Chapter Four – Had I Only Known
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A/N: Thanks again for the reviews. I do appreciate them.
Present
"My name is Harry, and I am a trauma survivor."
"Hi, Harry."
His voice was much more confident at this meeting, his seventh. One of the chairs in the circle had unofficially become "his". Tiny made a point of smiling and waving whenever he passed Harry on the streets, and Celina had invited him out for tea a few times. He didn't accept all of her invitations, but he deeply valued them.
He was beginning to believe that he had found one place where he could truly belong.
"I was rummaging through old assignments today," he began, not quite as focused on his hands as he had been before, "and I found some that my guardian had returned--"
"—He was your professor?"
Harry nodded. "That's all he ever was before he gained my custody. I hated his class. I always felt as though he were targeting me for his own vendetta."
"Maybe he was," Tiny pointed out pragmatically. "I think we all know that we deal with human beings, and that means we deal with the entire lot as opposed to those we might ideally wish to know."
Harry snorted. If you only knew.
Tabitha rolled her eyes. "The fact that he may have had a vendetta doesn't excuse his behavior," she replied, and Tiny nodded.
"No, it wouldn't."
Harry softly cleared his throat. "I was excited during the very first class I took. It was . . . chemistry, of sorts, and I wanted to learn how to create things. I wrote down every word he was speaking . . .and it began."
Mr. Potter – our new celebrity . . . not paying attention . . . what would you get if you combined . . .
Questions he could not have known or answered, yet the knowledge of that did nothing to remove the sting from that first memory.
"Was he ever reported?" Harry blinked at the question Tabitha had posed.
"His conduct was never a secret at the school. Our headmaster . . . "
"Wasn't much use there?" Celina sounded bitter. "Maybe it's a requirement for the job placement."
Harry felt anger build, a tight clenching of his stomach. They don't know everything, he reminded himself, and from their perspective, I can understand how such a conclusion could be drawn. I was a pawn, after all, and that truly was of no use to ensuring my long-term survival.
Fifth Year
"You will be fine with Severus," Dumbledore said, his eyes not twinkling as much as Harry was accustomed to seeing. "He will take care of all of your needs and you shall not want for anything."
Harry clung to his headmaster's words, repeating them in his own mind as a calming tool while Severus had tersely made arrangements for a Portkey to his home in Spinner's End. Harry's mind was numbed by grief for Sirius's death and the knowledge of the terrible prophecy that left him trapped in a twisted chess match.
Part of him knew that he would not allow Voldemort to survive, but another part of him honestly could not convince himself that he would survive.
"I expect that you will keep your quarters clean," Snape said abruptly upon their arrival at the house.
"Yes, sir."
"I will not tolerate any unnecessary noises."
Which probably includes talking? "Yes, sir."
"Do make a stronger effort at your summer work. Occlumency will resume after you have . . . settled in." The words were obviously an effort.
"I never told anyone what I saw," Harry heard himself reply.
"It is of no consequence to me," Snape replied dismissively. "You must guard your mind. I shouldn't think that any of your friends need suffer your idiotic godfather's fate--"
He wants a reaction, Harry. DON'T.
He breathed in and out, slowly. "Yes, sir."
Those two words were the only ones that Harry spoke that entire summer, and it seemed to Harry that an odd, triumphant gleam shone in Snape's eyes.
Harry's own eyes became shuttered.
Present
"Care for some ice cream?" Once again, Harry had lingered after the meeting and Tiny stayed behind to speak with his young friend.
Harry shook his head. "I've . . . been thinking about writing him. My guardian."
"Why?" From the bits and pieces that Harry had shared, Tiny wouldn't have been surprised if Harry actively chose to avoid the man for the rest of his life.
"He and I are very similar," Harry replied, once more focused on his hands. "And I never cared for complete solitude."
Tiny dropped a friendly hand on Harry's shoulders. "You have a big heart. I hope he doesn't break it."
Harry sighed and smiled sadly. "I doubt I would notice at this point."
-TBC-