Ha HA! I'm back! Not dead!

So here ya go, chapter four in all its splendour. Sorry it ends weirdly, I couldn't think of a better way to end it. Chapter 5 will be better. I hope.

Chapter 4: The twins fight!

A few days later, it seemed everything had turned back to normal. Or as normal as an anime could ever get.

The movie was being distributed, minus that one scene with the violence, and Renge had stopped obsessing over Kyoya. Instead, she'd chosen Haruhi as her new favourite host. The host club was in full swing, and everyone was enjoying themselves.

One day, after school in music room 3, all hell broke loose between the twins.

It had started out innocent enough… But of course with the twins around, it couldn't stay innocent for too long.

"Okay!" They said in unison, as usual, "Who wants to play the 'Which one is Hikaru game'?"

There was clapping and giggling from the nearby fangirls. "Well, it's hard to say." One gushed. "You two are identical!"

"That's the stupidest game I've ever heard of." Haruhi muttered. Harry cracked a grin. He had to agree.

"Have you got a problem with it?" They said defensively.

"Not really. I just don't understand why the two of you are so popular."

Their faces appeared on the bottom left corner of Harry's vision. "That's not very nice." They chorused childishly.

They slid beside Haruhi, one on either side of her. They had removed their green hats.

"Disappointed." The one on the right said. "Apparently, you don't understand the merits of having a pair of twins as members of the host club." The one on the left said. "Listen up!" The one on the right said, holding up a finger.

Suddenly, there were roses everywhere. Seriously, everywhere. They began to explain the benefits of twins.

"Having a couple of good-looking boys with homosexual tendencies earns the club high points." One said. They were embracing and lying on the floor. Very suggestive. "It also helps if the two struggle between their attraction and their friendship."

They got up off the floor and stood, still embracing. "And in our case, since we're twins, our relationship is also taboo, and therefore more intriguing." One of them explained casually, as if he was explaining a scientific component of something in nature, rather than justifying incest.

They slid over to another girl, who was sitting in a chair, minding her own business. One of them took her chin and gently murmured, "And besides, who hasn't fantasized about twins? Two loves is better than one, don't you think?" The other one whispered in her other ear, "It's a young woman's romantic fantasy."

"Well, um, yeah..." She stuttered, blushing. "You're right!"

"Aaaahhh!" The fangirls squealed. "I can't take it!"

Instead of giggling like the girls, Harry made a face. "That's disgusting." Ron was looking at them in horror. "I will never look at Fred and George the same way again."

Suddenly, they heard pounding footsteps. "Hikaru! Kaoru!" Tamaki yelled. The twins just blinked in confusion. "When I gave you control of the club's website, I did so on one condition: That you take it seriously!"

"We take our job very seriously, boss." One of them said haughtily.

"In fact, last night we worked on it until dawn." The other finished.

Tamaki raised the laptop he was carrying above his head, yelling dramatically. "Is this what you worked so hard to create?"

The webpage's home screen was of Haruhi, shirtless, back facing the camera and looking over her shoulder. As soon as she saw it, Haruhi turned colourless and sketchy. Obviously she didn't know that was going to be posted…

"Wow, you look great Haru-chan!" Honey squealed, flowers somehow appearing around his face.

All the girls started to crowd around and squeal. Hermione was almost killing herself with laughter.

"Tell me when." Tamaki snarled in the twins' faces. "When did you take naked pictures of Haruhi!" He shouted.

He appeared to think of something, and sunk to the floor, turning sketchy as well. A tear snaked out of his eye. "You bribed her, didn't you?"

"Drama king." Hermione giggled under her breath, wiping away a tear.

"You're imagining things." The twins said together. "It's obvious the photo's been altered."

Tamaki turned around in slow motion. "It was photoshopped?"

"We did a pretty good job, huh?" One of the twins said, shrugging nonchalantly. Tamaki reverted back to his original self- colour and all. "We've got some major photoshop talent."

"You idiots, that's a waste of your skills!" He said, tick marks appearing. "Have you no shame?"

"Um, Hermione?" Ron said. "Yes?" She asked, still laughing a little bit. "The craziness of this place is starting to get to me. When will something realistic happen?"

"Never." She said. "It's an anime!" Ron groaned.

"I am not your toy, okay?!" Haruhi said, sounding extremely annoyed. The twins were laughing and teasing her.

