The room felt cold and lifeless, Dean thought anxiously as he sat perched on the edge of an uncomfortable chair. He was in the waiting room, getting ready to meet his therapist for the first time. He picked up a random magazine and flipped through it, pretending to be interested. His leg bounced quickly, his nerves building up. He had never thought he would find himself in such a place.

Two days had passed since Lucifer's second assault and Dean had promised a certain sexy Russian that he would give this a real try, and he didn't want to disappoint Castiel again. He tossed the magazine back on the pile and sighed, remembering that he had actually gotten drunk. What was worse is that he couldn't recall what he'd said that night. It must have been something embarrassing because Cas had been acting slightly odd since then. He stopped his playful kisses and random touches that Dean looked forward to so often. It seriously bummed him out; he felt like a pouting child that craved his attention all day, everyday…

He wanted Castiel to hug him and tell him that everything was okay. He wanted it more than was healthy probably, but at the same time he was relieved that he had some distance. Removing all forms of physical contact gave him less flashbacks of being in that bathroom with Lucifer or in his house. It was like he was being torn to pieces. He loved affection, but could no longer accept it. He scoffed, rubbing his eyes, this was probably something he should mention in this session; his sudden and slightly unhealthy attachment to the Russian father and the flashbacks.

"Dean Winchester?" A woman called from behind the desk and he quickly stood, a nervous smile on his face. She smiled sweetly and told him to go on into the office. "Mr. King will see you now." With a small nod he slowly walked up to the door and eased it open. With one more deep breath he walked inside and shut the door.

A man with dark hair, wearing a nice suit sat behind a large wooden desk. He was writing in a file of some sort until he noticed Dean standing with his hand still on the door knob, like he was ready to bolt if given the opportunity. " Hello Love…" His british accent was calming for some reason. " Would you like to come have a seat some time today?" He said with a smile, leaning back in his chair. Dean let go of the knob, reluctantly, and inched closer to the empty chair. He rubbed at his jeans, a nervous tick he had, before straightening his wrinkled, grey hoodie.

"Can...can I stand for a bit?" He didn't mean to sound so timid but he was really out of his element here. He wished that Castiel was here, but stopped that line of thought quickly because he thought it way too much.

"If that makes you more at ease then by all means...Darling, what happened to your face?" Mr. King winced slightly, making eye contact with Dean, who tensed even more. "I take it, it is a big part of this meeting?" Dean frowned , closing his eyes and inhaling before stepping closer.

"I thought I was seeing a woman?" He was pretty sure that's what Cas said. The other man only smiled, the change of subject easily picked up.

"You were originally supposed to see Mrs. Fowler, lovely lady, but I took an interest in your file. I hope that isn't a problem?" Dean eased into the chair, giving the therapist a suspicious glare. What was so interesting about his file? Crowley chuckled at the response, and once more when Dean's glare intensified at him writing a quick note on his pad. "So much distrust for such a young man…"

"Habit." Dean replied quickly, still glaring. "What makes me worthy of a file fight?"

"I thought I was supposed to be asking the questions?" He countered, leaning on his elbows and closer to Dean. "Your appointment was made by a very...prominent figure in the world. I just want to make sure you get the best, and that is me."

"Castiel?" Dean looked mildly surprised, and so did Mr. King.

"On a first name basis...interesting." He mumbled, jotting it down on his trusty pad and making Dean rub his neck nervously.

"H-he's, uh, my friend's dad…"

"Claire? Ah, I see...Still doesn't explain his-" Dean glared once more, this time with more frustration.

"You here to help me, or talk about Cas-uhm- Mr. Novak?" Crowley leaned back in his seat, raising his hands slightly with a smile.

"Alright, like you said, let's only talk about you." Dean realized his mistake in seconds. The guy was good, now he had to 'open up' or backtrack. The teen gave an annoyed grin and chuckled softly with a nod. Something told him this guy was going to keep him on his toes.

"...Let's talk."

