A/N: Next up: TOW Ross finds out, enjoy:

" Okay, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something… repellent about me?" Chandler threw the agitated question into the group, clearly dismayed beyond belief about something, as he came strolling into apartment 20, with an irritated expression on his face.

" So, how was the party?" Ross asked matter-of-factly, while he just continued eating, a small smile gracing his lips, in the process.

" Well, it couldn't have been worse. A woman literally passed through me," his friend explained moodily.

" Okay, so what is it? Am I hideously unattractive?" he then went on, while making overly dramatic gestures.

" No, you are not, you are very attractive! You know what? I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everything," Phoebe tried her best at reassuring him, this to no avail, as immediately thereafter, Chandler brought out the indignant question:

" Wow, wow: I put on a little weight?"

" No, not weight, you know, more like insulation," his friend attempted a save, hereby not doing anything to diminish his insecurities.

" Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project: you wanna work out? I can remake you," Monica suggested, promptly jumping up from her seat in the process.

" Awh, you know I would, but that might get in the way of my lying around time," Chandler flat out refused. He was almost forced to change his mind again though, once his friends all started encouraging him to do it anyway.

" Alright, okay, alright, but if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm going home," the ' transponster' agreed to the conditions, with another one of his quippy responses.

" Your boobs are fine! Look, I never should've said anything, come here… come here," Phoebe then offered kindheartedly, while extending her arms to him, for a hug, hereby causing a touched smile to brighten up Chandler's features.

Once he'd finally accepted to the friendly embrace however, he was kind of insulted to hear: " Ooh, can't… make hands meet." And, as if that wasn't enough already to make him feel offended, the rest of the gang also began to laugh in tune, at his blonde friend's joke.

' Why, it's just like in those dreams I have sometimes… except that I'm in my underpants… there, so they have an actual, LEGITIMATE reason to mock me,' he found himself thinking, before he shook his head, took his place on the sofa and proceeded to sulk for pretty much the rest of the day.

Chandler groaned, as he gently tried to soothe his aching muscles, by clumsily attempting to give himself a backrub. It had been one week into his work-out sessions with Monica and he was already growing more than a little tired of them. The woman even wanted to exercise on Sundays: SUNDAYS, of all days.

' I mean: what the hell kind of person gets it into her head to do push-ups on God's day?' he wondered inwardly, while he continued massaging himself in vain, as he was stiff like holy hell and just longed for some relief.

" God: what am I doing? This isn't doing any good at all!" he then muttered to himself, after having just retracted his hand. He was feeling utterly frustrated by now, as the pain just seemed to spread further and further, up his spine. And he DEFINITELY wouldn't be able to reach that area in just the right way, in a million years.

Just then, the door opened to reveal none other than Phoebe.

" Hi, so I just came over to say hi!" she chirped happily, while making her way over to the counter and casually lifting herself up onto it.

" Well, how terribly nice of ya," Chandler mumbled sarcastically, right before he winced audibly.

" Ooh, you look a little rusty there? Had a rough night with a hot date?" his friend inquired, with a playful smile.

" Ugh, I wish… no, actually: I'm a total mess because of Monica and her stupid working out-treaty. I'm telling you: she's going a little too nuts, for my taste. Yeah, did you know she's even having me do butt-clenches at my desk?!"

"Yes, that's right!" he subsequently continued, when he saw his friend looking at him, with raised eyebrows.

" I mean: it literally can't get any worse from here, Phoebe. You see, if it were to get any worse… well, then I'd be dead. And oh, oh, here's another lovely anecdote, for the history books: these past few days, I've been having to call my coworkers on the PHONE, in order to get them to willingly step into my office to hand in their reports and bring round my mail, cause they won't even dare to face that stretching goon of a superior, at their own risk anymore."

" Ooh, well that doesn't sound like fun, but hey… why don't you just tell her you wanna quit, if you hate it so much?"

" Well… I don't know, I just don't want to hurt her feelings, you know. I mean: she's been going through a rough time lately, surfing in between jobs and not hav… ah, aah!"

" My god, are you okay? You kinda seem like you're in a lot of pain," Phoebe subsequently asked, concern clearly present in her tone, as she hopped back up from her comfortable spot and rushed over to his aid.

" It's nothing, it's nothing, my back's just killing me, is all. I mean: I already tried everything to get it back to its normal, non-unbearably sore state: I took a hot bubble bath… which Joey found way too funny, for his own good and if it weren't for the fact, that he's so much stronger than me, I would've positively punched him for that… But, anyway: the bath did nothing. Then, I took the day off from work and lay flat on my back, on my bed for an entire day: still nothing. I just… I'm this close to giving up, Pheebs, " the ' transponster' grunted, while still desperately trying to get to the right spot with his hand.

