Chapter 4

I love you

Saturday? A day where you are suppose to relax.. A day away from school! What an awsome day, What a wonderful day, Well not for me.. I hate myself for some reason. I let him kiss me? I wasnt suppose to do that! I realy was not!

I feel so foolish, I feel so damn messed up! I have to think, Because if I mess this up its all over!

"Mikan stop daydreaming and lets go!" yeulled Hotaru. I jumped.

"Sorry, Im not even dressed." I said. It was the day! all the preperations were done, every thing was finished. Rukas Birthday party! It was not a special day for me, but a day for Ruka.

Hotaru rolled her eyes.

"You dummy, we have to hurry! its Starts at Nine!" She snapped. Hotaru was nervous, I could tell. I smiled at her. "Dont be nervous Hotaru! I just have to get dresses and we can go!" I said. I wanted to laugh so much, because Hotaru is so funny.

I have been okay for the most. Hotaru not realy. "Whatever hurry up! you know your boyfriend will be waiting." Hotaru said. I frowned. "Not for long I hope." I said. I got dressed, the last thing I had to put on was my shoes.

Me and Hotaru were at my house, Hotaru was waiting for me upfront because I could hear her honking the horn outside. I put on my shoes and looked at myself in the mirror. "Will Nastume like it?" I gasped. What the hell was I thinking? I cant let him get to me... But he is so sweet now... No! I have to stop.

I left my house and met Hotaru in her car. I sat in the passengers side.

"You look pretty Mikan." Hotaru said. I smiled. "Not as pretty as you! Now come on, your boyfriend will be waiting."I said . Hotaru sighed and turned on the car and left my house.

"Mikan, do you realy think Ruka is the one for me?" Hotaru asked me. I looked at her. "Yes! He's so sweet and nice! Why would you have any douts about that Hotaru?" I asked her.

She sighed. "I know, its just that he's too nice, he never kisses me hardly, like you do with Natsume, and your just playing with him." Hotaru said. I laughed alittle.

"I know, But... I... Dont play with him... All the time..." I said. Hotaru turned to me. "Eyes on the rode Hotaru!" I yeulled.

"Mikan! havent you forgot what he did? He broke your heart and you actualy saw it! you trashed his car, And you have the guts to forgot that he was with another wome!" She was right, I new she right.

"I know, I havent forgot Hotaru! He's just so different, he's more sweet! and Kind... I know I cant forgive him but... I dont know if I can finish what I started." I said not looking at Hotaru, I turned my head to the window, it was night and I could see the stars.

I heard Hotaru sigh, "Forget the conversation, I dont wanna talk about it anymore." She said. I sighed, I dont want to talk about it either, we always fight about it.

But after a few minutes we were there. Outside at Ruka's party.

XxXxXxXxXxxXxXxXx

Do you realy love him? Or do you hate him? Dont be so scared, you need to make up your mind.

The place was big, well the place that Hotaru rented. It was outside, and there was lights and so much decaration!

"Wheres Ruka? I wanna say happy birthday." I asked Hotaru. Hotaru shrugged.
"I dont know, did you put your present by the other gifts?" She asked me, I nodded. "This place is so big!" I said. Hotaru laughed. "Yep." She said. "Theres alot of people here." She mummbled. I nodded, there was alot of people here.

"Im gonna get some punch." I said leaving Hotaru in the big crowd of people.

I went to the punch and got me a cup full of it, it was realy good. Someone tapped my shoulder and I turned to see who it was. It was Natsume. "H-Hey." I said. He smiled a little.

"Hello Polka, you look pretty Today." He said. I blushed.

"Thanks." I whispered. Dont fall for that act! He doesnt realy care for you Mikan, you know that!

I smiled. "You look nice too, its my first time seeing you in a suit Like that." I said. "W-Wheres Ruka?" I asked him. Nastume frowned. "Whats wrong? Arent you happy?" He asked me. I faked a smile. "Yes Im just alittle nervous." I said.

He took my hand, "Come on lets go see Ruka." Natsume said pulling me away from the Punch bowl. "B-But Hotaru." I whispered just enough for him to hear me.

"She wont miss you." He said softly.

He is so sweet

Please dont forget what you saw

I know but...

He wants this, dont give in! Stick to the plan!

I feel so stupid for doing this.

"Hey Mikan!" I looked up, it was Ruka with abunch of people. "Hi, Happy birthday!" I said. Ruka smiled at me. "Thank you, wheres Hotaru?" He asked me. I shrugged. "I left her to go get something to drink, then Natsume took me here to see you." I said.

Ruka looked sad. "B-But I could take you to her." I said.

"No thats okay, Hotaru will find me eventually. Have fun with Nastume." He said. My stomache was starting to hurt. "I-I will try." I said. I turned my gaze to Natsume, he let go of my hand and smirked.

"You will have fun Mikan." He said. I blushed. Dont say my name!

Its a perfect oppertunity for you to Break his Bastardness of a heart!

I want to but...

But what?

I cant...

Im soo stupid, I took hold of Natsume's hand . "Nastume I need to tell you something..." I said. He looked at me. "Hmm?"