$…..$

*You're just amazing Cas* The words repeated in his head like a broken record. Castiel sighed in frustration, dropping his current file onto his desk with a bit too much effort and rubbing his eyes. Since that night Dean had said all those drunken things to him, he just couldn't get the teen off his mind. It was disturbing on one hand and frightening on the other. He had never, in all his years felt these sorts of feelings for someone so... "He is only seventeen!" He shouted into the empty study. It wasn't right, what the hell was wrong with him? Dean seemed to have picked up on his sudden change in demeanor as well, and it looked like it made the boy feel as if he was doing something wrong. That thought hurt Castiel, Dean was going through enough without this added on. "Get your shit together…" He growled to himself.

"...Bad time?" Dean's voice had the older man jumping in surprise, quickly looking to the timid boy standing at the door. Trying to appear calm, Cas gave a smile and motioned for him to come in.

"No, no, I was simply...going through tiresome files. Come in, please. Distract me." Castiel was relieved to see Dean smile, walking into the room and sitting down in the vacant chair in front of his desk. His wince didn't go unnoticed and Cas frowned. "Still in pain?" Dean flushed at that, hugging himself and giving a tight smile.

"...Yeah, the cream helps a lot with -certain- areas, but my muscles are still..." He trailed off and Cas stood, walking around his desk to stand behind a questioning Dean's chair. "Wh-what are you doing?" He didn't mean to sound so defensive, but Castiel didn't take it to heart.

"Would massage help? I have some experience…"What the hell? Dean was in his sight for 20 seconds and he was already trying to find ways to touch him. Part of Cas hoped Dean would say no, but he wasn't surprised when the teen perked up and nodded his head.

"Just watch out for my shoulder…" Dean said, way too excited that Castiel was offering to touch him. Castiel nodded, carefully helping Dean remove the grey hoodie that had become his second skin since the attack. He gritted his teeth at how many bruises covered Dean's exposed skin, dipping under his white T-shirt. Castiel gently pressed his hands into Dean's back, carefully to avoid the worst parts of the bruising. Dean leaned forward, giving him more access and groaned in pleasure. Cas did his best to ignore the warmth growing in him.

"...How was therapy?" Maybe a distraction would help. Anything to get his mind off firm muscles being molded under his finger tips. Dean's eyes were closed, pure bliss on his face. Man, Castiel -really- knew what he was doing.

"It was...okay. I got some weird guy named Crowley, but he seems pretty decent...so far." Dean hummed out, pressing back into Castiel's hands when he hit a really knotted up spot on his lower back. He hissed soon after though, Castiel hitting a hidden bruise by mistake. His body being forced open and Lucifer's grunts quickly filled his head and he jumped to his feet before he could stop himself. A remorseful Castiel drew back as well, watching Dean stumble against his desk and curl in on himself. "God...DAMNit!" He shouted, sobbing shortly after. He let his head fall on the cool desk, trying to hide his tears.

"...Dean…" Castiel was at a loss for words, he couldn't think of anything that would make this better until... "Would you like to work on the car today?"

Dean slowly regained his composure. Castiel always knew what to say...What the hell would he do without him? Rubbing his eyes a few times, he turned to his very own angel with an endearing smile, eyes still glassy but drying. "I'd really like that…" He managed to squeeze out, reaching for his hoodie like his life depended on it.

Dean quietly installed the passenger seat, using the torch to meld the metals together. He hated the goggles, but knew how important they were. Castiel focused on the large dent on the driver's side. The two had been in the garage for at least an hour and the silence didn't go unnoticed. Dean seemed lost in thought and Castiel was unsure of how to break the tension. He gave Dean a few quick glances when he thought the teen was too wrapped up in his project to notice. Finally deciding to go for it, the Russian looked at Dean fully.

" Did you say …"

"I'm sorry I…"

Both men spoke at the same time, their eyes meeting.

" I didn't mean to …"

"Sorry, I wasn't trying…"

Both couldn't stop an embarrassed laugh. Castiel motioned to Dean. " You first, yes?"

"No, you go ahead…" Dean insisted, rubbing at his dirty jeans. Castiel gave a nod.

"Did you say Crowley was your therapist?" When Dean nodded, Cas frowned. That wasn't the person he chose. What was that British Devil up to?

"You know him?" Dean's question brought him out of his thoughts. "He seemed to know you…"

"Yes…" He admitted with a sigh. "We have been...uhm... cursed English...knowing of each other for many years but not always...liking?

