Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyers has that right.
Thanks to my Beta's NeeNee246 and toocute24. They are awesome ;)
Chapter 4
Moving on.
As soon as I stepped onto the subway, I wondered if I would see him today or if he would deliberately try to avoid me. How bad was this? I was crushing on a guy I loved back in high school? Only yesterday I was giving Tanya hell for it. I stopped in my tracks. Holy crap. Tanya was crushing on Edward too. My Edward. I wasn't sure I even liked that idea. What if he wanted to pursue things with her? It wasn't like I was anything to him anymore; I hadn't been for three years. I spent the whole commute worrying about it. Why? I had no idea. I should have still been pissed at him, but I wasn't.
"Morning Bella," Angela greeted me as I walked into the office. "How was your evening?"
"I went to bed really early. I was exhausted," I called, hanging my jacket up. It was already hot in the office.
"Oh, good morning, Mr Cullen. Was there something you needed?" Angela replied.
I froze for the slightest of seconds with my back to him.
Composure Bella, act like you aren't even affected by his presence. Don't let him know that just the mere mention of his name drenches your panties.
"I was hoping to catch Miss Swan early, so I could go over the Freelance contract with her in my office." I turned trying not to glare at him, but as his eyes met mine, all my hatred faded. He looked shattered, as if he hadn't slept at all last night.
"That's fine Mr. Cullen," I replied indifferently. "I'll go make us both a cup of coffee and then meet you in your office." Edward smiled slightly before nodding and leaving.
"It's a good thing Tanya doesn't come in early," I joked. "She might kill me for trying to steal her man."
"She would if Edward was ever early. This is a first for him." Angela replied thoughtful.
"He never comes in early?"
"No. He's always the last to go home instead. I have never known him come in this early, ever."
"He must really want to go over the Freelance contract." I was trying to make a joke but Angela was still thoughtful as I left to make the coffees.
Edward was sitting at his desk when I entered.
"Bella," Edward stood up, only to sit back down again as I walked over towards him, handing him his coffee. "Thanks. You have no idea how much I need this."
"Did you even sleep last night?"
"Not really," Edward sighed, placing his mug down on his desk.
"Where do you want to start with the Freelance contract? Did you need me to get their file?" I was trying to be professional, but the way Edward was watching me was making my skin slowly burn from the inside.
"You really want to talk about the Freelance contract first?" he questioned doing that crooked grin that drenched my panties. Composure Bella!
"What else do we have to talk about Mr. Cullen?"
"Bella, come on. I know you have more questions for me."
"Not ones that you will answer." I glared while sipping my coffee. I couldn't help but notice Edward watching my lips.
"I'm sorry about what I said yesterday. I was just trying to make this easier for both of us."
"Nothing about this is going to be easy."
"I know that, but I have to try. Bella, I know all this is my fault; I accept that. Running out on you the way I did it was . . . inexcusable."
"If you are looking for sympathy, you won't get it from me. You broke my heart in every single way."
"If I could take it back I would, believe me."
"You asked to me to believe you once before, so excuse me if I decline that request." I snapped looking away from him.
"How do you want to play this, Bella? If you want me to keep my distance I can. If you want me to leave I will. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have."
I couldn't bear the thought of him leaving, not when I had only just found him again.
"No, don't go," Edward sensed the panic in my voice. "We just need to try and be friends I guess."
"You can do that?" Edward raised an eyebrow at me.
"We were friends for a while before. . . ." Edward laughed at me. "What?"
"Bella, we were never just friends."
"I can try if you will," I whispered. "I'm not ready to let you go yet, Edward. I need you to help me heal. You owe me that after breaking my heart."
"Your right." Edward exhaled as he ran his hands through his hair. "I can tell you this much, Bella: don't expect me to be around for more than three months. I move around a lot."
"You really can't tell me anything, can you?" Edward shook his head solemnly. "What about your family?"
"Please Bella," his voice was distressed. I could sense it was getting to be too much for him.
