Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fic. Are you as scared as me?
I got two reviews since chapter 3, and I have no idea who it is until it pops up on the review page. You people are like my family. If I can figure it out by the end of the fic, I'll give special thanks. Working on two fics in the same day, haven't done that since the 2nd ad 3rd chapter of my first one. Anyway, you people ROCK! Oh crap, I just remembered I wanted you to pick who fights Solidus. I'll give you an hour. Just saw it. Here goes... Damn! False alarm. This is going to take long... I wanna write! Hurryhurryhurryhurryhurryhurry! Man, I am so hyper! My ideas are pretty twisted, huh? Well this one is going to be at least twice as long as the last fic. Thinking title for chapter... 150 words exactly, cool. Title... I have it! Sephira Strife, you're the man! Or woman... I mean... Onto the fic!
Ryan's voice: Dumbass.
Chapter 4: Father and son, the departure of Solidus Snake
Quote of the chapter: You idiot! I'm 2D!
FOXHOUND HQ. If you haven't figured out it was a cigaret factory yet you outta... keep reading?
Snake is still in the recliner, smoking as usual. Fox and Wolf are sitting on the love seat. Fox is being smug, and it's pissing the Hell out of the Snake brothers. Naomi is trying to call her old boyfriends to get a date. Raiden and Mantis are playing checkers and Liquid is cheating to help Mantis. He needs it. And Meryl is ogling Snake. Still.
Mantis: Here! (Takes off one of Raiden's pieces) Ha!
Raiden: Alright, I'll kill... this one! (Jumps one and takes it off)
Liquid: Oh my God...
Mantis: That's your own piece you idiot!
Raiden: I made my choice, keep playing or I'll split thee pearls.
Mantis: (mumbling) Medieval talking Jack Off...
Liquid: Either you're a strategic genius, or you're an idiot.
Raiden: Heehee, I love it when you and Snake talk funny!
Liquid: I hate this guy...
Raiden: Who?
Fox: And we're gonna get married and have a kid and everything, right?
Wolf: Of course, FoxyGuy. (Not a typo)
Fox: We had better, or ShadowSlayer's gonna shoot someone in the knee.
Snake: Lucky, sexy best friend of mine!
Meryl: You know, I think you're plenty sexy.
Snake: Thanks for trying, but you aren't gonna be able to cheer me up.
Meryl: God dammit! (Punches Liquid out)
Liquid: (out of it) Oui, oui... Sephira Strife m'aime pas...
Snake: Wouldn't that be: Non, non aulieu que oui, oui?
Liquid: Big Boss never hugged me...
Snake: (lights up another Striker) Least he never tried to kill you.
Fox: He always liked me just fine. Let me lead Zanzibar. Always called me Dave though.
Wolf: What is you're name anyway?
Fox: Frank Jaeger.
Wolf: The guy who was crowned porno king of '97?
Fox: ... no?
Wolf: (sighs) I thought you were a pervert for a second.(hugs him)
Fox: (snaps his fingers to get Snake's attention, then raps his knuckles off the coffee table in morse code. He says, hide my Naked News tapes)
Snake: (nods, then walks off)
Meryl: Can I help?
Snake and Fox: NO!
Meryl: (feeling left out) Alright...
Mantis: ARG!! (flips the board) How the Hell did you win?! Most of the time you were committing suicide!
Raiden: Com... mit? What is that, Rose tries to get me to do it all the time. Once she left a letter on my pillow that said: Propose to me, you goddamn Jack Off.
Liquid: You are an idiot, aren't you?
Raiden: Huh? (Staring at a moth flying around the room)
Liquid: Damn...
The uni-codec goes off
Snake: That brings back memories.
Fox: Wazzup?
Liquid: Watcha want?
Raiden: Something in my ear went bing.
Bush: Is that all of you?
Snake: A if it is?
Bush: What happened to the young ones?
Fox: They died 8 months ago.
Bush: Oh, I was wondering why that guy thanked me for the raise.
Liquid: The message?
Bush: A group of Metal Gear RAYs have attacked the White House.
Snake: Where the Hell are you?
Bush: In my office.
Liquid: I see.
Bush: They wanted something like a trillion dollars and the body of Big Boss.
Fox: How long ago?
Bush: About a half hour.
Raiden: They have halves of hours?!
Snake: And they haven't gotten in yet?!
Bush: They keep asking me to open the door, but they don't seem to want to force it open.
Liquid: How much time did they give you to respond to the demands?
Bush: None, yet. But they gave me 36 hours to open the door, then they'll kick it open.
Fox: These guys don't know what they're doing, do they?
Bush: No.
Snake: Alright, we'll take the bus.
Bush: I could talk them into giving me a week.
Liquid: That's alright.
Fox: See you tomorrow.
Codec off.
Wolf: Who was that?
Raiden: I don't know.
Fox: The President.
Wolf: Jean Paul XXIII?
Liquid: Yes, Jean Paul- NO!! HE'S THE DAMN POPE!! It was George Bush.
Mantis: And?
Snake: We have 36 hours or they'll kick the door down. Then, they'll give a time limit on the demand.
Meryl: What's the demand?
Fox: A trillion dollars and Big Boss' body.
Naomi: What the Hell costs a trillion dollars?!
Fox: Playstation4.
Author's Note: Please note that it's still 2009.
Mantis: Then we must stop them.
Fox: No duh.
Wolf: When are we leaving?
Snake: We'll take the bus tomorrow.
Meryl: You realize that we have to cross Canada?
Liquid: For making us look like idiots, you aren't coming.