" Awh, here: let me… which area is bothering you? I can probably make it better, you know, since I'm a masseuse and all," his blonde friend queried, as she gently relocated said hand and slowly began to move her fingers all over his back, to try and find the source of his rising dismay .

" Aah… oooh, yes, there: that's where it hurts, right there!" Chandler finally affirmed, once she'd managed to track down the perpetrating combination of joints and muscles.

" O-kay, so maybe… can you like go and lie on your front, somewhere, for a sec? I mean: my magical touch kind of misses its effect, when you're standing up, cause I really should be able to apply strong pressure, for this kind of problem, you know."

" Sure, come with me," the ' transponster' willingly agreed, as he walked into his bedroom and flung himself on top of his bed, with Phoebe following closely behind him. Heck, he was willing to go and stand on his head for her, if she could just help him get rid of this way-too-annoying predicament.

" Why, I'm sorry for the setting, but we'll just have to do it here… I mean: I can hardly go and lie on a Barcalounger… or on the floor, for that matter."

" Okay… picky much… but anyway, good, so: take off your shirt."

" I beg your pardon?"

" Take off your shirt. You should really lis-ten," the blonde clarified, thinking he hadn't heard her properly, as she frantically pulled at her earlobe.

" Do I have to? You see: I'm kinda feeling insecure, since you basically told me how I was FAT, last week," Chandler muttered accusingly.

Phoebe only breathed a deep sigh in response, then inquired: " Look… do you want to walk around with a decrepit back, like some little, old man for the rest of your days?"

" Noo!"

" Then, take. off. Your shirt!" the feisty blonde bellowed, prompting Chandler to obey to her wishes, while he stared at her, like she'd just gone utterly crazy, for a while.

" Alright, alright, there, you go, calm down, will ya?"

" Good, now we can get to business. Just try and relax your muscles as much as you can, okay? This won't take very long," the masseuse then announced, before her skilled hands found their way to the place, right below her friend's shoulder blades.

" Okay."

" And, Chandler?"

" Yeah?"

" I never actually called you fat before… in fact… from what I can see now, you're not fat at all. Just like a teeny tiny bit more chubby than you used to be, on the sides. You know, kind of like this really big hamster," Phoebe tried her hand at giving out a compliment, this backfiring somewhat, as her praising often appeared to go hand in hand with not-so-subtle, off-handed insults.

" Gee, thanks. Well, make sure to bring over some peanuts on your next visit, just in case I get hungry," the 'transponster' huffed, with his face pressed into his pillow.

" Heey, Mr Sulky, there's nothing wrong with being compared to a hamster, alright?! For your information: hamsters are very intelligent creatures. Not too mention pretty darn cute ones, too."

" Yeah… yeah," Chandler retorted, somewhat indifferent, right before something suddenly came to him: ' had Phoebe just been implying- well in her own flakey way of course- that she found him cute?' What was even more mind-blowing to him, was the sudden, weird type of emotion this particular thought appeared to have set free inside of him. He had to admit, that it wasn't half-bad, if a woman like her found him cute, after all. Then, however, there was that familiar little voice of insecurity again, going: ' Jesus, dude, don't get stuff into your head: that's Phoebe! And you… well, you're you.' And that was the end of it all.

" You know, I used to own a hamster, back when I was still living with the albino guy, but then… one day, he was like really stoned- the albino guy, not the hamster- so, he like mixed up the poor thing, with this cup of Ramen Noodles and put it in the… oh well, I don't really want to get into it," Phoebe subsequently recounted a most unnerving tale, her able hands momentarily coming to a halt, as she remembered just how upset she'd been back then. The albino guy had profusely apologized afterwards, but still…

" Awh, Pheebs, I'm sorry. You know, I can't really relate, seeing as I never had a pet… well, my father's second boyfriend "Rodrigo" had a snake, but it was like this huge Python, so I'm guessing that that doesn't count as an official pet. Adding to that the fact, that he dumped dear old daddy, after a mere two weeks o… but anyway, what I ACTUALLY meant to say, before I began to puke up words again, was: that that must have been terrible for you."

