Jared returned with the soccer ball and the excited chatter began.

"Who wants to be captains?" Jared called out, he was barely audible through the echoes of the room.

"I will." Jamie called out excitedly. I could see him move happily up to stand beside Jared. Lily moved forward to take the position of the other captain.

"I want Jared." Jamie called out.

"Kyle." Lily said competitively looking for the best players.

"Mel."

I moved to sit by the exit while they went on choosing players excitedly. "Wanda." I heard Jamie call my name. I looked up and he was smiling at me beckoning with his hands.

I stood slowly and moved over to him. "What is it?"

"You're on my team." Jamie said smiling hugely at me. I saw his expression drop a little at my bewildered expression. I couldn't play soccer for the life of me. I was too clumsy and fragile, thought I wished I wasn't.

"Jamie," I stuttered afraid to disapoint him.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine." He said smiling warmly. He knew all too well that I couldn't say no to him and he was using this to his advantage.

"I don't want to lose the game for you." I said lamely.

"I'll cover you." He said stubbornly.

"You'll miss out on all the action then." I said searching for more excuses.

"I don't mind. Don't you still have a little bit of Mel in you?" He asked. I remembered the first time I'd played soccer in Melanie's body. I was good, but this time would be different. Thinking of playing soccer with Mel also brought back the memory of playing with Ian and this made me sad.

"Fine, I'll play one game." I sighed.

"Good." He said not noticing the drop in my mood.

The other team started with the ball and soon everyone in the room was moving quickly to block and receive passes. Jamie was the first to pass to me and I quickly lost the ball resulting in a goal for the other team. From then on my team could see how desperately I didn't want the ball and Jamie was the only on who insisted on passing to me.

I didn't do much but I was still tired by the end of the game.

"I'm done." I said to Jamie panting. Everyone was happily sitting on the ground drinking from the bottles of water Trudy had brought us.

"Me too." He said breathing heavily. " Do you want lunch?" He asked reaching out to help me stand.

"Sure." I said grabbing his hand.

He held my hand as we followed a group to get lunch. We had the normal rolls, onion soup, and roots but there was a delicious smell radiating through the cave.

"Hotdogs." Trudy explained watching me sniff at the air. She moved over to one of the stoves and pulled out a pot of boiling hotdogs. She placed one on a plastic plate and put it in front of me.

"How many do you want?" She asked Jamie smiling.

"I'll start with three." he said grinning.

"Three it is." she said picking out the hotdogs.

Jamie moaned appreciatively taking his first bite. I took a small bite and couldn't help but quickly finishing off the rest.

I sat with Jamie while he finished off his fourth hotdog. He sighed in content and rested against the rock wall.

"I'm going to bed." He said sleepily.

"No I think you're going to class." I said with as much authority as I could without triggering his defensive arguments.

"Wanda," he complained yawning.

"Go, I'm sure being lectured by Sharon about sleeping in class will wake you up." I said smiling at his glum expression. I smiled encouragingly and nudged him with my elbow as I slid off the stone counter. I needed some time to myself to think.

Jamie moaned but held my hand as we walked out of the kitchen and to the point where we would sepperate.

"Where are you going?" Jamie asked suspicion coating his tone.

"I need to talk to Doc." I lied. I felt guilty that I had to lie to Jamie. I felt even guiltier that he seemed to completely believe and trust me.

As we seperated the guilt twisted my stomach into a knot making me feel like I would vomit.

I walked slowly down the corridors with my fingers trailing along the uneven rock walls. I took in the musky scent of the caves and felt the stagnant cave air by my face as I walked. I found the crevice in wanted.

First I made my way the whole way down the hall and knelt by a familiar hole in the wall. It was full with the contents of the recent raid but I let my hand linger around the edges. I felt the purplish dirt, rubbing my fingers together .

I stood stiffly after what felt like only minutes to me but must have been longer considering how stiff I had become. I sighed and walked out toward the exit turning abruptly down the other branch of the Y shaped tunnel.

I expected to find this tunnel deserted and be able to make an easy exit but as I walked I ran into something solid stumbling back automaticaly trying to be as quiet as I could.

"Wanda, are you really suicidal?" The rough voice asked. I didn't reply. Was that really what he thought? "You know that you wouldn't find him if you just tried to leave like that, all that would happen is you would get caught alone and have our secrets out there as they probably already are. I think you've caused us enough danger for one day."

That was a low blow and a quiet whimper of recognition escaped my lips. I didn't want to put my family in danger, that was never my intention and never would be. I just didn't want to believe that Ian was really gone.

"Jared" I said quietly, measuring my words carefully. "I will find him." The words didn't sound as certain as I had tried to make them and he picked up on that.

"I'm sorry Wanda, but no you wont. Not by yourself. Not today." He said with authority. Then he sighed and even though I couldn't see his face I saw the slight outline of his hand reach down toward me on the ground to help me stand. I turned and got up ignoring the gesture.

He waited until he heard my footsteps falling ahead of him to move from his spot in front of the exit. I stopped and turned to face him.

"How did you know?" I asked somberly.

"I didn't think you would just give up on him. I guess I was right." He said stopping behind me.

"And what about the exit. How did you know which I would go to?"

"I didn't. I'll have to tell Mel she can leave her post now." He said humor in his voice. I wondered how he thought any of this could be funny in the least.

"Help me." I said managing not to let my voice to be evidence of the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"With what?" He asked. We were still at a stand still.

"Help me find… Help me find Ian." I said, my voice faltering on the first attempt.

"Wanda do you really believe he's out there." He asked pity in his voice.

"Don't you?" I asked quietly. "In some way he's alive." I said sounding sure.

"Didn't you say they're not offering mature hosts anymore. If someone is in Ian it's a well trained seeker who's not going to be tricked into the van like some of the others." He said louder this time, trying to end the subject.

"He's still there. It's torture to him, living in a body he can't control, but he wont let anything slip. They wont find us." I said this knowing that I was right. I was sure. I knew what it was like being trapped in a body, because I was the one inflicting that feeling of imprisonment once, and I felt it through Mel. If Melanie had been as much of a fighter as she was, I was sure Ian would be the same.

"I'm gunna see if Jamie will sleep in your room." He said changing the subject from Ian's imprisonment. "You shouldn't be sleeping alone." I heard the double meaning in his words. He didn't want me to be alone, to have more time to dwell, but at the same time he didn't trust me to be alone; not to sneak out in the middle of the night.

"Bye Jared." I said with a sigh. I would not see Ian any time soon.