Meryl: What?!
Snake: Good reasoning.
Fox: I like Liquid's idea.
Liquid: (impersonating Raiden) Me too.
Raiden: Dudes! I just heard me talking, but me wasn't talking!
Meryl: Screw you guys!!
Voice: Mind if I tag along?
Snake: It can't be!
Liquid: But Vamp..!
Meryl: The tanker...
Fox: You died!
Naomi: Oh my God...
Raiden: Hi Mike!
Mike: Hey guys!
Meryl: You're alive! (Runs up and hugs him)
Mike: Woah! Actual physical contact with Meryl!
Snake: How the Hell..?
Fox: How'd you get out?!
Liquid: Are you hurt?
Mike: I got out easy enough. Their idea was: Resurrect him, let him walk around, and then brainwash him. Not a good plan I say. And Liquid... did you just act like you cared?
Liquid: Hey, a jerk I may be, but I'm not a bastard!
Raiden: Hi Mike!
Mike: I see you, Raiden.
Mantis: Him being here is a good thing?
Wolf: Really.
Naomi: This guy's the Author!
Mantis: (eyes go wide) You're one of those guys that put themselves in the fic!
Mike: A lot of people do that!
Fox: What happened to Ryan?
Mike: (turns his head away) Not a happy topic. He didn't make it. They tried to make him first. Wasn't as good as they thought it would be. Anyway, we gotta save Bush!
Snake: That's the plan.
Mike: We'd better leave than, I don't think that they'll actually wuss out!
Liquid: Right.
Meryl: Can I please come?
Mike, Snake, Liquid, Fox, Wolf, Raiden, Mantis: Hell no!
In a motel on the way there.
Snake: So he cut's my smoke in half, and I just go nuts! I kick the guy's ass so bad he started yelling like a madman!
Mike: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What a loser!
Fox: Then he tries to ruin my date, and I kicked his ass barehanded!
Mike: Remember all those gay clones in chapter 4?
Snake: I pulled off his bandana and he exploded!
Mike: And remember Papes?! That guy was even gayer! It's like: I can't talk on my own, and I get my head ripped off by a cat!
Raiden: And then he started moving around without his body!
Liquid: I remember that!! That was so dumb!
Mike: I know! 'Let's call him No Papes!' What the Hell was he smoking?!
Snake: And the way he beat his first clone?! 'Hey Gecko, I cut my balls off!' HAHAHA!!
Neighbor: Shut up in there, Willya?
Mike: Blow me, ya poofter!
Mantis: Oh, he's so pissed!
Guy: That's it! (Opens their door) Oh crap!
Snake: Johnny Sasaki!
Mike: How's that diarrhea?
Johnny: I think it stopped.
Fox: Really?
Snake: Eat shitgun!
All: (fire on him with a shitgun)
Johnny: Oh, my stomach! Not again! (Runs off holding his butt. Again)
Mike: Man, that guy is a wuss!
Fox: We'd better get some sleep. We gotta save the President tomorrow.
Snake: Alright...
Mike: Buzz kill.
Wolf: Good night, sweetie.
Mike: Sweetie?! What the Hell did I miss?
Liquid: We'll tell you sometime.
Raiden: We go shleepy cause it's shleepy time!
All: Shut up, Jack Off!
The next morning, the White House.
Mike: Guess it's time.
Snake: Yup. Gotta save Bush.
Gecko(Mike): I meant the name swap.
Snake: Oh.
Gecko: NOW its time.
Liquid: Let's do it!!
A Metal Gear RAY steps forward. The cockpit opens and Solidus sticks his head out.
Solidus: Brothers! What?! You?! But how?!
Gecko: Trade secret.
Liquid: Everyone pick a Metal Gear.
Fox: Dibs on XT-55.
Wolf: What?!
Gecko: It's the Metal Gear Fox rode in Zanzibar.
Fox: (suddenly in XT-55) Whoah! Sweet!
Liquid: In that case... I want REX! (Suddenly in REX) Alright!
Snake: All I need is a stinger! (A rocket lands next to him) ...and the Launcher. (Launcher lands next to it) Good enough. (Equips it)
Mantis: I shall defeat you with the power of my mind alone!
Gecko: Gimme a P90! (Solidus' gun lands next to him) I can take one down with this.
Wolf: I want to be in a sniping location! (Suddenly on top of the White House)
Raiden: I want what Snake got! (A copy of the stuff Snake got ands next to him) This should do. (Equips it) Enter Jack the Ripper!!
Random RAY: (goes for XT-55, fires the machine gun, but misses because it's so thin) ?
Fox: You idiot! I'm 2D! (Fires a nuke)
Author's Note: The nuke is a normal weapon of Metal Gears when you fight Fox in MG2.
RAY: (takes damage then fires missiles from it's back)
Fox: Time to bail! (Jumps out)
XT-55: (sets on fire and burns to ash. It's a nuke launching sheet of paper)
Fox: (equips REX buster) Time to play! (Charges it and shoots the knee, then the exposed face)
Gecko: Eat lead! (Fires off a whole clip, punching a bunch of holes into the face)
RAY: (fires knee rockets after him)
Gecko: Crud! (Darts forward to the left)
RAY: (tries to step on him)
Gecko: Frak! (Rolls away)
Wolf: (shoots Gecko's RAY in the head. It hardly notices. She empties the entire magazine into it. Same effect) Arg! (Reaches for another clip)
Gecko: (pulls out his M92F, Demon Smite) Eat some of this! (Fires off a dozen shots)
RAY: (staggers a bit, then opens it's mouth to fire a hydro cutter, but is shot in the eye by Wolf. It topples and sets aflame)
Gecko: Still alive. Always a good thing.
