the past, you've apologized for what you've done, and now you're acknowledging your regrets, which is good, but…don't you think you need to actually go out and do things to make up for your mistakes? Apologies and acknowledging your regrets are a good start, but how are you going to show that you've changed?"

Ah. Clever girl—no, woman, he reminded himself. Though he didn't visibly react, he felt a weird unsettled sensation rising in his stomach. How was he going to respond to loaded questions like that?

"Sounds like you have some ideas."

Her frown deepened. "Not necessarily, but I know saying sorry and 'I have regrets' isn't enough. There's more to atonement than that," she replied, her tone curt and clipped. She looked away from him, not wanting him to see her tears. It hurt. In more ways than one, she was reminded of her fights with Makoto. Empty words of remorse followed by hollow promises of change, except that Sasuke, with his pride, would not even get to making fake promises.

"I know that," he replied, his tone harsh and hard. "I've spoken to Naruto and Kakashi extensively about this. I have a plan as to how I can be of service to Konoha, to 'show how I've changed.'"

Oh, so she was the last to know. Great, just like old times. "What is it then?" she asked him, her tone matching his in harshness.

He gave her a cold, hard stare. What he was about to say next wasn't easy for him to say and it wouldn't be easy for her to hear. "I'll travel around the world and help people and villages who need my aid," he answered slowly. "I'll be eyes and ears for Konoha abroad and help nip any issues in the bud."

Sakura felt the wind get sucked out of her sails and her mind went blank. "So you're picking up where Jiraiya left off," the words rolling slowly off of her tongue.

"Something like that. It's what Itachi would've wanted."

Hot tears welled up in her eyes. He was so selfish! Couldn't he see that after years away, what people needed was for him to be around? "And how is that atonement for how you've hurt others, especially the ones closest to you? Is this your way of running away from your guilt so you don't have to deal with the consequences of your actions and right your wrongs?"

Sasuke opened his mouth to reply, but before he could she cut him off. "I used to dream that after you got your revenge, you'd come home and chill the fuck out and learn to make others happy and to be happy. But now I see what complete and utter bullshit that all was. You might not be living out some revenge fantasy now, but you're still wallowing in the past. And you know what? I think you've built your entire identity on that. I'm not sure you want to change and learn how to live in the present. Not when you're so self-righteous and self-centered. Not when you're unwilling to accept responsibility for your mistakes, deal with their consequences, and learn from them. It's always been about you and what you think is right. It's never been about righting wrongs." She didn't bother waiting for a response. She grabbed the notecards, chucked them into her pack, spun around, and marched straight towards the exit. Ram-face barely opened the energy barrier in time to let her out of the confinement area.

He wasn't sure what was going on, but his stomach and chest felt tight. He couldn't think clearly. What had just happened there? How was it that she was always able to speak so plainly about the things he kept hidden from himself? He looked up to the observational box, only to see Ibiki smirking down at him. There was a numbness tingling through the back of his neck. With a huff, he sat on his bed and put his head in his hand and thought about Sakura's sharp words. He knew that he'd done a lot of people wrong, and he felt guilty about it. Of course he did. He was still coming to terms with the bone-crushing remorse that followed him everywhere, from his waking moments to his dreams, but in particular when he was with her. Of course he had been thinking about how to absolve himself of his sins.

Her words rang in his ears. He was too self-righteous and self-centered to deal with the consequences and learn from his mistakes? He'd been locked up in this godforsaken prison for the past year; if that wasn't dealing with the consequences then what was it? He looked to the spider on the ceiling, which hadn't moved in a few days. Its body was twirling slightly as the ventilation draft blew past it. He knew he'd done a lot wrong and he had no problem admitting that. What did she mean by it was always about him? He was the one who was seeking forgiveness, after all.

His mind jumped to Sakura's selfless nature. Her career choice to become a medic and a doctor. Her current focus on healing traumatized children and preparing them for life in a world of peace. Her decision to kill him on her own so that others wouldn't be put in danger. Her regular visits to provide him instruction in medical ninjutsu because he had asked. Her whole life revolved around others. With a frown, he thought about how when Sakura healed her patients, she didn't do it for herself. She did it for them. In many ways—and he couldn't believe he was making this comparison—she reminded him of Itachi.

