Disclaimer - Usual. Still loving the game, by the way. I'm just inches away from level 60. Yea!
Chapter 4
The next week passed in a blur of last minute preparations, instructions, and more detailed one-on-one briefings. Before the Normandy could leave, quite a few wrinkles had to be ironed out to ensure that the colony on Ilos was both self-sufficient and well hidden. Ilos was technically located in the Terminus Systems, though in a remote and largely inaccessible area. Residents of the Terminus Systems depended on the mass relays for most of their long distance travel just as those in Citadel space did, and the Mu Relay, who's location was unknown until the recent re-birth of the Rachni, was the only link to Ilos. Only a handful of people knew the location of the relay, making it unlikely that anyone in the Terminus Systems would be able to find it. The hope was that these factors, and the lack of comm chatter coming from the planet, would leave Ilos invisible to anyone who might be patrolling the area. It was a risk, but one deemed necessary, given the probability that the Reapers would find another way into galactic space, and the single greatest store of knowledge on the Reapers was located there.
A specially-designed beacon was installed in the main research facility, to be used in case of emergency. They had the most advanced monitoring system built into the planetary defense grid in hopes of catching any encroaching enemy well in advance. If they saw trouble, or the colony was discovered or attacked, the beacon could be used to communicate with its sister beacons on the Normandy and at the Citadel. No other signal could be transmitted from the surface of Ilos, leaving it completely cut off from the rest of Citadel space.
Since Brennan was no longer directly responsible for the Normandy and her crew, nor was she responsible for the day-in and day-out operations of the colony, she spent hours pouring over Saren's mission files and log entries during the week, with few interruptions. By the time they were ready to leave Ilos, she had sifted through most of Saren's recent history, though nothing stood out as a turning point in his allegiance to the Citadel. He had taken great care in keeping Sovereign a secret, so there was little mention at all of Sovereign and the Reapers, even in his personal files. Most of what she learned had to be pieced together and she frustratedly wondered if this wasn't a pointless wild goose chase. Unfortunately, he was their only lead for finding more information on the Reapers.
Within a few hours, the Normandy would be leaving Ilos and heading to the Citadel for a quick re-supply stop before heading out to find clues about the Reapers. Unfortunately, Shepard felt at a loss as to where to begin. Questions needed to be answered. How big a fleet did the Reapers really comprise? How much knowledge of the Reapers did Saren have before his first contact with Sovereign? Did the Reapers have a contingency plan for entering the galaxy if the Citadel didn't come online, acting as the portal they required for entering inhabited space?
With no clear path before her, Shepard decided that she needed input and called for one last meeting with "her team."
Brennan had felt hesitant about leaving Liara behind, but Liara had assured her that she was used to living in isolation and she would have plenty to keep her busy, not that they had a choice. Besides, she really wasn't alone. There was a whole colony living there now. Brennan failed to point out that she wasn't as concerned about Liara's loneliness as she was her safety, but there was really nothing she could do about that either – nothing that hadn't already been done.
Liara was not the only team member she was losing. Tali had fulfilled her initial obligation to their cause and still had the information on the Geth that needed to be given to her people. She would disembark at the Citadel and secure passage back to her own people and end her pilgrimage. When she did return to take over the technical research, she would be remaining on Ilos along with Liara.
Wrex was also leaving their numbers. His mission was to get in contact with the Shadow Broker and, ultimately, make connections in the Terminus Systems that could be used to build diplomatic ties. It was considered odd by some that Brennan had chosen a battle-hardened, long time mercenary – and Krogan to boot – to build diplomatic relations with an enemy. However, Shepard knew that he was most likely, of their group, to already have the connections it required to make contact with the Shadow Broker or one of his agents. Additionally, Brennan thought that the types of characters from the Terminus Systems that would be most open to exchanges with those from Citadel space were smugglers, mercs and others of that crowd.
