Head On
Disclaimer: I own no one you recognize.
A/N- Hope you enjoy it!
"We're going to miss the birth. Biggest day of our lives and we're going to miss it because we had to eat," Reid rants, repeatedly hitting the elevator button. "Maybe it'd be faster to take the stairs?" He jumps, the elevator doors opening with a loud ding. "Come on!"
"Okay, Spencer. You need to breathe. She could be pushing for hours. If you go in there like this, you're going to freak her out." Morgan holds Reid tight to him. "It'll be absolutely fine."
Reid nods, inhaling slowly. He's really trying not to panic but now that the moment's here, his nerves are trying to get the best of him.
"I think it's best for me to wait in the hall outside the birth room. I'm anxious and I don't want my anxiety to scare Penn. She's been through enough today." The words spill out of Reid. "I know I was there with Sadie but that was different." He sinks into Morgan's arms. "What do you think?"
"Whatever you're comfortable with. I think though- you can be in there if you try to ground your energy. We're all scared."
The elevator door slides open. They dash out, running for the delivery room.
"Are you coming?" Morgan pauses just outside the door, his hand on the knob. "I love you either way."
"I'm coming," Reid murmurs, following Morgan through the door.
"Oh thank God!" Garcia shouts, coming to rest on the bed. "I was beginning to think I was going to do this alone."
"Now, would we do that to you, Baby Girl?" Morgan moves to her side. "Tell me what you need."
Reid squats beside her bed, staring at her directly in the eyes. He's not sure what he's doing but she clearly needs support.
"Just support her!" The midwife exclaims from the foot of the bed. "We're almost there, Penelope. Are you ready to push again? We can sit this contraction out if you need a break."
"I need a break." She inhales, exhales and inhales again, breathing through the contraction. "My epidural wore off a little- they want me to feel the contractions for pushing." She winces, her contraction clearly peaking. "Forty minutes on my side, I dilated the rest of the way. If I had realized a position change was going to speed it up, I'd have done that hours ago. Or maybe my lecture got the kid moving- don't really know." She inhales again.
"This one is just about over," the midwife tells her, reading the monitor. "You're doing super, Penelope."
Reid offers her his hands. She takes them in a tight grip.
"You're very brave," she says, her eyes sparkling. "I think we can do this. I'm starting to see the light. Well, not like I have much choice. The kid's coming whether or not I want them to." She winces.
"Okay, Penelope. Coming into a contraction. Start pushing."
Reid begins to squeeze her hands as she pushes. His gaze connects with Morgan who's standing out of the way just watching. He's dazed, looking like a deer in the headlights.
"We're almost done," he says, easing his grip on her hands. "Almost there." He gestures to Morgan. "We can do this together." He releases one of her hands, allowing Morgan to take it.
"I can see the head. I think the next contraction should do it." The midwife stands momentarily. "You're doing great, Penelope."
"You're doing amazing, Baby Girl." Morgan blinks, clearly trying to keep his composure. Reid squeezes his hand. "I don't know how I'll ever thank you for doing this. Not once but twice..."
"You can get as sappy as you want once the kid's out," Garcia snaps. Reid glances to the monitor, noticing that she's heading into a contraction. "I don't think I can do this."
"You can do this, Penelope. One big push. Deep breath in." The midwife sits again.
"Focus on us. We know you can do this," Reid coaches. "Just focus on us. I know it hurts and you're tired. Squeeze my hand and bring our baby here." He's not sure where he's finding the words but it seems to be helping. "You're so strong."
"Stop pushing. The head's literally right there. I know what I said last time but this time, one push should do it. Your baby's just being a little stubborn." The midwife inhales slowly. "On the next contraction, I want you to give it all that you have and we'll get your baby out."
"I can't do this. I- I can't. I just can't."
"Yes, you can. I know it's hard but you can do this." Reid can tell the midwife is struggling to keep her patience. "We'll let you sit out this next contraction but after this, you need to push, Penelope."
"We believe in you, Baby Girl." Morgan reaches out, lightly caressing her cheek. "You can do this."
"We're all scared, Penn. You're not alone." Reid bites down on his lip. "You're the only one with the power to do this. Get the kid here and we'll help. We can do this."
"I can do this."
"You can."
"Deep breath in. And push."
"Come on, Penn. We have you. Remember squeeze our hands."
"And the head is crowning! Ease up. Okay, the head's out- your baby has a lot of hair. Little push. Here are the shoulders. Half out. And we have a baby!" The midwife continues to talk but all Reid can focus on are her final words.
We have a baby.
The room goes silent as their baby lets out one very loud, very angry wail.
"What kind of baby is it?" Garcia asks through her tears. "Come on, Lady. We've been waiting nine months."