"So we have about three months." I breathed in deep, changing the subject, trying to take in my own words. Even three months seemed too short a time, but I would take what I could.
"To a fresh start, friend," Edward replied holding his hand out to me.
"To a fresh start," I muttered taking his hand and shaking it. Our eyes locked and I knew Edward could feel the connection happening between us. Friends? How the hell were we going to pull this off?
"Do you promise to stop asking questions about the past? I would tell you if I could but . . .I can't."
"Only if you will answer one question." Edward looked annoyed but I still carried on. "Did you really leave to protect me or did I do . . . something wrong . . . that night. I mean, I know it was my first time. . ."
"Bella," Edward's voice was filled with disbelief. "You were perfect . . . you are perfect. I left to keep you safe; that's the truth." All I could do was nod at him. I wanted to ask more but I knew there was no point. "Perhaps we should get on with the Freelance contract now?"
"I think that might be best." Edward smiled at me, taking a large sip of his coffee.
"How did things go with Mr Cullen?" Angela asked as I wandered back into the office an hour later.
"She has been with Edward all this time!" Tanya complained, glaring at me.
"Good morning to you too, Tanya," I sniggered. That's right bitch, I was with Edward and yesterday I even let him grope me in his office. Why was I acting like an obsessed school girl in my head? I guess Edward brought that out in me.
"I'll go and see if he wants a coffee. He isn't usually in this early." Tanya was about to get up when I replied.
"I've already made him his coffee. He is busy going over the new Freelance contract. He doesn't want to be disturbed."
"Who the hell are you, his keeper?" Tanya screeched.
"No," I smiled. "I thought that was you. Tell me Tanya, does he even like strawberry blondes? I'd find out before your crush turns into an obsession." I could hear Angela chuckling behind me.
"How dare you. You've been here all of two days and already you have insulted me."
"How have I insulted you?" I laughed in disbelief. "I merely asked if you knew Edward's preference in hair colour."
Tanya was about to speak, but a blush appeared on her face, and I suddenly felt a small amount of heat behind me.
"Are you three really talking about my preference in hair colour?" Edward laughed behind me. I spun round holding my chest. I had no idea he was that close. "Really ladies. We need to give you more work if that's the case."
"Sorry Mr. Cullen. We were . . ." Angela stood up pushing Tanya back down in her chair.
"Miss Weber, Mr. Black has asked me to make sure all the mail shots have gone out. He is in meetings all day today so I will be handling any of his important calls."
"Yes, all the mail shots went last night and I will make sure we transfer all calls to you, Mr. Cullen."
"Thank you ladies," Edward smirked, his eyes darting to me for the slightest second. "Oh, and for your information," he added turning around like he had forgotten something. "I prefer brunettes and can be a real sucker for warm chocolate-brown eyes."
I had to hold in my gasp. Did he really just say that and leave?
"I think Mr. Cullen just described Bella, Tanya." Angela smirked, winking at me. I was so dead; I could feel Tanya's glare on my back.
"I'm sure he was just teasing," I muttered, sitting down at my desk.
"He better have been," Tanya snarled. "Because I have no idea what he would see in you." Poor Tanya, she really had no idea what she was getting herself into.
"Tanya, we pay you to work, not gossip," Angela shouted, and with that Tanya was silent until lunch.
I made good use of the morning. I set up databases for all the new clients and even spent time tidying up the archive vault. I was half way through sorting out the files when Edward appeared.
"So, this is where you have been hiding," Edward called leaning against the vault door.
"I haven't been hiding. Have you seen how unorganized it is down here? I'm surprised they can find anything."
"You really haven't changed a bit, have you?"
"Trust me, Edward. I've changed." I scowled, lifting a box of paperwork.
"Here, let me." Edward was in front of me in seconds, our fingers touching as he took the box from me. "You should have asked one of the mailroom boys to help you."
