If you're reading this, thanks for making it this far! And, if you think things will be getting toned down, you're wrong: things are going to get real tasty starting now. :) Mmmmmmmmmmm.
And FYI, the stupidity is supposed to be funny. hehe ha hahh.
I do not own the stories retold by Alvin Schwarts in his book.
I kinda really like leaving messages up here. Thanks for favoring my soul, Melikalilly, ChibiKanachan. I love you all. Thank you for your time reading my story.
Chapter Four, Part One: Discovery
Lee was pounding all his emotion into the rock with his fists. To cope with failure, to numb the pain of lasting rejection. He grunted as his fists puffed dust from whence they hit. The orange stone, much like Sasuke, took in none of his efforts. The heat of the training ground sapped his water supply; his momentum made sweat rain. He heaved.
Must keep on going. He said to himself, depriving himself luxury of drink and rest. It cannot be over yet, it cannot- he fell to the ground, exhausted. He stayed on the hot dirt. Why should I even bother to get up? It's not like Sasuke will be there to take my hand when I stand up. A tear rolled down the side of his face, a heavy tax on his internal water-tower. He could not keep his throat burring forever. He sought water.
Lee came across a ravine that fed many berry-bushes. He lapped water from the stream like a cat. It wasn't working for him, so he instead drank normally. He sat in the cool shade as he admired Nature's bloody, ripe spheres. The berries looked so good . . . .
He plucked a berry. *Crunch*. An awful lot like goose-berry texture, but currant color. It was bitter. Addictive. He ate another. They were . . . odd. He had never tried them before. He ate another.
Lee passed the time grazing upon berries. He over ate. But felt satisfied for the time being. In fact, he felt great. He stood up, heightened energy, racing mind. He had his spirit back. He was put in a good mood by his feelings of creativity. I must be a genius, he reflected, as every thought felt legendary. I have so many ideas, I should get back to the village so I can write them down.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Something wasn't right here. He couldn't tell, but he figure his strange hunch could offer a hint; hostility. Could it be that someone in the village meant ill-will? Who was it?
"Hey, Lee." Greeted Kiba as Lee walked by.
Lee Knew Kiba, He was a trusted comrade. He hoped he could rely on him. His gut felt funny and light, his mind oddly focused; He should play along with the game of conversation; he knew not yet his motives.
"Greetings, Kiba. How are you?" Lee made a flawless comeback. Now to hear kiba's move.
"Fine. Things are same as always, no missions. You?" He was lazy and casual.
This Made Lee angry; who did he think he was, talking to him saying "fine" like that? "Hah," Lee forced a single laugh, showing Kiba who really knew how to play. "I see you're up to playing the game. Fine by me. Let's begin."
Kiba gave him a funny look. What the heck is he talking about?
"You lost. Be smart and you might not lose." The pause was to long for Lee. Time to start again.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"So you're not capable. Try me once more."
"Lee. Fucking be clear or get the fuck out of here!" He spazzed. After taking a deep breath, he then apologized. "I'm sorry, Lee. It's just that things haven't been going to well lately. I'm just grumpy. And sexually frustrated- you know?"
Lee immediately felt bullets of guilt. He had been so hasty to be on the defence. It's so depressing when you have to watch your back, and then you can be so close to someone. why?
"Anyways, I'm just waitin' here for Hinata. Wanted to meet me here for some reason."
Lee became suspicious. Why? he asked. It hit him; Kiba and Hinata were the culprits! They were up to something, and his feelings had caught on.
"Hey, Kiba." Breathed Hinata, whom had come around from a corner. She wore a hod to cover her face and head, her eyes down cast. Somehow, over the course of time since her wakening, she had become fat. She clung an orange envelope in her arms as if it determined her life.
Secret documents! Lee hissed to himself. He had to get a hold of them, he had to know what they were about.
"Hey Hinata. Why did you want to met me here?"
"Um . . . I'd like you to deliver this to his apartment, please." She held out the large envelope with both her hands, avoiding eye contact.
"Ugh, another letter to Naruto? Why do you do this weird stuff?"
"Uhm . . . "
"It's fine, don't worry. I'll get it to him. . . . And by the way," Kiba was hesitant, "Uh . . . please don't take it the wrong way but . . . well . . . have you erm . . . gained a few?"
"Uh . . ." Hinata's hidden face turned red. "Uhm . . . y-yes. . . . I . . . uhm was . . . e-emotional eating."
"Oh, Hinata, is everything alright?"
