Hey! It's me! I just want to thank everyone for the response I'm getting on this little reactionary story! Can't wait until January and I hope that what we Darvey shippers want finally happens! Please R & R. I look forward to your responses. Thanks, again - Carebearmaxi

Paula, Donna, and Harvey

Chapter 4

When Donna left the firm, she immediately got into a cab and headed for Dr. Agard's office. She figured that if Harvey was too afraid to tell his girlfriend what she did then she would do it herself. At least it would be out in the open and they all could deal with the fallout.

Halfway to Dr. Agard's house, Donna changed her mind and went back to her own apartment. It would be no good for me to confront her as much as I want to just punch her in the face. It would only further damage my relationship with Harvey. I can't act childish as long as his feelings are still unresolved although I know how loyal he is. So, I probably will lose him anyway. I guess my tenure as a COO is over. Short but sweet. Unlike my feelings for Harvey, I have loved him for so long and I will remain in love with him. He's a tough act to follow.

She threw her purse across the room after she slammed the door behind her. She kicked off her high heels and invaded her wine closet and set about making herself so sleepy so that not even a nuclear warning could wake her. First, though, she would take off her expensive powersuit and put on her most comfy pajamas and slippers and shrink in her bed.

After Donna got into bed and poured herself her third glass of wine, she decided that self pity would not get her anywhere. However, her head hurt badly from bottling up her tears and too much wine and not enough food. She started to cry hard now. The body wracking sobs were so bad that she grabbed a pillow and held it against herself. Just when she was about to cry herself to sleep. She felt two arms engulf her.

Harvey left the firm and thought the first place that he should go would be to see Paula. He could stand this deception no longer. He was still angry with Donna for putting him in this place where he always tried so hard not to be. Through everything he still was not sure if he was in love with Paula or Donna. He really thought it tasteless now that he had to speak with one woman about the other. Lord only knew what psycho analysis, Paula would say about Donna. One thing for sure, he knew that Donna did not care for Paula.

He had Ray pull up in front of Paula's house. It was about four p.m. and the rain which he could not quite see from his window on the 50th floor rained down on him as he worriedly jumped up Paula's front door steps two at a time. He knew her last patient would have left around 3:30 and then she would be doing paperwork for a couple of hours. He couldn't remember if she was to come over his place tonight or he hers or if they weren't seeing each other tonight at all.

Harvey used the key she had given him (in the little box on their two month anniversary)walked in the door and was glad to see that she was not in the downstairs portion of the house. He wiped the sweat from his brow and loosened his tie. He took a few deep breaths as he felt a panic attack had begun. The last thing he wanted her to see was that he was having a panic attack. Paula, of all the people that knew his relationship with Donna, would say that Donna was always the cause of his panic attacks.

He finally arrived at the top of the stairs where her office was located and knocked.

"Come in," Paula called.

"Harvey," she said rising and coming to kiss him.

Harvey kissed her perfunctorily because he could still feel Donna's lips so ardently on his. He was not sure if he wanted to remember her kiss or not. All he did know was that he felt badly about being put in a position where he felt like he cheated on Paula and also how he wanted to continue to kiss Donna. Something he had not done for a very long time in reality but every now and then his subconscious would remember her soft lips and various aspects of the one night they spent together or of nights they could have spent together.

"Paula, sit down. I need to talk to you about something," Harvey stated thickly almost as if he was going to vomit.

"Sounds ominous, Harvey. What's wrong?" Paula said frowning. Two vertical lines creasing her forehead between her eyebrows.

"Just please sit." Harvey said taking a seat next to her on the couch.

"I'm scared, Harvey," Paula said taking a seat and letting him take her hands in his.

"I am, too, but for totally different reasons," Harvey confessed.

"Ok, I'm sitting. Are you breaking up with me?" Paula said and Harvey was not surprised of the insecurity in her voice because he knew of her previous cause of the breakup of her last boyfriend and business partner.

