Story: Hope of Morning, Chapter 3(part 1 (Please be patient and don't kill me)

Disclaimer: I don't own Undertale.

Omg, this is probably terrible. I'm sorry. I really did try my best, but I'm just not meant to write for Papyrus(even though it's not disbelief Papyrus(at least I don't think it is?), something just seems off...)... *sob*

The being confident thing is not working at all.

Also, (PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE DRAMA, AS I WILL TAKE THE GASTER BLASTER IDEA OUT) I think that because Sans is so powerful and has some of the abilities he has, he has to remain as composed as possible, because if he becomes too emotional or panics too much, it can affect his magic and cause him to lose control of it, thus possibly resulting in him unintionally seriously hurting himself or somebody else in the process.

I honestly hope I'm not ruining this story...

ALSO, I am so sorry for not posting the whole chapter. I've written too much and mixed up a whole bunch of it. I've been trying to find a job, and a lot of things have been going on, so I haven't been able to focus on this story all that much, or enough to concentrate on what I'm really doing. I will probably edit this all in the future because this is literally terrible in my opinion. Papyrus is, for some reason just so hard for me to write. Guess I'm just meant to be a depressing... person unlike him... lol... though I'm probably an insult to Sans as well...

Sorry, I'm not having a good month at all. :/

My anxiety is killing me right now.

I'll upload more when I can, but I really hope to hear some reviews or something, including constructive criticism. Please...?

...

Papyrus was sitting on the couch, practically sobbing into his hands. Sans, not knowing what was wrong, felt out of place. He didn't like it all when Papyrus cried(though it wasn't very often), because Papyrus's happiness was the source of his(Sans's) very own happiness and practically one of the very few good things in his life. When Papyrus was feeling down, Sans couldn't help but feel like the entire world around him was crumbling, because in so many ways, Papyrus was his pillar of strength, the one thing keeping him going physically and mentally.

Honestly, Sans had always admired, yet envied, Papyrus's ability to stay optimistic and passionate no matter the odds. Despite appearances and their banters, down deep, Sans had always been the more cynical one. Unlike Papyrus, he had given up most of his hope for anything long ago.

He used to look up to his little brother and his reliance on pacifism and belief that everybody must have some good in them, but now... it just felt like an ignorant way of living that resulted in nothing positive. Not that he would ever dare try to take that belief away from Papyrus.

Over time, he'd grown numb to the process of the resets. He'd seen the same things so many times, knowing that there was nothing at all that he could truly do to stop it, that the idea of any possible hope didn't phase him at the slightest.

And knowing that he was also the only one that could remember the resets aside from the kid, he could tell that his purpose was different from the rest of the people's in the Underground.

Karmic Retribution. He was there to judge them. However, he knew that he couldn't truly kill them as they'd only come right back, but he'd felt that maybe he could tick them off, and hold them back long enough to discourage them from coming back to a world that was already worthless as it was. Unfortunately, they had slowly just picked up on his attack routine, and been able to finish him off every time they killed everybody again. He had no clue if the kid truly knew he had memories of the past resets or not, but he didn't really care. He assumed they figured it didn't matter either, because it's not like he really had any real control over what they did anyway.

...

For a while, Sans just silently stood at the door, barely holdly back the temptation to teleport away, not wanting to risk saying the wrong thing and making his brother feel worse than he already was as a result. Thankfully, his moral and brotherly side overpowered him and kept him from doing so, as he swallowed, finally forcing himself to approach.

Whether Papyrus had known the whole time that he was there or not, Sans didn't know, but it wasn't a question he really cared to recieve an answer for, even though he assumed Papyrus had known and had expected him to approach.

"Bro...? What's wrong...? Why are you-?"

"Undyne called me, Sans..."

Papyrus then turned so his eye sockets could meet Sans's. The shorter skeleton brother's posture froze momentarily when he realized what this was about, feeling an extreme sense of guilt engulfing his entire being. He was about to take a step back, when Papyrus quickly stood up, seeming to predict his actions. Reaching out, he grabbed his wrist to stop him in his tracks. Against Sans's wishes, he quickly pulled his jacket sleeve up, causing the smaller skeleton to flinch slightly due to the soreness from his most recent self-inflicted injuries.