"You're acquaintances?" Dean offered, getting an appreciative smile from the other along with a nod. "...Can I trust him?" the look Cas gave a moment ago when Crowley was confirmed gave him some doubts. "You know, before I bare my soul to this dude…"

"...Of course, he is good therapist." Castiel said with a nod, picking up a rag to wipe the sweat off his face. He walked around the car to stand next to Dean.

"I feel like there's a 'but' in there?" Dean provoked. Castiel chuckled softly.

"He can be...over the top at times. Just let me know if he makes you feel uncomfortable?" He asked, watching Dean sit the torch down beside him.

"I can do that." Dean agreed with a smile. It got quiet again and Dean couldn't take it. "So, you like guys?" He knew the question was out of the blue, and that it caught Castiel completely off guard by the widening of his eyes and the tinting of his cheeks.

It was cute and totally worth the new wave of awkwardness in the room.

"...How did you...I haven't mentioned…" He was beyond flustered. This was a subject he was not used to freely talking about. In Russia, he had to hide that part of himself.

"We kinda forced it out of Claire a while back." Dean admitted, trying not to smile as the 36 year old pouted.

"It seems I need to remind Claire of appropriate conversation about her father to teenagers…" He grumbled out, cheeks still flushed. Seeing Castiel like this, at a loss for words or what to do for once, made Dean see him as all the more attractive.

"Don't be too hard on her, like I said, we kinda gave her no option. We teenagers can be quite the force." Dean joked, getting ready to remove the goggles when he stopped at Castiel's voice.

"...It has been many years since I've...considered a male for a partner. It was more in my younger years. In Russia...well...having relationship with same sex was impossible so...it was purely...ah…" He trailed off, not sure he should admit more to a teen, but Dean was pretty sharp.

"Physical. That's the only way to reduce the risk." Castiel gave a sigh, frowning at some past memories before nodding. "I'm sorry Cas, that must've been hard...Did you ever...you know, fall for a guy?"

It was silent for so long that Dean thought he might've crossed a boundary. Right when he was about to apologise, Castiel spoke.

"I did, or thought I did, once. Many years back. In high-school." He wasn't sure why he was telling Dean all this, but maybe if he opened up about something painful then Dean would as well. "I was 16 and...so reckless. He was older, twenty-four, and so ''mature'..." He scoffed at that now, shaking his head. Dean listened intently. "We were both so young and thought to be invincible…"

"What happened?" He pressed gently when Castiel turned away to fiddle with a few tools on the workbench. He gave another sigh, sitting on said bench. He gave Dean a look, as if deciding to continue, before waving him to come sit next to him. Dean did, scooting close enough that their thighs touched.

"...We were arrogant with our "love". Flaunting it in a world that didn't understand it." He looked off into the distance, as if the memory was playing in front of him. " One day, our arrogance caught up to us…" The sound of sirens and thunder echoed in Castiel's ears. He must've been making a disturbing face because Dean's hand tightly gripping his thigh brought him back to reality. He gave the green eyed sweetheart a smile, placing his hand over his before taking a breath. "We were caught and charged with a long list of horrible things…I was only a minor...maybe his thinking was I wouldn't be charged so severely. He was wrong." Cas closed his eyes, the memory too powerful.

Flashback

Russia 20 years ago

"You sicken me!" A soldier growled out, spitting in Castiel's bruised face. The terrified teen still refused to speak.

"Come now, someone as young as you…" Another man spoke much kinder. "Just tell us what happened? That man forced himself on you, and you had no choice but to do what he wanted."They wanted him to pin everything on James, but he would die first. He glared back at them both, but said nothing. The older man sighed, a look of disappointment on his face. "Who do you think you're defending? A man who...heh...loves you?"

"Disgusting." The other man scoffed, crossing his arms. His attention was brought back to the older man when he sat a small TV on the metal table Castiel was chained to.

"If -this- is your idea of love son then I feel for you…" With that he pressed a button on the remote. Seeing James chained to a similar table made Cas's heart clench, but when he heard the words coming from the man he cared so deeply for his heart might have stopped entirely.

