AUTHORS NOTE – Thank you for all the lovely reviews! So, as a special gift – here is a short chapter of complete and utter Jasper angst – I know you all love sad Jasper!

The next full chapter will be up shortly – either tonight or tomorrow afternoon – so once again, thank you for the love and keep on reading and reviewing!

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Rosalie found him first. She knew where he would be – the only place that he knew was private, where no else would look for him, well almost completely private. The others wouldn't come here to look for him; they didn't believe he was capable of controlling himself enough to be here.

She could feel the burn in her throat as she approached the place were he was sitting, he looked so vulnerable. Jasper had enough sense to keep his distance, Rosalie could see his chest locked into a still state, not daring to breathe even after all his years of practise.

She sat down on the bench next to him without speaking a word. Her eyes scanned the park in front of them – it was relatively empty due to it being early morning, a lone jogger strolled past seeming to have given up on the exercise. Rosalie could smell his scent – Wet paint, coffee granules and a dousing of sweat – for the first time in her vampire existence she felt physically sick.

"Why are you here?" Jasper asked after a moment of silence between them.

"I was afraid…" Rosalie said "I thought…"

"You thought I would kill a human?" Jasper laughed sourly.

"No, that isn't what I meant." Rosalie said quietly.

"Well then what did you mean?" Jasper spat. "You know I try my hardest not to get worked up over humans… You've seen me here, I come here to help myself, I don't want to be a monster all the time!"

"I know, Jasper." Rosalie said to him, still staring away from him.

"And yes… Emmett and Carlisle did find me." Jasper laughed again, his normal personality had almost completely disappeared leaving behind an empty, damaged shell that wasn't him.

"What did you do?" Rosalie asked.

"I didn't do anything…but that doesn't matter, I wanted to hurt them! I am so sorry, I don't want to go back there; they don't need me like this. They don't need me without Alice." Jasper said.

"Jazz, how did you get away from them?" She asked.

"I don't know…" He admitted, the fear he felt pulsing from him, hitting Rosalie repeatedly – but the whole family had enough experience to know when the emotions they felt weren't all theirs.

"What has Alice done to you?" Rosalie murmured to herself. "She has destroyed you, Jazz. Your family loves you, you're our brother. You think you're a monster without her… you're not! You just being here, in this park, with humans shows you that you're not a monster. If Edward had just loved Bella…"

"It was not Edward's fault!" Jasper yelled. The birds flew from the trees surrounding them. "He loved Bella."

"Jasper, please. I need to tell you something, but I can't tell you here." Rosalie moaned.

"I am not coming home." He growled.

"Jasper… come home." Rosalie said. "We can talk about this there, everyone is really worried about you."

"I don't want to come home. It is not my home!" Jasper muttered angrily.

"Well, you know they'll come and find you, Jazz." Rosalie threatened, she knew Jasper had the mentality of a child at the minute, and that the last thing he wanted was for Emmett and Carlisle to show up.

"I just want dad." Jasper whispered to his adopted sister.

"Dad?" Rosalie asked incredulously

"Carlisle. I want Carlisle." Jasper amended.

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"How can you stand it Carlisle?" Jasper asked slowly.

"Stand what, son?" Carlisle said, he knew that Jasper was fighting the urge to call him dad again. He and Esme really did care for the others as their own children; they tried to be there in their hours of need, whatever their need was.

"The blood." Jasper added simply.

"It's a struggle, I'm not going to lie." Carlisle started. "The constant throbbing burn in your throat never lessens. It will always be there. No matter how bad it sounds though, it gets easier to live with…"

"If you can call this life." Jasper muttered.

"And how is this existence, son?" Carlisle asked, deep down he knew exactly the answer he would give. Jasper shuddered.

There was a minute of silence. The sun was beginning to rise; the shade they were sat in was slowly beginning to become risky. It was true what Carlisle had said, the burn never lessened to him, there were times when he could scarcely control the animal – but he would never show his family this, he knew how extremely hard all of his children found it, especially the broken soul sitting next to him.

"I don't want to feel like this." Jasper answered simply. "I thought I'd found love and happiness, but I didn't, it was a lie."

"The happiness and love wasn't all down to Alice. You had a family for the first time, and you still do." Carlisle touched Jasper's hand, trying to transfer the positive emotions to his son, to help him believe. "It's getting light… come home?"

Jasper half-smiled as he stood up immediately.

"Yes, but I need to hunt." He said.

"I'll arrange a proper trip soon, when you're ready." Carlisle said, checking around to see if there were any humans that could see them both. "Let's run – the sun is coming now."