Thursday 29th November 2007

Am up early, today I am going under the knife and coming out spleen free.

I'm not nervous, I've had a few operations in my time, more since becoming a criminologist, I sometimes think I have a sign on me saying I love hospital send me there. Seriously when I worked in the lab I got blown up, and I still have the scars to prove it so then I leave the lab and go out into the field and I get beaten to a pulp the first time I go solo!

I know having no spleen can make it more difficult for me to fight infection and that I will probably need to take drugs for the rest of my life but what choice to I have here, if I ignore the doctors advice and don't have it removed I may never get rid of the leukaemia, either way I could get seriously ill.

Nick just staggered into the room, he looks like a caveman at the moment, all unshaven and scruffy, t-shirt and pants wrinkled and stained. Ok so cavemen did not have T-shirt and pants but if you think I am going to sit here and watch Nick wearing only a loin cloth you have another think coming, something's are just not fit for human eyes.

He's really bad at mornings, actually so am I, there's a reason we both work the graveyard shift!

Anyway he wants to come with me to the hospital, I told him it was ok that I would get a taxi and give him a call later on but no he wanted to come and wait outside theatre for me, he can be such a mother hen sometimes!

"You ready?" Nick asked smiling as Greg put down the diary he'd been writing in.

"As I'll ever be" the youth replied with a nervous sigh.

"Scared?"

"A little, it sounds stupid but I am going to come out of there as … not all me… like with a piece missing" Greg gestured with his hands trying to get his thoughts across to his friend.

Nick laughed "Well it's a good job you're not a jigsaw puzzle then. Those things are pointless without all the pieces"

Nick sat in the hospitals waiting area, the cup of coffee he'd brought to steady his nerves slowly going cold in his hands as the clock on the wall ticked slowly, every second feeling like an hour. Greg had been taken into the theatre two hours ago and should be back at any moment, still as the time dragged on Nick became more and more nervous, extra time meant problems. What if Greg hadn't been strong enough for this op?

"How are you feeling buddy?" Nick asked quietly as the young man in the bed beside him stirred and opened his eyes.

"Like I just did ten rounds with a monster truck" came the croaky response. Greg was covered in wires and tubes, a nasal tube was draining his stomach, and there was one in the wound to prevent fluid building up around the operation site, another one seemed to come out of the vein in his arm. More tubes fed into his other arm providing much needed pain relief and antibiotics, he was a sorry sight.

The two friends chatted for a short time until Greg began to feel sleepy then Nick left to inform their friends of the young man's progress. He knew that they would all be relieved to hear he was awake and that everything had gone as expected.

"Home at last" Nick opened the door to his apartment and dumped the bag of clothes by the door. Walking slowly, Greg made his own way up the short path from the car to the house, his side hurt and he really just wanted to lie down but he had been determined to walk unaided, after all he couldn't depend on Nick forever.

The Texan smiled, his Californian pal could certainly be stubborn when he wanted to be, but that was a good thing, he was determined to look after himself now and even more determined to beat the cancer that had invaded his body.

Greg carefully eased himself onto the couch in Nick's den, wincing as the bending movement tugged briefly at the stitches in his side.

"Do you want some more pain relief" Nick had noticed his friends pained expression, the junior CSI nodded weakly, glad that he was not alone at this moment "Where is it?" the dark haired man asked.

"Don't know, in the bag somewhere"

Greg lay back and let out a slow breath, his head was spinning and he could feel a lump forming in his throat as a disturbing thought came to mind. Trying desperately not to cry in front of his tough flat mate Greg squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed hard willing the feeling to go away. He felt the first hot, salty tear slide down his cheek and quickly wiped it away with his sleeve, too late.

"Hey what's wrong?" returning with the pain killers Nick was instantly concerned, was Greg really in that much pain or was it something else? "You'll think I'm being silly" gulping in a breath the young man fiercely scrubbed his eyes, wishing only that Nick would leave him alone.

"No I won't. Tell me" Nick carefully settled himself beside his friend and fixed him with a steady gaze that showed only concern for his friend's welfare.

