DARE OR DARE

Episode IV

Season I

Zuria: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, particularly those who sent in dares to the characters in The Battle of the Labyrinth (and to those of you who are confused right now, each new episode is a different book. We may or may not be doing The Lost Hero). This is the first episode in which we have two tasks for certain characters—because, really, awesomegrl77, that was really too awesome to pass up.

But anyway! PERCY JACKSON GET OVER HERE!

Percy: *sighs* Okay…

Zuria: According to Lukeme, you have to…wait for it, wait for it…TELL ANNABETH ALL ABOUT OGYGIA! (You know, the freakish phantom island that you-know-who lives on?)

Percy: All about?

Zuria: No. The dare just said "Percy: Tell Annabeth about you and Calypso, winking smiley face."

Percy: What do I need to tell her about me and Calypso?

Zuria: *really angry now* WOULD YOU STOP TRYING TO FIND STINKING LOOPHOLES AND DO YOUR DARE ALREADY!

Percy: *goes over to Annabeth* *whispers something unintelligible* when you thought I was dead so yeah.

Annabeth: What the…

Percy: *air punch* Yes! I told her without telling her!

Annabeth: Oh, and the second thing you said just made *voice dripping with sarcasm* a WHOLE LOT MORE SENSE!

Percy: That was the point!

Zuria: *sigh* My plan for Percy's death just went down the drain… BUT ANYWAY! Percy, you're also supposed to… "say he hates water and not eat blue things for a week." Thank you, awesomegrl77. *Pulls out taser* SAY IT, PERCY! THIS WORKS ON DEMIGODS!

Percy: Okay, okay! I hate water!

Zuria: Hmm…I'm gonna mail the tape I just took of you to Poseidon…see what he thinks…

Percy: No!

Zuria: MINION!

Nico: *walks over* Yeah, Zuria?

Zuria: Minion, can you mail this to Poseidon?

Nico: Sure. Do I get to pass if I do this?

Zuria: No.

Nico: Dang. *leaves and mails tape to Poseidon*

Zuria: And now, we have Annabeth's stuff! You have to…wait, what notebook? Lukeme said you have to destroy Dadlus's notebook. Two errors: Who's Dadlus? Can I have him on the show? And Dadlus, Daedalus, whatever, didn't give Annabeth a notebook. He gave her a computer. So, Annabeth gets to pass this one.

Annabeth: Yes!

Zuria: But there's another one from awesomegrl77!

Annabeth: No!

Zuria: You have to admit your true feelings for Percy, Luke, Nico, and Grover! Fun!

Annabeth: *sigh* I love you Percy. We all know that. *Turns to Luke* I can't believe you would betray us like that, then expect me to join you. *Turns to Nico* EEW! LITTLE GAY EMO KID! EEW! *Turns to Grover* I only pretended to be interested in your finding Pan. I knew you'd never do it. When you did, I thought it was all a bunch of wasted time—he died anyway.

Zuria: Thalia…wait, Thalia wasn't in this book. DANG IT, WE GOT A GREAT DARE FOR HER FROM AWESOMEGRL77! Anyway, we have Rachel's first dare! She has to throw a blue hairbrush at PERCY! I find that totally funny.

Rachel: I don't have a blue hairbrush with me right now.

Zuria: Then use your yellow one.

Rachel: How do you know what color it is?

Zuria: I looked in your purse.

Rachel: Fine. *Throws a yellow hairbrush at Percy's eye when he's not looking*

Percy: OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR, RACHEL? I'M SO GLAD I DUMPED YOU!

Rachel: I am so dead.

Percy: *kills Rachel*

Annabeth: YES!

Zuria: Ha! Now Lukeme said, "Luke: MARRY ME, kidding, sort of. K, Call Koronus mean stuff, so, basicaly, be mean to yourself!"

Luke: Be mean to myself? How does that work?

Zuria: No idea. Do it anyway.

Luke: *aware of the awkwardness* Um…hey, Kronos…you have a big fat a$$.

Zuria: *smiling evilly* Very good, Castellan!

Luke: *very wary of Zuria* And what's with that name? Is it Cronus? Kronos? Koronos? Coronos? Coronus? Make up your mind!

***ZAP! Here comes the lightning bolt from The Titan's Curse and Cronus/Kronos/Koronos/Coronos/Coronus/whatever has killed himself in the form of Luke***

Zuria: That worked well! But now it's Grover's turn, from awesomegrl77. She says that Grover should eat another goat. And I couldn't agree more. GROVER! GET OVER HERE! *whispering frantically* Minion, disguise that goat I bought yesterday as an enchilada.

