A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm glad you guys like the story :) I'm hoping to get the chapters up sooner, now that it's summer, but I won't make any guarantees. I can promise, however, at least one chapter a month. But I'll really try to aim for more. Also, I don't know if any of you remember but in a previous chapter I mentioned that it was mid-November in the story. I'm stupid and forgot my own plot. I changed it to mid-October because Halloween is a crucial part of this story. Also, sorry that the last chapter was so short. I hope this one (slightly) makes up for it. Enjoy!

Inside A Woman's Vagina

"She said yes?" Sirius asked in disbelief.

I continued to look over the map in my hand. Lily was in her dormitory along with Alice and Marlene, no doubt gossiping about me. Out of old habit, my eyes flickered across the map until they finally rested on the name that I was so accustomed to seeking out. Emmaline Vance. Hufflepuff's 7th year boys' dormitory. I'd heard that she'd been shagging Amos Diggory but I hadn't known it was true until now. What a downscale it must be for her, to go from me to him and his tiny pecker.

"Maybe she really has had a change of heart…." Remus said, the question clear in his voice.

I put the map down and shrugged. "Dunno mate, it's all weird. And get this, she let me snog her afterward."

Peter's mouth flew open at the same exact time that Sirius dropped the acid pop that he'd been sucking on. You'd think I'd told them that I'd grown an extra arm or something.

On second thought, that would've been more believable than the recent events that I had taken place. I may be devilishly good looking and irresistible, but it was one thing to get any girl I want and a hold 'nother thing to get Lily Evans.

"Snog?" Peter asked. "As in… snog?"

I rolled my eyes, trying to seem nonchalant about this. "Yes, Wormy, snog. As in I put my lips on top of hers and stuck my tongue inside her mouth for pleasure."

Remus pushed the drapes away from the window and looked at the sky. "Nope, it's not red," he said as he pulled the drapes again.

I sat up on my mind and ran a hand through my hair. "Look gents, it's real simple. I'm a very attractive human being and Lily has grown tired of denying this fact." I leaned back against the bedpost and crossed my arms across my chest, a smug look on my face.

"Merlin have mercy on us all if you've really been able to win over Lily Evans," Remus muttered. "Goes to show that nice blokes do finish last."

Sirius then turned to me, a wide grin on his face. "So… how does our feisty little ginger snog after all?"

12345.

It was a bloody hot day. It was the middle of October, but for some reason it was absolutely sweltering hot. It was only on a rare occasion that this happened, so this clearly must have been a sign that the apocalypse was about to take place. Because it just so happened that the same day that the weather reached a record-breaking high was also the day of my "date" or whatever it sodding was with Lily.

Thank Merlin for this weather though. If it weren't for the blistering heat, Lily Evans would not have been here with me wearing this tiny little pair of shorts and a sleeveless shirt. Her legs seemed to go on for miles, curvy and milky smooth, pure perfection. I could barely control myself from reaching out and rubbing my hands against them, caressing her beautiful thighs.

I swallowed hard. Easy James, I told myself, don't want to get a stiffy on the first date and scare the girl off. I caught her glancing at me, a small smile spread across her face.

"How about a refreshing butterbeer at the Three Broomstick's?" I asked, nudging my head in the direction of the little pub where over half of Hogwarts was probably crammed in right now.

"Actually," Lily said, eyeing my carefully. "I was thinking that maybe we could go to Madame Puddifoot's? I hear they have great custard."

I stopped walking. Right there in the middle of the goddamn street I stopped walking, my eyes wide. It took Lily a few moments to realize that I wasn't walking beside her anymore. She turned around slowly, her eyebrows knitted into a small frown. Madame Puddifoot's. She did not just say Madame Puddifoot's bloody Tea Shop. No. No, no, no, no, NO.

You see, Madame Puddifoot's was the type of place a bloke went after he'd been whipped so badly by his girl that he'd gotten to the point of doing things such as holding her purse or letting her wipe his face with a bleeding napkin or some shit. By going to Madame Puddifoot's, you basically announced to the world, I am whipped and am no longer in charge of my penis. Fuck, I don't even wank anymore. I'm not allowed.

There was no fucking way I was stepping foot in that man eating tea shop.

"I think you misunderstood me when I said, how about a refreshing butterbeer?" I said with my best flirty grin.

Lily's eyes widened innocently. She walked up to me then placed her hand on my arm. I tried to flex without making it seem obvious. "I know, I just… I've been craving custard lately. Nice, thick custard… melts in your mouth almost. The custard there is so creamy and thick and just mind-blowing amazing."

I cleared my throat. Don't get a boner, James. She had to know what she was doing. The way she said thick and creamy, in that low, sultry voice. What the bloody fuck was going on here? This was not the same Lily Evans who blushed at the word vagina last year.

She slid her hand down my arm until she was holding my hand in hers. She lazily drew small circles with the tip of her index finger on my hand, pressing down gently, all the while staring at me with those wide, innocent eyes. Even this was a turn on. I wasn't going to give in. No, damn her and her seductive manipulation. There was no bloody way in hell I was going to step into that pansy shop. No.

"I guess butterbeer is okay… I suppose I'll get custard some other time." She licked her lips tauntingly. Fuck.