Sans had washed the caked on blood and dust off of them since he had left Grillby's, but obviously the bones were still visibly scratched up.

"...Oh my... God, Sans... S-she was right... Why didn't you tell me that you were feeling this way...?" Papyrus forced himself to ask, more tears falling, as he tried to find a way to word it without sounding too presumptuous. He didn't know much of anything about this subject, had only heard about it once or twice before in passing conversations, and didn't want to anger or upset Sans, thus he wasn't going to act like he knew something that he didn't. However, there was no way he could stand by and risk allowing him to dust himself, even by accident.

Sans averted his gaze, unable to say anything. Down deep, he was filled with self loathing, sickened by his current position. He was the older brother, he was supposed to take care of Papyrus, not the other way around. But now that this had happened, Papyrus, being his usual lovable and giving self, would probably feel it was his obligation, "as The Great Papyrus", to look after him, even though he would unknowingly be wasting his time.

At least until the next reset, whenever that might be. Hours? Days? Months? Who knew...?

The silence in the room was eating away at Sans, and he couldn't bare to face him anymore, nor deal with the silence in the room or the desperate expression on Papyrus's face. He turned his head away, unable to bring himself to say anything right away. Papyrus waited, as patient as possible, although refusing to let go of Sans's wrist for fear that if he did, Sans would teleport away and quickly dust himself where nobody could save him in time. At this moment, the knowledge of Sans's naturally low stats honestly scared Papyrus more than it ever had before. Therefore, more than anything else right now, he just wanted him to say something, even if it was a stupid pun, just to offer some sense of regulation.

Why did Sans never seem to want to talk to him about serious matters? Was it his(Papyrus's) fault somehow for not trying hard enough to try to understand his brother, and for not really noticing this until now, when Undyne had to point out to him something that was as clear as day, after scars had already been carved into Sans's wrist? How had it not even dawned on him that Sans might sleep so much he was actually severely depressed and needed support?

And yet, all he ever did was fuss at Sans for being lazy, nitpick over his tastes, everything he did, and even the way he did them. Above all, he was constantly fussing over his sense of humor, fussing at him for making puns and jokes out of everything, even though joking around might have been the least destructive way he could cope with anything at all; even though that might be one of the only things he ever seemed to truly enjoy. Was it him that had caused Sans to withdrawl so much...?

Sans had never once seemed like the type that would be bothered by such a thing. He was the most carefree and relaxed guy in all of Snowdin, no, the entire underground!

When he did get onto Sans about things, Sans never seemed even at the slightest apprehensive around him.

Yet, considering that he hadn't even picked up on Sans's entirely voluntary chipping and tearing up of his own bones - despite living under the same roof as him of all things - until Undyne, who didn't even know Sans as well as he did, had to bring it to his attention for him to even notice that anything was wrong at all, maybe he didn't know him as well as he thought he did. After all, he had been completely oblivious to Sans's suffering all along.

However, even if he wasn't the source of Sans's anguish, it was still apparent that he was probably hurting himself as a way to cope with something that he didn't 'care to' or found no motivation to let anybody else in on for whatever reason, and nothing explained what that was that Sans was hurting himself over.

...Unless it was, perhaps somebody else?...

...Had somebody else hurt his brother?

Was there possibly somebody in the Underground that was causing Sans this much pain? The same question ran through his head again and again, protective brotherly instinct and a certain feeling suddenly burning within him at the thought of even the possibility. He didn't realize it at first, as it was hard to notice, considering the mix of other emotions swarming within him, but soon... he recognized it. It was a feeling that was extremely rare for him to feel; anger.

