Nothing left un-mocked
Disclaimer: I dont own the chracters i'm just having fun.
Well lets do this, so the next three chapters will be devoted to ArchXArtegor because its cool.
Arch and Artegor
Arch was sitting on his bed. He was also cutting himself for reasons that will be explained in a the most exiting narrative hook ever ,but who needs hooks when you've got blood?
For yes there was blood single square inch of Arch's bed sheets were covered in blood,so was his pillow case ,the walls looked like they'd got a new red paint job not even the ceiling had gone untainted.
Being a main character could be both a blessing and a curse and Arch was finding out the curse part right about now. He had been cutting himself for hours and his arms were ripped to shreds but he STILL wasn't dead! yes apparently he had an unlimited supply of blood,just so he couldn't be killed.
Now was the perfect time for and angsty started to sing in a really loud off key voice that made Talent scouts including the head of Simon cowell drop down he still wasn't as bad as Artegor.
I HATE LIFE!!
I WANT TOOOOOO DIIIIIIIIE!!
I FEEEEEEEEL NUUUUUUUUUUUMB!
He cut himself again ,just to prove how numb he was
MY LIFE SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!
I WAAAAAAAAAANT TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DIIIIIIIIIIE!!!
LIFE IS MEANINGLEEEEEEEEEEESS
DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!
ANGSTANGSTANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He cut himself yet again.
IM DROWNING IN A SEA OF BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
He cut himself again.And let me tell you,its not easy to simultaneously hold a high not and slash at ones wrist. But Arch was so angsty,he managed to pull it off.
I AM A FALLEN ANGEL OF ANGST....AND MORE BLOOD!
And then in a sheer burst of originality,Arch cut himself a fourth time
This cycle would probably have continued if Arch had not heard ,this unknown person was walking very slowly because it took him/her/it twenty dramatic minuets to walk down the incredibly short ,Artegor burst into the room Dramatically(duh) despite walking so slowly he was out of breath (or should I say smog sorry for the bad joke)
"hey Archiepoo guess what? I have some good news! I got myself checked out and i don't have gonnorr....ARCH WHAT IS THAT ON THE FLOOR!
For Artegor had stepped in the five inch deep pool of blood that covered all of the floor.
Then he noticed that Arches arm's resembled ground beef,and stood quietly for a few minuets trying to figure out the best dramatic thing to say to this .He figured that if Arch was going to die he would have done it already
Finaly he came up with the perfect line it was SO original he was sure no one had ever used anything like it
"Why would my perfect cherub do this to himself?"
The shocking originality went over Arch's head,because he was so angsty
"Oh Artegor its awful! but I cant tell you now it would ruin the suspense! I know...I'll have a flash back instead"
Artegor scratched his head
"OK but ...can you at least tell me whats going on in the flashback"
Arch just sighed
"Of course not! You'll have to wheedle out the truth from me over the course of several chapters! But the author doesn't have time for that, so don't interrupt me anymore!"
Flashback
Arch was the most miserable child in the universe .If this were another fandom he would have got fairy godparents but this is galactick football so there were no fairys to be had.
His one comfort in life was football and he held on to it for dear life but no one was impressed they all thought about Noratas science awards and how clever he was.
So Arch was treated like shit and he knew he was never going to be accepted by his alcoholic father so he cut himself using cocaine wire.
yes his past was horrible who cares how famous he is it's his dysfunctional past that matters.
End of Flashback
" Okay Artegor you can talk now" Present day Arch said
But before Artegor could say anything ,Clamp burst into the room
" OKAY ,Arch your gonna get it now!" he shouted as he sloshed through the blood.
By now Arch's wounds had healed and he was back to himself.
"Um..Hi ,Clamp Why are you mad at me?
Steam came out of Clamps ears.
"Why,WHY? BECAUSE YOU PUT THE TOILET PAPER ON THE WRONG WAY THAT'S WHY !ITS SUPPOSED TO UNROLL FROM THE TOP NOT THE BOTTOM WHEN IT UNROLLS FROM THE BOTTOM IT BRAKES OFF AFTER TO SHEETS! DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING THAT IS?!"
Arch shook his head .But Clamp wasn't done yet.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS? THIS MEANS I HAVE TO RAPE YOU! TRANSFORM!
Clamps eyes turned red ,his teeth grew into fangs and a cute little cats tail grew out of the seat of his pants (he'd have to make the last one more threatening) he took a step towards Arch but Artegor was in front of him in an instance.
" oh no you dint TRANSFORM" Artegor shouted and a huge crash went up and Artegor was suddenly wearing (dun dun dun) a Sonic the hedgehog costume
" Fine you win"Clamp said "I'll just go hump a tree" and with that he left
"Artegor i cant thank you enough " Arch said
"You know what Arch" Artegor said
"What..Thran hasn't turned up in this chapter yet?"
"No even though that's true........I love you lets go tell every one"
And they did they gatered every one into an auditorium and Artegor yelled through the microphone
" I am In love with Arch" He half expected every one to be in shock but Sinedd got up and yelled
"we all knew that next time tell us something we dont know" and he left with the rest of the un impressed audiance
Hours later Thran crawled out from under his bed
"Can it be a whole chapter has gone by and I haven't been hurt yet by something no one saw coming?!"
Just then a random ice-cream truck fell otu of the sky and crushed him all he could say was
"Bugger"
And im done the next to chapters after this will be ArchXArtegor cause i have a lot of ideas for them then well go into some of the unexplored pairings fun!