Snake: (fires the one last time into his RAY's face)
RAY: (head explodes)
Raiden: Damn! (Fires into the head)
Ray: (shrugs it off)
Snake: (fires it into RAY's knee)
Ray: (exposes his face)
Raiden: (fires down it's throat)
RAY: (head explodes)
Raiden: Thanks Snake!
RAY: (leaps in front of Raiden, and is about to stomp on him, when a pale blue beam pierces it's head) (head explodes)
Fox: That's good!
Mantis: (picks up a piece of a RAY, and slams it into the head of his own) Now do you doubt my power?!
RAY: (fires straight at him)
Mantis: (flips and floats around every shot) You are powerful indeed, but I know you're weak point. HA! (Forces the face open, then throw's a sharp piece of shrapnel down it's throat)
RAY: (staggers, then tries to fire a hydro cutter, and blows it's own head open)
Mantis: It was a good try, but I'm out of you're league.
Liquid: Try some of this! (Uses the laser)
RAY: (gets hit in both knees and collapses)
Liquid: See!? You can't protect anyone, not even yourself. DIE! (Stomps on the head and crushes it)
Gecko: Good job, all of you!
Wolf: Thanks.
Snake: It wasn't hard.
Raiden: A little tough, mabye.
Fox: Anyone could have done it.
Liquid: (now out of REX) Simple.
Mantis: Something's wrong! (A piece of rubble strikes him over the head, and knocks him out)
Gecko: Because it all ends here.
Snake: What?
Fox: What the Hell did you do!?
Gecko: Did you really think getting kicked off a railing was going to kill me?!
Snake: No...
Flashback
Evil Mike charges his counterpart, who just gives him a spin kick to the head. He flies over the railing, screaming.
"MEECHAN!!"
Flashback
Evil Gecko: I was to stage my own death, allowing you to proceed and finish Tigger!
Author's Note: Sorry Blackraven. Soon... soon they will finally... return...
Liquid: Why, she was in you're employ!
Evil Gecko: Her mission was to kill you. And she opted to collapse the universe. You really think we wanted that? We would have perished as well.
Fox: We?
Evil Gecko: The Patriots!
Wolf: So you were pretending to help us... but why?!
Evil Gecko: We were to obtain Big Boss's body, and merge it with their DNA!
Fox: So Ryan's alive.
Evil Gecko: Yes. He'll make an appearance in the next chapter.
Author's Note: I'm doing the best I can Raven, I gotta keep my main idea in.
Snake: Vamp said chapter seven!
Evil Gecko: Vamp can't read roman numerals!
Liquid: Vamp ain't gonna be reading anything.
Evil Gecko: Kain's appearance was most unexpected. It appears Mike had finally finished downloading Blood Omen, and played it 4 hours straight.
Raiden: So, Mike isn't taken yet.
Evil Gecko: Soon.
Wolf: Why pretend to help us? Fighting us with a group of RAY's would've been easier.
Evil Gecko: For one final showdown. Solidus has the President. He finally sobered up and kicked the door down. To get to him, you'll have to kill me.
Snake: (draws out Nutcracker) We'll kill you.
Liquid: (whips out his M93R) This ones for them!
Fox: (aims with REX buster) You'll pay on their honor!
Evil Gecko: Honor?
Fox: I played Two Towers.
Wolf: I'll put a bullet in you're eye. (Aims 'her' at the imposter)
Raiden: I'll show you the wrath of Jack the Ripper!
Evil Gecko: Come then!
[second REX fight theme] (the one after Fox died)
Snake: Die! (Fires off the entire clip)
Evil Gecko: (casts a barrier that bounces them all away) LoK move. Effective.
Fox: Burn! (Fires)
Evil Gecko: (dodges the beam, because it shatters the barrier) Good boy, just like that!
Mantis: (wakes up) No stealing my lines! (Causes the ground beneath Evil Gecko's feet to erupt into a geyser)
Evil Gecko: (uses his powers to direct all of the boiling water around him)
Snake: Did that do it?
Evil Gecko: HA! (Forces it all at Mantis)
Mantis: No! (Stops it all with his mind)
Wolf: Try these! (Fires off rounds like a chain gun)
Evil Gecko: (flips around them, then starts to float) You can't win.
Liquid: (jumps off a wrecked piece of a RAY, and punches him in the face) Take that!
Evil Gecko: Want a rematch, huh?
Raiden: (jumps towards him and tries to decapitate him)
Evil Gecko: (raises a hand)
Raiden: Ahh! It feels like I'm being torn apart.
Evil Gecko: Accepted. Metal Gear REX, now!
Both: (magically on top of Liquid's REX)
Evil Gecko: Not so fast. (Waves his hand, and one of those barriers from Devil May Cry blocks off the front door to the White House)
Snake: Damn!
Wolf: (tries to shoot him)
Fox: (does the same thing as Wolf)
Raiden: (gets used as a shield, then discarded) Oh God, I'm bleeding everywhere!
Liquid: Have at you! (Roundhouses)
Evil Gecko: (catches his leg and smashes him off the ground) I'm the Author, you have no power over me!
Liquid: (hears a voice in his head. 'Get up, you're making me look good!') Mike? ('Now! I'll use all the will I have yet to limit his powers! Win!')
Evil Gecko: And now you die! (Extends his hand and expects to levitate Liquid) What the Hell?!
Liquid: (gets up) Time to fight!