There was another reason, however, that Brennan had chosen Wrex for this assignment. She remembered the stories Wrex had shared with her during their first mission. His impression of Saren, and his decision to leave behind a potential payday, said a lot for his instincts and being able to accurately read and judge a situation. It also spoke of his integrity – that he wasn't easily lured by money to do something he knew he shouldn't – at least where his self-preservation was concerned. They were, after all, fighting for their lives. Knowing that was a high priority to him, Brennan believed he would stay focused and not be easily swayed. She also remembered the story about his past with his fellow Krogan. Brennan believed that anyone who could convince whole Krogan tribes to stop fighting would be useful as a diplomat. Hence her decision to assign Wrex the task of forging an alliance with the Terminus Systems or at least finding her an "in."
The small team assembled in the conference room of the research facility.
"All right people. This is your last chance to speak freely," Shepard opened the meeting.
After a brief pause, the talking started. Most of the discussion was a rehashing of what little they knew, as well as speculation. As she listened, a small smile crept across Brennan's face.
"Shepard," Liara interrupted herself when she noticed the unusual expression Brennan wore. "Did I say something humorous?"
"What?" Brennan asked as her inner musings were interrupted. "Oh, no. I was just thinking… What if we're… overcomplicating things?"
"What do you mean?" Liara asked.
Shepard looked around, hesitating slightly before speaking. Ask her a question about the Alliance or tactics, and she would willingly and confidently offer an opinion. It wasn't that she thought she was always correct, but she also knew that she would not learn anything new if she was too afraid to speak. This, however, was theoretical science – artificial intelligence and technology and there was a log she didn't know. "When I asked Vigil why the Reapers do what they do, his explanation was simply that they were an advanced life form and we may never know their motivation. What if it's not that complicated?" She turned her gaze to Kaidan. "Someone once told me that if there's one thing humans can learn from meeting new races it's that we're all basically the same. We all have needs and wants. We have similar drives." She paused to let her words sink in. "Now, add in the factor that the Reapers are, ultimately, machines - created by someone. I don't believe what Sovereign said about Reapers always having existed. So if they were created by someone, then they have programming that they must adhere to, despite how they've changed over time. Maybe their data has been corrupted; or maybe they've chosen not to remember what makes them less than gods…" Brennan paused for a moment, then sat back in her seat, lost in thought again.
"I don't see how that changes anything," Liara pointed out.
"Know your enemy," the Krogan said.
Shepard nodded at him appreciatively. "It alters our initial presuppositions. They are not superior." Brennan received a few skeptical glances at that statement, so she expounded, "They're advanced, but not superior."
"In other words," Tali offered, "Don't be intimidated. We can figure them out – or at the very least discover their weaknesses."
"Hm," Liara nodded and smiled with renewed confidence, the task before her seeming a little less daunting.
The meeting had not helped Brennan or given her any direction, but it had a positive outcome, regardless, and now it was time to move on. Glancing around the conference room one last time, Brennan took a brief moment to lament the fact that time never stands still when you most want it to. Life goes on and, though she felt like she was losing half of her crew – half of her family, she knew that eventually those soon-to-be empty seats would be occupied by others. It wasn't a comforting thought so much as serving to emphasize that this is the way of the Universe – ever changing, always moving, like a stream of water – and she was part of that. She smiled slightly, thinking that that was a very Asari philosophy to take.
Once on the Normandy, a course was set for the Citadel. Kaidan had offered his quarters to Brennan so she could work without distraction, which she accepted. But she insisted that, when the time came, she would not use his quarters for sleeping, opting instead to use the communal sleeper pods. Captain's quarters were, after all, for the captain, and Brennan knew that the Alliance members of the crew would see a Spectre, even a human Spectre, taking over the Captain's quarters as a sign that Kaidan was putting the Council's interests before Earth's. Despite the unifying effect that Sovereign's attack had on the galaxy, many, especially those in the military, still maintained a certain amount of a separatist, or even elitist, attitude. The thought was that Earth had gotten where it was on its own and would only maintain its standing by remaining staunchly independent.
Brennan worried a little, wondering how Kaidan would handle this, since he didn't believe that human interests were particularly more important than the galaxy as a whole. In fact, when Brennan had to make the decision to sacrifice Alliance troops to save the Council or hold off to allow for a larger fighting force to face Sovereign directly, Kaidan had been the one to argue that saving the Council was for the greater good. Providence had smiled on her that day and they succeeded in both saving the Council and taking down Sovereign. Despite that success, she had still received criticism for her decision from a few humans who were bold enough to argue with "The Hero of The Battle for the Citadel."
