His Little Angel
When Dean was a young boy he met his first Angel. Contrary to popular belief he did believe in angels and in God. Or at least he did when he was a little boy, up until he was nine years of age. He started to lose the belief when his angel was forcefully taken from him and then again when his Mom died by the demon. He never stopped believing until he was nine. The first time his dad ever hit him.
He lost his Mom, the only stable person in his life besides Pastor Jim, when his was four. Actually a lot had happened to him in the fourth year of his life. Before he lost his Mom, he lost his angel. His Guardian Angel who was his own age. His angel was only four too and he was already helping out his Daddy! Dean wanted to help his Mom just like his angel. That was when he was young and that was before an older mean angel had dragged his angel, Castiel he thought he heard that mean angel yell, away from Dean. Dean knew about the monsters that lived all around him thanks to his Mom's stories and he knew that he needed his angel to watch over him until he could take care of himself. When his Mom died, he felt Cas's panic and longing to be with him, Dean. To him that was a strange concept, but that could have been because Cas's was his first friend ever besides Mom. It was when his Mom died that he started doubting God, but never his little angel Cas, though he did doubt the other angels.
After his Mom died he tried to teach Sammy, the the baby brother that had stolen his Mom, the nursery rhyme that his Mom had taught him. His Cas could recite it with him perfectly on his first try without needing Dean's help. Sammy never did learn it. He always had a fit when Dean tried so he eventually just gave up on teaching it to Sammy and sharing Mom with him after that. Sometimes in school or out on a hunt, or even when taking care of Sammy, he would recite the rhyme to himself if he was upset or in pain. It always calmed him and made him feel safe and in control. He remembered the good times with his Mom and with Cas. He recited it in his head as his dad would hit him for whatever wrong it was that Dean had done this time.
鏑ittle Angel, Little Angel!And sometimes he's hear his Mom's voice, or sometimes Cas's voice reciting it with him. He heard Cas's voice mostly on the second to last line,
展hy I'll watch over thee. All thy life, because I lovest was strange to Dean, as his dad never told the rhyme to him, but sometimes he'd hear a mans loving voice whispering the last line.
鄭ngels are watching over could remember a warm feeling and he never felt the pain of his dad's blows when he heard that man's voice. Over time the rhyme became a collation of the three voices mixed with his own and eventually over time a fourth voice was added. Then after that they faded away and he forgot about the rhyme.
That was until he met the angel that had saved him from Hell. The chocolate colored hair and the piercing blue eyes were sharp stabbing pains in his head. He could see the angel, could almost hear his voice. Almost, but not quite. Dean struggled to remember the rhyme to see if this Castiel was his Angel that he used to have.
He didn't remember until after Castiel had became God and sank into the deceptive man made lake. He had lost his Angel twice.
If he was deeply broken because of it, he tried not to let it show. Or at the very least, to blame it on someone else.