Because Liberty Girl In The Sky requested it, here he is! Alfred F. Jones!

Also, this song is epic. Even though it isn't a song. It has dancing!Russia, so it is epic.

h t t p : / / w w w . y o u t u b e . c o m / w a t c h ? v = 5 4 r a - G Y 6 U w M & f e a t u r e = r e l a t e d

Just remove the spaces. :D

1. Hamburgers will not solve all of the world's problems, he should stop insisting that they do.

2. The world DOES NOT want to know what he and England were doing.

3. Pretending that he doesn't know what is going on is rude and demeaning to the others' intelligence – they know that he is a world superpower, he should act as such.

4. Being a superpower does not make him a superhero.

5. … so he can put his underwear where it belongs, on the INSIDE of his pants.

6. Having an insanely large amount of guns does not mean that he can charge into any situation without thinking.

7. America is not allowed to watch horror movies before World Meetings.

8. …because the whole "hiding under a chair whenever somebody walked into the room" wasn't funny after the three hundredth time.

9. America is not allowed to ask Russia for condoms …

10. … because he'll be a whiny teenager with an inferiority complex for a week.

11. Borrowing more money from China is not the appropriate solution to paying off debts.

12. America should not remind England of the Revolutionary War.

13. And if Hungary wants him and England to do a "re-enactment" of it, he should decline.

14. Because Hungary wasn't there, and therefore she didn't see what happened.

15. Which might cause her to fabricate several events.

16. And that would be very, very humiliating, since she would get it on video.

17. He is not allowed to get England drunk.

18. … even if there is a good reason.

19. … there never is a good reason.

20. He is not allowed to piss off Cuba, because Cuba takes it out on Canada.

21. He also is not allowed to bully Canada, because the poor guy gets enough of that from Russia.

22. He is not allowed to pick fights with Russia for no reason at all.

23. "Russia's spying on me!" isn't a good reason, because he sent his spies over first.

24. He cannot help Belarus marry Russia.

25. That would be very, very, very bad for him and Russia.

26. He cannot make "In Soviet Russia" jokes.

27. Because in Soviet Russia, Russia become one with you!

28. … WAS THAT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON AS TO WHY NOT?

29. … because if it isn't, Russia would be happy to give him some.

30. The world doesn't care about his "Special Relationship" with England.

31. Also, France and Canada are in the broom closet.

32. If Alfred breaks any of these rules, Russia will get his pipe (and nukes) out.