"I will once I sort out the boxes." I grunted, trying to lift an even heavier box.
"Bella," Edward huffed. "Careful, you could hurt your back."
"I can manage." Okay, maybe I couldn't, I realized as the box slipped from my hand just missing Edward's foot. "Shit! Sorry."
"Why don't you take a break? Have you had lunch yet?" I looked at my watch. Damn it was one o'clock already. Where had the time gone? "I'll take that look as a no. Come on," he beamed grabbing my hand. Could he feel the same current that was pulsing through me?
"Where are we going?"
"I'm taking you to lunch." Crap. Was that such a good idea? Bella, it's just lunch. It's not like he is going to eat his lunch off your naked body. Why did that thought make me wish he would?
"Won't people talk," I muttered as I followed him up the stairs to the main offices.
"It's just two work colleagues having lunch, Bella."
"Tanya won't like it," I teased. "I think she has a little crush on you Mr. Cullen."
"A little crush? I'm too scared to drink the coffee she makes me every morning in case she has drugged it." I had to laugh at that; I wouldn't put it past her. She did seem a little too smitten.
"My heart bleeds for you. It must be difficult being the office hottie."
"Office hottie," Edward chuckled looking at me. "Are you included in that assumption?"
"I think you already know that answer," I whispered in his ear. "I'll just get my bag. Shall I meet you by the elevator?" Edward nodded as he made his way to his office.
Luckily Tanya was already on lunch, so I didn't have to explain my lunch date to her.
"I think Mr. Cullen has a little thing for you," Angela stated as I grabbed my bag. "He never goes to lunch with anyone."
"He is just helping me settle in." I moaned pulling my bag over my shoulder. "Just because he's being nice, it doesn't mean he wants to get in) my pants." I wanted to add, 'because he has already been there and I was so bad he disappeared for three years,' but I didn't.
"He just seems different with you Bella. I can't explain it, but he is."
"See you in an hour Angela." I smiled.
"Have fun," she shouted as I exited the office.
"Are you alright?" Edward asked when I met him by the elevators.
"I think we need to be more careful," I muttered stepping into the small space, glad that it was just the two of us.
"What do you mean?" Edward asked as he loosened his tie.
"Angela thinks something is up . . . plus that prank you played about preferring brunettes this morning. Really Edward, if you were in that much trouble, you wouldn't be messing around like that."
"I'm sorry Bella, you're right." Edward sighed pushing the button for the ground floor. "I guess I can't help acting like myself around you. It's been so long since those days." His voice seemed drained as he spoke, like he was talking about a lifetime rather than just three years.
"I know you can't tell me the details but you can talk to me you know."
"I know." Edward took a deep breath, looking up at the small square dim light in the elevator. "I don't want to pull you into all of this. You have no idea what I've already lost." God, I hope he wasn't talking about any of his family members. Where were they all?
"Are you really in danger?"
"The worse possible kind." Edward's voice was just a whisper as the elevator door opened to a stunned strawberry blonde with her mouth hung open. "Hello Tanya. I'm just taking Miss Swan for a working lunch." Edward smirked, taking my arm leading me out of the building.
"She hates me more as each day goes by," I laughed once with reached the sidewalk.
"She'll get over it. It's not like the two of us will do this again." My heart ached a little at his statement.
"We won't?" I pouted.
"Me taking you for lunch each day, isn't going to help heal your heart, Bella."
"How do you know that?" I challenged. "It might be the only cure." I couldn't tell him that I doubted he would ever be able to heal me. The only way my heart could ever mend, would be if he told me he loved me.
"I doubt that," he replied leading me into a small coffee shop. I found a table while he bought the coffee and sandwiches.
I sat staring at him, trying to pinch myself to be sure this was real: that Edward was real.
"What an earth are you doing," Edward sniggered watching me.
"Nothing," I blushed.
"Were you pinching yourself?" I looked down at the table in shame. He must have thought I was a complete idiot. "I am here, Bella. I'm not going anywhere yet."