"I . . . I-I'm not supposed to be out of the house . . . you see. . . I'm grounded, . . . and I can't leave until my hair grows back." She broke down crying. Kiba tried to console her.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Lee had seen Akamaru everywhere. The dog would run in the corner of his eye, and he would look but never find him. Hear him but never find him. Akamaru was like a spy for Kiba. He had to find the mutt and torture him about the file that Hinata's robot had. That file contained secrets about Lee's past lives, and he could not let the Hokage lay hands on it, no matter what. He dashed around. Hide and seek with Akamaru was not fun.
Neji came up to Lee, asking, "Hey, Lee, are you alright?"
More verbal games. Neji was a distraction to delay him. "I know what that you're doing! Stop or I've been a good a time to stop!" Lee's words were as tossed as a salad.
"Lee, I've been watching you. Are you alright?"
"So. Hah. Spying all over me, taking a look at me, and you don't get anywhere when you spy, taking a look and seeing nothing." Lee had a hostel tone. He was only trying to protect himself.
"I think you might need to come to the Leaf Hospital with me," said Neji, concerned for his teammate.
"Hah. You don't play the game so well, so well so of a genius!"
"Uh . . . Lee, follow me. We need to take out the underground people." Neji tried.
Lee's attention was seized!
"They are making zombie food with . . . uh coal and . . . cockroach brains."
"Oh no, so you know about the multi-universe too? Yeah, I think I've met you when I was time-traveling before, or in France or something. Do you remember the pendulum of the time-and-space continuum?" Lee practically sang.
" . . . Sure. Follow me." Neji said.
He lead the psychotic teen to the hospital. Long story short, Lee put up a fight once they arrived, claiming the hospital was a mind transfer base, and that he wanted to be in his clone's body, rather than be transferred into his original body that was killed fifty years ago, after accusing them of trying to pull this crime before. So the doctors stuck a needle in his bum and injected fluid to calm him down.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Lee awoke in his bed.
"Mmmh," he groaned to himself.
"So you woke up from your little recovery nap, have you?" Neji was seated on a chair against a wall.
"Neji? . . . What happened? Why am I here?"
"You went psychotic, and I had to take you down to the hospital. Don't worry; A nurse checked you out. Turns out you were lacking the proper balance of vitamins and minerals for your body, she mentioned your diet was high in protein and not much else. Just eat more fruits and vegetables and you'll be fine."
"Oh, my high-protein diet. I was trying to increase muscle mass for Sasuke. I went psychotic, you say?"
"Cheah. You're alright now, but the stress of those poisonous berries was affecting you. However, they did have some of the nutrition you needed. You were Hallucinating and had some bazaar ideas." Neji explained.
"Hmm," Lee focused on Neji, "am I still seeing things, or are you wearing a vampire outfit?"
"Oh, no, you see: I'm wearing this because I hear that girls are turned on by vampires. I want to impress Ten Ten."
"Oh."
Neji barred his upper teeth saying, "vampire," Then barred his lower teeth saying, "werewolf." He thought for a moment, then said, with no intention of Lee understanding, "Kiba could join us, and play the part as a werewolf, but he's proven himself unworthy. See you soon, Lee. Hope you will be feeling better!" Neji left Lee's home.
Lee got up and went to the bathroom. On the toilet, set up as if sitting, was a glittery red and blue suit.
" . . . This . . . is . . . awesome!" He relished the creative creation. He put it on, and admired his free shlong, visible in the mirror.
He was lookin' sexy. He put the "e" in "sexy".
His penis slowly rose. He had no clue what to do about it. It throbbed, and he tried to ignore it. I'll tell you something: it didn't work. The erection consumed all his attention. It was aching.
Should I try masturbating? He wondered. He had never masturbated before. I think I will try it.
He was lying on his bed. Lee used his right hand to run his fingers over the lenght of the shaft as a test. The pleasure was tickling. He sheepishly gripped a base with veins, and slowly began pumps. He didn't feel much at first, but his senses slowly woke. The pleasure increased. He continued pumping, making it grow taller. His breathing deepened. He twisted the tip of his penis as if he twisting a bottle-cap. He moaned.
Lee's body was twitching with hot delight. His legs trembled. He wanted to extend his genitalia- to have it reach somewhere, in somewhere. The memory of his encounter with Sakura made him harder. If only she was here now.
He not only wanted to put it in, but get it in as well. He fantasised about Sasuke- no, Sakura, entering his anal region. He increased his pace. The pleasure took on a rhythmic pattern, which was, in its own nostalgic way, welcome. He want to take something in, badly. He increased his speed even more. He hit the flap of skin around his dick with each stroke. He had always thought the flap was strange, but he never paid real attention to it.