"It's a girl. A very angry baby girl. Well, hello, Princess,"The midwife says, suctioning the baby's airways. "Would one of you dads like to cut the cord?" She holds out a pair of curved scissors.
"You do it," Morgan gestures to Reid.
Shaking slightly, Reid accepts the scissors. He looks to the midwife for directions.
"Just cut between the clamps. It's going to be a little tricky so be prepared."
He cuts the baby's umbilical cord with relative ease. The midwife sets the baby on Garcia's stomach.
"Look what we made, Penn!" Morgan beams. "A beautiful baby girl."
"Hello, my precious baby girl. You're so little!" Garcia coos, reaching out to touch the baby with a trembling finger. "We've been waiting for you."
"What's her APGAR?" Reid can't keep his mind off the numbers.
"Well, I'd say her one minute APGAR is a nine. That's very, very good." The midwife says, rubbing the baby with a towel. "She's beautiful."
"Yes, she is," Garcia sniffles, bringing the baby close to her. "Hello, Little One. You have no idea how happy your daddies and I are that you're finally here. We've been wishing for you since we lost your big sister. Oh look, you have your papa's eyes..." She gasps softly. "She knows my voice. I bet she's going to be smart like her daddy. I don't really see any me in you but I still love you."
"She has your lungs." Reid hesitates before lightly touching her with one finger. He pulls back. "She's beautiful. I can't believe she's finally here."
"I don't think any of us can. Look at you! You look like your sister. I think you might be bigger though."
"You did all the work but can I hold her?" Morgan asks. "And don't say she's my daughter- I don't have to ask. I don't want to take her from you."
Reid takes a step back. As he watches his partner hold their baby for the first time, he's suddenly overwhelmed with an onslaught of emotion. This is the first time since Sadie that he's been near a baby this young. A sob catches in his throat but he manages to swallow it.
"Do you want to hold her?" Morgan faces Reid.
"I can wait until the nurses are done. I'd hate to get in the way." Reid isn't sure if he's ready to hold her.
"Oh no, you're absolutely fine. We encourage bonding as soon as the baby's born," a nurse chimes in. "You can't break her- she's not as fragile as she looks."
Reid doesn't have a choice.
"Let me sit down." He sits in the first chair he sees- a mahogany rocking chair.
"It's hard," Morgan whispers, placing the baby in Reid's arms. "This is the first time I've held a baby since the morning we lost Sadie. We can do this though. The three of us together are going to raise one kickass daughter."
"Well, hello Baby Girl Morgan. You need a name but I'm assuming we'll work on that once your Mama's cleaned up and resting. I'm your daddy in case you didn't know. You have two daddies and a mommy and we all love you very much. So glad you're a girl. You don't look like an Alden." Slowly, he rocks, the runners of the chair squeaking ever so slightly. "Welcome to the world."
The last time I held a baby was the night Sadie died, he thinks. I gave her a bottle and she was still fussy. So, I stripped her to her diaper and kangarooed her til she fell asleep. I held her for a bit and probably would have held her all night if we hadn't had that early morning appointment but I had to put her down.
Tears fill his eyes. As much as he tries to keep calm, it's near impossible. He tightens his grip on the baby.
"Spencer?" Morgan turns. A look of concern blankets his face. "What is it?"
"I remember now. The night Sadie died. She was fussy. Fussier than usual. So I stripped her to her diaper and kangarooed her. She settled against my heart and fell asleep. I was tempted to hold her but we had to be out of the house early so against my better judgment, I put her in her crib. I figured she would be fine and you wanted to break her of the habit of sleeping on me because she was going to be going to daycare soon." The words fall out of him. "I told her I loved her and then walked away." He blinks, tears blurring his vision.
"What happened to her would have happened no matter what. At least she passed, knowing she was loved. I can't promise you that it won't happen this time but I can tell you that this isn't Sadie. We can't live in fear." Morgan eases the baby from Reid. "The nurse needs to finish cleaning her up. I'm not taking her because you're upset."
Free from the baby, Reid tries to stop crying. He soon finds Morgan leading him from the hospital room by the hand. Before he realizes what's going on, he's outside the hospital.
Morgan stops, sits on a bench and pats the spot next to him.
As Reid sits next to him, he's surprised when Morgan seizes him in his arms. The shock of it all makes him stop crying.
"Sorry about that. It just hit me. Holding her brought me back to Sadie and I just remembered." Reid wipes his eyes, settling against his partner. "We're dads again, aren't we?"
"That we are. To a nameless baby girl. We just needed some air. I expected it to be emotional- just not quite this emotional." Morgan sighs. "Oh look, it's raining."
"Rain on the day of a wedding is considered good luck. I wonder what it means if it rains on the day of your birth." Reid inhales slowly. "Should we go back upstairs and name her?"
Morgan nods.