"Paula, last night something happened and I couldn't tell you. However, I want to resolve this situation so I need to tell you now without any other prevarication," Harvey said looking into her pale blue eyes. Such a nice caring woman and she has a great body along with it. We've had a great time together, but maybe I should never have started anything with her. I should have made things straight and clear with Donna a long time ago.

"What happened, Harvey? Something with Donna?"

"Yes. The other day at the trial, Malik, the one I told you about. He tore Donna apart on the stand, so Mike and I made a deal with Malik and closed the investment case but then he came after Jessica and had her disbarred in NY for her part in getting Mike into the bar legally."

"So how badly did this man tear Donna apart?" Paula wondered. She knew, of course, about Donna's feelings for Harvey from no better source than the woman herself.

"He implicated that Donna only became COO of the firm because she slept with me to get it."

"Did she?" Paula removed her hand from Harvey's and leaned back. She saw the sorrow in his large brown eyes. That look told most of what Paula could fathom. That Harvey's feelings for Donna had never died just because he said he was not the same man after nearly a year without continuing his therapy. How could I be so stupid!

"Ok, Harvey, finish this because I think I know how it ends," Paula said.

"Maybe. After Malik informed me that Jessica was being disbarred, I talked to Jessica. That's why you found her in my place. Jessica is fine with it and we worked things out today and the firm family has said their goodbyes to her."

"Get on with it, Harvey," Paula coerced.

"I went back to the office to put everyone on alert last night. I started with Louis, but I couldn't find him. So, I found Donna still in her office. I walked in and she walked straight up to me and kissed me on the mouth."

Paula's face blanched.

"What did you do, Harvey?" Paula asked.

"Nothing. When she was finished she told me she was sorry but she had to know...something. Then she just walked out the door of her office leaving me standing their stunned," Harvey said. "I just wanted to tell you..."

"Because you felt something and now you think you've cheated on me. Knowing my history, you are playing the therapist and making sure that I don't erupt in jealous fits or a rage and plan to kill Donna in her sleep. You give yourself way too much credit, Harvey."

"What are you saying?" I'm telling you because Donna has placed me in a position where I worked my whole life not to be. You and she both know of my issues with my mother..."

"Which you said you reconciled," Paula interjected.

"Yes, I did," Harvey said.

Paula rose and crossed her arms over herself.

"Harvey, can I ask you a question?" Paula said with her face turned toward the wall. She knew what was coming. It had happened before although much worse last time. She actually caught the bastard in the act in their bed. At least this time, Harvey was being honest.

"Was it only a kiss?"

"Yes, one long kiss and then she walked away, and I didn't see her until this morning," Harvey said wearily.

"You didn't have sex with her in the file room or in your office or in a hotel?"

"No! She walked away and I thought I should come home and tell you right away, but you looked so happy making Shepherd's Pie that I didn't have the heart."

"You were afraid. Afraid of what, Harvey?"

"Afraid that you would be upset and think you were unloveable again because I had cheated on you."

Paula whipped around and this time did not care if he saw the tears falling from her eyes.

"That's not what you were afraid of, Harvey. You were afraid to tell me because it's Donna you're really in love with. Tell me something else. Did you ever sleep with Donna and do you ever have sex dreams about her?," Paula said leaning over Harvey as he remained on her couch.

"Paula, stop analyzing me," Harvey said standing.

"This is my coping mechanism, Harvey. Live with it. You have yours by bursting out and punching people in the face or just evading an issue altogether. Well analyzing men I am in love with is mine especially when I think they may have actually been unfaithful to me in thought if not in deed," Paula said primly letting a tear fall on her blouse.

"I am not analyzing you exactly. I just want to know if you transferred your feelings for Donna onto me. You said that when you wanted to celebrate becoming managing partner that you thought of me. You called me after you spent two hours with models. You said that you just hearing my voice you could work things out for yourself. If I remember correctly, Donna was always your moral compass, your sounding board and now I find out she was your lover once and for all I know continued to be. Although I do know you haven't cheated on me in act because I know your loyalty issues. However, that wouldn't prevent your mind from picturing someone else but me in your bed."