Nico: *takes (cough, cough) goat (cough, cough) enchilada and gives it to Grover*

Zuria: Since it's your birthday, you're being given a pass! Without having to remove an article of clothing! Isn't that great?

Grover: Um…it's not—

Zuria: Stuff it, goaty! Eat the enchilada!

Grover: *eats the enchilada* MMM! This is really good! *shovels it his mouth, then notices everyone snickering at him.* What?

Percy: Umm…Grover? *starts laughing*

Grover: What?

Annabeth: *sniggers* That…that's a goat enchilada!

Grover: *leaps a hundred miles into the air* BLECH!

Zuria: HAHA! And thank you again to awesomegrl77 for Nico's dare! MINION!

Nico: *walks up* Yes?

Zuria: You have to be locked in a room with a therapist! (And that's all I'm saying about it right now)

Nico: Okay… *walks glumly out of the building and into the therapist building across the street*

Zuria: Okay, let's watch live from the hidden camera in the wall.

Nico sits down in a comfortable chair. A therapist is holding a notebook and in another comfortable chair next to him.

"What's your name?" comes the nasal voice of the therapist.

"Nico di Angelo."

"And how old are you?"

"I'm eleven."

"And how do you feel right now?"

"Kind of sad that I'm a minion and I'm doing a dare right now, and kind of annoyed at you therapists for always asking the same questions."

"Is there anything you'd like to tell me?"

"No."

"Do you like girls?"

"No. How random was that?"

"Are you sure?"

"Okay…there's this girl called Thalia…"

Zuria: *face lights up with delight*

"She's so pretty…so tough…just amazing and flawless in every way…"

"And how old is she?"

"I have no clue. See, she's immortal and thinks I'm a gay emo kid…oh, wait, that's Annabeth."

"Who's Annabeth?"

"My friend's girlfriend."

"And do you like her?"

"That's a question? No! I like—sorry, love—Thalia!"

Zuria: *cackles evilly*

"But does she love you?" Nico stands up angrily. "How am I supposed to know that, you dumb therapist?"

"Just read her body language!"

"Stop yelling at me, you dumb therapist! I'm sick of you! You keep saying, 'Oh, less variation is good for kids,' but every time I'm here, I get a different, stupider than the last therapist!"

"Nico, sit—"

"No! I'm not sitting! I just want you to know who I really am!"

"And who are you?"

"You're worst nightmare!" Nico summoned twelve skeletons and they attacked the unfortunate therapist.

Nico: *walks in* Hello! Wait, why is there a video of me up there?

Zuria: No reason.

Grover: We're just re-watching your therapy session!

Nico: You filmed that?

Zuria: And Annabeth figured out how to stream it live to Hephaestus TV. And the gods said it was so funny they'd have a replay every night for a month.

Nico: *face pales* But Thalia's gonna see!

Zuria: *fiddling with her nails* So? Is that what you're worried about? I believe my friend ABC's character transporter (which takes characters from other books for advice only) can help us with that. ABC!

ABC: Yeah, Zuria?

Zuria: Hey, we need to boot up the OtherCharacter6000. Set it to Otis Otis from The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod (I am officially hooked on that series).

ABC: You got it! *tinkers away at the OtherCharacter6000*

Zuria: Meanwhile we can watch it again!

ABC: No, I got Morgie and River to help me with it.

Zuria: *sigh* I like that video. But anyway: OTIS OTIS, PEOPLE! MAKE WAY FOR THE BEST CHARACTER EVER!

Otis: *walks out of the OtherCharacter6000* Charm, Nico, requires a voice. *walks back into the OtherCharacter6000*

Zuria: Thank you, ABC, Morgie, and River.

ABC: No sweat, Zuria.

Morgie: Yeah. I love helping!

River: Can I go back to my house?

Zuria: You can all go do whatever you want now.

ABC: Thanks, Zuria. *leaves*

Morgie: I'll keep working on that other torture device you set me up on.

Zuria: Oh, yeah, we can't forget that. It's gonna be in our bonus episode at the end. Thanks for reminding me, Morgie.

Morgie: *leaves*

River: Bye, Zuria! *leaves*

Zuria: *sigh* Don't you just love my friends?

Nico: Yeah, especially since they came up with the advice-inator.

Zuria: It's the OtherCharacter6000, minion. Get it right.

Nico: Whatever.

Zuria: *tasers Nico* Until next time, everybody, and send in dares for the main characters of The Last Olympian, and you might be featured on the next DARE OR DARE! Oh, yeah, and did I mention I'm going to have some guest stars? I will contact you if you are chosen for guest starring. THANK YOU!