" Oh thanks, Chandler, but you see: that hamster wasn't really a pet. In fact: I wasn't even sure if it was really a hamster… I'd just found it, a couple of blocks from our trailer and then I just kind of adopted it, cause I'd once seen this neighborhood girl with one, and then I just figured: that's what regular gals do, you know: walk around with cute pets. And in those days, I very much wanted to be avarage, just like other kids in their teens, whose mothers didn't kill themselves and whose dads didn't run out on them. But yeah… no, it was actually quite mean: always hissing at me and stuff. Still, he was my only friend for a while and I was pretty sad when he… came to pass. You know: I called him "The Terminator", yeah I'd never actually seen that movie, but I'd pinched a poster promoting its release, from some trashcan and I just… I thought it was fitting."

" Well, even if it was some little bastard, I'm still sorry it died," Chandler offered his condolences, as he reached up to comfortingly caress her shoulder, really feeling sorry for her, for a minute. He'd never truly took the time to think about what a shitty youth she must've had, before and now that he had, he sure as hell felt bad for not being there for her more, in the past.

" Oh well… oh my god: I'm totally forgetting to massage you!" Phoebe finally hollered in sheer panic, after having recovered from the short distraction.

" Ooh, that's okay, really: I can barely feel it anymore, look: ah… see… aaah," the ' transponster' tried to cheer her up, this not doing much good at all, as he could still clearly experience the pain seeping through his entire being and he made that fact very noticeable and for everyone to see.

" Awh, see now, you look worse than before and creepy. No, no, no: I have got to fix you. Get back down there," the feisty blonde then brought out determinedly, right before roughly grabbing onto the back of his head and shoving him down onto the soft surface again.

" Heey, be careful, will ya? I mean you could've… ooh, that's actually kind of nice." He then sighed gently, once Phoebe renewed her efforts to make the evil knots from hell, disappear.

" I know and just think that you'll only have to lie here and enjoy this for a while… and then later, you're going to be feeling as good as new again," Phoebe retorted cheerfully, still kneading at her friend's aching muscles, in a very measured and calm pace.

" You know, Pheebs: you're really very good at this. I think you should consider doing this for a living," Chandler subsequently joked, causing her to chuckle slightly.

" Yeah, you just wait till I bring out my oils… ooh, oh no Chandler, don't tighten 'em like that. You should relax. That's just like… the key to the success of a massage, you know: relaxation," the masseuse suddenly instructed, when she could really feel him tensing up, out of nowhere.

" Sorry, I was just… thinking about… something at work," the 'transponster' lied, while awkwardly shifting his weight, for what had to be the gazilionth time already. Truth was, that he'd been thinking about her: about how sexy her voice had sounded just a minute ago, as she appeared to be lulling him to sleep, about the way she was currently touching him and the odd, otherworldly effect it seemed to be having on him. This little session had been fun and soothing at first, but eventually the fun had left the room, only to be replaced by a feeling of incredible discomfort, once he'd become aware of a certain, well-known stirring, at around the height of his groin.

' Goddamn it, this is Phoebe, just Phoebe, one of your closest friends! Quit acting out a cheap porno flick, body, for the love of god!' his mind screamed, but it didn't seem to have any result, as said treacherous body only began to react more strongly to the sweet caressing of her soft, warm hands.

' Oh, oh wel that's just dainty. Now she'll probably think I'm some kind of mental patient, what with the rate I'm twisting about.'

" Chandler… Chandler, what's the matter? I mean: can't you lie still for one minute? God! I thought you liked this," Phoebe then inquired, hurt currently seeping through the cracks in her voice.

' If only she knew how much I'm really liking it... Heck, she'd kill you, if she knew!' Chandler pondered, now growing quite frustrated at the fact that he was apparently unable to just ACT normal, around a woman he'd known for years and had never looked like, as more than a friend, up until now. This was all just so wrong! Maybe…maybe even more wrong, than Ross making out with his mom, down at that sleazy restaurant, a year back.

" Phoebe.. uhm, Pheebs, I uh… I erm… I really think you should go," he subsequently managed to tie together some words, which came out rather strangled and squeaky.

" What? Why?" the blonde queried, a baffled expression etching itself on her face. What was going on here? She'd always presumed she was good at this sort of thing, yet Chandler was now acting like she didn't know what she was doing, or something.

" Well, er… because… because… you know what? No, I'm sorry, you can just stay and continue. I was being stupid," the 'transponster' ultimately mumbled nervously, after having come to the joyous discovery, that his previous discomfort had finally backed down. He'd also just given her permission to carry on, because he wasn't able to stand that insecure look she'd been giving him. Insecurity didn't really fit her, after all and he didn't want to be the one to make her feel that way.