"Before this op" Greg indicated his bandaged side "All I could think about was this could help make me better, get rid of the cancer." Greg sniffed quietly, Nick waited patiently, instinctively knowing that there was more to come "Now its over and all I can think about is having to be on pills for the rest of my life and landing in hospital at the slightest sign of a cold.." by this point Greg's tears were falling thick and fast but the young man no longer cared, he couldn't stop them even if he wanted to. "Mate you'll be fine, trust me" Nick gently rested his hand on Greg's shoulder, "Hundred's of people survive everyday without their spleen, maybe they lost it in an accident or through illness like you. It doesn't make you an invalid."

Greg offered his friend a damp smile "I'm sorry" he murmured quietly "I didn't want you to see that, I just … I couldn't … get my head around it. I thought it was no big deal, that I'd… I'd accepted it had to happen …" Nick held up his hand for silence and smiled "You needed to get it off your chest, you needed a shoulder to cry on. I figure mine are wide enough for the job. Take this, get some rest. You'll feel better soon" Nick handed his friend the pain killer he'd retrieved earlier and stood back up, he knew how to make his buddy feel better, a method that never failed.

"Phone call buddy" Nick passed the cordless phone over to his friend and retreated to the kitchen to give the young man some privacy; even so he couldn't resist glancing over to see Greg's reaction when he found out who was on the other end of the line.

"Hello?" Greg spoke cautiously, who could be calling him here?

"Hi Sweetheart"

"Mama? How come you're calling me?"

"Your friend Nick rang me; he thought maybe you could use your mom right now. How are you?"

Greg smiled; his flat mate sure was a tricky one.

"I'm ok mama, things just got a little on top of me. Niagara falls has nothing on me at the moment."

"My poor baby. Tell me your worries; we'll make them fly away together."

Greg smiled again as he heard the phrase his mother had used so often during his youth, whenever he had had a problem she had sat beside him and let him tell her everything, then they would work out a solution together. He realised now just how lucky he had always been, his mother may have been over protective but at least she had always been there for him. Some children barely got to see there parents, never mind talk to them about problems. Sara had never even known her parents; it was a sobering thought and made Greg appreciate just how much his mother meant to him.

"I'm just being silly; I just got back home after surgery. You know I told you at Thanksgiving that I needed to have my spleen removed to help me get better? Suddenly after being so sure that I was ok with what was happening to me I found myself crying like a baby, convinced that this meant I was going to be an invalid for the rest of my life because now I have to take drugs and be more careful about not getting sick. I dunno it's like everything's been ruined all of a sudden." Greg sighed deeply, he thought he'd shed all the tears he had already but he could feel another bout coming on as he spoke.

"My darling you do not need to worry about this thing. I know it's hard to accept that you need to take medication but it's nothing to worry about really and if I know my little boy as well as I think I do then he is not going to let something like this stop him from having fun. Do you remember that time you broke your arm and you were feeling really blue because you couldn't go out and play or ride a bike. You soon found other things to keep you occupied, making yourself a den in my kitchen and telling me to be careful where I trod because the floor was a boiling mass of lava and finally finishing the model kit that you had never been able to sit still long enough to complete?"

Greg smiled remembering fondly his escapades as a young child "I hardly think that having a broken arm and a broken immune system are the same thing mama. Bones heal, but once you take away the spleen you are taking away the bodies ability to store blood cells and fight infection."

"Maybe but didn't you once tell me that the human body is the ultimate 'transformer,' one part may stop working for a while or shut down completely but another part of the body is always ready to step into the breach. You may no longer have your spleen and I know for a while you will have to be careful about getting ill and that you will need to take meds to boost your immune system but your body will cope and you will be fine. Trust me, I'm your mother and if you think I am just going to let you give up, you have another think coming young man"

In the kitchen Nick smiled as he half listened to the one sided conversation, it sounded like Greg's mother was giving him the third degree about something and from the way Greg was laughing it was working. It was strange though, Greg was as American as Nick but as soon as he started talking to his mother on the phone his accent changed and he sounded more Scandinavian than American. Knowing that his pal had lived almost exclusively in California all of his life the dark haired Texan could only conclude that Greg had somehow inherited the accent subconsciously and that it was only present in his speech when he was talking to a family member with the same accent. Perhaps he'd point it out later on.