Suddenly, a voice came from a creepy-looking wooden door with black roses clustered around it.

"Toys, toys." It said, in almost a taunting sort of voice, "If you like toys, you should come visit me at the black magic club. Right now we're hosting a black market that boasts black magic curios from around the world." A head peeped out of the door, and it had green hair and was covered in some sort of robe. "If you visit now, I'll even throw in a free curse doll!"

Everyone sweatdropped. "Why is he talking to us through a crack in the door?" Haruhi asked. "Wait a second, has that door always been there?" The twins added.

"Black magic?" Harry said, a little fearfully. Was it possible that Voldemort had followed them to the anime world?

"Relax, you guys." Hermione said, perfectly calm. "That's Umehito Nekozawa, president of the black magic club. And no," She added, seemingly reading Harry's thoughts, "He is not affiliated with Voldemort in any way."

"Who's Voldemort?" Honey asked. No-one bothered to answer.

"Nekozawa-senpai doesn't care for brightly-lit places..." Kyoya started in on explaining it as Tamaki panicked and told the story of stepping on Beelzenef and the 'curse'.

Suddenly, the twins had an idea. A perfectly awful idea. Hikaru clicked a flashlight on and off and grinned at his brother.

The twins shined the flashlight at full force in Nekozawa's face.

"Aaah!" He screamed, running away and leaving a trail of dust in his wake. "You murderers!" Still running like a maniac, he escaped out of the door he came from.

Tamaki started to rebuke the twins about not knowing 'the true terror of black magic'. But they just walked off nonchalantly and sat by the window, sighing and saying they were bored.

"You do not know the true terror of black magic, believe me." Harry muttered.

The twins then asked Haruhi if they would be able to come over to her house. Haruhi deadpanned, saying no way in hell, and completely shooting down Tamaki's fantasy about 'paying his respects to Haruhi's family'.

'Damn.' Ron thought. ''This is entertaining.'

Suddenly, a flash of red caught his eye, and he looked over. There was a bag of popcorn sitting on a small table that he hadn't noticed before. He picked it up and started to eat some.

"Where'd the popcorn come from?" Harry asked, taking a handful. Ron shrugged. "Juss ovah dere." He said, around a mouthful of popcorn. They turned their attention back to the scene unfolding in front of them.

Hermione sighed and plopped down in a chair next to Honey. "Anything wrong, Hermi-chan?" He asked, his boy-lolita eyes sparkling.

She ruffled her hair and looked down at him. "Oh nothing." Despite her vow to not reveal anything, she felt a responsibility to warn them somehow. "I just have this feeling that something really bad is going to happen."

They looked back to the middle of the room, where the 'Which one is Hikaru game' was going on like a play. And everything was going according to the script.

Right on cue, Kaoru began to laugh at Haruhi's way of telling them apart. Hikaru lifted his head proudly and defended himself. Suddenly, everything was serious. This was a full-blown war between the twins.

"Admit it. You're really in love with Haruhi. Aren't you." That was the killing blow. Kaoru had stooped to a whole new level.

"No, no, you've got it all wrong! Man, you're such a freakin idiot!" Hikaru blustered.

While they continued to argue, Renge came out of the floor on a huge, three-tiered platform. She began to go on and on about a 'beautiful, yet poignant four-sided relationship revolving around Haruhi'.

'Ugh.' Ron thought. 'I thought we were done with that drama queen.'

"Just the thought of it could make me eat three bowls of rice!" She squeaked.

"Butt out, otaku." The twins said in annoyance, for once sounding like friends again. Tamaki and Haruhi started saying things like, "But I thought you had feelings for Haruhi yourself?" And, "But Renge, I thought you'd gone home to France?" Both her answers made them sweatdrop.

Meanwhile, the twins had worked themselves into a rage again. They began to argue so furiously that their foreheads were actually touching. Finally, in a rage, they shrieked,

"Sex pixie!"

"Sicko!"

And then, in unison,

"YOUR MOMMA WEARS TOO MUCH MAKEUP! THAT'S IT! WE'RE THROUGH!"

The next day, Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in their classroom, waiting for lessons to start.

"Where did that popcorn come from yesterday?" Hermione asked, frowning. Ron shrugged. "I don't know. It was just there."

"Yes, but I swear there wasn't even a table there before." Ron shrugged again. "Like I said, I don't know."