He groaned and moaned. His lenght became wet. He felt as if his penis was becoming shorter with each rough pull and push, when suddenly, it slipped out of his hands and he lost it.
Where? Did I squash it? He looked frantically at where he had been touching. He felt . . . something inside him, someplace new. He saw the tip of his penis. He pulled on it, to discover that it slid out of him. What is this? He tried sliding it back in. Success. He investigated the area, to find a hole where his penis had withdrawn. He stuck a finger in. It was warm, soft, and wet. He pushed his penis in even further to find a grove for it in the pleasure chamber. Lee thought Of Sakura. Of course, we are the same! He finished, then ran off to find her, still in costume.
Ten Ten saw Lee in it.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Lee knocked on Sakura's window.
"Lee?" She walked over to him and opened the window, surprised.
"Sakura, my love. I have realized that it is not Sasuke who I want, but rather, you! He was only a phase to prepare me for what we will have in store." Lee confessed, full of enthusiasm.
"Huh?"
"Sakura, the other other day it was me who you had sex with." He eyes widened. "I love you!"
"Ehh . . . Lee . . ."
"Sakura . . . we are the same."
She opened her mouth for words to slowly escape, "Could it be . . . ?"
He put his dick in his vagina. Sakura gasped. She locked her listening eyes with Lee's.
"Oh . . . Lee, you are the same!"
" . . . Um, Sakura, I hope you don't mind that I prematurely ejaculate."
"Oh, it's fine, I have a short attention span!"
They had a tight hug.
"Oh, cool. By the way, I have come up with a theory. It is that you are so violent and hit people because your hormones must be out of whack. You may subconsciously reject your male assets, so the hormones manifest themselves in your mental aspect, rather than physical, and thus, your aggression."
And with that Sakura gained a great deal of understanding. Her feelings blossomed for Lee. And could it really be? Could Sakura become both a father and mother, with a husband whom could also be a father and mother? She was ready to embrace a new future.
"I love you too, Lee." She remembered she had no eyebrows and hid her face.
"What's wrong?" Asked Lee.
"I don't have any eyebrows," She said, looking up.
A knock sounded on the open window. "Neither do I," Said Gaara. "It's not that bad, try embracing it."
"Sakura-chan, if you feel this way, I will share my eyebrows with you." He ripped off the bottom half of his eyebrows.
"Thank you, Lee, but I can wait until they grow back," said Sakura with a sheepish smile.
"I'll take them," said Gaara. Lee tossed Gaara the eyebrows. Gaara stuck them on as his own.
Chapter Four, Part Two: Dumb Blonde's Unite!
Naruto awoke in his bed. He had slept late into the afternoon, but it was well worth it; he was rested. He felt unusual bumps in his pocket. He reached his hand in to find candy. Since when did I have this?
He heard loud knocking on his door in a fast pattern. He rolled out of bed and rolled to the door. He opened the door. No one was there.
"Bastard!" He yelled; he didn't deserve ding-dong-ditch. "Oh." He saw his mailbox on the wall open with a large orange envelope sticking out. He brought it inside.
Naruto sat down at his small kitchen table, then opened the envelope that had no markings on the outside. Inside he found a normal white envelope that was decorated with stickers and marker. He also found some braided hair that was glued together at both ends. Did Hinata send me some hair? He was in shock by the sight.
It was normal for Hinata to send Naruto notes. She usually left a post-it on his door or would leave a letter. She would always say happy crappy slap that he could never understand. But sending hair? She was such a creeper! Now hairs were getting everywhere.
He held his breath as he looked at the envelope. There were stickers of dinosaurs and cute chibi-like panda-bears to satisfy any cute-girls' desires. It also looked like she had practiced her calligraphy with marker. He could tell she liked him. And he could tell that she tried to make her notes and letters, and sometimes, even presents, seem just at a friendly level. Oh, when you can see through someone!
He had to admit, he's seen worse than the hair. One time she gave him a Frisbee with his face painted on it. Once she wrapped a shoebox in newspaper and inside was a pair of his pants and pictures of when he was asleep. In one photo, Hinata had given him cornrows. She gave him a drawing of herself naked once. But usually, she just gave him a sculpture made of grass, mud, sticks, and rocks. She would leave the sculptures on the ground in-front of his door, and he always had to clean it up, after he stepped on it by accident, of course.
