Hello, again.
Well, I hope this chapter isn't too much, I just want to accentuate Finn's swaps and Haley's comfort. Also, I quite find the quote from Fight Club suitable in this case: "You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is that a pretty accurate description of our relationship?"
xx snuff.
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter 4
-HPOV-
I woke up with a gasp. The moon was sweating on our sheets and I gripped the blanket with my hand. I could hear and feel Finn's steady breathing. He had one arm wrapped around my waist. His muscles were tensed, but he looked like an innocent child, with his hair all ruffled – sex hair, more likely.
I gulped, feeling sore throat. I nuzzled back into his arms, curling up like a ball against his chest, resting my cheek on his pec, then closed my eyes. I felt him stir beneath me and his hand started to lightly stroke my back. He knew I loved it.
I sighed softly and nuzzled closer. "What's wrong, baby?", he whispered. I prepared my tone surprised. "Nothing.", I croaked, "Why?".
"Bad dream again?"
I hesitated. "Yah.". "What was it about?" I hesitated again. He'd think I was crazy. I swallowed." Can't remember.", I lied.
"Liar.", he scolded me softly.
I was grateful for the darkness as he couldn't see my eyes. "Haley.", I heard him lifted my chin up with his finger. "What's wrong?", he asked and I could feel his deep gaze pierce through my skin.
My cheeks burned as I said, a little too loud maybe: "You'll think I'm fucking crazy, so just drop it, Finn."
"What the hell, Haley?!", he sounded not only pissed off, but hurt. Oh, the power of unbridled vanity. I didn't answer, somewhat scared of facing him with my selfishness. I was the girl who kept it all to herself, as I felt that no one cared enough to give in small pieces of myself. Why couldn't he understand that? I was the one locked outside herself. I guess that was my comfort zone and I wasn't planning of getting out of it soon.
I sighed. "I'm sorry.", I whispered. He sighed too.
"What's going on with you, baby girl?" he asked, frowning. "I don't know", he kissed the top of my head: "Let's figure it out together." We clenched our fingers and stood silent for couple of moments. And I blurted:
"I dreamt a little girl. She had long, blond curls and she looked just like me when I was six years old. She was smiling and waving absently at me. I was scared a little bit, but I approached her. The closer I got, the more her smile faded. She looked like one of these China porcelain dolls, with blue ribbons tangled in her hair and perfect, round cheeks. I was a few inches near her when my forehead hit a glass. I realized I was inside of a glass bowl and I could see the world only through the glass, but in the same time, the world could see me.
People would pass by and point at me with long, creaky fingers, as if I was somewhat of an attraction from an amusement park. A freak. And all this time, the little girl fixed me with her blue ice-cold eyes. She stepped closer, till her forehead was rested against the glass, right against mine. She put her hands up on the glass. They were bloody and a heavy chain was holding her hands down like anchors. Then she started hitting the glass with her chained hands, hitting and hitting, again and again. Her eyes were fixing me angrily and cold- I-I've never, ever seen so much hatred, Finn." I croaked.
I swallowed and went on:
"She was hitting the glass so hard. I backed away a few steps. I understood she wanted to break it, and I wanted to run, but I just sit there paralyzed, watching the little girl with venom eyes. She broke the glass with a loud crash and I started crying. When the glass broke, all the vices, the horrors of the world slid in and embraced me.
I felt my skin burn and my flesh decompose. My blood boiled, sticky and hot and all that was left of my body was a pile of dust, flesh and blood."
I was trembling and stammering. He tightened his grip around me and rested his chin on the back of my neck.
"It was just a dream, babe." he whispered reassuringly in my ear.
"I know, but..."
"But?", he asked gently.
"I was an awkward child...I, um, I didn't like playing with the other kids, because I was scared my mum would love them more than she loved me. Once, she urged me to befriend a pretty girl, no idea who she was. And I was so firm in refusing that I worried her. When my brother, Nate, came along, it was hard for me, but I managed to figure it out, you know...to get out of the bowl where if I stared long enough, the world would have stared right back at me. I've never told anyone these...", I blushed.
His fingers caressed my cheeks sweetly, probably feeling the drained tears. I smiled at his touch, but then said silently: "But I can't now. I can't manage to do it like this, on my own..."
"I'm here for you, remember? Through the good and the bad." Finn said slowly.
God, how couldn't I have known? He had proved it so many times before.
"I know...er...thanks, Finn."
He didn't answer, but continued drawing circles on my back. I closed my eyes praying he would still be there in the morning, praying he wouldn't wash away in the night's cloak.
So, tadaa. I kind of wrote this chapter before I even considered the idea of a story; anyhow, as you might have noticed, this fic doesn't necessarily have a specific plot, more likely fluffs and lemons and moments of a growing relationship that appeal me. :D
Kisses! xx snuff.