"Men-to. What. Trick-er-y. Is. This?" ugh, magical teleportation sucks "A. New. Mem-ber. Per-haps?" annoying jerking voice needs to shut up "Im-mor-tus. Re-strain. Him." Immortus? lame name...wait a second...

"Robotman, get him out of there! Elastigirl, see if you can hold off the army! Negative man, the controls!" giant orange robat barreling towards me? Check. Giant woman stomping on robot soldiers? Check. Creepy living shadow flying around? Check. All of them and one strange dude in matching purple jumpsuits? Check. Superheroes. Oh, joy. Which means- Brain in a jar, gorilla with a gun, a stretchy woman, and a wrinkled old man on a platform. Yup, supervillains. Orange guy is still barreling toward me. I sigh and go intangible as he tries to scoop me up. I fly up to the guy on the platform. The old guy, he looks like an Immortus.

"Hey, are you this 'Immortus' guy?"

"Yes child. And I will-"

"Yeah, yeah, that's great. Are you really immortal?" he's a bit flustered by my interruption of his rant and that the lazers have been flying through me for a while now.

"Yes child, I have been alive for centuries." he's careful now

"That's great!" most everyone has stopped to watch my talk with this wrinkly dude now "See, I'm immortal too now, and I know I am because I was told by an omniscient guardian of time that I am. I've looked this way for something like forty six years now and I just want it to stop. The same guy that told me I'm immortal told me that if I look hard enough I can find a way to continue my normal aging process, but I have to really look, y'know, otherwise I'll stay like this forever."

"You would rid yourself of this gift?"

"Eventually the universe will stretch so thin I'll be in agony because of the negative pressure, plus all the crap I'd go though throughout the trillions of years of life I'd experience. My brain is human, it just wasn't meant to hold that many memories, I'd lose myself to insanity and I don't want to be insane forever y'know? Then after the universe begins to collapse on itself again apparently I'll be among the last life in the universe and we'd all get caught in the big crunch and then the next big bang and eventually we'd be like the first residents of the new universe and repeat the process for eternity. I don't want to do that." everyone was staring at me as I talked "ANYWAYS, I was wondering if you knew a way to stop my immortality, y'know, seeing as you've probably met a few immortals along the way, right?"

"You certainly take the long view child."

"Well duh, I'm immortal now. So can you help me?"

"Can you simply not just drain your life energy and dissipate it to the universe?" my face fell

"No, see, before I was immortal I was half dead." everyone was surprised. "I actually tried to be a superhero, which is what got me here in the first place."

"How?"

"Well, see, I fought a guy with an object called the 'reality gauntlet',"

"You have seen it?" he asks excitedly

"Yeah, and destroyed it too." he glares at me

"How?"

"Blast of energy."

"Do you know what you could have done blasting energy at a reality changing device?"

"What! I was a naive hero back then! Anyway, latter on comes this guy with this box the size of a grape belive it or not, says he's found a relic from a past universe to alter reality, and he does in some flippin' strange ways too. The laws of physics got so messed up for a while there. I think he made a new race of aliens or something, I think he called them Kryptonian or whatever and sent them on the proper evolutionary scale back in time so that...well I kinda stopped listening at that point. The point of this is that I got the box from him, set most everything right, and then tried to destroy the box. And I did, only this time a thread of the energy from the box hit me after I blasted it, and...now here I am. I tried to find the energy again to change me back but it had all dissipated after I finally noticed what had happened. Took me three years to notice, go figure right? So I go to ask the time guardian and he tells me what's what."

"That, while interesting does not explain while the draining would not work."

"Huh? Oh yeah, well, I'm half dead, right? So even if my human half died off my dead half would endure for the rest of, well, forever."

"Have you tried complete molecular disintegration?"

"Doesn't work, something about my energies or whatever."

"Barbaric but effective would be...burning. Do you have a healing factor?"

"Let me put it this way, I teleported to the middle of the sun for a week of pure torture, when I got out, I had a sun burn for an hour." that got some raised eyebrows

"Even separated?"

"I got about thirty of my yeti friends to chop me into mince meat, bite sized bits, and then teleport the bits to the middle Star in the middle of the universe, thinking it would work, three hours later I was back together an hightailing it out of there and back to earth. Thankfully there was a way-station back to earth we set up beforehand."

"With the level of resistance you show, I do not believe I can help you." my heart fell "I am truly sorry." I sigh

"No, it's okay. He said if I keep on looking I'll find a way, so, I guess I keep on looking. Goodbye Immortus, if we run into each other again, well, obviously I'm still looking."

"I wish you luck young one."

"Thank you." I set down an look around. "Uh, Immortus, I was kinda zapped here by some lady using magic trying to get me to go to a hospital after I got stabbed. Would you be able to tell me where I am?"

"France, but several hundred meters below the surface."

"Okay, thanks again." I'm about to take off when all of a sudden there's a flash of light and Zatanna is standing there in all of her glory.

"There you are!"

"Oh, god no!"

"We have to get you back to where you can get looked at."

"Why won't you freaking super-heroes just leave me alone!"

"Now, now, just come along quietly and-" she tries to surprise me but we speak at the same time again and only I get zapped...again.

"Tereciart!"

"Erebihorp!"

"Damnit!" Zatanna looks around "Okay, I'll bite, what's with the matching purple spandex and evil lair vibe?"