Sunday 2nd December 2007.

Nick just did the nicest thing for me, he rang my mother.

Ok let me explain. I just got back from the hospital after my operation today and I was feeling kind of upset about a few things.

I can't believe that I started crying in front of him, I am never going to live that down!

Anyway he does his best to comfort me, saying that I clearly needed a shoulder to cry on then he let me get some rest. Either that or he wanted an excuse to escape before I started crying again

So later I wake up and he says there is a phone call for me, it seems strange to have people ringing me at Nick's house, I mean I gave friends and family the number so that they could contact me but it still seems strange having someone actually call Nick's house and ask to speak to me. He hands me the phone and disappears without a word as to who it is so I say hello, wondering who is on the other end of the line and then I hear my mothers voice, she sounds worried about me, says that Nick rang her because he figured I needed my mother. He was right of course, I spent some time talking to her and she just listened and told me everything would be ok and now I feel so much better.

Who'd have thought it, apparently I have a Norwegian accent when I talk to my mama on the phone, Nick just told me. I always figured I sounded 100% American.

Monday 3rd December 2007

Another nice surprise today, I guess it was all organised while I was asleep. My mama came to see me, all the way from San Gabrielle! and she brought Fred Bear with her! He's my old teddy from when I was a baby; you need to say his name out loud to get the joke.

Nick let her in and she came straight over and gave me a really big cuddle and a kiss, I can't tell you how much that simple gesture means to me right now.

Then she handed me Fred and said that she thought I'd appreciate seeing him and having him to cuddle. I might be 32 but I still need my bear!

She's going to be staying for a few days just until I am feeling a bit better and to give poor old Nicky a break.

It can't be easy looking after me all day and yet I have never heard him complain once, he really is a true friend.

He is going back to work today, I never even considered what he gave up to help me get better, using his holiday time to nurse me back to health when he should have been relaxing or having fun. I will make it back up to him, that's a promise.

As for me, I am going back part time on the 15th December, once I have healed a bit more. It's going to seem strange going back after all this time, would you believe I've been off work for almost 2 months! I'm kind of surprised I even have a job to go back to, obviously they couldn't find a replacement that was handsome enough or smart enough… ;)

Nick Stokes entered the criminal forensics buildings foyer and took a deep breath; this was silly he was actually nervous about being back.

"You're back then?" Grissom turned the corner and made the casual observation in his usual aloof manner.

"Yes sir I am. Feels really strange, like starting my first day again." Grissom nodded and briefly looked up from the case file he was reading "Greg ok?"

Nicked nodded "Yeah, he's loads better, back up to normal weight, cheerful, making bad jokes…"

"That's good" the night shift supervisor smiled, he might not make a big a big song and dance about it but his team was very special to him, all of them!

Nick was put on a new case along with Warwick Brown, and although it took a couple of hours for him to get his rhythm back he was soon firing on all cylinders, and the evidence soon put the crook behind bars.

Nick just got back from the 'office' he's been telling me all about what happened today, how he felt nervous when he first walked in the building and then working on a new case with Rick and feeling like he'd forgotten what to do for a while. It's great to see him doing his 'day job' again, not just playing nursemaid to me, much as I appreciate it.

It also makes me realise just how much I miss the work, I mean I always enjoyed being at work and rarely felt the need to complain about extra hours because I was learning new things and helping make the city safer, but I never thought I could miss it. I've been thinking today that something is missing, like that jigsaw piece when I was 11 that mum took away because it had a woman's breasts on, I figured at first it was normal after having a part of your body removed but now I realise that its nothing to do with that, its work I miss. Not just the lab work, or the adrenaline rush that you get when you know you've cracked the case but the people as well. I've barely seen anyone but Nick in the last 2 months, he's a great guy but it would have been nice if the others had visited like once!