12345.

It was pink. It was pink everywhere. The walls were this atrociously bright pink, paired with baby pink drapes on each window for intimacy. The candles placed on every pink draped table were pink with red jewels glued to the side. The chairs were pink velvet. The menu was pink with white lettering. Oh, and what a shocker, the damn people that took your order had a pink uniform. Pink, pink, pink. Pink everywhere. It was like a pink crayon threw up inside a store and they decided the best thing they could do with it now was to sell bloody teeth. I could feel my sperm count going down.

I looked around nervously. So far the only other people here were this sickeningly touchy-feely third year couple and Alice and Frank. Not much damage caused to my reputation yet. I just had to get through the next twenty minutes, because I swore to myself I'd only stay twenty minutes, before we got to leave with my pride still intact.

Lily brought a spoonful of thick custard to her lips and polished it off in one swift motion. I could see the movement in her neck as she swallowed. I could only imagine what else she could swallow as well…

Stop it, I commanded myself. Here I was in this overly girly, pink from floor to ceiling, sweet smelling, manhood stealing shop and I was still able to go from flaccid to hard as a rock in the matter of seconds. There's definitely something wrong with me.

"I take it you've never been to Madame Puddifoot's before," Lily said.

"Aside from the fact that I would never be caught dead in a place like this, what would give you that idea?" I replied cheekily.

She smirked, and then nodded her head at my barely touched cup of tea. "Anyone who's ever been here, or at least knows someone who's been in here, would know that the tea is equivalent to heated up sewer water."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry, my mates and I have better things to do than come here and have custard and tea. And besides, you'd think that choosing tea at a tea shop would be a safe choice…."

"And that's where you're wrong," Lily said as she finished off the remaining bit of the custard. "The tea here is terrible. I don't even think it is tea. I think Madame Puddifoot did it for irony. Because there's no way that someone who serves such an amazing cup of coffee can fail so miserably at making tea."

"So what you're telling me," I said slowly. "Is to never go for the obvious? For example, let's say that I went to a coffee house, should I order anything but the coffee?"

"Precisely," Lily said with a smile.

I nodded my head, pretending to be blown away by this ridiculously absurd idea. "Interesting…. You know, I think you could apply this rule to all aspects of life. I mean, I'm here with you now, aren't I? You're not exactly my first choice, or my second for that matter and maybe not even a third, when it comes to girls but we seem to be having a good enough time, aside from the fact that you've dragged me to a fucking tea shop that strongly resembles the inside of a woman's vagina. Other than all of that, I have to say that I'm glad I applied your questionable life rule to this evening."

I watched a mixture of emotions flicker across her face. I could tell it took every ounce of her self-control to not splash the heated up sewer water at my face. Bingo. If this was still the Lily Evans I knew, she wouldn't let me talk to her like that without giving me a piece of her mind too.

But again, she pushed all her anger aside and inside leaned forward as though she were about to tell me a big secret and replied, "Exactly. You see, I wouldn't be caught dead with a prick like you. Merlin knows I used to bloody hate your pathetic guts. But I've never really been lucky with blokes in the past, they all seemed nice enough at first but they all turned out to be wankers." She leaned in closer now, dropping her voice in a seductive manner. I was so close to her at this point that I could count all the freckles that were lightly showered on her nose. Her eyes looked gorgeous and green. I momentarily forgot about the conversation and where we were. "So I decided, why not apply my life rule to men? So I did. And that, James, is why we are currently sitting inside a woman's vagina. Because as you said, I'm not your first choice, or your second, probably not even your tenth, but your not mine either. We're both here because under normal circumstances we would never in a million years be together. I like that we're breaking this unspoken rule. That Lily Evans and James Potter can't be together because they hate each other. It's thrilling. It's almost as daring as going to a coffee shop and getting something that's not coffee. And who knows, maybe it'll work out in the end. There's no harm in trying. Worst case scenario is you dump the tea or hot chocolate or whatever you bought and go back to the comfort of buying coffee."

When I kissed her, it wasn't just because I was used to kissing girls on dates. Normally it was part of a pattern I followed. Take a girl out, then snog her at the pub or wherever we were. But not this time. When I kissed it, it was because something in her little speech just made sense to me. It made me like her, as a person, not just a girl who I wanted to hook up with. Hearing her say it out loud, it proved my suspicion that she wasn't doing this because she liked me. She was doing this because the idea of fancying and being with me was so far out there and bizarre that it was almost worth giving a chance, just to see how far it would go. I liked that. I really bloody liked that. I liked the idea of doing something so unthinkable and hoping it would work.

When I kissed her, it wasn't like our first kiss. That time it had been hot and heavy and we were both yearning with a desire to rip our clothes off and shag. This time it felt right, right when it came to Lily that is. I loved a heated snog, but with Lily that had been all wrong. This time it was slow and careful and when I slowly slide my tongue into her mouth it was attentive and caring. It was a nice kiss, not the dirty types I was used to. But it felt so bloody good. Better than all the other kisses I'd ever had. It felt right.

That fucking scared me more than the fact that I was still sitting inside Madame Puddifoot's, well after twenty minutes.