It was two days before I heard from the devil again. I had received a phone call near closing hour informing me of his coming at the end of the day. So when closing hour arrived and I finally sent my cute little employees safely to their own homes, I locked everything and went back to the kitchen to arrange it for his arrival.
I wasn't sure what to expect from him tonight. After his meeting with Alfred and Arthur at the bar, I was very well inclined to believe he would be coming to end my own life. Mobsters simply didn't make friends with police officers, even the ones that were bought off or corrupt. It was just as much bad business as asking for trouble. And here was I, a member of the mob with two honest officers as close friends. Even I knew it had been a bad idea to keep relations with them. But I just couldn't bear to part with them, to end that part of my former life, even if it meant my eventual arrest or death.
When the kitchen had been cleaned, the ingredients taken out and the oven was heating up, I headed back to the office to collect my case. For some reason, that night I was compelled to look at the knives when I opened the vault. Perhaps it was the feeling of my end being near, or perhaps it was the monster inside me taking over. But that sick desire to relish in them was under my skin.
So I sat on my chair and carefully placed each knife in front of me above my desk. Soon I was displaying all of my morbid collection, every single knife so clean that I saw my own reflection on them and yet every single one of them had been used. I had acquired all of those knives thru several means, most happened to be legally, others not so much. I had been shocking how easy one could buy such things. No one ever asked questions as to why you were buying them. I wondered what would take a person to need a hatchet big enough to chop a leg off at a normal home.
I picked up one of my smaller knives. It was one that was used to slice the meat apart. It was a beautiful knife, strong, well balanced, and absurdly sharp. And as I was looking at my own reflection on that blade, I wondered if it would even hurt if I used that beautiful blade to slash my wrists and end this miserable business. Maybe that was the way out for me. Maybe it was the only way to kill the monster growing inside me.
It was not the first time I considered suicide, making a note confessing my dark sins and simply ending this horrible nightmare that had become my secret life. But then I would always think of my innocent children. My sweet Chells, her beautiful tanned skin framed by her long dark ponytails and her red ribbons, smiling everyday and asking for love advice, dreaming of one day settling down with someone and starting a family. Of my beloved little lady Mona, always elegant with her blonde hair in a braid and her glasses perched up her little nose, the way she is always so proper and respectful, and how she claims to be undefeated in poker with such conviction I always believe her. And my adorable Matthew, his pale skin contrasting marvelously with his cherry blond hair, and those glasses framing his sweet violet eyes just perfectly, the way he is always having a hard time expressing himself unless it involved hockey.
They were the reason I still looked forward to the following day. They deserved better, they deserved something more then the realization that I was a monster that had lied and tricked them. They deserved to remain ignorant, to be safe, to have happy lives away from me and my secrets. What would happen to them when I was gone and everything was out?
Anger rose over me and I slammed the knife back to the case and started throwing the rest of them inside it. If I survived this night, I was finding a way out of this life. I was going to arrange a way for my children to remain safe. Send them someplace else, away from me, away from those horrible nightmares, away from that devil, someplace where they could live happily and blissfully ignorant.
The sound of a door opening and heavy footsteps announced the arrival of my unwelcome guest. I was about to discover if it was my blood that would be above the table tonight. So I picked up my cursed case and headed to the kitchen. The devil was beside the long table and the corpse was spread out for me.
"привет Francis." I shivered with the sound of his voice. But it seemed that I would survive another night.
"Ivan." I hastily passed him and started arranging things to begin the butchering. With the corpse rid of its garments I quickly plunged my knife inside it to start the gutting. The familiar feeling of the blood covering my hands combined with the putrid smell of death for once wasn't making me sick. The twisting feeling of my own guts was because I could feel the devil's gaze directed at me. I wanted to end this as fast as possible.
"So, cops?" I nearly lost control of the knife I was handling and cut myself. That devil had to stop scaring me like that. I was bound to get killed by a heart attack if he didn't.
"They don't know." It was just about what I could say. If I started talking about them I could end up getting them killed. They already had more trouble then they were aware of. Better to say little then say too much.
"I realized as much. They seemed too overly protective of you to know about our little arrangements. But you do understand that I now need to know who they are to keep an eye on them don't you Francis." It was an order. His tone made it clear that if I even tried to lie he would know and there would be consequences.
