Disclaimer: I don't own FML or Twilight (New Moon) that's by Stephenie Meyer

FML Twilight

Today, my boyfriend dumps me, a few days after my birthday, he says it's for my own good, and that it was an unhealthy relationship, but I think those were all excuses, the real reason is that I got a paper cut! Now his whole family is moving out of town, so I can't even see them anymore, and he took all the photos, and my present that he gave, leaving me nothing to remember him by. Except his voice which I can imagine hearing but, only when I do dangerous stunts, that's life-risking, warning me to stop, just a little hope that he still cares about me. FML

By: BrokenBells

Comments:

1. Oh that sucks to be dumped after your birthday – by WorstOfTiming

2. Well at least he dumped you after your birthday, so hopefully his present will make you feel better. – by SilverLining

3. Can you read? He took back the present! – by PayAttention

4. That's so mean of him to back the pictures, now you can't even rip them, and cheap, he couldn't even let you keep the present – by TisTisTis

5. Maybe it's better that way, so you don't have to look at them and be sad and heart-broken – by ACleanCut

6. Trust your instincts, for they are your six sense and are fairly accurate most of the time – by BelieveInYourself

7. Yeah, your gut instinct is usually right, if your think his excuses are bullshit, then they probably are – by ThatFeeling

8. I don't think so, well not this time, his reasons are more legit than a paper cut, she's just being paranoid – by SeriouslyWTF

9. Actually that paper cut could have caused her to bleed and stain something valuable of his – by ThePossibilities

10. Come on, what valuable things could she ruin of his, the most is a $45 shirt? He took back her birthday present for God's sake! – by ThinkingCritically

11. It could be his parents' limited edition leather white couch, but that's highly unlikely because my parents already own it! – by RichKid

12. What was the point of that? – by ThatWasPointless

13. Just some spoiled brat, who's bragging about his parents success, while they sit on there ass doing nothing and get the money handed to them, while the rest of us work – by MyOwnTwoHands

14. Her boyfriend could be scared of blood, so he probably couldn't stand her being careless and clumsy – by LowTolerance

15. Everyone gets hurt once and a while, we all can't be covered in pillows 24/7 – by AccidentsDoHappen

16. If he has a fear of blood, he's suffering from hemophobia – by FutureDoctor

17. I only know arachnophobia, the fear of spiders, blah those eight legged freaks – by ArachnidHater

18. Totally agreed with #17 I hate spiders and bugs – by EwToInsects

19. What is it when you hear voices in your head? – by NotAGenius

20. Crazy, it doesn't take a genius to figure that out – by TheAverage

21. That's the wrong term, it's called when you have hallucinations – by SlightlyBetter

22. No, hallucinations is when you see things, I think it's delusional – by NiceTry

23. Technically, #21 could be right, it's a auditory hallucinations – by TheDictionary

24. Technically? This doesn't even have anything to do with mechanics!?!? – by ProperEnglish

25. Medically, it's a mental illness, schizophrenia, where the person suffers from the things listed above, being withdrawn from reality into their minds – by Dr. Gerandy

26. It's when you see, what you can not be, and when you hear, what's not there! – by Dr. Suess

27. I suggest you see a doctor or a therapist about your problems, you seem slightly unstable – by ForYourOwnGood

28. Slightly unstable! This break-up got her suicidal did you see what she wrote "Dangerous stunts, that's life-risking" – by QuoteUnquote

29. Who needs dangerous stunts, all you need is a knife and your wrists – by EmoGuy

30. What is your problem, can't you see she's already in distress, you're not helping by giving any ideas #29 – by AnotherPushDown

31. Please don't try to kill yourself, things will work out eventually, just give it some time – by DeathNotTheAnswer

32. No wonder his whole family moved, she probably threaten them with her twisted mind – by RunAway

33. More like annoy his family, and bug them about where her exe boyfriend is, she loves him too much to hurt him – by AskAndAskAgain

34. She'll probably stalk them through bushes trying to sneak a peak of him, because her mental state is causing her to become obsessed – by JustOneLook

35. Try hiding in a variety of spots, up trees, behind walls, and in his closet, it's better and it's less likely to get caught – by SneakyNinja

36. Great, now they have to install security cameras, everywhere, to surveillance the house, and alarms so she can't break in – by ProtectionNeeded

37. She can't pull it off, all they need is a fence and she'll fall off climbing it – by NoWorries

38. Why are you people making fun her, because she has a few issues, don't we all, so don't judge her on them, we all have times when we hit rock bottom, and do stupid things, so instead of giving another kick, give a hand and some support – by StayStrong

39. I agree with #38, life's not over, it's just a bump in the road, continue moving forward the hard times will pass – by HoldOn

40. Teenage drama, I remember when I was that age, crying and eating ice-cream was all I could do that night, but by the next day I had a new crush – by You'llGetOverIt

41. Tomorrow is a new day, and a fresh start, so just put this behind you and don't back for it's now the past – by MovingOn

42. Cut loose, and throw yourself out there because there's plenty of fish in the ocean, like there are guys in this world, so maybe you've caught a boot this time, but add some bait, and the fish will come, eventually you'll make your catch, so what are you waiting for bring on the fish nets and poles – by RatherSuggestive

43. Hey now that you're single, the boys will be swarming to put a ring on it – by SingleLadies

44. NO. I HATE RINGS! – by BrokenBells