During the week leading up to their departure, Kaidan and Brennan had slipped into a comfortable pattern in which their highest priority was the mission. Since both had an inbred loyalty to the Alliance and its operating procedures and regs, which tended to frown on public displays of affection (especially in unmarried crewmates), few witnessed anything that would indicate they were in a relationship, though it remained a favorite topic of speculation and scuttlebutt.
Brennan had several hours between their departure from Ilos and their docking at the Citadel, so she took the opportunity to get to know a few of the crew additions. She skimmed over the Alliance personnel files before moving on to the Citadel representatives.
A three-man Turian Cabal had been assigned to the crew. While speaking with Garrus, she learned that these Cabals were generally mistrusted by "normal" Turian troops, though he said this was based more on reputation and image than actual proof that they ever did anything to warrant the mistrust. Very few Turians had biotic abilities and those that did were placed almost exclusively into Cabals. They were roughly the Turian equivalent of special ops. But he felt their skill would be beneficial, their comfort with keeping secrets was an asset, and their sense of duty and honor would keep them in line.
The Asari offered a pair of Commandos. From what their file said, the two ladies had trained together and had been working with each other for nearly 50 years. They had been disciples of Benezia, but chose not to follow her when she joined forces with Saren.
And finally, Captain Kirrahe requested that a few of his men be assigned to the crew. Since they were familiar with the mission already, had experience working with Shepard, and were well-trained infiltrators and engineers, his request was accepted. They also had the bonus of being somewhat familiar with the Normandy crew, having spent time aboard her.
The only problem with all of these additions was that it overcrowded the Normandy – or it would have if she maintained her normal thirty-member Alliance crew. The Salarians took up posts in Engineering and Maintenance. The Turians worked Communications and Navigation. The Asari took up Ash's vacancy by maintaining weapons and keeping stock of munitions stores.
Shepard finished reviewing the crew's files and got up to stretch her legs. She opened the door to the Captain's quarters to take a short walk and nearly ran into Kaidan, who was standing at the door with his hand raised, poised to knock. "Oo. Sorry."
Kaidan smiled, "No problem. I was just coming to get you. We've arrived at the Citadel."
"Oh joy." Brennan frowned. "All right. Thanks."
Kaidan watched her head toward her locker to get her gear, wondering all the while why she was so unenthusiastic. The question would have to wait, however, as he had his own preparations to make before docking. Becoming Captain brought with it all new duties and, while he was honored, he sometimes missed the simple life of an LT. He met with the Requisitions Officer, the Salarians, and the Asari to approve what supplies they were expecting to receive and inventory. He had just finished giving Navigator Johnson his last-minute instructions when Joker's voice came over the intercom.
"We have docked and are secure, Captain."
"Thank you, Joker." Kaidan grabbed his own gear from the locker adjacent to Shepard's and donned his armor and weapons. By the time he arrived at the air lock, Brennan, Garrus, Wrex, and Tali were already there.
On the landing platform, a Corporal approached their rather odd group. "Uh… Captain Alenko?" He saluted as soon as he saw bars on Kaidan's shoulders.
Kaidan saluted back. "Corporal."
"We have your supplies here…"
"Take them to the loading bay, Corporal." Kaidan pointed toward the back of the ship where a second ramp could be extended to load equipment and supplies directly into the Normandy's storage area.
"Yes sir."
When Kaidan turned back to the group, Brennan was smirking and holding the elevator door for him. He squeezed in next to her and the elevator door slid shut. Kaidan could never understand why the only elevator from a private dock would only comfortably hold four people. Add to that number a large Krogan and put everyone in full gear, and Kaidan suddenly felt empathy for sardines – until he realized that at least sardines were dead and unaware of their discomfort.
From the back of the elevator, Kaidan watched as Wrex nudged Tali. Tali had to put her hand out to keep from falling into the wall. When a Krogan nudges anything, it moves, and Tali was slight – surprisingly tough and agile for her size – but slight. She didn't say anything, but simply looked suspiciously over her shoulder. A few seconds later, Wrex nudged her again.