As for the letters and notes, usually she would tell him stuff he didn't give a rat's ass about, such as her thoughts on gay marriage or her preference of food. She would often leave post-its on his door that said things like, "Have a good day, Naruto-kun," or "If I had twenty dollars, I'd buy you".
What has she given me today?
Inside the envelope was a paper just as decked-out with stickers. The note read:
Hey Naruto,
It's just me again (Hinata). Just sending you another gift. I won't be able to see you in person for a while, because I'm grounded. Here is some of my hair. I'd like you to put it in your mouth, but you don't have to swallow it if you don't want to. If you don't want to swallow it, I suggest you burn it; I like the smell of burring hair. I went down, down, down, into a burring ring of fire. I burned, burned, burned, and the flames went higher. I think I might send you a painting. Like a painting of my room. I have a painting of your room in my room, and I was just thinking that maybe some nights we would both look into the paintings and pretend they were portals to see and talk to each other. I'm going to send you a short story I'm writing. It's about two people who fall in love. Their names are Naro and Hina. Um . . . Naruto, do you like flashlights? I have an extra one, and I painted it orange, so I'll send that to you. I'm running out of space, so tty soon. or c u soon. g2g.
-Hinata
She drew music notes around a group of dinosaurs. One had a talk bubble that said, "groovy," another had a hat drawn on.
At the bottom right corner there was a brown stain with a circle drawn around it and an arrow that said "scratch and sniff" Naruto scratched and sniffed as directed. He smelt something nasty.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Temari watched Shikamaru from a distance. Shikamaru was in Ino's flower shop, talking with her. Temari suspiciously watch Ino, full of envy, but hoping that Shikamaru would buy flowers for her.
Ever since the beach party, she wanted his genitals. At the party she tried to show off and catch his eye by being the center of attention, having fun like a whore. She had tried to flirt with him and confessed her attraction (she's got guts), but he just said that he didn't know her well and that she was a bit too spunky.
"For some reason she's been following me all morning," said Shikamaru to Ino.
"Hm," Ino listened to the gossip attentively with a small smile. She had severe sunburn on the front half of her body. From falling asleep on the beach, no doubt.
"Just like how she was following me around at the party last night. I would turn around and she would be looking at me. She never left my sight because she was always so close."
"Shikamaru's gotta girlfriend," Ino teased.
He sighed lazily.
"Well, I'm glad you stopped in here, even if it was to get away from her."
"It's just so annoying."
"Why don't you just tell her to stop?"
"Yeah, but it's all just a drag."
Why is he taking so long in there? Temari was sweating from the heat of the roof and sun. He finally exited the cool building. As he started to walk down the road, Temari jumped atop another building to keep up. He kept walking, and she decided to follow among the thin crowd, closer to him. He turned around.
For a quick disguise, she whipped out her fan and stuck the bottom into the ground. She peered out an elevated side. Good, I don't think he saw me. He continued walking.
He turned the corner and walked down a shaded ally. She ran and hid behind a dumpster. Suddenly, she felt his Kekigenkai. Damn it! I was careless!
Shikamaru said nothing. He had planned to lure her in the shadows, and it wasn't very hard to trick her into the coolness of shade after being in the heat all morning. He kept a strait face as he walked leisurely across the street. As he took a step to side, her body followed, ten feet right behind him. He stepped back in the line he was walking in and Temari saw what he had stepped around. A pole. He he made no effort to stop her course from colliding with the cylinder. She was over come with fear as he lead his body foreword, face first, jumped then released his jutsu. She hit the pole.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
That bastard! Temari brooded. Who does he think he is, doing something like that to a lady? She was sitting in a tree. She was so frustrated, she began to cry.
Lee came by. He headed toward the tree, and landed on a branch to find someone crying.
"Huh? Hey, What's wrong?" He asked.
"I w-was rejec-ted!" she choked out.
"I see." He was quiet for a moment, reflecting on his experience. He finally said, "You know, I usually cry in this tree. And . . . I would cry over my rejection as well."
Their moment was beginning.
"Y-you came here to cry as well?" She looked to see who it was.
"I'm not sure how or why I got here. I just appeared. But anyways, I have some advice from past experience, if you would like to hear it."
"Yes, please."
"There are three steps my sensei had me take before giving up. First was to prove your worth and win them over with your convincing. If that didn't work, you go to step two, and use a sexual-outlet. If your desire is not satisfied after that, your last hope is to use brute force to make them yours, aka kidnap them and force them to marry you."