Mama insisted on making dinner for everyone tonight, I don't think Nick is used to other people using his kitchen, he kept asking if she wanted a hand with anything. I of course know better than to offer!

Wednesday 5th December 2007.

I think Nick is starting to understand why my mor drives me insane when she stays with me.

"Not buying lunch today Nick?" Catherine remarked as Nick removed the brown paper bag from the fridge and opened it with some trepidation. "No. Mrs Sanders made my lunch this morning."

The strawberry blond investigator stifled a laugh "Greg's mum made you lunch?" she asked raising her eyebrows in confusion.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, I didn't ask her to. She got up at 6am this morning and cleaned the house, then made me lunch and both of us breakfast. She's supposed to be my guest and she won't let me do anything. Just waves me away, or tells me to sit down and that she doesn't mind. I am starting to see why Greg doesn't tell her anything. I've never met anyone so …" the Texan rolled his eyes, unable to quite think of the word he needed.

"Over-bearing!" Catherine added; thank god her mother wasn't like that.

Saturday 8th December 2007.

Mamma just left to go back home and I think we both breathed a sigh of relief at her departure.

I don't think Nick appreciated having every meal made for him.

I think I will play a practical joke on him in a minute. Might send him running from the building.

"Now then Nick, can I get you anything to eat, drink? Do you need me to do any shopping for you? Perhaps you would like me to run a vacuum over the carpet or maybe you would like a cake for your tea, do you have any particular favourite?" Greg stood in front of the exhausted Texan and fought to stop himself from laughing.

"Oh no, she's rubbed off on you!" Nick looked wide eyed towards his friend, feeling more than a little uneasy that the overbearing mothering might continue even after Mrs Sanders had departed.

Greg laughed "Relax, I'm only joking" the young man flopped onto the sofa next to his buddy and shut his eyes.

That was great; you should have seen the look of panic on his face when I did my impression of my mother. I think he genuinely thought she had rubbed off on me, or trained me to take over or something.

Perhaps I should reiterate that I do love my mother. I just reread the last few entries and I make her out to be a horrible person. She isn't she just doesn't know when to stop sometimes.

I sometimes think that to her I am still 6 years old, small and naive with really bad teeth, needing someone to do everything for me and protect me from the big bad world. Maybe I should introduce her to Ecklie in the ultimate Good versus Evil battle.

Saturday 15th December 2007.

My first day back today, just working 4 hours a day at the moment until I get back to full strength.

Apart from not eating enough, they think that one of the reasons I collapsed was trying to do too much stuff.

My loyalty to my job almost killed me once so now they are making sure I take it easy.

I was pencilled in to help Archie this morning, apparently one of the current cases has over 400 hours of CCTV to go through and he is getting square eyes. I don't mind surveillance, you just need to watch the vids and make a note of the time if anything catches your eye that might be relevant, but I doubt I could do it all day everyday. Sitting in the lab all day processing blood samples was bad enough but at least I was doing something with my hands and I could distract myself with music.

It felt weird leaving work in the middle of shift, telling everyone I'd see them tomorrow afternoon, yeah that's right afternoon, I am helping Catherine out on the swing shift. Graveyard can be bad for anyone's health so they've changed my schedule, its going to take some getting used to, that's for sure.

"Catherine!" Grissom called from his office as the strawberry blonde agent passed by; she stopped and put her head round the door. "Grissom?"

"How did Greg get on today?" the older agent asked, much as he hated to admit it, deep down he had a certain father-like fondness for the geeky DNA expert. Yes he could be annoying sometimes, but he clearly loved his job and Grissom could see a little of his own early investigative days in the youth.

"He seemed fine, I just got him to help Archie today." the ex-dancer answered quickly.

"Good" Grissom returned to the specimen pot in front of him and Catherine assuming that meant she was dismissed left to continue with her caseload.

Nick of course wanted to know how I got on as soon as I got back to the house. I suppose this is what having a big brother must be like, he feels the need to protect me and make sure I'm ok. I wonder if older brothers, and sisters, I suppose, ever lose that urge to protect the younger sibling?