" Oh well… alright then. But I gotta say: you're acting pretty weird," she then agreed, as her fingers dipped back down to take further care of his ailment.

" I know, I know, I'm sorry," Chandler made a rushed apology, truly feeling guilty about his behavior, while constantly repeating to himself that this was his friend Phoebe, who was just giving him a one-off massage, to help him get rid of that all-consuming agony in his spine. Yeah… that seemed to work, nothing even remotely steamy about that, right?

" See, now you're all chilled out. This is just much better. Don't cha feel it for yourself, that this is better?" Phoebe asked, in a that same trance-like voice.

" Yeah… yes, you're right, Pheebs. It is better, thanks," the ' transponster' fell in with her, only too glad that everything seemed to have gone back to the way it was. No weirdness between them anymore now… no sir… no weirdness or awkwardness at all.

" Oh hey, it's no biggie. This is just what I do, ya know: helping people all over the place. Yeah, did you know I was actually a nurse treating soldiers at the front, during the Civil War, in a past life?"

" I have no doubt that you were," her friend sniggered.

" Hey don't laugh! It's true, Abe Lincoln even gave me one of 'em honorary badges, as an attest to my extreme courage and the sacrifices I made… yeah, cause when my arm got blown off, I didn't just sit around whining and bitching about it, like everybody else, no! I gave it to one of the men, who just got one of his own limbs amputated. That was such a bad-ass thing of me to do!"

" Yeah, it was," Chandler retorted, playing right along with her, with a wide smile painted on his lips. He actually wished, that he could possess Phoebe's rich imagination, sometimes. Life would sure be a better place, if more people did. He then continued to smile, as this was fun, this was how they usually interacted with one another. This was familiar… comfortable, not creepy and wrong…Yet… if it was all so good, then why was there still a tiny part of him protesting, saying how this just wasn't enough anymore?

Then, after a long pause in the conversation, he finally decided to guide their talking into a different direction, as he asked: " So, how did things work out between you and that guy… Scott, was it? Did he put out?"

" Oh, don't even get me started on him! He put out alright, but then I realized what a complete ass he really was, when I told Joey about it and he said something, which opened my eyes to his vile and just so typically, you know like, fallic… douchebaggery," Phoebe replied irritably.

" How so?"

" Well, turns out he was just one of those guys ya know, who enjoys to sleep with a girl just once and then just never talks to her again. Now, normally I'm not really bothered by that, but this guy was just so… sneaky and manipulative. I mean: he even made me doubt my radiant hotness and good looks. What type a person does that?"

" Sounds like scum, to me."

" Well, he was and I made sure he knew about it. Yeah, cause after I had Joey over, I tracked him down and yelled at him for ten minutes straight… and, that's the reason my voice sounds like crap, right now."

" Oh well… just be glad that he's out of your life then… You know, I once had a girl dump me during sex. Now, that's worse, just like a lot worse and humiliating… and embarrassing and and more of those really awful things," Chandler offered, to cheer her up, as she truly seemed down, just talking about the guy.

" Yeah…"

" And you know, you truly deserve better. I mean one day, I'm sure some big, handsome, perfect man will come by, to sweep you off your feet and take you back to his magical realm of bleh bluh blah bleh and… you know what? I'm just gonna stop talking now," he then finished, as he could see Phoebe gazing at him questionably, from out of the corner of his eye.

" So, anyway: how's your back?"

" Well, now that you mention it, much better. I DO feel like I'm as good as new, thank you, Pheebs. So, was it good for you, or…" Chandler quipped, while he stretched himself, prompting his friend to lightly smack him in the arm.

" Awh, shut up, you silly guy, you. Ooh, but, but no! Look at the time! I gotta go, I'm late for my " How to get your body in perfect balance with the earth"-class!" she subsequently yelled, shooting up from the bed, like a lighting bolt and grabbing a hold of her purse.

" Oh, o-kay, thanks for helping me out!" the 'transponster' shouted back, but the blonde woman had already disappeared out of sight, by then.

" Well, might as well be talking to the air… hello there," he then murmured, as he waved at nothing in particular. Then, he moved to lie on his side and pondered about the confusing contemplations, he'd just been having about Phoebe, of all people some more.

It was a few days later, when Phoebe was back at her own place, just strumming on her guitar a little, trying to think of more curse words to make up for Scott... well she already had rot, so she was off to a great start... when all of a sudden there came two hesitant taps at her front door.

" It's open!... Oh, hi, Chandler? What are you doing here?"

