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(Bella)
I was still in my love induced delirium when Jacob finally broke his self imposed silent treatment. I was expecting Edward for our Friday night date. I heard voices downstairs and I assumed that Charlie was letting Edward in so I bounded down the stairs taking them two at a time.
"Edward, I really hope..." Only then did I round the corner and come face to face with my visitor. "...oh Jake, hi."
"Hey Bells. Can I talk to you?" He seemed agitated even though his words were calm.
I have a feeling I know where this is going, but I nod anyway. In the weeks since I found out about Edward's Vampire status I also learned about Jacob's Werewolf status. I learned about the tensions between the two. I learned about the reluctant treaty.
I motion for Jake to sit down but he doesn't. Instead he starts to pace.
"I need to talk to you about your boy... that guy you were with." He can't bring himself to say the word.
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Please?" I looked over and make sure that Charlie had settled in front of the TV. Jake makes sure all is clear before he continues. "Look Bella, I know things are weird right now but you have to listen. This Edward guy is not who you think he is. He's bad news."
"I know what he is." I answer truthfully. We lock eyes. Both aware of the double meaning.
"You do?" He's genuinely surprised.
"Yes." I say. "He's a smart, kind, decent, funny man and I love him."
"You love him?" His eyebrows hit the ceiling.
"Yes. And he loves me too." I'm still looking him straight in the eye.
"Bella, Edward Cullen, the Cullens in general, are not capable of love. You have to understand that!"
"Lower your voice, Jacob." I hiss.
"You don't know what you're doing." He insists. "He's not this perfect person you make him sound like."
"No. Your right. He's not perfect. He's overprotective. He's stubborn to the point of idiocy. He over analyzes everything and he drives like a lunatic. But I love him, Jake. I love ALL of him. The bad and the good."
"You're delusional." He shakes his head.
"Am not."
"Yes, you are. You're making the biggest mistake of your life and you can't even see it."
Suddenly I'm furious. Why should I have to listen to this crap? Why can't he just be happy for me? A part of my brain is telling me that I already know these answers. The bigger part of my brain is too pissed off to care and is ignoring the smaller part. "This conversation is over." I growl. I get up and try to push Jacob toward the door. He doesn't move. I try again. Still nothing. I turn to the living room and call to Charlie over the noise of the ballgame. "Call me when Edward gets here." And with that I turn and head upstairs.
I'm not sure when Jacob leaves, but by the time Edward gets here he's gone.
I greet Edward at the door who immediately crinkles his nose in disgust. "The dog was here?"
"Jacob was here." I lean in closer and whisper, "Charlies in the other room."
He shakes his head. "I know." Of course he knows. He knows everything. "What did he want?"
"He came to warn me. About you." Edward's face grows hard. His eyes dark.
"That's not fair."
"I know."
It was the typical Friday night date. Drive around, listen to music, grab a bite to eat or at least I did while Edward watched. We "said goodnight" in front of Charlie at ten but by 10:15 Edward was upstairs in my bedroom via my window. This was my favorite time of day. Charlie asleep, Edward laying with me, in my bed. His body pressed closely to mine.
"mmmm..." He groans as I suckle the skin of his neck. "You're mean."
"Mean?" I ask.
"You know what that does to me."
"And?" I tease but I know where this is going.
"And you know we can't." I stop suckling. I hate being rejected. Even if it's perfectly sane and logical reasons. Edward looks down at me. "You do understand why, don't you?" How can I not? We've had this conversation before.
"Yeah, I get it."
"You're disappointed." He states. Usually when we talk about this I hide my emotions because I don't want to hurt him. But to be honest, I'm starting to get a little annoyed. I must be frowning because his face crumbles. That's the thing about Edward. There's a part of him that is so mature and seems so old. The effects of having lived through the last century. But there's also a part of him that's still frozen at seventeen. That's still so young and fragile. Sometimes it's hard to navigate between the two.
"Babe, you know I want you. But you know that I understand why that can't happen."
He sits up on the bed, his shirt is partly unbuttoned, his hair more unruly then usual. "That's the thing. I don't know if it can happen or not. I want to try. But I'm scared."
I choose my next words carefully. "That's all I'm asking. Is that we try."
"What if I hurt you?" His voice is practically a whimper.
"If I feel any pain I promise I'll stop you."
"Promise?"
"I said I would."
He lays back down and snuggles up to me. We lock eyes and I promise him that we'll go slow. He's terrified. It's terrifying for him to engage in and enjoy physical pleasure. Part of it is the obvious. He doesn't want to hurt me. The other part is deeper. Edward doesn't believe he has a soul. He doesn't see himself the way I see him. As an angel. He sees himself as a monster. Therefore he doesn't believe he deserves pleasure of any kind. So he punishes himself by abstaining. Unfortunately it means he punishes me as well.
We do start off slow. Touching and kissing. Eventually I maneuver his shirt off. I kiss my way across his chest and that seems to convince him to remove my shirt as well. My bra follows soon after. The more we kiss the less resistant he becomes. Until finally we're moving together in the rhythm of the ancients.
It's wonderful. Looking up at him, watching the expression on his face, exploring his body. It's all so wonderful. It's over too soon but I'm thrilled. We did it! We can have a normal sex life without worry!
I fall asleep in his arms. Making plans for a glorious future.
(Edward)
I can't take my eyes off of her. I'm afraid I'll miss something. I study her features. The natural curls of her chestnut colored hair. The almost unnoticeable freckles on her cheeks. The more intimate things like the size and shape of her chest. Her creamy legs that seem to stretch on forever.
I study her sounds as well. The noise her breath makes when she inhales. The way she whispers my name over and over again in her sleep. I envy her in a way. She has the luxury of sleep. The luxury of dreams. I told her once that if it were possible for me to dream, I'd dream of her and I would. But now I know the truth. No matter how good the dream, it's nothing compared to the real thing.
I never thought it would be possible. Us being together like this. Physically together. I'd imagined it of course but my daydreams were more walking nightmares. I imaged her screaming in pain as I satiated my need. Or worse, I imaged her suffering silently. I saw the bruises, the blood. I saw her die.
I shake the images away and concentrate on her sleeping form. I lift the blanket softly and examine her naked body for bruises but I see none. I'm not sure how that's possible. The rush of physical pleasure was like an explosion going off in my body and mind, and if you believe like Bella, my soul all at the same time. I don't know how we managed to accomplish our goal with her body still in tact. Or without waking her father. Bella was right. He does sleep like the dead. He had to because I, for one, certainly wasn't quiet.
A thought comes to mind. What if he did hear and was too embarrassed to do anything? Or what if he's getting his gun as we speak? I panic for the briefest of a second and Bella seems to sense my tension because she frowns in her sleep. I scan Charlies thoughts. He's dreaming of catching Atlantic salmon. Typical.
I sigh softly to myself and as the tension dissipates so does her frown. It still amazes me to see how connected we really are. I wish I could join her in slumber but it's impossible so I pretend. I close my eyes and breath evenly. I imagine all the wonderful things we'll do together now that the fear is gone. I plan.