Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome

Chapter 4: You call those shorts?

I closed my eyes and counted to ten, hoping that when I opened them the scene around me would disappear. I slowly peeked out of one eye; everything was just as it was 20 minutes ago. I let out a huge sigh and tried to figure out where to start. I decided that the booklet looked safe. The cover of the booklet was glossy white with a silhouette of women in red, posed in the classic bump and grind position: one hand above her head holding her hair up, head thrown back, knees bent, back arched, with the other hand resting on her hip. Under the women was the same scripted S with The Strip Factor Level 1 kit: Empowerment I opened the brochure and scanned the words all the while keeping one eye on the paraphernalia surrounding me.

Welcome to the Strip Factor. This is your level one kit. Inside this bag you will find everything that you need for the empowerment class. Please make sure that you have everything on this list, if not contact the receptionist at the club.

Stripping workout shorts
Dancer's thong
Push-up bra
Level white Strip Factor tank top
6-inch platform heels

I took another swig of beer and reached for the item that was closest to me. It was something black in a plastic bag smaller than a sandwich baggy. I opened the plastic and the smallest pair of workout shorts I have ever seen fell into my lap. I pick up the piece of black velvet and sucked in my breath. I was holding them in front of me and I swear my niece Mary Alice could fit in those shorts.

No way, no how… I wasn't going to get those on. They were made of black stretch velvet and they had a silver zipper down the front. I looked at the tag on the inside and about fell over reading that they were a medium 30-32. I swear I have underwear that covered more than these shorts!

I was going to have to start rethinking my stand on guns!

I tossed the shorts, if you could call them that, ha!, to the side and grabbed the next item. I was holding a bag the size of a jewelry box. I rolled my head letting my neck crack trying to release the tension that has overcome my body. I quickly ripped into the bag and again I was shocked in by the size of this garment. It was a white thong that I wasn't sure that I could shave enough hair away to be able to wear without embarrassment. Hm, maybe I needed to make an appointment at the salon tomorrow morning.

My head was spinning from all the beer that I had consumed so I figured I had enough liquid courage to go for the biggest bag. This bag was made out of the same leather as the gym bag and when I picked it up I realized that this is where the weight was coming from. I unzipped the zipper and flipped the flap open. Inside the bag was a pair of 6-inch platform stiletto heels made of clear plastic.

I'm from Jersey. I'm a Jersey girl. Deep breaths, I thought. I can do this. I know all about shoes and I could tell you that the only word anyone would ever associate with these shoes is a stripper. While staring at the shoes trying to find a way out of this mess short of breaking my own leg or shooting myself in the foot, I wondered if I could get one of Ranger's men to shoot me. Nah, then it would get back to Tank that Lula was taking stripping lessons. She would never forgive me.

I only had two more items to face, so I decided to do it as quickly as possible. I knew that the baggies contained a tank top and a push up bra…after the shorts how bad could it be?

Relief flooded over me after I had the bags opened and I was left holding a push up bra that was a little skimpier than I normally would have purchased but not too bad and a white starch cotton tank top that had the same silhouette on the front and empowerment on the back.

My eyes were starting to drift closed and a huge yawn escaped my lips. I was still trying to figure a way out I decided to try the Merrymen. Which one to call? Ranger was out because he would want me to put on the damn outfit. Hm, Tank was out, I had to keep it from him at all costs. That left Bobby and Lester.

Okay, I thought. So it came down to this. I sat on the floor in my drunken stupor trying to remember that damn rhyme Mary Alice and Angie were singing the other day:

Ennie Mennie Miny Moe

Catch a tiger by its toe…

If he screams make him pay,

Fifty dollars every day.

My mother told me

Not to pick the very best one

And you are not it

You dirty dirty dish rag…

You.

I was semi-impressed that I remembered it and glanced down at my finger. I landed on Bobby so that meant that Lester was the lucky man. I dropped the last item into the bag and skipped down my phone list until I found Lester's phone number.

Leave a message…beep.

Lester? It's Stephanie Plum... I have a little problem that I need your help with. Ugh, but you can't tell anyone…. Ah …do you know what's more painful: a broken leg or getting shot in the foot? I'm a bit of a baby and I need to be able to call it an accident. Oh well, you can help me decide when you get here. I mean, I'll need some help. If you could call me when you get this message I would appreciate it. Thanks! Um, Bye! Oh! And make sure you don't tell Ranger or Tank. Call me! I'm desperate.

I slurred out and dropped the phone on the floor beside my bed.

Good, I thought, now I could go to sleep. Help was on the way; surely Lester would help me out of this. I tried to turn off my light and in the process I knocked both the lamp and the empty beer bottle onto the floor. I'll pick them up tomorrow.