Tempted fate side scene of chapter 44 Edward talks to Bianca after Nessie confronts her at Christmas
I lead her down the steps outside into the cold air. I couldn't believe that she had the nerve to show up. Who knows what Renesmee would have tried to do to her? She had a crazed look in her eyes. I know she's pissed. Shit this is all my fucking fault.
"What in the world were you thinking… coming here. You know my daughter would have been here. I put my family through enough."
"But Edward… I didn't mean to be vindictive. I missed you. It's Christmas and… and I love you," she cried.
What a fucking mess I'm in. Her tears spilled over and I felt so fucking guilty for doing this to her. It was freezing and I wanted to talk to her so I lead her to my car. Her red Honda Civic was parked behind Jacob's truck. I opened the doors to my Volvo with my alarm pad and she got in and slammed my door. I turned the car on and put the heat on full blast. I knew half of my family was probably watching us from the windows so I just decided to drive off. This was my mess… and I needed to handle it without the world watching and judging me. I feel like shit as it is. I drove off and parked down the road. There were no houses around… just trees.
"I'm sorry Edward. But do you have any idea of what I'm going through? Yes… I'm sorry that we slept together. I should have used better judgment. But I also thought you wanted me too. I mean… you did make love to me. What's done is done. We can't change the past. I am having your baby."
"I know we can't change the past."
"So… we have to figure this out. I know you don't love me like I love you; that kills me each day. But if Bella doesn't take you back… I wouldn't mind being your second choice. I love you Edward. I've always loved you really. I just didn't know it. I thought it was just adoration." She pulled me closer to her and kissed my lips. "I understand that you love Bella. But if it doesn't work out… we could be a family."
She took my hand and led it to her stomach. God my head felt so clouded.
"I'm only seven weeks. But this is your child Edward. As long as you love it… I will be happy. Even if you're not with me."
"Bianca… of course I will love our child. How could I not."
She looked down and more tears fell from her eyes.
"Bianca," I breathed.
"Your daughter looked like she wanted to hit me. I can understand her anger. I don't wanna cause any problems with her. I know she's having a rough pregnancy. I wonder if she would ever forgive me. She will be my child's sister… just as she said."
"Yes… Renesmee has been through a lot. Um… it's best if for now you give her her space. It's gonna take a while for my family to accept all of this."
"Ok."
She started to cry and I wrapped my arms around her to comfort her. I couldn't help but to cry myself. This is so complicated. She looked up at me and wiped my tears from my face with her thumbs.
"I don't feel so good... I wanna go home."
"You don't want to go to your parent's house?"
"No… I wouldn't be so… I don't know… sociable. The way I feel right now… I just wanna go home and cry."
"But it's Christmas… I'm sure your family wants to see you."
"Edward… can you take me back to my car please."
Bianca looked so sad with her eyes puffy and red. I had an urge to take care of her... but knew I should be with my family.
"Sure… I'll take you to your car. "
Once we got back in front of my parent's house she started throwing up near Jacob's truck. It reminded me of Bella when she was always sick with Rensesmee. How eerie and ironic this situation is.
"Bianca… are you ok?"
"I'll be fine. I have a throw up bag in my car if I get sick while I'm driving."
She gagged again but nothing came up.
"Uuhh… well… I'll drive you home. I don't want you throwing up while you're trying to drive."
"No…no that's ok. Stay here with your famil…." She started gaging again. This time something came up.
"Come on give me your keys. I'm not taking no for an answer."
She went in her pocket book and handed me over the keys. I looked up at the house knowing that my daughter was probably crying or mad as hell. Jacob's truck was still here… so I knew she had to be with him. Hopefully he will be able to comfort her. He's been a good husband to her and I can see that he loves her. I haven't been such a good father lately… and I will have to live with that knowledge of hurting my kids.
I helped Bianca get in her car then walked across the car to get to the driver's side. I noticed movement in one of the living room windows and saw what looked like my sister Alice sweater dart away. Great now they will have more to talk about. I hopped in the car and adjusted the seat so that I would be comfortable driving and took off. I wanted to make sure that she got home safely… and I also wanted to get back to Renesmee to make sure that she was ok. The way Alice looked at me when I came in the door let me know I'm still on her shit list. We were silent the entire ride to her place. I didn't really know what to say and she probably didn't feel well enough to talk.
I parked her car in the apartment's garage and got out first to help her out of the car. She looked really tired and I was hoping that she would change her mind and want to go spend Christmas with her family. I would hate for her to spend it alone. When we got in her apartment she dashed to the bathroom and threw up again. Fuck… I really don't wanna leave her.