Sasuke glanced at the clock. 6:17pm. There was plenty of time between now and bedtime for him to think. He heard Sakura punching the elevator button rapidly, and without looking at him once, she stepped into the elevator and disappeared from sight.

As Sasuke suspected, Sakura was fuming; partly at Sasuke and his boneheaded ways, but also at herself. She was mad at Sasuke because of how mired in the past he was, how everything he did went back to his hero-worship of Itachi, and how he'd built his entire identity off of his deceased older brother, and mad at herself for thinking that Sasuke really was changing. Of course he wasn't. There was still that silly little girl in her who thought she could change Sasuke and that he'd change for her. But people didn't change unless they wanted to, and men certainly never changed for women.

As she left the building, she chose to focus on the beauty of Konoha that was before her. The rolling clouds, the twinkling sunset, and the bustling crowds crawling through lantern-lit, tortuous streets. She'd promised before that she was not going to let the past drag her down, that she was going to be strong to meet the present head-on, and that she was going to build towards a brighter future, and it was time she renewed that promise.

The first thing Kakashi saw when he stepped out of the elevator was the excessive number of ANBU guards present. He understood the precaution as he'd been appointed as the Sixth Hokage and it wouldn't be great if some captured missing-nin killed him within the walls of Interrogation, but really, it was unnecessary. For one thing, many of Sasuke's tricks were ones he'd taught that little punk ass or that they shared. For another, from what he'd heard from Ibiki and Tsunade, Sasuke's emotional investments meant he was as good as chained to Konoha now. Whether or not that the punk knew it or not was a different story, however.

And if all else failed, Tenzo was right behind him, breathing down his neck.

As he strolled past the various ANBU guards, he nodded to them but kept his eyes firmly on his book, and they nodded back. He'd trained many of them, and all of them would soon be under his command. "At ease," he commanded, flipping to a new page, which was not a necessary move given how he'd memorized every word of every Icha Icha book a long time ago.

An ANBU operative wearing a ram mask opened the energy barrier and Kakashi entered Sasuke's cell while skimming the words on the page. Nothing particularly interesting jumped out at him, so he flickered to the next scene. Behind him, Tenzo and about half a dozen other ANBU entered as well. From where Kakashi was standing, it looked like Sasuke was sulking while sitting on his bed. Interesting, Kakashi thought. Ibiki told him that Sakura gave the punk the third degree the other day, but he hadn't realized that Sasuke would be so affected by it.

"Hello Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke looked up and gave him a cold stare. The room was silent save the faint thrumming noise the energy barrier produced.

"Good to see that your manners are as sharp as ever," Kakashi drawled, his lazy eyes still perusing his book.

"What do you want?"

"Now, is that really the way to talk to your poor old teacher?" Kakashi remarked coolly. "Besides, you know why I'm here: the council are close to making their decision."

The younger man grunted and said nothing else.

"How's Sakura-chan?"

If looks could kill, Sasuke's glare would have. Kakashi looked up from the pages of Icha Icha Pooltime. Ah, so this was a sore subject, he mused. She must've really rung his bell yesterday.

"Ibiki's been telling me the most interesting things about you and Sakura. Have you found her instruction useful?"

Sasuke stayed silent for a few seconds. "She's been very patient," he finally replied, keeping his facial expressions carefully schooled.

"Sakura's a good person like that; she puts her everything into nurturing others, even when they're trash and should probably be disposed of," Kakashi commented, flicking to a new page of his book. People didn't realize this, but he didn't keep his nose in written porn all day for nothing. Multitasking kept his skills, particularly observation and detection, as a ninja sharp. Right now, he could hear Tenzo's tense breathing, probably because the last time Tenzo fought Sasuke the younger man had ended up on top. With a quick glance at Sasuke, he could tell that the younger man felt guilty about the woman they'd been discussing. "Not that that's a pointed comment about you. Just a general observation."

Sasuke responded with a soft "Hn."

"So, onto why I'm really here: the council are close to making their decision." Sasuke was as apathetic as ever, seemingly careless about his future and freedom. His eyes flickered among Tenzo and the ANBU guards before resting on the title of Kakashi's reading material. He said nothing, causing Kakashi to sigh. "Thanks to the valuable input I and Naruto gave, the council is advising that we release you."

