A/N: Okay, I'm back. I did not disappear off the face of the earth like everyone believed! ...I started school, which is worse. Actually, my birthday is on Friday, and I'm turning 14(finally)! Orihime's birthday is on Saturday, so I might publish a one shot for her… it'll probably be Ichihime, 'cause I live for Ichihime. –LOVE~!-

Anyway…WHOA! I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE: A DISCLAIMER! Disclaimed! See it there, on the screen? Yep, that one. That disclaimer. No, that one.

Ulquiorra walked out of the hospital, clinging tightly to Sensei's hand. She was holding the hand of Mr. Ichigo on the other side, and a huge smile was spread across her face. Mr. Ichigo's expression was set in an intense scowl. Ulquiorra wondered if he had any other expressions besides the scowl.

Mr. Ichigo broke away from Sensei and said. "My car's over here. I'll go get the twins, and how about you go and start dinner?"

"Sure," said Sensei. "Here, take Ulquiorra with you."

Ulquiorra turned his emerald eyes on his teacher, alarmed. Mr. Ichigo's scowl set even deeper into his face. But one look at Sensei's expression had him reaching out for Ulquiorra's hand.

"Let's go, little guy," he said, and Ulquiorra reluctantly let go of Sensei's soft hand and took hold of Mr. Ichigo's calloused one. It enclosed his small fingers, contrasting his dark tan skin with Ulquiorra's paper white ones. The difference was even more shocking than it was with Sensei.

"Goodbye, Sensei," Ulquiorra said, waving at Sensei over his shoulder. She grinned and set off toward her car, while Mr. Ichigo tugged Ulquiorra after him. They approached a large truck, and Mr. Ichigo lifted Ulquiorra in (the seat was too high for him to reach) before climbing in himself. Ulquiorra fumbled with the seatbelt, trying to remember what Sensei had done, before he proudly pushed it in the slot. Mr. Ichigo took a glance at the twisted black material and unbuckled him, untwisting the belt and then re-buckling him.

"Thank you." Ulquiorra nodded respectfully at the orange-haired man.

"No problem." Mr. Ichigo poked the key on the hard surface around the key slot a couple times before he found the hole and slid the key in. He twisted the key and the engine roared, at least five times louder than Sensei's car. Ulquiorra leaped upwards, his heart pounding, his legs straining against the restraint. He took a shaky glance at Mr. Ichigo, who looked slightly amused.

"You okay, little guy?" Mr. Ichigo asked.

"Y-yes." His heart was still frantically trying to escape his ribcage. He took a deep breath. "Let's go."

Mr. Ichigo pulled a stick behind the wheel and pushed down his foot. The car went backwards, and Ulquiorra watched worriedly in the little mirror next to the door to make sure they didn't hit anything. They didn't, and after a moment, Mr. Ichigo pulled the stick again and they went forwards on their way.

Ulquiorra pressed his nose against the window again, brushing his overlong hair out of his eyes. The last time it had been cut was when he'd been lucky enough to find a pair of scissors and cut it because it was just too long to be practical. He wished he'd kept those scissors. They would be helpful.

"We're here," Mr. Ichigo said a few minutes later, as he pulled back into the school parking lot. Ulquiorra turned at looked at the man.

"You live here?"

"No! No, the twins are in pre-k here!" Mr. Ichigo corrected. "Probably in extended day by now. Let's go." He unbuckled Ulquiorra and climbed out of the car, helping Ulquiorra out as well. He held out his hand, and Ulquiorra took it, following a step behind Ichigo as he led him back to the building. They walked in, and Ulquiorra immediately relished the cool air conditioning.

Mr. Ichigo's blue scrubs swished around his legs as he walked down the hallway. Ulquiorra had to run to keep up. They stopped outside a doorway and stepped in.

There were quite a few kids in there, but only a few looked up. One was Lilinette, the girl from his class, who waved at him. One was her older stepbrother Starrk. One was a boy with bright pink hair which Ulquiorra couldn't tell if it was real or fake and white glasses. He was sitting with a boy with tan skin, a creepy smile and long black hair, a white hood over his head and his hair covering his left eye and forehead. He leered at Ulquiorra, who resisted the urge to hide behind Mr. Ichigo. Both boys were maybe in third grade. The boy with pink hair looked lazily up at Ulquiorra, his honey-colored eyes narrowing in amusement. Mr. Ichigo was looking for his kids and didn't see them.

"Hey, Nnoitra, look at that shrimp," the pink-haired one said, not bothering to lower his voice.

"Dude. 'Porro. D'you recognize him?" the creepy one said, nudging the pink-haired one. "He looks kinda familiar…" 'Porro said.