Liquid launches himself at the confused imposter. Using his momentum, he sends his fist into Evil Gecko. His foe flips off the ledge, but manages to catch the very edge and pulls himself up. Liquid gives him no time to recover, and buries his knee into the younger man's body.
The youth clamps his arms around the leg, and drops onto his back, forcing Liquid to tumble to the floor. He takes advantage like Liquid had, and kicks him in the face, then stomps on his head. Or at least he tried. Liquid had rolled away, and as soon as his foot touched ground, the Snake lashed out and took his body from under him.
Liquid rolls away, and springs up, preparing for another assault. It comes in the form of a roundhouse. Liquid catches it, and with visible satisfaction, slams the youth off REX's back as he had with him. But as he lifts a second time, the boy launches his body forward in his grasp, and sends his fist into the older man's nose. Liquid's head springs back, and then forward as he forces his forehead into his enemies nose.
The boy dropped from his grip and rolls away, finally finding his feet, he can't help but grin, and wonder what a fight with the original would have been like. He loses that train of thought as he bends his torso back to dodge two vicious punches, but wasn't prepared for the toe kick that followed them. He was taken off his feet, leaving crimson mist in his wake. He feels his chest and realizes that Liquid just cracked a rib. The pain made him lose focus, but only for an instant.
Liquid tries to take advantage of this, but the youth leaps toward him, his foot already extended in a vicious spinning kick. Liquid is once again greeted by the cold compound steel of REX's armored back. He rises to his feet and feels the blood flow down his chin. He pulls out his last resort, and rushes the kid, head first. The boy doubles over, and has his hand grabbed by Liquid, who pulls him toward him. Thee boy responds by throwing a hook, which hits nothing, then feels Liquid's knee in his stomach. Memories that are not his own flood back to him, how Mike beat Liquid the first time they met. He knows what's coming next.
Liquid had the boy, and he knew it. He savored this one moment of peace, before he drove his elbow into the back of the boy's skull. It showed the wanted effect, the boy dropped like a stone, from the edge of REX. One last conscious thought comes before strikes the ground.
"LIIIIIQUIIIID!!" The boy struck ground, his every bone broken, internal organs ruptured. He looks at his own body and sees a sharp chunk of shrapnel piercing him. His head lolled back, and he died.
Snake: You did it, man!
Wolf :Way to go!
Fox: You're still the man!
Raiden: (bandaged up) Alright, you killed him.
Mantis: You beat the Author's dark side.
Liquid: That's good and all... but how the Hell am I supposed to get down?!
5min later, the group had gotten Liquid down, and burned what was at least a part of Mike in a funeral pyre.
Snake: That takes care of the cremation.
Liquid: Now it's Solidus' turn.
All: Hell yeah.
Liquid: 'Thanks Mike.'
In Bush's office
Solidus: Alright, you can give me the body now, the money next week!
Bush: Still got it.
Snake: (kicks open the door) Time to die, Solidus!
Bush: You realize that the door wasn't locked.
Fox: Who the Hell cares?!
Solidus: He already caved to my demands.
Wolf: Crap.
Mantis: I'm feeling another presence in the room.
Bush: Take the body. (Pushes a a stretcher to Solidus)
Solidus: Thanks. (Pulls off the covers) He's not hear!
The sound of a toilet flushing is in the backround, then the Presidential bathroom opens, and out walks-
Big Boss: Sorry about that, what did I miss?
Snake Brothers: Dad!
Big Boss: What? Oh, hi Dave.
Fox: Hey sir.
Snake: I'm Dave!
Big Boss: What? (Puts in his contacts) Oh dear.
Snake: What do you mean, oh dear?
Big Boss: I thought you helped me with Zanzibar, and that Fox was you!
Both: What!?
Big Boss: Ooh, that whole 'I am your father' thing must of been really confusung.
Fox: Wait a second! I'm you're son!?
Big Boss: Yeah!
Liquid: Technically, every guy in the room except the he-she and the President are your sons.
Big Boss: Who was your mother?
Snake: The US goverment.
Big Boss: I knocked up Uncle Sam?!
Solidus: No! We're clones of you, Les Enfants Terribles!
Big Boss: I need a drink.
Solidus: Save it old man, I'm going to kill you for neglecting me! (Fires at him with a P90)
Big Boss: Crud. (Runs around like a madman)
Solidus: (runs out of ammo) Damn, I'm going to have to kill you with my bare hands! (Tries to punch him)
Big Boss: (flips over him and roundhouses him) If you had a hard time with Fox, then I'm gonna kill you!
Solidus: DIE! (Tries to smash him with the tentacles)
Big Boss: (dodges them, then kicks him in the face)
Solidus: GRYA!! (charges at him)
Big Boss: (leaps over him, then spin kicks him in the back of the head)
Solidus: (stumbles an falls) Damn!
Big Boss: (picks up the P90 and slams in a new clip) Die.
Solidus: No! Wait!
Big Boss: Teach you to call me a bad dad. (Shoots him in the eye)
Snake: You killed him dad!
Fox: Way to go dad!
Liquid: You the man, dad!
Wolf: Nice moves!
Mantis: You've been asleep for ten years, and he still couldn't beat you!
Big Boss: The older you are, the better you fight. That's the way it is in my family!
Raiden: Lets get drunk!
All: Hell yeah!
End
Author's Note: Blackraven wanted Mike and Ryan back, so I'm introducing them next chapter, instead of chapter. It will be called: Even Bigger Shell Battle.
Once again, give me ideas, suggestions, recommendations, whatever you want me to call it! Review!
Screw X-Box, long live Hideo Kojima!