From what Papyrus knew of him, even if Sans was being hurt or messed with by somebody else, he just wasn't the type to burden others with his troubles, instead keeping it between him and troublemaker especially if there was a possibility of others' lives being at risk in some way or another. Sans was the type that, if he felt things were beyond his control, would physically protect himself, but not even bother with defending himself emotionally. He just let things happen and manifest. To top it off, knowing Sans, he probably felt like a lot of things were beyond his control, considering how he seemed to function. Even if he was extremely hurt down deep, he simply wouldn't talk about it, unless he was basically at wit's end, and even what was said then was limited and would only leave others with far more questions, just because it was his nature to keep things to himself.

He was the type that easily seemed insouciant and undismayed to those around him, but was actually more fragile than any of the other monsters. He was somebody that secretly had an unnatural capacity to love and hope, thus kept at a distance because of it.

Papyrus could remember multiple times in the past that he was trying to do nothing more than be serious out of concern for Sans's health, HP level, occasional sleep walking spells, and various other relatively important concerns he had and all Sans could do was joke about it like he hadn't a single care in the world.

And that was the problem. His big brother didn't seem to care about much of anythingat all, always remained lackadaisical, disimpassioned and aloof, around practically everybody, especially him(Papyrus). But perhaps it was all just an act that everybody had fallen for; that even Sans himself had started to believe...

And truthfully, it suddenly didn't even matter if Sans cared what he was always saying down deep, because Papyrus would be lying if he said it wasn't frustrating to see Sans be so dismissive over the importance of looking out for himself and his own health.

And that's partially what brought the question back to mind of whether or not somebody was hurting Sans.

He needed to know, more than anything, why Sans didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth. He needed to know why Sans was hurting himself. But he suddenly couldn't bring himself to speak anymore at the thought that somebody was hurting him. The very thought upset him in ways unimaginable, angered him. However, without any proof of anything, he could only direct his anger at himself for not having noticed; for not having been able to prevent whatever it was that was causing his brother so much pain, and for not even knowing what it was that was causing Sans to do this to himself. He had no choice but to put the blame on himself in this case because he didn't want to hurt anybody, even if they were hurting his brother. Surely, if he only knew what was going on, they could work it all out together, even if it wasn't another person behind Sans's problems. After all, violence and anger would certainly only add to their problems. At least that was how Papyrus felt.

Yet, despite coming to that conclusion, Papyrus couldn't relax and the burning feeling in his SOUL only got stronger. He should've noticed that something was wrong with Sans, right? Even though he obviously couldn't read minds, he'd become so obsessed with the idea of capturing a human and joining the royal guard that he'd slowly kind of stopped checking in on and looking out for Sans. Even though Sans was also partially to blame for pushing him away like he had, Papyrus himself had, in a way, got tired of being pushed away, thus simply decided to succumb to the idea that that was just Sans's nature. It was to make things more simple and less awkward between them. Thus, in a way, he'd done something he never would have had it been anybody else. Without even realizing it, he'd given up on Sans,... hadn't he...? Realizing this only now, Papyrus was overcome with underlying sense of guilt. He'd been a horrible brother, and now didn't even know what to say. He looked down covering his face to now hide the tears that had started falling once more. He knew Sans had probably never hated him for anything, and might not be able to even if he tried, but that knowledge only made him feel worse.

He wanted to say something. He needed to, but, still, nothing came out except choked sobs, knowing that he had to gather his thoughts. What if he made things worse?

Not knowing of Papyrus's thought's or feelings, Sans was starting to feel sick and anxious by just standing there. Papyrus's silence had been unbearable for Sans, especially since Papyrus was always the more talkative one. And now that Papyrus had started crying again, he felt abashed, assuming that Papyrus probably felt betrayed, considering that Sans couldn't come up with a satisfiable answer. He couldn't, even though he wanted to. After all, there was no possible excuse for making one's brother hurt to such a degree.

"Sorry, Pap..." was all he could utter underneath his breath, though he doubted Papyrus even heard him. His entire being was consumed with guilt, as his wrist began to itch. It took every single bit of his energy to not scratch at it. He needed to get away as soon as possible before he had to go off to do his Sentry Duty. Right now, more than anything, he just wanted to see that dust falling from his bones, and that beautiful crimson leaking out again, especially now, knowing that he deserved it. After everything that had happened in such a short amount of time, he was already craving the oh-so familar feeling of carving into his own bones. He vehemenently needed to regain some bit of control as soon as possible, even if it was just a little, but he didn't want Papyrus to see such a sight. His little brother didn't deserve that.

