Chapter 4

Luigi is such a pain. He is nothing but a deadweight. I mean, his IQ is lower than Dedede's! I know this is super mean and all, but I don't need him. I am Mario, the greatest gaming icon. I single-handedly revived the home console industry. I am on the front of every box. It's 2014 now! Last year, it was the dumb Year of Luigi and all. Freaking Satoru Iwata and his direct speech. Yes, we got Dr. Luigi. But guess what? Dr. Mario existed a long time ago. Sure, he's a separate guy, but we're pretty much the same mind. Yeah, New Super Luigi U, but that's New Super Mario Bros with a slightly harder difficulty and no me. Really, I'm the more popular of the duo.

I can tell that this makes me sound absolutely evil, but I'm really not. It's just that Luigi and I aren't super close. I see him and judge him in the same way I would anyone else. And he has some flaws. By some, I mean many. We had a fight the day Smash Bros 4 began. Of course I was invited. He was chasing me, but I cape suit flew off the balcony. But... I fell down. I'm kind of rusty.

I just entered the lobby from there. I had a straight portal. Everyone uses some game portal to make it to the 3DS Hub, but nobody's ever noticed there's portal right to it. The button is right under the little desk bell you ring to get service. I suppose people spend too much time pushing it down than lifting it up.

I think that should be my precept in my life. People need more lift-ups than push-downs.

I entered to see this year's Smash Hall. Every year it becomes better. I had an early map of everyone's assigned room. You know, the rooms everyone is going to get, unless they complain or something. I was placed completely away from everyone I knew. It really felt awkward. It reminded me of my days in school, when a teacher changes your seat from right next to your crush to the school bully. I was adjacent to some Villagers, Mega Man, Pac-Man, Little Mac, and Wii Fit Trainer. Wii Fit Trainer? Seriously? No way! Back in my day, being included in Smash meant something. Mr. Sakurai had finished welcoming the new members of the roster, when he walked up to me.

"Mario! So good to see you once again! You have the room chart, as I see." Mr. Sakurai is always really confident and outgoing.

"Well, I-a wanted to ask you about..." I began.

"Oh, Mario! I bet I know what you want! You want a room with Princess Toadstool? I know you have been begging me for several years."

I blushed. Why did he have to say that in front of all these people? Sure, none of them were actively listening, but it's hard not to hear what's going on in a room. I did a little anime sweat-drop and everything. I regained my composure.

"Well, her name is Princess Peach. And, that-a wasn't what I was asking. It appears I ended up farthest away from literally everyone in my universe." I said, part accusingly.

"Mario-san. You need to like the new characters." he said calmly.

"Well, I like everybody! It doesn't mean I have to have my room next to them!"

"Mario-san. You do not understand. You need to... be friendly to the new characters. I mean, show them around. Does that make sense? I chose you to sort of shepherd the new characters around, teach them the ropes and things. You have been here since the beginning."

I knew he wouldn't budge.

"While we're-a on the topic, how 'bout that room with-a Peach?" I exclaimed, breaking the silence.

Sakurai completely facepalmed. Then, he left to go make Ganondorf slower, or something. Maybe use his magic wand to give Doctor Mario the FLUDD. If I have to use it, he should too.

With a sigh in my heart, I began walking around Smash Hall. I was the first one in, I realized. So, I decided to explore the place! So much walking, so many hallways! I wish I had my Tanooki Suit to help me around. The thing I was most impressed with, was the lounge. The Lounge Room was always the most lackluster, every year. Of course, all-knowing Sakurai understood our requests and made it the best out of all. There were these awesome double-decker couches, like bunk beds, but also couches. I sat on the top and bottom row, and it was just great, and very comfortable. The bottom seats even had coolers if you take the cushions off! I saw a couple E-Tanks in there. A few Full Potions, too.

The TV was the best part. It had something, kind of like what is called Netflix, but with literally everything on it. Even inappropriate films, heheh. There was every episode of every television show. There also were some candy machines, not my thing exactly, but if I was a younger boy I would just be delighted.

Then, behind the candy machine I hear a twinkle. Not a gentle, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star twinkle, but more like if a glitter-pony was throwing up. It was a loud, slow twinkle, almost like a series of beeps. I got up to go see what was behind the machine. Of course, it was absolutely not what I thought it was. It was a Luma from Mario Galaxy! It was stealing a bunch of candy from behind the machine, and I think it was gonna be sick.

"Oh, Luma! What-a have you done? You've eaten too many sweets. I think I need to take you to a hospital or something. Oh-a, no." I said. Luma's sparkle was dimming. Then, I heard a sharp voice I heard many years ago.

"It's you. Finally, oh-ho-ho, finally! It may have taken me 5-some years, but I have caught-up-to-you!" It was Rosalina, a celestial princess and galaxy defender I worked with some time ago. I don't know why, but for some reason she was very upset.

"Oh! Wahoo! It's-a you, Rosalina! Hello! I'm so glad to see you here! Are you an assist trophy this year?"

Assist Trophies are little things you can use in fights. If a little Assist Trophy gets lowered into the stage, you can hold it up, and an Assist Trophy character (who sits on the sidelines) gets called in to help you for a bit. Assist Trophy characters are usually less important, side ones. They live in the lowest level of the Smash Hall, usually called AssTro Floor, pronounced Astro. I don't even think it's air-conditioned down there. Rosalina, is a side-enough character that she could make Assist Trophy.

"Oh, no Mario. I am a character. A main character. I worked hard to get here, because I knew you'd come. You are the great Mario, after all." There was a bitter tone in her usually sweet voice, like a Granny Smith Apple.

"Rosalina, are you-a mad?" I asked, meekly.

"OF COURSE I'M MAD, YOU JERK!" she yelled at me. She waved her magic wand, calling Luma over. She held the now-green Luma in her hands, rocking it back and forth like a baby. It was weird to see her so sweet and loving after her sudden outburst. Although, it's hard not to be happy holding a Luma, as aLuma is a cute little yellow star shaped creature, that is very cute. Some people might even call it kawaii.

"You stood me up for a date, the supposed last day of yours in space. But guess what? I got us seats at the most expensive area in literally all over the universe! It's so expensive, you couldn't even believably pay! You have to be the most important to even get it down to an outrageous level still! But no, apparently you left with your mistreated little brother, and went back down to your little Mushroomy Kingdom, leaving me sitting there, sad and lonely looking.

"Rosalina," I began, cautiously. You don't want to make her mad. She could technically blow up the universe, if she was in such a mood. "I had-a to leave early to catch the rocket. The dates were-a 2-week early estimates. Those special-a rockets are timed precisely and robot commandeered! Also, I couldn't go on that date with you, because, well, I'm married."

"WHAT?" she blew up. "No! This is all wrong! How could you have a wife? We went on dates before that!"

"To be fair, that-a was a lunch meeting. Like-a, with Luigi present. Strictly-a business." I sighed. I couldn't believe Rosalina thought all that stuff. If I was her, I'd think I was the bad guy, too! "Plus, who do you think I'm always saving from castles?" I added.

"Not fair! I will do my best to destroy you in combat, Mario! Sakurai-san said I could even bring Luma! You-don't-stand-a-CHANCE!" she sneered, and blew a kiss my way. Then she levitate-flew off to god-knows-where.

I can't believe I get myself into these things!