"Wrex!" Tali said in an annoyed voice.
Wrex smirked and pointed at Garrus. For some reason, he had gotten it in his head that Tali and Garrus would make a cute couple, despite the race differences, though there were similarities, too. Both races ate the same type of food and had the same number of fingers and toes. He figured that was close enough for a match.
The sharp Quarian glanced at Garrus, or it was assumed she did when her head moved almost imperceptibly in a way that would offer her a better view of the Turian. "You don't honestly think I believe that Garrus reached around you to push me, do you?"
At the mention of his name, Garrus' attention turned to the Quarian and Wrex.
"Believe what you want," Wrex answered, undeterred by the absurdity of the situation.
"I… What?" Garrus stammered. "I did no such thing."
Garrus' stuttering only served to amuse Wrex, as he seemed to think this proved his theory that the two held secret feelings for each other. And he had not been shy about his assertions in the past. Brennan was never really sure if he honestly believed the two could be a couple, or if he was just amused by causing chaos.
Wrex let out a low chuckle. He nudged Garrus next and said, "This is your last chance kid."
"My… for…" Wrex was in a fully belly roll now and Garrus could only shake his head and sigh. "I am sorry for Wrex's behavior, Tali. Please ignore his ridiculous notions…"
"'Ridiculous?'" Tali asked, sounding offended.
"Oh, kid," Wrex stage whispered to Garrus. "You stepped in it this time."
"And what is so ridiculous about the idea of someone being attracted to me?" Tali asked.
"I… That's not what I meant," Garrus tried valiantly to defend himself only to have Wrex step in again.
"So are you finally admitting your feelings for her?"
"No!"
"Is the thought that appalling to you?" Tali countered.
"No. I just don't think about it," Garrus tried again.
Wrex was laughing again, when Shepard's sharp voice commanded, "Enough," and except for a few low rumbles that were Wrex laughing to himself, silence reigned.
Kaidan glanced at Brennan. She usually enjoyed watching Wrex's antics when it came to Garrus and Tali, so her decision to put an end to this episode puzzled Kaidan. She was frowning again, but he couldn't see her eyes to try and further discern her mood. This in itself said something, however. She often knew when Kaidan was watching her and would acknowledge it with a look of her own. But this staring straight ahead meant she was concentrating.
The elevator finally reached its destination in C-Sec headquarters. The doors opened and the group unloaded, quickly taking up squad positions as if this were any other mission. Shepard was the last to set foot on solid ground and her eyes scanned the area before she relaxed minimally.
They were immediately greeted by a C-Sec officer. "Councilman Anderson is waiting to see you and your party, ma'am."
She nodded tersely and stepped forward to follow the officer.
"Shepard."
Brennan turned around to face Wrex. "Wrex."
"I have a contact to meet," he said simply.
Brennan held his gaze for a moment before nodding. In a softer voice than her usual crisp, commanding one, she said, "Take care, Wrex." As she did, she held out her hand to Wrex. They grasped forearms in a salute of mutual respect.
"I always do." He released her arm and turned his attention to the other three standing with her. "Alenko."
"Stay out of trouble," Kaidan said, eliciting a low rumbling chuckle from the Krogan. And they also clasped forearms.
"Tali," Wrex said next.
"Stay warm," she said. Her voice was as clear as ever, but even the synthesized quality it had due to her suit couldn't hide the affection in her voice.
"Garrus."
"It's been an honor," Garrus said – the highest compliment he could offer.
Glancing at Brennan, Wrex said, "Look out for him. The kid'll be lost without me."
Garrus shook his head and chuckled, but Brennan answered seriously, "Will do, Wrex." With that, Wrex walked toward the entrance to the Wards, leaving their numbers – at least for a time.
"Uh… I suppose I should be going, too," Tali said. Since she would no longer be traveling with the Normandy, she did not need to attend whatever meeting was going to occur in the Councilman's chambers.
"Of course," Brennan said, though Kaidan noticed that her voice sounded strained.
"I've got transportation to the flotilla, but it will take some time to get everything squared away. I hope to be able to convince my father to allow a few of our top engineers to join me and help with the work on Ilos."