I got two reviews since chapter 3, and I have no idea who it is until it pops up on the review page. You people are like my family. If I can figure it out by the end of the fic, I'll give special thanks. Working on two fics in the same day, haven't done that since the 2nd ad 3rd chapter of my first one. Anyway, you people ROCK! Oh crap, I just remembered I wanted you to pick who fights Solidus. I'll give you an hour. Just saw it. Here goes... Damn! False alarm. This is going to take long... I wanna write! Hurryhurryhurryhurryhurryhurry! Man, I am so hyper! My ideas are pretty twisted, huh? Well this one is going to be at least twice as long as the last fic. Thinking title for chapter... 150 words exactly, cool. Title... I have it! Sephira Strife, you're the man! Or woman... I mean... Onto the fic!
Ryan's voice: Dumbass.
Chapter 4: Father and son, the departure of Solidus Snake
Quote of the chapter: You idiot! I'm 2D!
FOXHOUND HQ. If you haven't figured out it was a cigaret factory yet you outta... keep reading?
Snake is still in the recliner, smoking as usual. Fox and Wolf are sitting on the love seat. Fox is being smug, and it's pissing the Hell out of the Snake brothers. Naomi is trying to call her old boyfriends to get a date. Raiden and Mantis are playing checkers and Liquid is cheating to help Mantis. He needs it. And Meryl is ogling Snake. Still.
Mantis: Here! (Takes off one of Raiden's pieces) Ha!
Raiden: Alright, I'll kill... this one! (Jumps one and takes it off)
Liquid: Oh my God...
Mantis: That's your own piece you idiot!
Raiden: I made my choice, keep playing or I'll split thee pearls.
Mantis: (mumbling) Medieval talking Jack Off...
Liquid: Either you're a strategic genius, or you're an idiot.
Raiden: Heehee, I love it when you and Snake talk funny!
Liquid: I hate this guy...
Raiden: Who?
Fox: And we're gonna get married and have a kid and everything, right?
Wolf: Of course, FoxyGuy. (Not a typo)
Fox: We had better, or ShadowSlayer's gonna shoot someone in the knee.
Snake: Lucky, sexy best friend of mine!
Meryl: You know, I think you're plenty sexy.
Snake: Thanks for trying, but you aren't gonna be able to cheer me up.
Meryl: God dammit! (Punches Liquid out)
Liquid: (out of it) Oui, oui... Sephira Strife m'aime pas...
Snake: Wouldn't that be: Non, non aulieu que oui, oui?
Liquid: Big Boss never hugged me...
Snake: (lights up another Striker) Least he never tried to kill you.
Fox: He always liked me just fine. Let me lead Zanzibar. Always called me Dave though.
Wolf: What is you're name anyway?
Fox: Frank Jaeger.
Wolf: The guy who was crowned porno king of '97?
Fox: ... no?
Wolf: (sighs) I thought you were a pervert for a second.(hugs him)
Fox: (snaps his fingers to get Snake's attention, then raps his knuckles off the coffee table in morse code. He says, hide my Naked News tapes)
Snake: (nods, then walks off)
Meryl: Can I help?
Snake and Fox: NO!
Meryl: (feeling left out) Alright...
Mantis: ARG!! (flips the board) How the Hell did you win?! Most of the time you were committing suicide!
Raiden: Com... mit? What is that, Rose tries to get me to do it all the time. Once she left a letter on my pillow that said: Propose to me, you goddamn Jack Off.
Liquid: You are an idiot, aren't you?
Raiden: Huh? (Staring at a moth flying around the room)
Liquid: Damn...
The uni-codec goes off
Snake: That brings back memories.
Fox: Wazzup?
Liquid: Watcha want?
Raiden: Something in my ear went bing.
Bush: Is that all of you?
Snake: A if it is?
Bush: What happened to the young ones?
Fox: They died 8 months ago.
Bush: Oh, I was wondering why that guy thanked me for the raise.
Liquid: The message?
Bush: A group of Metal Gear RAYs have attacked the White House.
Snake: Where the Hell are you?
Bush: In my office.
Liquid: I see.
Bush: They wanted something like a trillion dollars and the body of Big Boss.
Fox: How long ago?
Bush: About a half hour.
Raiden: They have halves of hours?!
Snake: And they haven't gotten in yet?!
Bush: They keep asking me to open the door, but they don't seem to want to force it open.
Liquid: How much time did they give you to respond to the demands?
Bush: None, yet. But they gave me 36 hours to open the door, then they'll kick it open.
Fox: These guys don't know what they're doing, do they?
Bush: No.
Snake: Alright, we'll take the bus.
Bush: I could talk them into giving me a week.
Liquid: That's alright.
Fox: See you tomorrow.
Codec off.
Wolf: Who was that?
Raiden: I don't know.
Fox: The President.
Wolf: Jean Paul XXIII?
Liquid: Yes, Jean Paul- NO!! HE'S THE DAMN POPE!! It was George Bush.
Mantis: And?
Snake: We have 36 hours or they'll kick the door down. Then, they'll give a time limit on the demand.
Meryl: What's the demand?
Fox: A trillion dollars and Big Boss' body.
Naomi: What the Hell costs a trillion dollars?!
Fox: Playstation4.
Author's Note: Please note that it's still 2009.
Mantis: Then we must stop them.
Fox: No duh.
Wolf: When are we leaving?
Snake: We'll take the bus tomorrow.
Meryl: You realize that we have to cross Canada?
Liquid: For making us look like idiots, you aren't coming.
Meryl: What?!