"So, how did that work out for you?"
"Actually, I found someone else I wanted more, and came here to cry of relief."
"So . . . you're saying I should try to win him over, even after a rejection?"
"Yes," Lee gave a thumbs up, "Don't give up!"
"So . . . do you have any ideas?"
"Hm . . . tell me a little about your situation." Temari told him how she became infatuated last night, and she and Lee became so intimate that she even told him about how she stalked him earlier.
"I think, what you need to do is to become friends with Ino,"
"What?"
"The girl who works at the flower shop. She is his teammate."
"And then I meet Shikamaru through her!" Temari inferred. "Thanks, Lee! see you later, alligator!"
"In a while, crocodile!"
Temari headed for the flower shop, as Lee began to cry happily in the tree.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Temari heard the ringing from the small bell on the door as she entered the shop. "Huh, what's that?" she muttered. "Oh no, time for my next class already?" Haha, doorbells.
"Oh, no! It's time for class?" Exclaimed Ino.
Temari remembered her task to make the girl her friend. She approached her, trying to remember her name. A name tag that said "Ino" was off to the side on her blue apron.
"Oh, cute! What's the other one's name?" Asked Temari, thinking her boob had a name.
"Huh? Oh, Hi, my name is Ino. Welcome. What's your name?"
"Temari."
"Where? We aren't in the kitchen," said Ino, thinking of the spice.
"I know, we're in a flower shop. My name is Temari."
"Oh, hi Temari! Welcome!"
"You're nice! Do you want to be my friend?"
"Best friend!"
"B-f-f?"
"Yes!"
"Oh my god!" They jumped up and down, breasts jiggling.
"We need to have a sleep over!" Said Ino with a big smile.
"Over where?" Asked Temari, "Hey guess what?"
"What?"
"I like some 1!"
"O-m-g! Who?"
"Shikamaru!"
"O-m-g, he's my teammate! Let's have a sleep over and we can both have our crushes be there!"
"Now way!" Temari had a huge smile.
"Way!"
Naruto walked into the shop, sexy jutsu style. "Can I come too?" Girl Naruto purred.
"Naruto, I know it's you!" Accused Ino.
Sasuke entered the shop too. "If Naruto doesn't come, I won't go," he black mailed.
"What? Sasuke, I though you didn't like Naruto." Ino was surprised.
"Believe me," he was talking more to Naruto than any one else. He leaned into Naruto's ear and whispered, "I like Naruto."
Naruto gulped. He was still in sexy jutsu mode. The smoke was clearing, so he had to add some more.
A light-bulb burned out. Ino and Temari shrieked.
"I think I have to change it," Said Ino.
"How many dumb blonds does it take to change a light-bulb?" Said Sasuke.
Everyone was quiet as they thought. "Three!" Said Naruto. "One to think of how to do it, one to hold the light-bulb, and one to turn the ladder around!"
"Which one am I?" Asked Temari.
Chapter Four, Part Three: Sleepover
More People came than Ino had planned. The guests are as follows: Sasuke, Naruto, Temari, Shikamaru, Ten Ten, and Sai.
Ino had a big house, and more furniture than most homes did. Everyone was gathered in a large, square entertaining room with enough mattress and pads and quilts for everyone. The paper-like walls were blue with painted flowers.
They were all gathered in a circle, snacking on chips and nuts.
"Hey, Naruto. Do you want to eat my nuts?" Offered Sasuke, holding a bag toward the blond.
Naruto took a handful, oblivious to his friend's meaning.
"Naruto is like a squirrel," said Sai, gaining everyones' attention, "He likes nuts."
They laughed at Naruto. He angrily said "Sai is like a ghost. You don't notice him usually."
"I love nuts," Said Temari, searching for a reaction in Shikamaru.
Shikamaru told a joke. "What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?" There was a pause, "We need some support soon, or people are going to think we're nuts." They laughed some more, what a great time they were having!
"Hey, I think it's about time we opened up that Twister box," said Sasuke.
"Yeah, great idea, Sasuke!" Ino tried to brown nose.
"I've never played Twister before," Naruto said.
"It's really fun," said Ten Ten brightly. Ino unfolded the mat, circles of green, red, yellow, and blue.
"You spin this wheel, then put your hand or foot on the color it says," Twenty explained.
"Oh, simple enough."
Sasuke had a small smile.
"What's that face for?" Asked Naruto.
"Nothing, I think you'll really enjoy it."
