GONE
"I'm leaving, Kyp."
This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She wasn't supposed to leave him. Not now. Not ever. But she was, and there wasn't a kriffing thing he could do about it. She had made her choice, even though it killed him to admit it. And she had chosen Jag.
So much for figuring out what she meant to you before it was too late, Kyp thought bitterly. He had figured it out a long time ago, but he didn't want to believe it. He and Jaina were partners; they both knew that. But Kyp knew, deep down, that fate had meant for them to be more than partners.
It had meant for them to be much more than that.
Now she was leaving. Possibly never to return. And still, he did nothing. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't bring himself to stop her. He loved her. And because he loved her, he would respect her decision.
"Kyp?" Jaina said. "Did you hear what I said? I'm leaving. I'm going to the Unknown Regions with Jag."
Kyp nodded numbly, swallowing down his admissions and tears. "If this is what you want." He said.
Jaina shot him a perturbed glance. "Of course this is what I want. You're more than welcome to come visit me. I'll always be your friend. Forever, Kyp."
"Forever," Kyp echoed.
He couldn't even possibly begin to comprehend how this was going to affect him. Jaina and Jag left for the Unknown Regions shortly after she told Kyp.
He didn't follow her.
He didn't hear much from Jaina after that. Then again, he didn't really hear much from anyone after that. Jaina was his lifeline, as much as it pained him to admit it. She was what kept him sane. She was what gave him the courage to get up every morning and face the galaxy. She was what made him dare to dream of something better. But she was gone and with her, she took everything that made his life bearable.
He managed to slip off to some unknown world, build a new, secluded life for himself. In his new reality, he lost all sense of time and being. He only knew the essence of Jaina. Only knew the pain and loneliness that surrounded her. Only knew his unrequited love. And he waited. Waited for the day she would come back to him, if that day ever came. His obsession was the only thing that drove him on now. Visions of her filled his mind everyday. He could feel her all around him. Taste her in the air. He had to bring her back to him.
By any means possible.
"Oh, Kyp…What happened to you?"
Kyp stopped at the sound of the soft feminine voice. One he knew too well. It had been too long since he heard that voice. Fate was playing a cruel trick on him. Jaina was gone for good.
"I asked you a question, Durron. Don't you have the decency to answer?"
Kyp still did not face the voice. "You're not real," he growled. "I'm only hearing you because I want to."
"Damn it, Kyp! Look at me!"
"Why?" he sneered. "You're not real." He felt a small hand grip his forearm. Another figment of his imagination. "Get off me."
The hand retracted from his arm. "I guess I was right. You really are lost."
Kyp finally turned to face the vision of Jaina. "I'm not lost. You left. You took everything I had to live for."
Jaina looked stricken. "Then why do you think I came back?" she said softly.
"You didn't come back. You aren't here."
"By the gods, Kyp Durron, you are the most stubborn man I've ever met. I'm here! I'm real!"
Kyp sneered again. "Then prove it."
Jaina approached Kyp and held out her hand. He wanted to flinch away from her as she caressed his cheek. It felt real enough, but he wasn't exactly sure of what was real anymore. She trailed her fingers along his jaw line, tracing his strong chin and the stubble that had grown in the last few days. Her fingers traced along his lips, sending tiny tendrils of electricity through him. His lips reached out as her palm drifted in front of his face. They managed to brush against the smooth, soft skin of her palm before she pulled away.
"That's not what I came here for." She whispered.
"Then why are you here?" he queried.
"I had to see you. Make sure you were okay."
"Do I look like I'm okay, Jay?"
Kyp watched as Jaina's eyes raked over him. The long months of seclusion had not been kind to him. He barely slept, barely ate. All he did, all day, every day, was think about Jaina. And it showed.
"What happened to you?" Jaina asked aghast.
"You." Kyp said simply.
"What the sith do you mean by that?"
"What I said: you happened to me. You came along and threw my entire universe out of proportion. And just when I had gotten things under control, you up and leave, once again throwing my universe off track! Not anymore, Jay. I can't keep living like this anymore."
"What are you talking about, Kyp? We were only just friends, nothing more."
"Maybe not to you." He said quietly.
"Kyp, I told you I would always be your friend. Why can't we leave it at that?"
Kyp turned from her. "What are you doing here?"
"I told you. I had to make sure you were okay."
"And I suppose Fel knows you're here?"
Jaina hestitated. Kyp turned back around and was greeted by her tear filled eyes. He reached out to her with the Force and was instantly assaulted with Jaina's raw grief.
Jag was dead.
Jaina stayed in Kyp's dwelling for many days. How many, Kyp did not know. Time was of no consequence to him anymore. All that mattered was that Jaina was there, even if she was still grieving for Jag. Part of Kyp grieved for the young pilot, whom he had considered a friend. But an even larger part of him was concentrated on Jaina, on helping her through her pain. Whether or not she would ever love him didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was Jaina.
Weeks passed, even months passed and still Jaina burned for the loss of Jag. Kyp was patient, being there to offer a shoulder for Jaina to lean on. If all she wanted right now was friendship, then that was all he would offer her.
So he waited. Waited for the day when she no longer grieved as much for Jag. Waited for the day when she could start to move on with her life.
He waited.
Kyp woke in the middle of the night to the all too familiar sound of Jaina's tears. He slipped out of his bed and threw on a tunic. Padding down the short hall to Jaina's room, he tried to reach out to her and let her know he was coming.
NO!
I don't want you here! Jaina, I'm coming in there whether
you like it or not. Please, Kyp, don't. Why not,
Jay?
As was becoming the ritual, Jaina did not answer Kyp's question. She often did that when he wanted to know what was wrong with her. He knew better right now than to push her. She would always answer when she was ready. And he made sure she knew he would always be there to listen to her when she was.
Kyp reached the door to Jaina's room and gently knocked, not expecting her to answer it.
She didn't.
In fact, she had locked herself in the room. Locked herself away from Kyp, away from reality. In all the time she had been there, she had never once locked her door on Kyp. Nor had he locked his door on her. It was an unspoken trust between them, the open doors. But now Jaina was shutting herself away from him. Force only knew what she was doing. Her pain drove her to the edge at times.
"Jaina!" Kyp cried out.
Jaina still didn't answer.
"Jaina, come out!"
She still would not response to him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, Kyp thought. He reached out with the Force and unlocked her door. Nothing could've prepared him for what he found.
Jaina was dead. She had killed herself.
Kyp sat on the floor of Jaina's room, cradling her motionless body. Time passed and still Kyp sat with Jaina's body. She was gone. She had taken herself away from him again. She wasn't coming back.
Only this time, Kyp followed her.