Snake: Good reasoning.
Fox: I like Liquid's idea.
Liquid: (impersonating Raiden) Me too.
Raiden: Dudes! I just heard me talking, but me wasn't talking!
Meryl: Screw you guys!!
Voice: Mind if I tag along?
Snake: It can't be!
Liquid: But Vamp..!
Meryl: The tanker...
Fox: You died!
Naomi: Oh my God...
Raiden: Hi Mike!
Mike: Hey guys!
Meryl: You're alive! (Runs up and hugs him)
Mike: Woah! Actual physical contact with Meryl!
Snake: How the Hell..?
Fox: How'd you get out?!
Liquid: Are you hurt?
Mike: I got out easy enough. Their idea was: Resurrect him, let him walk around, and then brainwash him. Not a good plan I say. And Liquid... did you just act like you cared?
Liquid: Hey, a jerk I may be, but I'm not a bastard!
Raiden: Hi Mike!
Mike: I see you, Raiden.
Mantis: Him being here is a good thing?
Wolf: Really.
Naomi: This guy's the Author!
Mantis: (eyes go wide) You're one of those guys that put themselves in the fic!
Mike: A lot of people do that!
Fox: What happened to Ryan?
Mike: (turns his head away) Not a happy topic. He didn't make it. They tried to make him first. Wasn't as good as they thought it would be. Anyway, we gotta save Bush!
Snake: That's the plan.
Mike: We'd better leave than, I don't think that they'll actually wuss out!
Liquid: Right.
Meryl: Can I please come?
Mike, Snake, Liquid, Fox, Wolf, Raiden, Mantis: Hell no!
In a motel on the way there.
Snake: So he cut's my smoke in half, and I just go nuts! I kick the guy's ass so bad he started yelling like a madman!
Mike: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What a loser!
Fox: Then he tries to ruin my date, and I kicked his ass barehanded!
Mike: Remember all those gay clones in chapter 4?
Snake: I pulled off his bandana and he exploded!
Mike: And remember Papes?! That guy was even gayer! It's like: I can't talk on my own, and I get my head ripped off by a cat!
Raiden: And then he started moving around without his body!
Liquid: I remember that!! That was so dumb!
Mike: I know! 'Let's call him No Papes!' What the Hell was he smoking?!
Snake: And the way he beat his first clone?! 'Hey Gecko, I cut my balls off!' HAHAHA!!
Neighbor: Shut up in there, Willya?
Mike: Blow me, ya poofter!
Mantis: Oh, he's so pissed!
Guy: That's it! (Opens their door) Oh crap!
Snake: Johnny Sasaki!
Mike: How's that diarrhea?
Johnny: I think it stopped.
Fox: Really?
Snake: Eat shitgun!
All: (fire on him with a shitgun)
Johnny: Oh, my stomach! Not again! (Runs off holding his butt. Again)
Mike: Man, that guy is a wuss!
Fox: We'd better get some sleep. We gotta save the President tomorrow.
Snake: Alright...
Mike: Buzz kill.
Wolf: Good night, sweetie.
Mike: Sweetie?! What the Hell did I miss?
Liquid: We'll tell you sometime.
Raiden: We go shleepy cause it's shleepy time!
All: Shut up, Jack Off!
The next morning, the White House.
Mike: Guess it's time.
Snake: Yup. Gotta save Bush.
Gecko(Mike): I meant the name swap.
Snake: Oh.
Gecko: NOW its time.
Liquid: Let's do it!!
A Metal Gear RAY steps forward. The cockpit opens and Solidus sticks his head out.
Solidus: Brothers! What?! You?! But how?!
Gecko: Trade secret.
Liquid: Everyone pick a Metal Gear.
Fox: Dibs on XT-55.
Wolf: What?!
Gecko: It's the Metal Gear Fox rode in Zanzibar.
Fox: (suddenly in XT-55) Whoah! Sweet!
Liquid: In that case... I want REX! (Suddenly in REX) Alright!
Snake: All I need is a stinger! (A rocket lands next to him) ...and the Launcher. (Launcher lands next to it) Good enough. (Equips it)
Mantis: I shall defeat you with the power of my mind alone!
Gecko: Gimme a P90! (Solidus' gun lands next to him) I can take one down with this.
Wolf: I want to be in a sniping location! (Suddenly on top of the White House)
Raiden: I want what Snake got! (A copy of the stuff Snake got ands next to him) This should do. (Equips it) Enter Jack the Ripper!!
Random RAY: (goes for XT-55, fires the machine gun, but misses because it's so thin) ?
Fox: You idiot! I'm 2D! (Fires a nuke)
Author's Note: The nuke is a normal weapon of Metal Gears when you fight Fox in MG2.
RAY: (takes damage then fires missiles from it's back)
Fox: Time to bail! (Jumps out)
XT-55: (sets on fire and burns to ash. It's a nuke launching sheet of paper)
Fox: (equips REX buster) Time to play! (Charges it and shoots the knee, then the exposed face)
Gecko: Eat lead! (Fires off a whole clip, punching a bunch of holes into the face)
RAY: (fires knee rockets after him)
Gecko: Crud! (Darts forward to the left)
RAY: (tries to step on him)
Gecko: Frak! (Rolls away)
Wolf: (shoots Gecko's RAY in the head. It hardly notices. She empties the entire magazine into it. Same effect) Arg! (Reaches for another clip)
Gecko: (pulls out his M92F, Demon Smite) Eat some of this! (Fires off a dozen shots)
RAY: (staggers a bit, then opens it's mouth to fire a hydro cutter, but is shot in the eye by Wolf. It topples and sets aflame)
Gecko: Still alive. Always a good thing.