Brennan smiled slightly. "I can use all the help I can get."
Brennan was pretty sure the girl was smiling and she laughed lightly at the reminder of the first day they met. "You can count on me." They agreed that Tali would contact the Normandy when she was ready to rejoin the crew. "You'd better go. The Councilman is waiting."
"We'll see you soon," Brennan said and drew the young Quarian into a hug. "You have the frequency for communication?" Those who were trying to contact the Normandy regarding the Project were all instructed to use a specific frequency. This kept Project communication distinguishable from other chatter when transmitting and receiving over great distances. Someone on the Normandy would always be monitoring that frequency for incoming messages.
Tali nodded. "Right here," she said and her omni-tool glowed, the information on its display. Tali turned next to Kaidan. They also embraced and Kaidan said, "Take care of yourself."
"You too. And let me know if you find anything interesting."
Kaidan chuckled. "Will do."
Tali next turned to Garrus. The two looked as if they were going to hug, but a bout of awkwardness overtook them and the stepped away from each other.
"I'm sorry… about earlier," Garrus apologized quietly.
"It's okay," Tali replied. With a laugh, she added, "You really are too easy."
"I'm… What?" Garrus asked, then realized that Tali had been teasing him earlier to get him riled up.
Tali reached up and touched the side of his face. A moment later she turned and walked away. Just before rounding the corner to the Ward's entrance, she looked back and waved; then she was gone.
The C-Sec officer who had born witness to the exchanges cleared his throat in an attempt to gain the remainder of the group's attention. All three turned toward him and he had the sudden impression that he'd rudely interrupted them. "Um… the Councilman…"
"Lead on," Brennan said.
When they arrived at Anderson's apartment, the officer who had escorted them waited outside by the door.
"Ah, Brennan. Captain Alenko. Garrus Vakarian." Councilman Anderson greeted each person in turn.
"Councilman," Garrus nodded, unsure how to address the man in front of him. Prior to meeting Shepard, he'd never even stood before the Council. Now he was standing in one of the Council member's apartments. He could not imagine a greater honor, yet it also served as a reminder to him of the importance of what they were doing.
"Sir," both Brennan and Kaidan said, though Kaidan added a salute. He was also unsure of the proper protocol for addressing the man that stood before him.
"No need for that, Captain," Anderson said jovially.
Councilman Anderson had never been the type to appear stressed. He always seemed laid back and unconcerned, even when plotting the mutiny that freed the Normandy from her lockdown only months ago, but Kaidan thought he almost seemed happy, if haggard.
"Unfortunately," Anderson spoke again, directing his attention primarily to Shepard, "We don't have much time for pleasantries." He stepped up to his desk and picked up the data disc sitting on top of the cluttered workspace. He handed the disc to Brennan. "We have reports that there is still Geth activity in Citadel Space. We need you to investigate. Find out if these are leftover insurgents or new plants. Do your best to find out why they are here. And, of course, eliminate the threat."
"Yes sir," Brennan said.
There was a blip from the councilman's computer. "Well, it appears your supplies have finished loading. I expect you'll want to get on your way."
"Of course, sir," Brennan replied.
Kaidan looked from Councilman Anderson to Brennan. There was something going on and he could see that Brennan recognized it as well, but said nothing. Councilman Anderson had always been one to make himself available. He was very free with information, even if it was personal – at least for Brennan. This was probably the quickest conversation Kaidan had witnessed between Anderson and Shepard.
The three of them, along with their escort, left the apartment area and headed toward the rapid transit terminal.
"Did that seem odd to you?" Garrus asked, voicing what all three were thinking.
As the C-Sec guard was inputting their destination into the terminal, Brennan looked meaningfully at his back before responding, "I'm sure the Councilman is a busy man."
Garrus took the hint and did not say anything else about the odd experience.
The Normandy pulled out of the Citadel docking bay a short time later, and Brennan approached Kaidan and Joker at the helm.
"So, where to first?" Kaidan asked.
Brennan cleared her throat. "I have to take care of something on Amaterasu."
A brief and solemn silence settled between the three comrades before Kaidan said, "Joker."