Mr. Ichigo's head snapped around, and he stared openmouthed at the two boys. They shrank back before him. He strode over to them, jerking Ulquiorra after him. Sticking a rough finger under Nnoitra's pointed chin, he said, "Who are you?"

"Who wants to know?" Nnoitra sneered, recovering his confidence. He jerked his head away from Mr. Ichigo's hand. Mr. Ichigo grabbed the collar of his jacket and yanked the boy to his feet, his chair toppling over behind him. 'Porro leaped up in alarm, his yellow eyes widening behind bone-white glasses.

"I said, who are you?" Mr. Ichigo growled into Nnoitra's face. Nnoitra's expression was one of absolute terror.

"NNOITRA GILGA! SZAYEL APORRO GRANZ! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" the teacher shouted, hurrying to them. Mr. Ichigo dropped the boy quickly, who fell in a heap on the floor.

"Daddy," said a little girl's voice, "what are you doing to that boy?"

Ulquiorra turned to see a little girl with light orange hair the same color as Ichigo's and dark brown eyes. Her mid back length hair was pinned back with strawberry clips, and her hands were on her tiny hips as she tilted her head questioningly at her father.

"Hello, Masaki," Mr. Ichigo said weakly.

"You better tell me, Daddy, or else I'll tell Mommy on you," Masaki said defiantly.

"Um, I was just…" Mr. Ichigo thought fast. "Where's your brother?"

"Oh, I'll show you." Masaki, glad to be in charge, completely forgot about her question. She walked a few steps, then looked back and said, "Are you coming, Daddy?"

"Oh – um, yeah, uh…" Mr. Ichigo looked down at Ulquiorra, who was still clinging to his hand. "Hey, little guy, you go with Masaki. Go get Sora while I sign them out, 'kay?" He released Ulquiorra's hand and went over to talk to the teacher. Ulquiorra reluctantly trudged over to Masaki, who looked to be about three or four. She stared suspiciously at him, but after a moment, she decided that she didn't want to lose her chance to be the boss. She whirled on her heel and gracefully walked away, fluttering her arms a little like a tiny ballerina.

"So-ra," she called, "Daddy's here." They approached a boy with longer, dark orange hair, cut unevenly around his chin. He was stacking blocks with an intense look on his face.

"Sora," Masaki said, tapping her foot theatrically. "Sora, Daddy's here. We have to go."

Sora looked up. His eyes were gray, like his mother's. "Can't," he said.

He looked for a moment like he wanted to say more, but didn't. Instead, he returned to his blocks. Masaki rolled her eyes dramatically, crossing her arms and turning to Ulquiorra. "Get him." She pointed to her brother. "Just because he's a little autistic doesn't mean you have to go easy on him."

Ulquiorra stared in dismay at the boy crouching below him. Sora placed another colored block precariously on the pile and waited for a moment to make sure it didn't fall. When it didn't, he mechanically picked up another block and added it.

"Sora! Masaki! Come on, you two. Mommy's waiting." Mr. Ichigo's voice drifted back. Masaki sighed impatiently and tapped her brother. Sora glanced up again, and his face registered the two of them standing there like he'd never seen them before.

"Daddy?" he said.

"Daddy's this way. Come on, Sora." Masaki grabbed her brother's arm and dragged him away from the blocks. Sora's foot accidentally hit the pile, and the blocks tumbled down. He stared in dismay at the blocks scattered on the floor but made no move to resist his twin.

Ulquiorra followed the siblings back to their father, who was glaring at Nnoitra and 'Porro. The former sneered back, while the latter adjusted his glasses. When he pushed them up, the tan skin was shown to be marred with the waterlogged, wrinkly skin that Ulquiorra had now seen four times, not counting on his own forehead.

It gave him the creeps just thinking about it.

Mr. Ichigo bent and scooped up his son, perching the boy on his scrub-covered hip. Sora wrapped his arms around his father's neck and buried his face in his loose white shirt. Masaki yanked open the door and stepped through, Mr. Ichigo propping it open for himself with his free hand and smiling down at Ulquiorra, who hesitantly ducked under Mr. Ichigo's arm and into the hallway.

"Bye bye, Ulquiorra," called Lilinette. She smiled and waved at the pale boy. Ulquiorra was startled into a wave back before the door closed.

They walked out to the car. Mr. Ichigo lifted his children to the backseat, strapping in Sora and checking over Masaki's handiwork. He pulled his head and shoulders from the backseat with difficulty and then smiled at Ulquiorra. His warm, solid hands closed around Ulquiorra's middle and lifted him up into the seat, buckling him in before walking around and getting in his own seat.

"I can buckle in myself," Masaki announced from the backseat, swinging her legs on the bench.

