I was in the intensely overgrown diverse line at the starbucks in the new mall in my ungrateful, urine soaked city, speculatning what I was to purchase from this corporate giant. My cheekbones high in the air makign all the women faint within a 10 mile radius. I pucked my illiterate lips, cursing the complexity of the drink menu. What a metaphor for scoiety - for individuality, a person could be defined by what flavorful, impressive drink that they recklessly purchase.

I see myself as a Venti Mocha caramel supreme bohemian german chocolate wafer drink for instance, whereas my illustrious lover boy, Edward would be more of a tall iced sassy strawberry lemon whip kinda deal, you know.

Wait.

Hold on.

"EDWARD!" I screamed to the fullest extent of my hairy lion lungs, a group of terrified, mortified, horrified children across the street releasing their balloons in such horror. They were so scared.

I immediately ran to the nearest airport, my pulsating, democratic, capricious legs wiggling with such deformed power that all the cars ahead of me knew I was approaching, and parted like the red sea.

Then I remembered I forgot to grab my drinks. I figured there'd be a Starbuck's in Rome.

The plane that I had the misfortune of boarding was sluggardly downtempo and obtuse. So was the flight attendant. She had no idea how dire my situation was. She probably didn't even know vampires existed! Her breasts were lopsided and so were her silly, judgmental eyes. She forgot to give me my complementary peanuts.

I haphazardly and forcefully fell asleep, my damp eyelids fluttering as I entered REM.

My dreams were instantly filled with Edward's beautiful, intensely perfect, pale, naked body. My heart swelled with anticipation and the doctor in my dream advised me to calm down, lest I have a dramatic, sexy induced heart attack. I ferociously punched him in the face.

The ground turned into bugs and I screamed like a tightly bound werewolf under the sea. I woke up, thankfully, from this weird part of the dream before the bugs ate me.

I was already in ROME! And apparently, I had purchased three brand new outfits. The first bag contained a gorgeous formal gown made entirely out of second hand scarves previously owned by famous poets of the world. The second bag, larger, and with a picture of a baby crying on it, contained six hundred dead infant foxes tied together by their tongues, obviously a fashion statement in italy. The third and final sachel contained a turquoise pant-suit with the distinct scent of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie fornicating.

I clearly need to go see a doctor about my sleep walking problem, but I have no regrets, because I am so damn stylish.

I instantly snuck behind a tall gorgeous building and threw on my brand new perfect brilliant intelligent fox outfit, knowing that it was necessary to win Edwards heart back after all this time that I had neglected him so foolishly. The backs of my eyeballs shifted at the thought of making sweet tender love to that sweet majestic beastly foxy ghost of a man. He haunts my beautiful black hands.

I just realized that I forgot to fake my own death.

It was daytime, and I thought that I should look for my love in the center of town, I knew deep down within the pitts of my dragon exterior that he was planning something big, and I had to be there to intercept him. There is something that connects true lovers like siblings, we think the exact same thing - oh wait I can hear him right now saying that he is opening a door. "What's that Edward? You're going to show your sparklyness to the voulturie? I CAN'T LET THEM KILL YOU!"

I ran like a gazelle on steroids! My muscly instincts guiding me, I knew exactly where I needed to go - it was like I could smell him. Mostly because I could.

Edward's smells strongly of things like baby deer, those bounce sheets that you put in the dryer, remnants of a good nights sleep, saliva on the lips of an angel, that weird after taste you get when you drink milk, and a brisk winter morning. HE also kind of smells like a hot glue gun after you've been using it for a long time, and the smell of bonfire smoke. It is my favorite smell in the world. Like if I had to choose the one thing that I could smell for the rest of my life - it would be him!

I looked up after I stopped running, and there was giant oppressive wooden door that was opening so slowly that it offended me. Edward must have been thinking about this door. This horrible door.

"EDWARD!" My lungs filled with the passion that I had been feeling, gracing me with the ability to yell for an abnormally long time. A minute and a half to be exact. It wasn't entirely necessary because Edward stopped as soon as I started to yell.

I saw his intense diarrhea colored eyes fixed one me through the crack in the door. My heart stopped for a second. I masculinely punched myself in the chest to start it pumping again, then I ran to the door like a giant hairy ox. He tip-toed towards me like a tiny ballerina. I snuck inside and looked at his bare-naked body. it was so nude that my clothes fell off in hasty valor. It was like the universe itself was bending to bring us closer together, the gods themselves could not have predicted such a beautiful love story.

He raised his twitchy thick vampirey eyebrow at me, and I knew exactly what he was getting at. I couldn't resist him any longer. right now. right here. in front of all the arbitrary eyeballs of the ghastly citizens of Rome, we were going to do it.