Yet he didn't feel a single amount of shame for invisioning hurting himself, despite being in the presence of the very person he wanted to protect from all of this more than anybody else. It was true that he hadn't wanted to make Papyrus suffer, but that could have been prevented had Undyne not seen it.

That's when he began to grow slightly irritated at himself, knowing that it was his own fault that Undyne, Grillby and inevitably Papyrus had found out. He should have been more careful, and shouldn't have said a single thing about how he was feeling. He should have lied to Undyne and defended himself. He could have easily convinced her that he wasn't thinking about dusting himself even though it was probably impossible for him to truly die. So why didn't he? Because he hadn't expected her to be so observant and react in such a way? No, he actually knew Undyne rather well, better than some, and knew full well that she wasn't by any means oblivious to her surroundings nor other's moods. So what did he expect by not arguing his case?

He supposed it didn't matter.

After all, all he knew was that he would just have to be more careful from now on. In any resets after this, He'd just have to start chipping his legs instead of his arms, where his shorts could cover it.

But, in the meantime, there was a high chance that Undyne and Papyrus and anybody else that just so happened to get involved might not even feel 'safe' or 'comfortable' allowing him to be by himself any time soon, much to his dismay. How troublesome.

Suddenly, the other's grip on Sans's wrist began to tighten, snapping him out of his thoughts. Feeling uncomfortable, he spoke to get his brother's attention, to inquire what he was thinking.

"Papyrus, you're squeezin... kinda hard... aren'tcha...? Somethin' wrong...?"

...

Hearing Sans's voice, said skeleton felt a wave of guilt engulf his soul when he realized what he was doing and quickly loosened his grip, though still not fully letting go.

His suddenly feelings of frustration disappeared instantly, and he felt ashamed.

"Sorry," he choked out. "I got... lost in thought... And I should be asking you that, Sans..."

What was he doing? If he had squeezed much harder, he could have...

"It's okay, bro. I forgive ya. And yeah, 'm fine." Sans said, shrugging. "Anyway, can you... um... let me go now? This is kind of uncomfortable..."

Papyrus swallowed. The truth was he wanted to let go and make the situation more comfortable for both of them, and to give Sans his space, but for all he knew, Sans could be thinking of a way to kill himself at this exact moment. If he let go...

"I found him sitting near the abyss over in Waterfall." Undyne had told him.

"He didn't really give me much of an answer as to why he was there, just said that he was feeling 'down in the dumps'. And coming from Sans, well, that could mean a lot of things... To top it off, he seemed a little too nonchalant about the idea of falling into the abyss when I mentioned it. Even though he's normally dispondant, that's simply not normal for anybody...! He actually seemed like he was considering it, and didn't even deny it when I suggested that he was... I'm seriously worried about him, Paps... He could be suicidal."

He could be suicidal...

Those words really haunted Papyrus. Truthfully, he had never been able to truly tell what Sans was thinking a lot of times, because he typically seemed so relaxed and didn't allow his facial expressions to show much, as he was an expert at hiding things, an excellent actor, no matter the situation. And knowing that really scared Papyrus more than it ever had before.

He could be suicidal.

"Papyrus?" Sans knocked him out of his thoughts again. "I asked you to let go of my wrist."

"No, I can't..."

"Huh...?"

"...Do not get me wrong, Sans. I want to, but I am afraid that if I... did,... you wouldn't...um... be here anymore...?" Papyrus more inquired than stated, hoping that Sans would try to deny it. He didn't outright mention the other suspicions he had at the moment because he didn't want to sound scrutinizing. He had stopped crying.