"Mmhmm." Mr. Ichigo smiled at Ulquiorra and attempted to stick in the key, stabbing the plastic again and again before quietly swearing and peering down beneath the wheel to find the slot, fitting the key in neatly. "You ready? The lion's about to gobble you up! Listen to him roar!"

He turned on the car, which came to life explosively. Masaki gave a delighted little shriek and giggled, bouncing up and down. "Again! Again! Again!"

"Next time," Mr. Ichigo promised, backing out of the parking lot. He carefully entered traffic, falling with ease into the familiar route to their house.

"Daddy, why did you come to my school today?" Masaki asked distantly, sounding distracted. Ulquiorra glanced back at her to see her staring at him. "Who's that, Daddy?"

"Mommy's friend," Mr. Ichigo said shortly. "Speaking of Mommy's friend…Crap. I forgot Yuzu was coming for dinner…"

"Aunt Yuzu's coming! Aunt Yuzu's coming!" Masaki shouted joyously in the backseat.

"Stupid Vizards…" Mr. Ichigo muttered, so quietly that Ulquiorra almost didn't catch what he said.

"Hm?" he asked.

Mr. Ichigo looked startled for a second. "Oh, um, nothing, ha-ha. Here we are." He pulled into a parking lot in front of a large brick building. Ulquiorra stared up at it in amazement.

"Whoa…you live in this whole thing?"

"No, it's an apartment building!" Mr. Ichigo laughed. "We live in one of the rooms inside. Let's go."

After getting various assorted children out of the car, they made their way to the Kurosaki's apartment building. Sora was once again being carried by his father, playing with Mr. Ichigo's shirt collar with an avid interest. Masaki ran ahead and disappeared inside the building, while Ulquiorra stayed just one step behind her father. They went inside to see Masaki chatting eagerly with the doorman, who was laughing and looked very happy.

"Hello, Kurosaki-san," he called, waving at Mr. Ichigo, who waved back. He called Masaki to him and together the four of them made their way to the elevator.

"Whoa!" Ulquiorra said, staring at the elevator. "You have a magic box at your house?"

Mr. Ichigo chuckled while Masaki reached up to press the button. "Yep, sure do," he said. "Ready to ride?"

They all got inside. Masaki pushed the 4 and the box started shaking around some more. The only difference was that inside this magic box there was a mirror, and Ulquiorra could see his reflection in it. He looked very out of place standing with the Kurosaki's: they all had orange hair, pinkish skin, dark eyes – while his appearance was black and white, literally, with emerald orbs. Then they arrived at their destination and he shook off the image.

Their apartment was a few doors down. Masaki pushed open the heavy door and ran inside, shouting. There was an exclamation from Sensei. The smell of soup filled Ulquiorra's nostrils while Mr. Ichigo followed his daughter more slowly, closing the door behind Ulquiorra. He set Sora down, taking the small boy's hand and pulling both of them into the kitchen, where Sensei was putting a wooden spoon back inside a pot. Masaki had her finger in her mouth, sucking soup off her finger with wide eyes.

"Needs salt, Mommy," she said.

"You say that no matter what kind of food I make," Sensei chided her daughter. Mr. Ichigo sat Sora down on the counter, and he watched the proceedings with wide eyes. Then Mr. Ichigo wrapped his arms around his wife from behind and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Hey, Ichi," she said, not taking her eyes off the pot. Ulquiorra noticed that her grip on the handle of the spoon was tight. So did Mr. Ichigo.

"Hiiiiii-meeeee…" he whispered. Sensei giggled and pushed him off.

"Go away, Ichi. You know how much Kensei eats. I need to make sure we have enough food, because between you and him, we somehow never have any leftovers."

Mr. Ichigo pushed out his lower lip. "Fine, then. I'll just have to play with Masaki." He went over to his daughter and, shooting hurt glances over his shoulder, caught up the giggling girl and set her on his shoulders. "Your mommy doesn't want to play with me," he pouted. His fingers found Masaki's sides and probed, enjoying the thrilled squeals that emitted from her as she squirmed under his tickling fingers.

"Karin's coming as well." Sensei said, smiling. "Tôshirô's going to if he can get off."

"Why did both of my sisters have to marry supernatural beings that were so much older than them?" Mr. Ichigo moaned.

"Yuzu's not married yet, honey," Sensei argued playfully just as the doorbell rang. Mr. Ichigo trudged out of the kitchen, still balancing Masaki on his shoulders, and opened the door. An excited "Ichi-nii!" came from the door, as well as a gruff "Kurosaki!" and more squeals from Masaki. A few moments later, a petite woman with honey-colored hair pinned back from her face and a man with close-cropped silver hair entered the kitchen. The woman let loose a squeal of "Hime-chan!" and rushed to Sensei, nearly bowling her over in her haste. Sensei threw her arms around the younger woman with a cry of "Yuzu-chan! How are you, my dear?"