"Alfred F. Jones and Arthur Kirkland." I kept my eyes down on my work. Skinning the body in front of me and suddenly praying that I wouldn't be seeing Arthur's and Alfred's body laid out for me in such manner. I would have to figure out a way to warn them about the danger later.
It was quite then. The devil returned to his silent observation of my movements as I went around the table working the knives on the flesh. It was in the moment when he was standing right behind me that I heard that chilling voice of his once more.
"Is that boy of yours related to that cop in any way?"
I froze. "Why?" What was he asking? They did look alike but was it that obvious? Did he want to harm Matthew? Was he going to use him to get to Alfred if something happened?
"You're aware of how we use family kidnapping da? I'm just thinking ahead."
I have no idea what passed thru my head at that moment but I just snapped. The next thing I know was that I had a blade at the edge of Ivan's chin and neck and I was growling threats at him. "If you dare touch my Matthew I'll be making meat pies out of you next diable infernale."
It took a second, but the moment I realized my stupidity I quickly withdrew the blade from him and got back to work on the corpse. He remained unmoving and I had no idea of just how big a mistake I probably had done. That man could kill me with his bare hands, he most likely had already killed more people than I could imagine and with a single word from him I could very well go rot in jail.
Whatever his thought about my treat were he kept them quiet. For the next few minutes, I just worked silently on the pieces of flesh I was separating, afraid to even glimpse at him. And when the silence continued to stretch I felt myself relaxing a bit and letting the mechanical movements of my blades calm my anxieties. But the devil decided that he was not keeping quiet for long.
"You're doing it for a friend aren't you?" I had my second heart attack of the night.
"What do you mean?" My hands were shaking. Was he playing with me? How had he guessed something like that? Did he already know? Had I lost?
"You joined the mob to protect someone. Da?" That tone of voice of his was scarring me. He wasn't questioning it, he was affirming it.
"You never seemed to mind when you are the one being threatened, but the mere thought of me near to your protégé gets you so scarred that you foolishly try to threaten me." Now he was being smug about it. I heard his footsteps as he walked closer to me. He was standing behind me once again and I felt chills running thru my body.
I kept my eyes on the pieces of meat I was hacking off. It was a bait, had to be, he couldn't have guessed that from my threat. He just wanted me to confirm it or deny it so he could be closer to winning that damn awful bet. So I kept working, ignoring that awful feeling I had when he was that close to me.
And then I heard it, the sound of keys hitting a lock and people mumbling. The blood just flowed right out of me. What time was it? It had been just a few hours that I had closed the shop. Who was trying to get in? What was I suppose to do? Anyone that entered that kitchen would know right away that something was wrong, they would clearly know what I was doing. Should I run ahead and try to stop them? No, I was covered in blood. I was doomed.
The chiming of the bell and the sound of two voices becoming louder just confirmed me dread. It was the end. After five years of this secret nightmare, everything was going to be revealed and it would be the end of everything I knew. The entire world would learn of the monster that I had become.
Something grabbed my arm and turned me around. Next thing I know was that my bloody shirt had been torn away from my body, something had been thrown to cover the table and I was being roughly shoved over it. I yelped as my legs were grabbed and lifted up to be wrapped around the devil's waist and his hands pinned my own above me. "Follow my lead." Was the only answer I got for his actions as he plunged his lips into mine and I felt his bare chest against my own.
The voices were close enough for me to recognize them now, but the feeling of having Ivan pressing himself over me like that, and the knowledge and feeling of the butchered corpse under me had me squirming and trying to escape like a mad man. In my mad attempt to escape I opened my mouth to scream only to have Ivan throw his tongue into my mouth to deepen the kiss and pin me harder. And then I felt his hips move. Whatever sounds I made from the panic were drowned out by the sudden screeching coming from the door as it was opened.
"HOLY FUCK! MY EYES!"
"OH MY GOD IS THAT…"
Even not being able to see them from my current position I could still clearly imagine Matthew and Alfred's shocked expressions. The moment I heard them, all the panic I had felt then was quickly locked away deep inside me. My head finally made sense of Ivan's actions and I realized I had to act this out accordingly if I wanted to get them to leave before they realized something was wrong. A deep moan came from my throat and I returned Ivan's actions, moving my own hips against his. Realizing I was finally cooperating, Ivan released his lips from mine to move his head lower and attack my neck. I did quite a show moaning loudly, moving and arching up to him. Ivan was releasing a few moans of his own.