" Oh, I had nothing to do, you know and then I just figured: hey, why not pay Phoebe a little visit? I mean: I don't think we've been hanging out together enough, just the two of us, lately," he explained. Truth was that he'd been dying to see her alone again, ever since that mind-altering back-rub she gave him and right now, he just happened to have the perfect excuse. His hands firmly clutching at the cardboard box, which he was currently holding behind his back.

" Ooh, alrighty then… say, could you like… close the door again? Otherwise all of the spirits might escape and that wouldn't really be very beneficial for the universe. See, there's a mass of really rotten folk swarming around here," the masseuse then stated, in an overly serious tone.

" Sure… hey, I actually brought something for you… a little surprise, you might say," Chandler announced, while getting the box out from behind his back.

" Oh, so that's why you were walking all funny. Ooh, ooh, a surprise! I love surprises! What is it?!" his blonde friend then hollered enthusiastically, practically throwing her guitar to the side, before she hopped up from the couch and went to join him.

" Why, I can't tell ya. You see, in order for it to BE a surprise, I can't just give away what it is. You'll have to see for yourself… here," the 'transponster' then retorted, stretching out his hands in vain, as Phoebe had already yanked the cardboard box out of his hands and practically ripped it open, in all of her childish excitement.

" Oh, oh, oh, oh: what's this? Whose this little guy?!" she subsequently squealed, once the contents of the packet, had revealed themselves to her.

" Well, Pheebs, this... this cute, fluffy fella is " The Terminator 2" and he'd very much like to get to know you," Chandler explained in somewhat of a baby-voice, as he now picked up the hamster from its patch of straw and presented it to his friend.

" Aawh… he is too cute. Oh my god, I'm so happy! Thank you, Chandler."

" You eh… you really like it?" her friend then inquired shyly.

" Well, of course I do! This is like… the most awesome gift I have gotten in years… and then you should know my friend Leslie once got me this real human skull, for my birthday…. But oh, but this. I love it, Chandler! I mean: he's just so adorable. Can I hold him… is it a him?"

" Sure… there ya go. Well, I'm not really sure of its sex, to be honest. I myself always think it's rather disrespectful to just gawk between one's legs, when you've only just met them for the very first time," Chandler jested, sporting a bright smile, as he handed an excessively joyful Phoebe her newest companion.

" Ooh, oh wow: oh, we're just going to get along so great. I can just feel it now! We're going to do everything together. Yeah, I can just see it so clearly… him running around on one of those little wheels, but you know, like... not in a cage, cause it should be allowed to move freely, and then he'll munch on some nuts, and and… awh, thank you," the masseuse then brought out, while reaching up to peck him on the cheek, effectively causing him to feel more than a little warm inside.

" Hey, it's the least I could do… I mean with you helping me out with my back and all. Plus, after you told me that story about the original version, I just… I got really sad, you know."

" Oh, I see… you had to cry again, didn't you?" Phoebe subsequently queried, with glee, while still lightly petting the hamster.

" Huh… noo! And by no I mean maybe… and by maybe I mean yes. What's it to you?"

" But anyway… thanks again for the great gift. And you know, I really don't think he should be called " The Terminator 2," to be honest."

" You don't?"

" Oh noo, you see: sequels are pretty blah and this tiny guy's name shouldn't be blah. No! In fact, it should always remind me of something sweet, cute and funny. Therefore I'm going to name it… Chandler," the blonde then brought out sincerely, as she sent her friend a grateful glance.

" Really?!" the man in question asked, truly touched by her words.

" Really," she affirmed, while finding his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. Just then, a sudden odd kind of tension seemed to linger in the air between them, as Phoebe looked from their intertwined hands, up into his eyes, Chandler meanwhile doing the exact same thing, before he suddenly impulsively leant forward, in order to softly peck his friend on the lips. When he didn't immediately feel her respond however, he quickly pulled back, somewhat embarrassed.

" I uh… I'm sorry, I just… I've been wanting to do that for some time, now," he then stammered almost incoherently, as he swiftly fixed his gaze on the floor, in sheer humiliation. ' God, he was such an idiot!'

What happened in the next moment, was what was truly striking, though, as he suddenly felt a hand lifting his chin, this action gradually getting followed up by the sweet sensation of her lips forcefully capturing his own, as her hand settled itself at the back of his head, possessively tangling itself in his hair, to try and get him even closer.

" Me too," was the only thing she whispered, right before going straight for his mouth once more, hereby letting him now that she hadn't minded him kissing her… she hadn't minded at all.