"Hime – look!"

Miss Yuzu drew back and showed Sensei her hand. Sensei threw her hands to her face. "Oh, my goodness – congratulations!" she cried, and hugged Miss Yuzu again. Mr. Ichigo whipped his head around to look at the man, who grinned and gave a thumbs-up.

"Kensei –"

They were interrupted by the doorbell ringing again. Mr. Ichigo towed Masaki with him to go get it. There was a surprised "OOF!" and a "Da-ad, you bastard, he's got his kid!" and then another exclamation of anger. A woman with short black hair appeared, determinedly dragging Mr. Ichigo in, who was holding his face. Masaki was swinging her feet happily, laughing, cheering on the woman with cries of "Go, Aunt Karin! Go!" A man with short salt-and-pepper hair and a stubbly beard emerged next, cursing Mr. Ichigo and laughing.

"Ah, look! It's my grandson!" the man yelled, and swept Sora into a hug. Sora stared wide-eyed, not really reacting. "And my granddaughter!" He let go of Sora and swept Masaki off her father's shoulders, nearly ripping off Mr. Ichigo's head as he did so. A vein twitched above Mr. Ichigo's eye, but he didn't aim for his dad, afraid that he would hit his daughter.

Suddenly there was a face in Ulquiorra's. "Who is this?" Miss Yuzu asked, studying him. Sensei's face appeared near hers, also studying Ulquiorra's face. She had changed into a T-shirt and sweatpants and had let her hair down. She looked very different. "This is Ulquiorra, one of my students. He's staying here tonight."

Ulquiorra blinked at Miss Yuzu. She took a breath, gave a huge smile, and stuck out her hand, almost hitting Ulquiorra's nose with it. He went cross-eyed trying to see it.

"Hi! I'm Yuzu Kurosaki, Orihime's sister-in-law!" Miss Yuzu said cheerfully.

"What is 'sister-in-law'?" Ulquiorra asked breathlessly, still cross-eyed.

"Well, it means that I'm sisters with her husband!" Miss Yuzu said, "My brother is Ichigo!"

She pointed at the man in question and whapped Kensei's face with the back of her hand. Horrified, she whirled around to see him wince and massage his nose, his eyes twitching. "I'm sorry, Kenny!" she shrieked, throwing her arms around him.

"'S cool," he said good-naturedly. "Just warn me next time."

"Who is this, again?" asked the other woman, the one with the black hair. She crossed the room to stand next to Sensei. Mr. Kensei looked to see who she was talking about and became very still all of a sudden.

"That's not –?"

"Kensei! Shut up!" Mr. Ichigo barked. "He doesn't know, all right?"

"His name is Ulquiorra," Sensei was explaining to the woman. "He's a student in my class. Ulquiorra, this is Karin, Yuzu's twin sister. Ulquiorra's having dinner with us tonight! Isn't that lovely?"

"Sure is," agreed Miss Yuzu happily.

"Aw, this is such a happy scene!" the man who had come in with Ms. Karin yelled suddenly, and dove through the air toward them. Mr. Ichigo stuck out his hand, and his father landed face-first in his palm, crumpling in a heap on the floor.

"My bones…are getting too old for this…" he groaned.

"That's my dad, Isshin!" Miss Yuzu explained to Ulquiorra, who was feeling very overwhelmed. He turned his head slowly toward Miss Yuzu and Ms. Karin and Sensei, who were all grinning at him, to Mr. Isshin, who was groaning and being prodded by Masaki, to Mr. Ichigo, who was fighting a smile, to Mr. Kensei, who was looked like he was choking on something. There was silence for a moment.

"The soup!"

Sensei rushed over to the pot and checked it, breathing out a sigh of relief. Miss Yuzu got down bowls, doing a head count.

"Is Tôshirô coming?" Miss Yuzu asked Ms. Karin over her shoulder.

"Yeah, he's coming," she said. "He'll probably be here any moment now."

All the blood drained out of Mr. Ichigo's face.

"What?" Sensei asked him. Ulquiorra turned his emerald stare up to the man, fear making his heart pound. Sensei reached for his pale hand and squeezed it. "What is it, Ichi?"

"Hitsugaya can't come here," Mr. Ichigo muttered. "He'll kill Ulquiorra."

Just as he said that, the doorbell rang.

! CLIFF! HANGER!

Tell me if the Yuzu/Kensei thing is too weird. I had Hanataro at first but he just didn't fit in the scene. I searched Yuzu and Kensei on FF.n and nothing came up. So it's original. I think it's a great pair. (Better than Yuzu/Shinji…barf) Plus, I wanted a Vizard…so…R&R?