At hearing the accusation, though unaware of Papyrus's other worries. Sans momentarily froze up, feeling sick to his stomach. His face burned in shame, because he had been planning to teleport away, despite his previous decision to try and stay for Papyrus. However, he quickly regained his composure, playing it off as cooly as possible, shrugging nonchalantly with a smile, still unable to deny it. "...Wow, you got me, bro... You're pretty good at that, huh? I guess you really... saw right through me..."

However, when Sans gave his trademark toothy grin, Papyrus didn't even scold him, much to his chagrin. Instead, the other had a hurt look on his face.

"...Why?" Tears once again brimmed at the edges of his little brother's eye sockets. When he was still a babybones, Papyrus used to cry a lot, but at some point he'd started trying to hide it more and more. But now, he wasn't making a single attempt to do so, which would have normally been slightly easier to deal with for Sans, had it been any other reason Papyrus was crying. But knowing that he himself was the cause, Sans couldn't didn't know what to do and couldn't bring himself to say anything. After all, him being there was surely making things worse, but since Papyrus really wanted him to be there, he decidely just listened to what Papyrus had to say.

"Why do you always do that...?!" Papyrus cried out, frustrated. "Why does everything have to be so difficult to deal with you? I want nothing more than to help you, but you won't talk to me at all..."

Sans ever so slightly sighed at him. Needless to say, the 'difficult' part honestly kind of hurt, but he knew that Papyrus was just frustrated, as was he.

Still...

Geez, Undyne, you really have a knack for getting people worked up over nothing, don'tcha?

"I'm not usually that talkative of a guy anyway... You should know that better than anyone, Bro..." Sans said, his expression turning dark but for only a second, before he smiled again, winking, just to be sardonic and play with Papyrus a little, though partly as a response to the stress he was feeling. "But, well, look at the brightside, I am talking to you now, aren't I...?"

Honestly was probably one of the worst things he could have done said in this case. Even his tone had sounded bitter and sarcastic, like he was trying to throw Papyrus's concern right back in his face.

And for Papyrus, that was the last straw.

"Sans..." Papyrus breathed out, feeling more drained than ever, before asking a question that he wanted to doubt before, but wasn't so sure of now. "...Is this... my fault in some way that I don't know of...? Are you... mad at me?"

Sans felt sick suddenly. What the hell had he done...? He had been so stressed that he had bitterly mocked Papyrus. What was he supposed to think?

"Or have I done something to make you-?" Papyrus began to ask, but, for the first time since getting home, Sans's emotions got the best of him. He grew extremely irritated at himself again for making his brother feel that way. However, he knew he had to fix this. In an instant, his mood changed and he became nothing but serious, cutting the other off before he could finish. He refused to allow Papyrus to even dare suggest such a thing. For just a mere few seconds, he crumbled to the pressure of both of the other's stress and his own.

"No, no, no, of course not...!" He assured him defensively. "It's not your fault at all. None of it was...! So don't...say that..."

He had trailed off, turning away, when he realized he had definitely said way too much already. He was originally just planning to prove his point, but apparently instead got carried away.

And Papyrus then realized that even though he himself probably wasn't to blame for Sans's behavior, he was still somehow connected to whatever was troubling Sans.

"...'It'? What are you talking about?" He asked softly.

"...'s nothin important... Just forget I said anything, kay?" Sans muttered in response. He immediately wished that Papyrus would stop asking questions. Unfortunately for him, at times, Papyrus was simply too persistent for his own good.

"Sans..."

And sometimes, his guesses on what Sans was thinking, just so happened to be eerily spot-on.

"Is there somebody that has... hurt you?"

"...Let go of me, Papyrus..." Sans muttered defensively with a great amount self-reproach, and anxiety. He didn't want to answer Papyrus. He didn't want to talk any more at all.

I don't want to be here.

He needed to get away. To curb his craving.

"What is it that happened, Sans...?" Papyrus asked.

He need to get away.

Couldn't Papyrus just see that he just didn't want to talk about it; that all he wanted was the same thing he needed, and what heneeded was his RELEASE.