"Aye, aye Captain." Generally, the Captain or Commander of the ship specified the destination by choosing it on the Galaxy Map, but the fine-tuned calibrations – those needed to ensure safe and accurate jumps between relays and in and out of FTL – were made by the pilot, in this case, Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau, a.k.a. Joker.
Kaidan received status reports from all appropriate stations before heading to his quarters. Upon entering, he saw Brennan staring at the computer screen. She was leaning back in his chair and her arms were crossed over her chest. Leaning against the door frame, he watched her for a bit before speaking. Though she was staring at the screen, she made no attempt to interact with the computer and he wondered if she was really reading. "Brennan," he said gently.
She looked over at him, smiling sadly as she did. "Hey you."
"Hey," he responded. "How are you holding up?"
"Good," she answered, then she seemed to contemplate her answer. She shrugged. "Okay."
"She's going to feel empty without Wrex, Tali, and Liara," Kaidan offered. Brennan held Kaidan's gaze for a minute, and he was struck by the depth of emotion held in those crystal green eyes.
"I should go," Brennan said, standing suddenly.
Kaidan stepped forward and gently clasped her arms. "Where? There isn't anywhere else on this ship that you can be alone."
Brennan smiled slightly. He knew her so well – amazing, really considering they never did get to spend much time alone and had even spent three months apart. But then her mind traveled back to the reason she was seeking solitude. "This is stupid," she said, and stepped away from Kaidan. "It's not like I'm never going to see them again."
Kaidan offered her a half-smile. "It's not stupid; it's human. Remember – 'oceans, beautiful women, and this emotion called love.'"
Brennan laughed lightly in remembrance of the time she had said that while looking out at the view from the Wards.
"It just means you care."
"Hmm," Brennan intoned as she took a step toward Kaidan. "I thought soldiers weren't supposed to care."
"Ah," he said with a smile, closing the gap between them and wrapping his arms around her small waist. "On the contrary. Soldiers care too much. That's why we're willing to risk life and limb – to fight for what we believe in and defend those who can't defend themselves."
Brennan wrapped her own arms around Kaidan's neck. "Still the romantic, I see."
Kaidan leaned in and the two shared a kiss, slow and sweet – a comforting distraction from their destination. Comfort turned to desire and soon Kaidan had Brennan backed up to the wall behind her, one hand behind her head, cushioning it from the metal wall, the other still around her waist, pulling her toward him. Their hands explored and caressed each other, heightening their passion and desire with each gentle touch. They got lost in heat and sensation, racing heart and irregular breathing. Her hands sliding to Kaidan's sides, Brennan gripped the material of his shirt at either side preparing to lift.
"We've reached Amaterasu, Captain."
The two froze.
"I'm gonna kill him," Kaidan said, half to himself, as he and Brennan disengaged from each other. He looked at Brennan and saw she was blushing. For some reason, he found this endearing and smiled.
She held his gaze for a moment, before saying, "We should get ready."
"Right." The sadness was back in her eyes and they had arrived at their destination. All that was left now was to confront it and the guilt.
Kaidan and Shepard suited up and were just about to leave when Garrus approached.
"Excuse me, Shepard," Garrus said. "I would like to join you."
Shepard and Kaidan exchanged glances. "No, Garrus. Not this time," Brennan said kindly.
"But," Garrus spoke hesitantly, "I served with Gunnery Chief Williams. I'd like to offer my condolences to her family."
"Garrus, I understand your desire. It's a noble gesture. But…" Brennan looked to Kaidan for help. Kaidan was much better at diplomacy and tact than she was. But he remained silent. Sighing, Brennan continued. "I don't think you would be welcome."
"Oh. I understand, Shepard," Garrus said, managing to sound both hard and hurt at the same time. He had spent enough time around Williams to know she had an unfavorable disposition toward alien races. But time and side-by-side combat had a way of building camaraderie despite upbringing and misconceptions.
It always amazed Brennan how such a battle-hardened soldier could still remain so soft. It was one of the traits she loved about Garrus. She headed toward the airlock, but paused. Turning back to Garrus, she said, "I think Ash would have appreciated the gesture."