The first game was of Naruto, Sasuke, Ten Ten, and Ino. Naruto did have a lot of fun. He was in a crab stance, straining to hold his position. Sasuke was beside him, on all fours, belly downward.
"It's Sasuke's turn next," said Temari spinning for him, "left hand yellow."
He reach over Naruto. Their faces were close. Sasuke look at Naruto. Naruto tried to avoid eye contact, but Sasuke didn't look away.
"Naruto," she spun the wheel, "right foot red."
He had to stretch his leg under Sasuke.
Sasuke cheated, and used his Sharingon. It was his turn next, and his left foot was to go on yellow. He was over Naruto. They waited for their next turn, Sasuke still looking at Naruto.
Ino was disappointed; how come she had to be so far away from Sasuke on the mat? Ten Ten was having fun, and Naruto had noticed that Sasuke had been following him.
"How are you liking Twister?" Sasuke whispered to Naruto.
"Me? Hah, someone is enjoying it more than I ever could. That's you."
Sasuke's next planned move was move His right foot on red, thus bringing him closer to Naruto's face.
"You prev! Get your dick out of my view!" Sasuke laughed.
Naruto's next move was to move his hand to green, which was directy under him. It would put him off balance, and he would have to be inches from Sasuke's crotch.
Yeah, and imagining the rest of the game being like this for Naruto.
The next game Temari, Shikamaru, Ino, and Sai played. Temari tried to do flirty positions for Shikamaru, but he would move away, given the chance. When Sai reached over Ino, she was immensely turned on. At the end of the game, she lead him into her bedroom.
She had him sit on her white bed next to her.
"What did you bring me here for?" He asked.
She gently lead his hand above her area 51.
"Hmm?"
She gave him big, sexy eyes.
"Well, what is it?"
She rubbed his hand slowly into her skirt. "I think it's obvious."
Sai had little knowledge about sex. He asked if he could read a book about it, but she said she would help him. Since he insisted further more, she had him read a few pages of "Your Period and You". Ino had to guide him through what to do. She enjoyed being the boss, however. Sai eventually started to enjoy it, and they got movin'.
"S-sa . . . Sa . . . Sa-ah!"
"It's Sai."
"S-sasuke!"
It was a quickie. They were back with group as soon as they had left.
Sai says to Shikamaru, "Ino has a vagina like a cat."
"What do you mean?" He asked, "It's furry?"
"No, it stretches upward."
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
It was dark. Turn-off-the-lights-and-all-you-got-is-the-moon dark. Dark and late.
"It's becoming the fun hours," commented Ino.
"Yeah, any ideas to what we should do?" Ten Ten addressed the group.
"How about we tell some scary stories?" Suggested Naruto.
"I'll bet you're going to get scared," said Sasuke flirtatiously.
"Only little kids and girls get scared."
"Alright, little miss Naruto. I'll tell the first story."
Before Sasuke began, Sai whispered to Shikamaru so only he could hear, "Ino has a vagina like a butt."
"What do you mean?"
"It farts."
Sasuke turned off all the lights. It was pitch black. You could only tell where he was by his voice. He walked around the circle.
"Once, a farmer child named Naruto went out to the garden to do his work." He spoke slowly in a low voice. "He came across a big toe sticking out of the soil. He tried to pick it up, but it was stuck. He gave it a hark whack with his hoe-" some laughed at the word, "And it came off. He heard a groan and ran away."
"That night, Naruto had the toe for supper. It got dark, then he went to bed. In the middle of the night, a sound awakened him.
" 'Where is my to-o-o-o-e?' it groaned"
"Naruto became scared and pulled the sheets over his head. 'If I go to sleep, it will be gone in the morning,' he told himself. But soon he heard the back door open.
" 'Where is my to-o-o-o-o-e?' It groaned. The boy heard foot steps move through the kitchen," Sasuke's voice became slower, deeper. "Naruto heard footsteps move slowly through the living room, then go up the stairs. 'Where is my to-o-o-o-o-o-e?' It's voice was louder."
"The boy, shaking with fear, heard the footsteps stop behind his door. 'Where is my to-o-o-o-o-e?' The door knob twisted, and the door creaked inward. He heard the foot steps stop at his bed. 'Where is my to-o-o-o-e?' "
It was silent. No one breathed.
"YOU'VE GOT IT!" screamed Sasuke, grabbing Naruto from behind.
"AHHHH!" He jumped.
The lights came on, Sasuke laughed.
"You got scared, dobe!"
"No I didn't! I was surprised, teme! That's all!" Naruto denied.