"Thanks for taking me home," she groaned from the bathroom. Her voice sounded weird because of the acoustics. "You can go now."
"You sure you're gonna be ok?"
"Yeah I'm…" Gag!
Damn… she's really sick. I guess it's because she's upset. I walked to her bathroom and found her knelled on the floor grabbing the side of the toilet.
"Oh Bianca…"
"I'll be ok," she said as she started to get up. I reached out to her and helped her stand to her feet.
"Thanks," she murmured.
She brushed her teeth and washed her mouth out with mouth wash then looked in the bathroom closet and took out a bucket and grumbled something I couldn't understand. Then she walked out of the bathroom… looking like she was angry. She went in her bedroom and kicked off her shoes and lay down on top of the covers.
"Oh… my phone… it's in my purse in the living room. I have to tell my mom that I'm not coming over."
"I'll get it."
I walked down the hall way back into her living room and picked up her purse that she threw on the floor. When I came back into the room she had more tears in her eyes.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome," I said sadly.
All of this was like a bad dream. Bianca searched her purse and took out her cell phone. I thought she was going to call her mom… but she just sent a text and buried her head in the pillow crying. I sat down on the bed next to her and started rubbing her back.
"I don't want you to miss Christmas dinner with them. Maybe you'll start to feel better soon? I really don't wanna leave you alone."
She turned her body slightly to face me. The way she was laying made her breast almost pour over.
"I… I'll be ok," she said with her voice quivering. I moved a lock of her blonde hair from her face. It was sticking to the side of her cheek from the wetness of her tears. She gently smiled at me.
"Some Christmas… huh?"
"I wish you felt better. Can I do anything for you while I'm here? Do you need something like water?"
"No… what I need I can't have," she said barely audible.
"You don't need me Honey. You need someone who's emotionally stable. Someone that loves only you."
Bianca sat up on the bed and touched my face.
"You can't tell me what I need. You have no idea of how much I love you Edward. I love you… I'm sorry… but I do," she breathed.
"Bianca… I will be there for the baby. I will help you out financially. But I'm not in love with you. You want an instant family... like us being a couple. I'm sorry I can't give that to you. Shit… I'm still in love with my wife."
"Your wife is talking about divorcing you."
"That doesn't mean that I stopped loving her."
"If things were different… never mind."
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Bianca."
Her lips started to tremble and more tears started to fall from her eyes. My heart felt like it sunk to the pit of my stomach. Because of me and my stupid mistake I'm ripping this girl apart emotionally. Renesmee has girlfriends her age. What the fuck am I doing? Bianca wrapped her arms around my shoulders and started to sob.
"I'm scared Edward. I don't want to do this alone."
"And you won't. I will be there for you."
"I'm only going to get paid 60% of my pay when I go out on maternity leave… and I barley can afford this place now."
"I told you that I would help you out financially. You don't have to worry about money."
I held her face but she kept her eyes closed with her head down. She looked so pitiful. So different from the vibrant legal assistant I met a few years ago that always had a smile on her face. Bianca was my lunch companion on many of days and we got to know each other. I only thought of her as a friend but I guess she had stronger feelings for me that I just didn't see. She was always eagerly willing to help me with projects because that was her job. I didn't see her bright smile as anything but a smile and not that she was actually excited to be with me. I had no clue that this poor girl was falling in love with me. I wouldn't have suggested for her to hang with me that night when I rented a suite in Seattle and bumped into her at the hotel's restaurant. We had a few drinks and I had way too many. I tried to drown the pain of Bella kicking me out of my own house. The next thing I knew we were up in my room and we were getting undressed. I was tearing away at her clothes and… I don't even want to think about it. Oh no… I just had a visual of her naked. Fuck. Please don't think of her mouth on your… shit. Damnit please Dick don't get hard. This is the completely, utterly the wrong time for that.
Bianca took a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes and looked at me. Her breathing hitched as if she was going to cry again.
"It's gonna be ok," I breathed.
"That's so easy for you to say. You don't have the fear of being left alone."
"I'm not going to leave you alone."
"Please don't," she murmured.
"Bianca," I breathed slowly.
She took my hand and placed it on her stomach. My glare stayed there for a moment then I looked up into her grey eyes. I felt like I was frozen in place. She moved closer to me until her lips were barely an inch from mine. I could feel the heat of her breath on my skin.
"Stay with me Edward."