Their conversation was interrupted by one of the twins walking in the door. This wouldn't have been so unusual, except that he dyed his hair pink. "Hi Haruhi." He said, acting like nothing was different.

"Hikaru..." Haruhi said incredulously, "What happened to your hair?"

The entire class stared, even the sensei. Hikaru Hitachiin with pink hair? What was this world coming to?

"I dyed it." He replied happily. "I've decided that pink suits me now." Suddenly, the other twin entered the room, with his hair dyed blue. It all began to make sense now.

The blue-haired twin made a remark about finally getting a good night's sleep without the other one there to bother him. In response, Hikaru kicked his chair, making him fall over. Soon it turned into a battle, with chairs and desks being flung across the classroom. Somehow.

Ron sweatdropped.

Hermione looked at him curiously. "How did you do that?"

"Do what?" Ron asked. Hermione gestured to the sweatdrop still sticking to the back of his head. He felt it.

"Weird. I don't know."

The twins continued to throw things and yell, so they just leaned back in their seats and watched the show.

Most of the students at Ouran high ate in the dining hall, where the fancy meals were being served. However, Ron, Harry, and Hermione, being non-rich as they were, had to eat back at their dorm. This wouldn't have been so bad if they had known how to cook.

That lunch hour, they were all in Hermione's dorm, trying to figure out how to use the microwave.

"There's these things, whatever they are..." Ron said, tapping a button on the side of the microwave. "And they have numbers on it."

"Those are buttons, Ronald." Hermione said, nose in the instruction manual. Luckily they'd found one way in the back of a cupboard, but so far it hadn't helped them much. They couldn't seem to find any cookbooks, and even Hermione, who was a muggle-born, had no culinary experience. Hermione was secretly dreading they would have to eat uncooked rice for the whole show.

"Couldn't we just- Oh wait, never mind." Harry interrupted himself. "We don't have any money." He was about to suggest they get pre-cooked food, but all they had was the ingredients the Host Club had supplied them with.

Hermione sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Alright," She said, picking up the bag, "We'll just have to wing it."

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Harry went to go answer it, and it was Haruhi.

"Oh, hi Haruhi." He said, mildly surprised. "How come you're here?"

She smiled a little weakly. "There's been a… Disturbance in the refectory. I just came to tell you not to go down there, unless you want to see a repeat of this morning." She said, referring to the huge fight the twins had.

"Haruhi!" Hermione said, appearing behind Harry. "I thought you were in the din- I mean, refectory."

"I was." She answered. "But the twins are having a fight again."

Hermione grimaced. "Yeah, it's pretty bad."

Haruhi was about to leave, when Harry blurted out, "Want to eat with us? That is, if we ever figure out the microwave."

"Oh, it's easy." Haruhi said. "Can I show you?"

"Please."

Haruhi, with her vast knowledge of how to maintain a home, was a little surprised that three teenagers were having trouble operating a microwave. But, she made no comment and soon got some curry rice going.

"Thanks so much." Hermione said, while the boys stuffed their faces. "I was getting afraid we were going to have to live on uncooked rice and raw fish."

"It's no problem." She said, finishing off her bento. "You know, I have a cookbook I can lend you. I think it would help you a lot."

"Yeah, that would be great, thanks." Hermione beamed. Just then, a bell rang, signalling the end of the lunch period.

"Oh, we gotta go." She said, standing up. The four left the dorms and continued onto their afternoon classes.

That afternoon, the Host Club was closed again for the day, but Hermione knew it was all about to end. The boys absolutely refused to come, so she went on her own.

Unfortunately, when she got there, the door was locked. "Damnit." She muttered, leaning up agaisnt the door. "I really wanted to see that scene."

Suddenly, the door flew open and she stumbled backwards, hitting the wall hard. "Owww..." She groaned, righting herself. The host club filed out, the twins laughing and behaving like friends again. Only one person noticed her.

Mori was the last person to leave and before shutting the door he looked around and saw her. "Are you alright?"

Hermione nodded, wincing, even though she had a huge bruise on her left forearm.

"You're hurt." Mori stated in his emotionless way. "I'll be okay, Mori-senpai." Hermione assured him. He smiled slightly and nodded, then started walking briskly to catch up with the others.

Hermione walked the other way back to her dorm, smiling the whole way.