Snake: (fires the one last time into his RAY's face)
RAY: (head explodes)
Raiden: Damn! (Fires into the head)
Ray: (shrugs it off)
Snake: (fires it into RAY's knee)
Ray: (exposes his face)
Raiden: (fires down it's throat)
RAY: (head explodes)
Raiden: Thanks Snake!
RAY: (leaps in front of Raiden, and is about to stomp on him, when a pale blue beam pierces it's head) (head explodes)
Fox: That's good!
Mantis: (picks up a piece of a RAY, and slams it into the head of his own) Now do you doubt my power?!
RAY: (fires straight at him)
Mantis: (flips and floats around every shot) You are powerful indeed, but I know you're weak point. HA! (Forces the face open, then throw's a sharp piece of shrapnel down it's throat)
RAY: (staggers, then tries to fire a hydro cutter, and blows it's own head open)
Mantis: It was a good try, but I'm out of you're league.
Liquid: Try some of this! (Uses the laser)
RAY: (gets hit in both knees and collapses)
Liquid: See!? You can't protect anyone, not even yourself. DIE! (Stomps on the head and crushes it)
Gecko: Good job, all of you!
Wolf: Thanks.
Snake: It wasn't hard.
Raiden: A little tough, mabye.
Fox: Anyone could have done it.
Liquid: (now out of REX) Simple.
Mantis: Something's wrong! (A piece of rubble strikes him over the head, and knocks him out)
Gecko: Because it all ends here.
Snake: What?
Fox: What the Hell did you do!?
Gecko: Did you really think getting kicked off a railing was going to kill me?!
Snake: No...
Flashback
Evil Mike charges his counterpart, who just gives him a spin kick to the head. He flies over the railing, screaming.
"MEECHAN!!"
Flashback
Evil Gecko: I was to stage my own death, allowing you to proceed and finish Tigger!
Author's Note: Sorry Blackraven. Soon... soon they will finally... return...
Liquid: Why, she was in you're employ!
Evil Gecko: Her mission was to kill you. And she opted to collapse the universe. You really think we wanted that? We would have perished as well.
Fox: We?
Evil Gecko: The Patriots!
Wolf: So you were pretending to help us... but why?!
Evil Gecko: We were to obtain Big Boss's body, and merge it with their DNA!
Fox: So Ryan's alive.
Evil Gecko: Yes. He'll make an appearance in the next chapter.
Author's Note: I'm doing the best I can Raven, I gotta keep my main idea in.
Snake: Vamp said chapter seven!
Evil Gecko: Vamp can't read roman numerals!
Liquid: Vamp ain't gonna be reading anything.
Evil Gecko: Kain's appearance was most unexpected. It appears Mike had finally finished downloading Blood Omen, and played it 4 hours straight.
Raiden: So, Mike isn't taken yet.
Evil Gecko: Soon.
Wolf: Why pretend to help us? Fighting us with a group of RAY's would've been easier.
Evil Gecko: For one final showdown. Solidus has the President. He finally sobered up and kicked the door down. To get to him, you'll have to kill me.
Snake: (draws out Nutcracker) We'll kill you.
Liquid: (whips out his M93R) This ones for them!
Fox: (aims with REX buster) You'll pay on their honor!
Evil Gecko: Honor?
Fox: I played Two Towers.
Wolf: I'll put a bullet in you're eye. (Aims 'her' at the imposter)
Raiden: I'll show you the wrath of Jack the Ripper!
Evil Gecko: Come then!
[second REX fight theme] (the one after Fox died)
Snake: Die! (Fires off the entire clip)
Evil Gecko: (casts a barrier that bounces them all away) LoK move. Effective.
Fox: Burn! (Fires)
Evil Gecko: (dodges the beam, because it shatters the barrier) Good boy, just like that!
Mantis: (wakes up) No stealing my lines! (Causes the ground beneath Evil Gecko's feet to erupt into a geyser)
Evil Gecko: (uses his powers to direct all of the boiling water around him)
Snake: Did that do it?
Evil Gecko: HA! (Forces it all at Mantis)
Mantis: No! (Stops it all with his mind)
Wolf: Try these! (Fires off rounds like a chain gun)
Evil Gecko: (flips around them, then starts to float) You can't win.
Liquid: (jumps off a wrecked piece of a RAY, and punches him in the face) Take that!
Evil Gecko: Want a rematch, huh?
Raiden: (jumps towards him and tries to decapitate him)
Evil Gecko: (raises a hand)
Raiden: Ahh! It feels like I'm being torn apart.
Evil Gecko: Accepted. Metal Gear REX, now!
Both: (magically on top of Liquid's REX)
Evil Gecko: Not so fast. (Waves his hand, and one of those barriers from Devil May Cry blocks off the front door to the White House)
Snake: Damn!
Wolf: (tries to shoot him)
Fox: (does the same thing as Wolf)
Raiden: (gets used as a shield, then discarded) Oh God, I'm bleeding everywhere!
Liquid: Have at you! (Roundhouses)
Evil Gecko: (catches his leg and smashes him off the ground) I'm the Author, you have no power over me!
Liquid: (hears a voice in his head. 'Get up, you're making me look good!') Mike? ('Now! I'll use all the will I have yet to limit his powers! Win!')
Evil Gecko: And now you die! (Extends his hand and expects to levitate Liquid) What the Hell?!
Liquid: (gets up) Time to fight!