Garrus nodded his acknowledgement of the statement and walked away, presumably to his usual station by the Mako, and Brennan and Kaidan left the ship.
Brennan checked her omni-tool one more time to make sure she had the correct address. Glancing briefly at Kaidan, she squared her shoulders and knocked on the door.
A woman in her mid-sixties came to the door. "Yes?"
"Mrs. Williams?"
The woman took in Kaidan's Alliance uniform markings before turning her attention back to Brennan. "Yes."
"My name is Brennan Shepard, and this is Captain Kaidan Alenko. I was your daughter's commanding officer when she died… "
"When she was killed, you mean," Mrs. Williams corrected.
"I…"
"She was killed in action, yes?" The woman's tone was not harsh. She was simply proud of her daughter and the sacrifice she had made in the line of duty, and it was an insult to her to suggest that her daughter had simply died.
"Yes, ma'am."
Mrs. Williams eyed Brennan in a way that was a mixture of suspicion and curiosity. "Why are you here?"
Brennan smiled. It was clear to see where Ash had gotten her strong and straightforward personality. "She was a lot like you," Brennan offered, not answering the question. Mrs. Williams' demeanor softened slightly at the unexpected compliment. "I wanted to offer my condolences in person, as well as return a few of her personal belongings."
Mrs. Williams glanced at the case Shepard was carrying, then turned her body to the side, inviting the two visitors inside. "Alenko…" she said as they passed. "You were a lieutenant when my daughter served with you, yes?"
"Yes, ma'am," Kaidan said with a nod and a smile, surprised, not only that Ash had mentioned him, but that her mother would remember his name.
"We saw you on an extranet news feed."
Brennan laughed at this, remembering when Sarah, Ash's younger sister, had vid-mailed her and told her that she thought Kaidan was cute. Kaidan frowned questioningly at Brennan, who smiled and said, "I bet Sarah would like to meet you."
Mrs. Williams also laughed at this, making Kaidan blush. "Speaking of, Sarah should be home from school soon. I think she would really like to meet you both."
Brennan continued to smile, though, as Kaidan watched, he saw the strain it was causing. "I would like that," Brennan said. "What about her other sisters?"
"Oh, they're not here. Both had to return to University after…" Mrs. Williams voice trailed off and her gaze dropped. Looking up suddenly, she offered, "Would you like some coffee?"
"Please," Brennan affirmed.
The three adults stood in the kitchen making small talk for a few minutes, none really wanting to address the reason they had come.
"Mom," a voice called from the living room. "I'm home." A cute eighteen-year-old girl walked into the kitchen. She was clearly Ash's younger sister, with the same dark brown eyes and near-black hair, though she had a grace of stature and fluidity of movement that Ash never did. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know we had…" Sarah's eyes suddenly got large. "You're Lieutenant Alenko! And… Commander Shepard?"
As Kaidan and Brennan shook hands with Sarah, Brennan couldn't help but smile and look teasingly at Kaidan.
"He's a Captain now," Mrs. Williams' said, with a tone that said she was getting as much enjoyment out of teasing her daughter as Brennan did Kaidan.
"Mom!" Sarah said, blushing crimson. Trying to divert attention, Sarah turned to Brennan. "First human Spectre. So what's that like?"
"It has its ups and downs."
"So… Why are you here?" Sarah asked, mirroring her mother's earlier expression, without the suspicion.
Brennan smiled slightly at the similarities in family members. Never having known her own family, nor ever having met family members of others she had served with, she had never been privy to this type of observation before. "I wanted to offer my condolences in person, as well as return a few of Ash's personal belongings," she repeated for the teen.
Frowning, Sarah simply said, "Oh. Thank you."
There was more to it than that, truth be told, and Kaidan watched Brennan struggle with motivations and emotions he wasn't sure even she understood.
"Um," Shepard began. Lifting the case she was carrying onto the kitchen table, she opened it and removed its contents one by one. She was surprised at how difficult it was to give up these things that didn't belong to her, but in her usual manner, the only indication of her emotional distress was a frown creasing her forehead. "This is Ash's rifle." Brennan laid the rifle, now encased in Plexiglas, gingerly on the table. "She was one of the finest marines I've ever served with." Reaching back into her case, she pulled out a Bible. "Her Bible. And…" She reached in one last time. "Her locket." She handed this directly to Sarah. "She never wore it on a mission for fear of losing it." Brennan closed the case and set it back on the floor. When she looked back up, there were tears in the eyes of Ash's mother and sister.