"It's alright. I'll hold you if you're that scared." He teased and flirted.
Naruto grunted with his teeth clenched in anger. "You just tell another story! I won't jump next time!"
"Are you sure, Naruto? Are you sure you won't jump?"
"Yeah, yeah, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."
Sasuke turned off the lights again. Before he started, Sai whispered to Shikamaru," Ino has a vagina like an ice-cream sunday."
"What do you mean, it's sweet?"
"No, she had strawberry sauce."
Saskue paused before he began again, captivating the attentions.
"Legened tells of a haunted house, where each night a bloody head would fall from the chiminey. At least, that's what people said. So no one would spend the night there. One day . . . a rich man offered five hundred dollars to whoever could do it. A young man named Naruto said he would do it, If he could bring his dog, Akamaru with.
"The very next night, the boy entered the manor with his dog. He heard the howling wind, and decided to make the place a little more comfortable by lighting a fire in the fireplace. He sat there with his dog and waited. For a while, nothing happened. But a little after midnight, he heard soft singing out in the woods. It went something like:
" 'Me tie dough-ty walker'."
"Then his dog answered the song. 'Lynchee kincky colly molly dingo dingo'."
"The boy could not believe his dog said something. Then he heard the singing closer and louder."
" 'Me tie dough-ty walker'!
"As his dog started singing again, he tried to stop him, but could not. 'Lynchee kinchy colly molly dingo dingo'!
"He didn't hear the singing until half an hour later. Atop the chimeny echoed down, 'ME TIE DOUGH-TY WALKER'!
"He tried to keep his dog quiet, but he sang louder than ever. 'LYNCHEE KINCHY COLLY MOLLY DINGO DINGO'!"
Sasuke said loud and fast, "suddenly a bloody head fell out of the chimney and landed on the floor, missing the fire. The dog died of fright. The head turned it's face to Naruto and- AHHHHHHHHHHH!" He stamped his foot behind Naruto.
Sasuke's screaming made Naruto jump again.
The lights came on and Sasuke laughed again.
"Wow! that story scared me to a death!" Exclaimed Temari, hoping to get Shikamaru's attention.
"Then why aren't you dead?" He asked.
Sai said to Shikamaru, Ino has a vagina like a pearl."
"What do you mean? It's valuabel?"
"On the inside. The outside is an ugly clam."
"Okay, Let's lighten the mood a little. Truth or dare!" Said Ten Ten.
"Hey, you're copying other fanfics!" Said Sai.
"So? It will still be fun," she replied. "Not like we haven't used the term 'raven'."
"Yeah, well you'd think people would try be a little original," he said.
"Hey. You try being original."
"Alright, Let's make double-dares where it involves two people, or triple-dares for three people and so on. And, if you reject a truth or dare question, the group will decide on a truth-or-dare you have to do, no matter what."
"Good enough for me," said Ino, "anyone not playing?"
Everyone played. Ino started, clock wise. "Sasuke, truth or dare?"
"Dare." This meant Naruto had do a dare or else he would be a wimp.
"I dare you to hump the wall." Sasuke did it for ten seconds, flowing like water, and it made Ino wet.
"Ten Ten," Sasuke said.
"Truth."
"Who would you sleep with in this room?"
"You," she stated bluntly. Ino sent her a venomous glare. "Temari, truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"What was your first sexual experience?"
"A mechanical bull. Shikamaru, Truth or dare?"
He sighed. "Truth."
"Would you date me?"
"Eh . . . look, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but probably not. Sai."
"Dare."
"Say something about Ino's vagina."
"Ino's vagina is like a mouth, . . . it has teeth." Sai looked at the last person to go, who was glaring at Sasuke. Is he mad at Sasuke? I read that when people are angry, they need to blow off steem. Hmm, what should I say? "Naruto, truth or dare?"
"Dare, of course." I'm going to outdo Sasuke, beleive it!
"Wrestle Sasuke. It's a double-dare."
Sasuke smirked. "Ready, loser?"
Naruto charged at him. Sasuke dodged the onslaught and used it to his advantage by pinning Naruto facedown to the ground. Sasuke struggled to keep him there. Naruto squirmed, uncomfortably; he could feel Sasuke's junk on his ass, and it was getting harder. They were both strong. Naruto pushed him off and tackled him. Sasuke tried to free his arms from Naruto's embrace, but could only push him away with his feet. He lunged at Naruto, and they fell to the side. Sasuke pushed Naruto's knees outward in a butterfly stretch. Since he was on top, it was extremely sexual.