Harvey shook his head. "If that's not analysis, Dr. Agard, I don't know what is," Harvey smirked to himself. "Yes, Donna and I slept together a long time ago. The day after I asked her to work for me," Harvey explained.

"Oh no wonder you still have feelings for her."

There was a pregnant pause in the conversation at that rate. Paula thought it good that Harvey had not jumped back up and left leaving her with her doubts about their relationship.

"Just to let you know. I don't blame you for Donna kissing you. Now that I have had that particular pleasure I totally understand," Paula said bending down and placing her lips experimentally on Harvey's.

"What did Donna say?"

"You don't want to know. She rehashed a few moments in our lives when we almost crossed the line since we've been working together. She has always had that rule. She doesn't get involved with men she works with. I think she was protecting herself from what a womanizer I used to be."

"Can't say as I blame the poor girl. How do you feel now?"

Paula sat back down next to Harvey.

"Paula, Donna is not a "poor" girl. I do care for her very much. She's my best friend."

Paula let that go. She was analyzing him despite what she told him, but it was a form of coping with their conversation.

"I want to ask you something and I want a straight off the tip-of-your tongue answer. Don't think about it. Don't even hesitate."

"What is this? A test?" Harvey asked feeling uncomfortable like he was under a microscope. "Why?"

"Shh...Don't ask why. Just do as I say. Answer from the tip of your tongue. No thought," Paula instructed him again.

"Are you in love with Donna?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love Donna?"

"Yes!" Harvey answered emphatically.

"How do you love Donna?"

"I'm not sure. Look Paula, I have to work through some shit. So I can't do that unless I'm away from both of you," Harvey volunteered.

"Don't torture yourself, Harvey. Donna's love for you is not your fault. You just have to work out how you feel."

"Are you going to be ok? If I leave now? I need to go home and think about things."

"Go on, Harvey. I'm a big girl and so is Donna," Paula said.

Donna looked up and momentarily stopped crying. She looked up to see whose arms held her.

"Mike?" Donna asked questioningly.

"Yes, it's me," Mike said releasing Donna and sitting on the bed in front of her. "I am so sorry for what happened."

"Yeah, me, too," Donna said wiping tears out of her eyes. "He probably went right to her house and jumped in bed with her. Harvey was never good at facing emotional things."

"Don't I know it. Except…" Mike stopped and eyed Donna to see if she wanted him to continue.

She raised her head and said, "Except what?"

"Except where you are concerned. He does love you and I know he would jump at the chance to be with you. It's just…."

"Paula and his stupid fidelity issues. Well, I suppose he'll hate me now for the rest of my life."

"I don't think so. I know how much he cares," Mike insisted. "I've seen how he looks at you. I know he's wanted to tell you things but he's afraid Donna. He never wanted to drive you away. He doesn't want to be the one to hurt you."

"Well, I suppose I've finished that now that I have taken the initiative. I just had to know if he is really the one I want. Perhaps, I wanted to know if he could really love me after all. Do you see, Mike, I had to know. I couldn't let him go off with another woman without bringing home the fact that he may really love me. He's just too stubborn to acknowledge it for crossing work and personal."

"And you wanted to touch him one more time," Mike said sensitively.

"You get it. It's because you have never made it a secret how much you're in love with Rachel. Whereas, I get mixed messages. I get "You know I love you, Donna" and then he thinks I can just sweep that under the carpet. I know he never forgot our night together. I know I haven't and that was a long time ago."

"Donna, he loves you. He is in love with you. It's just right now it's bad timing."

Donna sniffed a little laugh. "When was it ever good timing for us?"

"Come on, Awesome, let's go back to our place and get you something better to eat than Chunky Monkey and a Chardonnay," Mike encouraged with a smile and was glad to see that Donna smiled back at him.

"Hey, don't knock it. It's the breakfast of champions," Donna said smiling and gave Mike a peck on his cheek.