"How could you tell . . ."
"I know you, remember?" Edward smirked stirring his coffee. "Inside and out." I was over heating just thinking about what he meant. It didn't help when he winked at me, either.
"God, stop that." I moaned. "It's bad enough your sexy ass had to show up again, but please stop making me act like a horny teenager." I clasped my hand over my mouth. Did I really just say that out loud? Looking at Edward's amused face, I knew I had.
"Horny teenager you say," he replied sipping his coffee. "And did you really say I had a sexy ass?"
"Oh, God." I dropped my face into my hands. "Why did you have to turn up? I was doing great, and now I have to go through losing you all over again. Not to mention you're turning me into a babbling idiot." Was I becoming hysterical? I hoped not.
"Bella." Edward's voice was soothing and my body shuddered as he moved my hands so I had to look at him. "Please don't do this to yourself. I'm not worth it, believe me."
"Will you give me warning this time?" I whispered. I knew my eyes were wet with tears.
"Warning for what?" Edward asked confused.
"When you have to leave, will you tell me and not just disappear?" I couldn't help but notice how his eyes softened as I spoke.
"I promise I will say goodbye this time, Bella."
"And keep yourself safe," I added looking him in the eye.
"Yes," Edward laughed shaking his head at me. "Eat your lunch before it gets cold."
"It's a sandwich, Edward," I teased.
"You know what I mean." Edward smirked reaching for his phone. "I have to make a call." He gestured, letting me know he needed to take the call outside. I nodded, tucking into my sandwich. "I will make it up to you Bella. I promise," Edward muttered against my ear before kissing my forehead. I was so overheated watching him leave the coffee house, that I couldn't even finish eating.
The feel of his lips against my skin did things to me that made no sense. It was as if a single kiss had brought me to life. By the time I finished my coffee he was back.
"I can't ask about the call, can I?" I asked while I put my jacket back on.
"Nope," Edward replied watching me.
"What?" I complained. "Do I have food on my face or something?"
"No, I just can't stop looking at you. My whole body feels . . ." Edward stopped in his tracks.
"What is it?"
"I really have to apologize for yesterday in my office when I . . . Well, I got a little carried away."
"Are you referring to the major groping session we had?" I smirked reaching for my bag.
Edward laughed at my comment. "Yes, I am so sorry about that. It won't happen again." I knew I pouted a little. "Bella, I need to help you heal. Us getting carried away isn't going to solve anything."
"I know," I moped.
"I'm here for you as a friend. You can finally have the closure you need. By the time I have to leave, you will be ready to live the rest of your life knowing you had a lucky escape. Bella, I'm not a good person. You have no idea just how much better off you are without me." Edward was beginning to scare me a little. I was sure he could see it in my eyes. "Come on, let's get back to the office." All I could do was nod as I followed him out of the coffee shop.
We were quiet as we walked back but Edward finally spoke just before the elevator doors opened to the office.
"I do have to tell you that most nights I dream about you naked in my bed though, Bella. I wasn't kidding about the desire you make me feel," Edward purred just as the doors slid open.
Edward Cullen was such an asshole, but damn. I couldn't stop from whimpering as he stepped out and headed toward his office, strutting down the corridor like the sex god he was. Every inch of my body still wanted him and I knew Edward felt the same way.
Could I break him down and make him realize that, in order to heal me, he needed to make love to me? A lot? I needed to get my fill of him; surly he can't have been as good as I remembered. Perhaps once or twice was all I would need.
Yeah, Bella who the hell are you trying to kid. A lifetime of making love to him wouldn't be enough, but what else could I do? I loved him. That was all I knew. I would just have to pick up the pieces once he was gone. I had done it once before, I could do that again. What other choice did I have? Either way, my heart was doomed.
Poor Bella. Edward isn't giving anything away is he? Will Edward be able to keep his hands off her? Something tells me he won't but I guess only time will tell. ;)