"I said to let go of me...!" Sans ever so slightly hissed, trying to pull his wrist out of Papyrus's grip. Any light in his eye sockets completely disappeared in an instant, and his expression grew dark as he tried to pull away and pry Papyrus's fingers away from his wrist, trying his best to resist using other means of escape. However, it was a little known fact that Papyrus was physically stronger than Sans if they weren't comparing certain special abilities. So Papyrus easily kept a hold of him.

"I c-can't...! Sans, please, you have to try to calm down...! I believe you're just confused about what you want at the moment." Papyrus pled, placing his free hand on Sans's shoulder, trying his hardest to reason with him and get him to calm down. However, Sans would hear none of that and only flinched at the physical contact, trying to pull away even harder. He was starting to panic, breathing heavily and unsteadily. He obviously was not fully aware of what he was doing anymore, or at least not in the right state of mind at the moment, but he was obviously beginning to sweat, nervous, and unsteady, as he shifted on his feet.

"...Back off... I mean it. I just want to leave! So just let me go!" Sans shouted at him, trying to pull back. He seeming to be looking through Papyrus, rather than at him, tears flowing from his eye sockets. His whole figure was trembling.

Suddenly, a Gaster Blaster had formed behind him. Whether Sans knew that the blaster was there or not Papyrus couldn't tell, but he could assume Sans didn't. Sometimes, he had to admit that they almost seemed to be an extension of Sans repressed emotions, but yet practically appeared to have a mind of their own at points.

Had it been anybody else, they would assume that, in his current state of mind, Sans was only seeing Papyrus as an obstacle that was keeping him from doing what he felt he 'needed to do'.

However, Papyrus didn't take it that way for even an instant. He knew all too well that Sans would never intentionally hurt him no matter the reason.

Even though Sans was obviously panicking, Papyrus figured he was still probably telling him to back away as a reflection on himself. Knowing Sans... he probably didn't even trust himself, much less anybody else at the moment.

But... maybe he didn't even know how to trust somebody or had lost his trust in others at some point?

It had always seemed like he was emitting awkward, perhaps even guilty, vibes when around others, like he just... didn't feel that he belonged, and never participated in most things when others did, as if he was intentionally detaching himself. He had no idea why Sans would feel that way, but he wanted to let Sans know just how appreciated and loved he was. He looked like somebody that had been alone and emotionally detatched from others, for a very long time. Even if that was just how Sans functioned and felt most comfortable, nobody deserved to suffer to this extent by themself, no matter who or what they were.

Then again, others had said before that he had a bit too much of an "overactive imagination", so maybe things were a little more simple than they seemed...? Either way, Papyrus still refused to allow Sans to suffer alone. He wouldn't give up on him.

In so many ways, it could be said that the taller skeleton showed more BRAVERY than any other monster in the entire UNDERGROUND.

Yet, even so, he wasn't a fool. He did still know Sans better than some, from so many years of living with and observing him as they grew up together, and most importantly because they were brothers.

So, even though he might regret it later if it upset Sans more, he hoped more than anything what he was about to say might help Sans feel better. And he had a hard time thinking that it wouldn't, because he was The Great Papyrus after all, and making people feel better was part of his job as such.

"Sans," he swallowed, neither edging closer nor farther away as not to upset Sans. "tibia honest,..."

The pun was only there catch to catch Sans's attention, to let him know he meant no harm, but Sans still wasn't really all that calm. Papyrus slightly turned his head away, nervously averting his gaze. He had to keep calm now for Sans, and be the strong figure that the latter was familiar with. He had to stay composed for the both of them, to hopefully keep their house in one piece as well.

With that resolve in mind, he coninued, his voice less choked than before and more straight forward.

"I would be lying if I said I understand how you're feeling right now, since, well, you haven't told me much of anything at all about what's going on, but fear not, brother, for it just so happens, that I, The Great Papyrus, am an expert at reading between the lines. And as such,... I believe I may be starting to realize why you don't ever want to be serious with me about serious matters."

Chapter Part 1 end.

A/N: I hope this is not the worst thing ever, I cut it off at the point I'm at least somewhat satisfied with for now.