"I-I need to know if..." If you love me! I dont know, I wanna break up! I dont think I can trust you, It was me who did those things to your car, I wont say sorry!

How pathetic.

"If your car... Is okay... Did it cost... alot, for it to be ... fixed?" I couldnt do it.. Foolish me.

Natsume laughed Softly. "Yep, but now I can take you wherever you want to go now, Mikan" He said. I hate him, I love him,

"Thats good Natsume... Im sorry" I blurted out. He raised an eyebrow. "For what?" He asked. Why was I saying sorry to him? He should be saying sorry to me. "F-For acting different, I just want to enjoy Rukas Party okay?" I said.

Nastume patted me on the head. "Your funny." He said. I smiled a little. " I know. " I said soflty. I heard the tapping of glass, We turned, it was Ruka.

"I would like to make a toast, and thank everyone for being here on this special night here on my birthday! It pleases me to know that I have so many friends here, again thankyou all for comeing.. I am so proud to have all of you here on my 18th birthday." And with that Ruka was finished. We made a toast and we all clapped.

"He's so formal." Nastume said. I looked up at him. "Yeah, its a good thing." I said. Nastume glared at me. "What? you want me to be formal too Mikan?" He asked me. I shook my head no.\

"N-No! your fine the way you are." I said.

Was I lying? I didnt even know... Did I like the way Nastume was? Yes... No... Maybe...

He smirked... "No Im not." He whispered... I heard him just enough. I looked at him .

"N-" He cut me off. " Im gonna get something to drink, stay here okay?" He asked softly. I nodded. You shouldnt care if he is acting weird! What are you doing? I sighed. "Just my luck." I mumbled.

It was getting dark, well.. You couldnt realy tell with all these Big, Bright Lights showing. It was loud, and it smelled of cake. Wich reminds me, I want some.

Ruka realy didnt want to blow out the candles for his birthday so he said he wanted a big huge one where everyone could see and just get a slice.. I want some... Bad.

"Im back." I jumped. It was Nastume.

"Sorry you scared me." I said. I looked at what he was holding... Cake!

It was Strawberry Cake.. My favorite. "U-Uh.. Where did you get that?" I asked Nastume pointing to the Cake he was holding.

"Oh this? I got it for you." Nastume said. I smiled, yes! I have cake! He handed me the cake and I gently took it. "Thank you N-Nastume." I said. It was the first time I looked into his eyes saying his name without feeling sick.

"Come on, Ruka and Hotaru are over there sitting, Ruka said he wanted us to be there with him." He said softly.. I nodded takeing a bite of my cake. " Lets go." I said will a mouth full of cake in my mouth. Nastume did the most Small smile. "This is why I Love you." He said.

I didnt say anything, I realy couldnt, I didnt know what to beleive anymore when he says he loves me. I have to forget.

We went over to where Ruka was. I smiled and sat down by Hotaru.

"You baka you ditched me." She said Sarcastically. I laughed alittle . "Sorry I got lost in the Punch." I said. Hotaru rolled her eyes. "More like you got lost with Nastume." She whispered. I frowned... Crabby much?

Hotaru turned to Nastume. "Hey... Have you figured who trashed your car?" She asked Nastume. What was she doing? Nastume shook his head no. Hotaru gave a smirk. She then turned to me. "Hey Mikan you were so worried too, good thing his car is back up and running... Why were you worried in the first place?" She asked me.

My eyes widend. What was she doing? "Well... Its a nice car... Nastume could have gotten hurt." I said.What was she doing?

"Hmm, was that all you cared about? was it the car?" She asked softly. She was acting like it was some normal question! "Hotaru what are you saying ?" Ruka asked her. Hotaru laughed alittle. "Small talk." She told him. What is wrong?

"Hotaru I... Dont know why your asking this... I need some fresh air, Ill be back in about 2 minutes.. Please excuse me." I said leaving my chair and my cake. How stupid of me. I was already outside..

But I needed to get away from all these people.

I was out the crowd and was alone.. Yes it was Dark, Hotaru put the party at a nice and pretty park.. She rented the half of the place,

I was just out here walking, not sure where I was going, My two minutes were almost up.

I sat down on Green grass, I was tired and not sure what time it was. What was Hotaru doing? Why did she do it? Im messing up my dress by sitting on the ground ..

"Mikan?" Oh great!

"Hmm?" was all I said. I turned my head to see who it was... Hotaru.

"Im sorry I said those things, are you mad?" She asked me. "No.. Im not mad." I said softly. She sighed. "I realy am sorry." She said. She sat down in the grass with me.

"You dont need to be sorry. You did nothing wrong." I said. It was dark so I could hardly see her face expression. "No, you dont understand.. Thats not what Im sorry about." She said. I looked at her again.

"Hotaru? what is it? You sound different.." I said. I could heard Hotaru sigh.

"You might think Im joking of what Im about to tell you." She said.

"What is it?" I asked. Hotaru turned to me , I couldnt realy make it out but it looked like she was about to cry.

"Im in love." She said. I raised an eyebrow.

"With who?" I asked.

She did a big sigh and hesitated to answer.

"With Nastume."

what?