"Hn. That's good."

If Kakashi were less mature, he would've rolled his eyes or socked Sasuke in the jaw over the affected, practiced apathy the younger man was so careful about maintaining. Thankfully he was a dignified, appointed Sixth Hokage, so he knew better than to react to another's juvenile manners. "So now that the council's decided to release you, what are your plans?"

Sasuke was silent for a while. Kakashi didn't have anywhere to be, so he waited for an answer. After much consideration, Sasuke finally responded, "I plan on traveling and righting my wrongs."

Kakashi's brows furrowed slightly. The traveling plans had been discussed at length, and his impression was that Sasuke was still obsessed with this idea of 'protecting the world' that his deceased older brother had planted. Kakashi had no hard feelings towards dead Uchiha; in fact, they'd work together in ANBU and he had a healthy respect for that kid whose prodigiousness surpassed his own. But he really wished that the older brother had more carefully thought out the plans for the younger. But righting wrongs? What did that mean? It sounded like something Sakura would say, so Sakura's confrontation of Sasuke must've been quite something. Kakashi didn't think that this self-righteous, stuck up punk ass of an avenger would take her words so seriously so quickly. "Interesting choice. How'd you come to this conclusion?"

"I've had almost a year to reflect on what I've done in the previous five."

His own reflection? Kakashi continued to read his book with the utmost visible calm and nonchalance, but inwardly his anger rose. If he ever had a child, he'd pray to the gods that they wouldn't be a prodigy. Most prodigies, such as himself and the Uchiha standing across from him, ended up cocky, fucked up, and alone. "And what about your wrongs that concern Sakura?" Kakashi asked harshly. When Sasuke didn't respond, he frowned. "Some of your greatest wrongs have to do with your treatment of her. So: what are your plans there?"

Sasuke shifted his stance slightly, and Kakashi knew he had unsettled the boy. Looking away from Icha Icha Pooltime, he looked straight into Sasuke's eyes. "Nothing?"

"…I don't know," Sasuke admitted.

"You better figure it out quick. You have a lot to make up for," Kakashi pointed out as he returned to his book.

Sasuke stayed silent, looking towards the empty observation box.

"And Sasuke?"

"Yes?"

"A piece of advice," Kakashi drawled as he flipped onto the next page. "Before you leave, you should tell her how you feel." When Sasuke didn't respond, Kakashi added, "About her."

Sasuke still didn't respond, only turned his head to watch his silver-haired superior. With an exasperated sigh, Kakashi looked up from his book again and made eye contact with his former pupil. "If you don't—"

"—she'll move on, probably with a Hyuuga. I'm well aware."

Kakashi raised his eyebrows. "Ah, so those rumors about her and Hyuuga Tokuma were true? I wasn't thinking that specifically, and she's still young so there's no telling who'll be her long-term partner, but yes. Even if you tell her, there's a nine in ten chance she'll move on. A one in ten chance is better than none though."

Sasuke's expression didn't change. "You're oddly interested in her love life," he noted.

Kakashi, who had been in the process of picking his book back up, looked at Sasuke sharply. He heard that tone, that insinuation. That little punk never had properly respected his elders. Kakashi reminded himself to take a deep breath because Sasuke's response was rooted in jealousy. That wasn't a good thing, but at least the younger man wasn't indifferent towards Sakura and had good instincts when it came to her. "I take my duties and responsibilities as a teacher and leader seriously, Sasuke," he drawled after a long silence between the two men. "Which includes seeing to the well-being, in all aspects, of my subordinates."

"Is there anything else?"

"Seeing to the well-being of my subordinates includes you, unfortunately," Kakashi continued. "We're quite alike, and I know how things turned out for me. Don't make the same mistakes I did."

"Anything else?" the younger man asked, impatience drawing his voice thin.

Kakashi picked up Icha Icha Pooltime right from where he'd left off. "You should learn some manners. It wouldn't kill you. Ta-ta, Sasuke-kun, have a safe journey of redemption." He turned around and walked away, his attention fully back on his reading material. Tenzo gave Sasuke a glare before he followed Kakashi. The other ANBU guards shuffled out of the cell one by one, and Sasuke was left alone once more.

Next chapter: Desperado