Liquid launches himself at the confused imposter. Using his momentum, he sends his fist into Evil Gecko. His foe flips off the ledge, but manages to catch the very edge and pulls himself up. Liquid gives him no time to recover, and buries his knee into the younger man's body.
The youth clamps his arms around the leg, and drops onto his back, forcing Liquid to tumble to the floor. He takes advantage like Liquid had, and kicks him in the face, then stomps on his head. Or at least he tried. Liquid had rolled away, and as soon as his foot touched ground, the Snake lashed out and took his body from under him.
Liquid rolls away, and springs up, preparing for another assault. It comes in the form of a roundhouse. Liquid catches it, and with visible satisfaction, slams the youth off REX's back as he had with him. But as he lifts a second time, the boy launches his body forward in his grasp, and sends his fist into the older man's nose. Liquid's head springs back, and then forward as he forces his forehead into his enemies nose.
The boy dropped from his grip and rolls away, finally finding his feet, he can't help but grin, and wonder what a fight with the original would have been like. He loses that train of thought as he bends his torso back to dodge two vicious punches, but wasn't prepared for the toe kick that followed them. He was taken off his feet, leaving crimson mist in his wake. He feels his chest and realizes that Liquid just cracked a rib. The pain made him lose focus, but only for an instant.
Liquid tries to take advantage of this, but the youth leaps toward him, his foot already extended in a vicious spinning kick. Liquid is once again greeted by the cold compound steel of REX's armored back. He rises to his feet and feels the blood flow down his chin. He pulls out his last resort, and rushes the kid, head first. The boy doubles over, and has his hand grabbed by Liquid, who pulls him toward him. Thee boy responds by throwing a hook, which hits nothing, then feels Liquid's knee in his stomach. Memories that are not his own flood back to him, how Mike beat Liquid the first time they met. He knows what's coming next.
Liquid had the boy, and he knew it. He savored this one moment of peace, before he drove his elbow into the back of the boy's skull. It showed the wanted effect, the boy dropped like a stone, from the edge of REX. One last conscious thought comes before strikes the ground.
"LIIIIIQUIIIID!!" The boy struck ground, his every bone broken, internal organs ruptured. He looks at his own body and sees a sharp chunk of shrapnel piercing him. His head lolled back, and he died.
Snake: You did it, man!
Wolf :Way to go!
Fox: You're still the man!
Raiden: (bandaged up) Alright, you killed him.
Mantis: You beat the Author's dark side.
Liquid: That's good and all... but how the Hell am I supposed to get down?!
5min later, the group had gotten Liquid down, and burned what was at least a part of Mike in a funeral pyre.
Snake: That takes care of the cremation.
Liquid: Now it's Solidus' turn.
All: Hell yeah.
Liquid: 'Thanks Mike.'
In Bush's office
Solidus: Alright, you can give me the body now, the money next week!
Bush: Still got it.
Snake: (kicks open the door) Time to die, Solidus!
Bush: You realize that the door wasn't locked.
Fox: Who the Hell cares?!
Solidus: He already caved to my demands.
Wolf: Crap.
Mantis: I'm feeling another presence in the room.
Bush: Take the body. (Pushes a a stretcher to Solidus)
Solidus: Thanks. (Pulls off the covers) He's not hear!
The sound of a toilet flushing is in the backround, then the Presidential bathroom opens, and out walks-
Big Boss: Sorry about that, what did I miss?
Snake Brothers: Dad!
Big Boss: What? Oh, hi Dave.
Fox: Hey sir.
Snake: I'm Dave!
Big Boss: What? (Puts in his contacts) Oh dear.
Snake: What do you mean, oh dear?
Big Boss: I thought you helped me with Zanzibar, and that Fox was you!
Both: What!?
Big Boss: Ooh, that whole 'I am your father' thing must of been really confusung.
Fox: Wait a second! I'm you're son!?
Big Boss: Yeah!
Liquid: Technically, every guy in the room except the he-she and the President are your sons.
Big Boss: Who was your mother?
Snake: The US goverment.
Big Boss: I knocked up Uncle Sam?!
Solidus: No! We're clones of you, Les Enfants Terribles!
Big Boss: I need a drink.
Solidus: Save it old man, I'm going to kill you for neglecting me! (Fires at him with a P90)
Big Boss: Crud. (Runs around like a madman)
Solidus: (runs out of ammo) Damn, I'm going to have to kill you with my bare hands! (Tries to punch him)
Big Boss: (flips over him and roundhouses him) If you had a hard time with Fox, then I'm gonna kill you!
Solidus: DIE! (Tries to smash him with the tentacles)
Big Boss: (dodges them, then kicks him in the face)
Solidus: GRYA!! (charges at him)
Big Boss: (leaps over him, then spin kicks him in the back of the head)
Solidus: (stumbles an falls) Damn!
Big Boss: (picks up the P90 and slams in a new clip) Die.
Solidus: No! Wait!
Big Boss: Teach you to call me a bad dad. (Shoots him in the eye)
Snake: You killed him dad!
Fox: Way to go dad!
Liquid: You the man, dad!
Wolf: Nice moves!
Mantis: You've been asleep for ten years, and he still couldn't beat you!
Big Boss: The older you are, the better you fight. That's the way it is in my family!
Raiden: Lets get drunk!
All: Hell yeah!
End
Author's Note: Blackraven wanted Mike and Ryan back, so I'm introducing them next chapter, instead of chapter. It will be called: Even Bigger Shell Battle.
Once again, give me ideas, suggestions, recommendations, whatever you want me to call it! Review!
Screw X-Box, long live Hideo Kojima!