The sounds coming from the door were now rushed footsteps and someone bumping into one of the counters before the kitchen door was roughly closed.
Aside from their rushed footsteps, "DUDE I AM NEVER EATING HERE AGAIN!" was the last thing I heard Alfred say before the front door was slammed and locked once again.
Both Ivan and I stopped our act to listen. And as the seconds passed and it didn't seem like Matthew and Alfred were coming back I had the urge of releasing myself from the devil's grasp.
"Lâche moi." I yelled and squirmed trying to get him to release me. The panic from earlier was rushing back into my system. He first seemed reluctant to do so but he did and I quickly fell off the table and crouched on the floor besides it covering myself with my bare arms immediately. I couldn't breath, I felt sick, a nauseous feeling was swirling around my stomach and I could taste the vomit on my mouth. I just felt horrible disgusted for some reason and my heart wouldn't stop pounding inside my chest. Something cold started to rub itself on my back and I realized it was actually Ivan's hand.
"Easy now, breath. Just breath, it's over now, breath." Somehow Ivan's voice was actually helping and I just forced myself to breath. As the air started to flow back to my lungs the nausea and the panic eased. I managed to gather up some strength to try and stand. I grabbed the edge of the table to support myself. Looking down I realized Ivan had throw his coat and shirt to cover the corpse. My own shirt was thrown on the floor.
"Mon Dieu, what were they doing here." It had been the first time someone had almost found out my sins. The idea of my Matthew seeing me as some kind of monster nearly crushed my heart.
"Your boy seemed to have forgotten a bag. That was what a managed to see anyway." Ivan was collecting his clothes from the corpse and throwing them on the floor next to my shirt.
"You're not getting dressed?" I took the moment to actually look at him now. He was somehow still wearing that scarf of his, his shoulder and arms were naturally thick and strong along with the rest of his upper body. For my surprise his chest had barely any hair and he actually did have a bit of a budge on his stomach. But what really caught my attention were the scars. He was covered with them, arms, shoulders, chest, stomach, I could even see some of them going into his back and hips. It was like he had wrestled with bears in the wild or he had somehow survived some kind of medieval torture. Scars over scars, so visible I think I actually flinched at them.
"I'm not a pretty site am I Francis?" That same sad smile and tone I had hallucinated at the bar before was back. And along with it the feelings of pity that I had suppressed came rushing back.
"I don't wish to wear bloody clothes, and I don't think you actually have something my size at your office, so for tonight, I think I'll just have to accept staying like this." He shrugged and went over to stand at his usual spot.
And that was the end of it. Realizing I would still have to finish my morbid work, with shaky hands I grabbed the knives once again to continue it with Ivan's watchful gaze over me. I silently worked on separating limbs from body and meat from bones, not even minding the cold air on my bare chest and arms.
We were back doing our old routine. As I prepared the meat for the pies, Ivan helped clean the blood from the table and floor. All in a welcomed but awkward silence, when I finally placed the pies on the oven, I heard him leaving just as he did before. There was no mentioning of the bet, no warning about my threat or my friendship with Arthur and Alfred, no talk about almost being discovered, nothing.
I cleaned my knives and locked them back into the vault, cleaned myself as well as I could and picked another outfit from the spares I had. Setting an alarm to go off when the pies were to be ready I sat down and finally closed my eyes to get some rest.
There was too much going thru my mind that night to manage a restful sleep. There was Alfred and Arthur's safety worrying me, along with Mathew, Chells and Mona's own, and then there was Ivan. Ivan kept coming again and again in my thoughts, the devil that had always ruled my nightmares, the sad broken man that was slowly showing himself. The devil that smiled like a child in a candy shop in front of death, blood and fear, the man that had the saddest smile I had ever seen. Ivan the man that always wore long coats and scarves to hide a body covered in old aged scars, the man whose body felt ice cold against my own body. So many different Ivans kept swirling inside my head.
And when blissful sleep was finally within my reach, I dreamed about Gilbert.