It's Twister all over again! Naruto thought.
Sasuke laughed. Naruto scowled, he had to compete and push him off.
"Go, Sasuke!" Cheered Ino.
Sakura burst in through the door. She saw for herself how sexual the posture was.
"Naruto, you come with me!" She shouted, "and thanks for inviting me, Ino pig!"
"Huh?" Naruto made a confused noise. Sakura grasped his nose and pulled him out the room. "Ow, ow, Sakura, ow!" She threw him in another room, stepping in and closing the door. "Sakura, what's this all about?"
"Answer me, Naruto." She had an exaggerated, fake friendliness. "You like me, right?"
"Uh . . . ," He blushed, "Yeah, well sorta."
"Then, well, I don't know but, would you be interested in staying in here with me?"
"Stay in here?"
"Yeah, want to do it with me?"
Naruto laughed at that last question, he enjoys the immature approach, but don't we all! Sakura punched him for it.
"I'm serious here. I will have sex with you."
"Wh-wha?" Naruto wasn't sure he heard her correctly. He knew he did when he saw her hand pull a zipper downward, separating her erotic-red attire.
"Uh, Sakura, listen. I'd . . . well . . . actually prefer these kinds of things to be . . . you know . . . a little more special."
"So I'm not special?"
"No! I mean-"
"Naruto, I'm only asking you to pleasure me. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. But think of it this way: you'll be getting practice for later so you can be ahead of the game." Her dress dropped to the ground. She hugged him. "You would only pleasure me . . . right?"
Naruto eventually said "alright."
They were in Ino's bedroom. Sakura sat against the headboard of her bed, and slowly began touching herself. Naruto replaced her hand with his.
"Does she have any lube, or lotion anywhere?" Sakura asked, meaning, "Naruto, find something".
Naruto found a gold bottle of lotion atop a shelf in the closet, and squirted some into his palm. Before he could touch Sakura with it, she demanded he warmed it up first. He felt a little nervous.
He caressed her body first, using some of the lotion to excite her inner thighs. Soft and gentile, Sakura rolled her eyes back as he finally began to stoke her clitoris. It was slow and wet. She enjoyed it but conveyed nothing, seeming a sexual corpse.
Sasuke had been standing outside the door, and wanted to stop Naruto from what he was doing, but he couldn't move.
Naruto stuck his middle finger into her moist cavern, then withdrew it. Repeating the act, he began to move a little faster, gradually adding another finger. Sakura spread her legs far apart.
Naruto stuck his middle finger into her moist cavern, then withdrew it. Repeating the act, he began to move a little faster, gradually adding another finger. Sakura spread her legs farther apart. Her breathing came faster. Naruto stuck his fingers around, feeling what the inside was like, when he felt a strange coloum. He made a face without realizing it. Sakura silently begged for him to ignore it. He did just the opposite. He gripped it with his fingers, tugging.
"What's this?" He asked. It became harder. He foung his tugging brought it down a little.
Sakura was too mortified to say anything, Naruto pulled her penis out of her vagina.
He got off the bed, stepping backwards. There was a living hell in that moment, festering in both of them.
Naruto was to shocked to speak. Sakura was to embarrassed to speak. Naruto ran from the room.
Sasuke, who was still standing outside, nonchalantly asked, "What's wrong?"
"S-s-s-s-s-s-sakura h-h-has a p-penis!"
"So? I have a penis."
"B-but she has both! That's not normal!" He ran to go wash his hands.
Sakura left the room, her dress on. She saw Sasuke and smirked. "So, my plan worked after all, huh?"
Sasuke glared at her.
"Looks like I made the 'ol Sasuke jealous." She spoke as if she were superior. "So, what Lee told me is true. Once I saw you over Naruto like that when I came in, I knew for sure you liked him. "
"You aren't seriously planning on persuing me further after this, are you?" Sasuke was too cool to genuinely care about the answer.
"No. I wanted to get back at you for wasting my time."
"Are you sure It's my fault your time was wasted?"
Sakura realized it wasn't. She left without speaking, knowing Ino was no longer a threat to take her Sasuke. She would have him eventually, mark her words. If he would finally go for girls, that is. For now, she would settle for Lee until the day.
Sasuke was about to close the door when he noticed the gold bottle of lotion on the floor. That's an odd color for a lotion container, He thought. He picked it up. "Bronze lotion, fake tan" it read. Sakura probably won't wash herself off tonight, and will wake up with tan genitals. (Sakura doesn't wash herself off.)