After a moment of silence, Kaidan asked, "Can we visit her memorial?"
Mrs. Williams nodded, but didn't look up. She was fingering her daughter's well worn Bible. Sarah wrapped her arm around her mother and squeezed gently. Then she said, "I'll take them."
Brennan and Kaidan followed Sarah out the back door to a small garden set back a ways from the house. The garden was fenced off from the rest of the yard by a small white picket fence and the entrance was a white wooden archway, entwined with vines of ivy. A short path led to a bench which faced a stone dais with two names carved into it – Ashley Williams and Joseph Williams, her father. Her father had been given a burial in one of the military graveyards back on earth. The family had not rejected the idea since it was an unexpected honor, due to their family history. Instead, the family put up the small monument – one they could visit whenever they wanted. Since Ash's body could not be recovered, Mrs. Williams decided to add her name to the monument and keep the family together. The garden was obviously well tended and there were signs it was visited often.
The three stood quietly before the stone, each one lost in thought or memory.
Kaidan broke the silence. "I… would not be alive, if not for your sister's sacrifice." He turned to look at Sarah, "And yours. Thank you."
A tear ran silently down the teen's face. She quickly wiped it away and nodded.
Shepard stood very still. Try as she might, she couldn't think of a single thing to say. What could she say? I'm sorry I chose to leave your sister without backup. I'm sorry, I chose to save Kaidan instead. She wasn't. Not really. She firmly believed that she had made the right decision. Any commander, when asked who would you save, a lieutenant or a gunnery chief, would know the proper answer is your lieutenant. Officers simply come before NCO's in the pecking order. But that's not something she could really say to the sister left behind. So she stood in stoic silence and hoped that her gesture today would give the family some peace, even if she couldn't find any.
With nothing left to say, Kaidan and Sarah turned to leave. After taking a few steps, they noticed that Shepard had not followed. In fact, she had activated her omni-tool and was pulling something up on the display. Standing at attention, Shepard began to read – her final farewell.
"It little profits that an idle king,
By this still hearth, among these barren crags,
Match'd with an aged wife, I mete and dole
Unequal laws unto a savage race,
That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me.
"I cannot rest from travel: I will drink
Life to the lees: all times I have enjoyed
Greatly, have suffered greatly, both with those
That loved me, and alone…"
- - - - -
A/N – Sorry it has taken so long for me to finish this chapter. It seems I don't always write chronologically and a chapter popped out that you'll see later in the story before I was able to finish this one. Man this chapter was like pulling teeth. For those that don't know (and I wouldn't have known had I not looked it up and put it in here), the [beginning of the poem that Shepard reads at the end of the chapter is Ulysses by Tennyson.
Continue to point out to me where I've made mistakes. I, for the life of me, could not find Ash's father's name. If anyone knows it, please let me know. Um… I'm posting another story, too, (for a different fandom), so I occasionally have to delete my documents to make room. I'm sad to say, I've already deleted the first 2 chapters (in the documents section), so I can't go back and edit them – as far as I know. But I do make adjustments to my original, and thus, I appreciate knowing where I've erred.
Thanks to all who have so kindly reviewed, added me to your alerts and favorites, and made inquiries about the story. You're awesome! Thanks for your patience. And of course thank you to my wonderful betas – Mom, hubby, and J.A. Carlton. Love.
Kathleen – Thank you much for your kind review. It is important to me that the characters remain true to canon, while realizing that all characters evolve as they gain experience, so thank you for that comment. Glad to hear I'm not the only traditionalist (liking Kaidan). :) Thanks again for the review.
Runningchameleon – Thank you, too, for the lovely review. Thanks for letting me know what line stuck out to you. I like hearing that kind of thing. Things that stand out to one person, don't necessarily stand out for someone else, and I always think it's interesting to hear what sticks out to whom. Thanks again for taking the time to review.