"I-it was his idea okay! I just got sucked in by his silver tongue. Castiel...He's- He's a master at manipulation. Please, I plead insanity...this is all him!" James didn't hesitate in his words, betraying Castiel without a thought to save himself.

"Now, now...No reason for tears." The older man said, turning off the device. Castiel blinked, not realizing he'd been crying. "...Since you refused to cooperate, unlike James there...I'm afraid you will be charged and sentenced in court." The other officer sneered, happy with the outcome. "Perhaps, with good behavior and rehabilitation, you will get a reduced sentence…" The rest of his words became an echo in the back of Castiel's mind as the sound of his heart shattering took hold of every sense.

End Flashback

Dean's mouth was slightly open, a mixture of anger and sadness washed over him as Castiel finished his story. "That son of a...those sons of bitches!" He blurted out before he could stop himself, making Cas jump slightly. He stood quickly, pacing the floor. You...you did nothing wrong! How dare that bastard turn on you!" His anger was quickly overtaking his sadness. Cas stood slowly, reaching toward him in an attempt to calm him.

"It was long ago Dean. I've made my peace with-"

"To hell with that!" Dean shouted back, tears forming in his eyes. "You make all the fucking peace you want, but I'm digging into this like a pitbull! Who the fuck gives them the right!?" Dean was crying, making Castiel's eyes widened before looking at the floor to hide his own rising emotions. Ones he did his damnedest to bury.

"Why you!? You don't deserve any of this shit! A man who throws you under the bus to save himself? A wife who decides that you, fucking you, weren't enough to stick around for? Being chained and treated like an animal for loving someone!" Dean's pacing became more erratic, like his sobs. With little thought Castiel rushes forward, pulling him into a secure hug. Dean didn't return the gesture, but let his head fall into the crook of a cool neck; that filled his nostrils with that enticing cologne. He sobbed more.

"...Why are you crying?" Castiel was so confused, why was his past so painful for the boy? He didn't even get this angry.

"Why aren't you?" Dean sniffled out, finally gripping Cas's sides. He pulled back enough to look at Dean's face, wiping tears carefully off his healing face. "You're amazing, Cas. You deserve to be happy, yet you keep getting fucked over...It isn't fair…" Dean's chin trembled, looking at Castiel like...like he'd let him down somehow.

"Dean…" He'd said those words again. That sentence that had been tormenting Castiel for a while. Dean truly felt like a failure at not protecting Castiel from something that happened before his birth. He was crying for him. Castiel was having trouble controlling a tear filled smile. No one had ever cared this much about him, not in this way. His heart pounded in his chest as he found himself leaning forward, closer to Dean's lips. Using a little too much force, it caused an unsuspecting Dean to stumble backward a foot or two. He hit the torch on the ground and lost his balance, falling out of Castiel's grip and back into a stack of rusty shelves. As soon as he slammed into them, he slid to the floor. The force causing open paint cans from above to come crashing down around him, effectively covering his hair in a thick coat of "sapphire blue". After a moment of shock, Dean staring up at an equally surprised Russian, he glared at the man, and that was all it took for Castiel to lose it. Laughing so heartily that even Dean couldn't contain a chuckle.

Castiel eventually tried to suppress his laughter, just barely, and did his best to keep his features neutral when Dean gave him another hard stare. "Not another sound." The younger man said quickly, his earlier anger completely put out by the half gallon of paint in his hair and shoulders.

Noticing the hidden amusement sparkling in Cas's eyes as he wiped the paint from his face. "I'm serious." For a moment it was silent, Dean continuing to try and wipe the thick residue off him with little luck. His hair stuck up in odd directions and he spat continuously to keep the paint from his mouth; luckily he had the goggles still on to protect his eyes.

"... Perhaps we use your hair as brush…" Castiel couldn't stop his mouth from turning up any longer when he realized how much Dean's hair resembled the tip of a paint brush. He chuckled out the rest of his sentence. "...to finish wall, hm ?" Dean let him laugh for a moment, a small grin on his own face as he nodded his head. Giving a little, devious chuckle of his own he reached down and grabbed the half spilt paint bucket while removing his goggles; which he tossed to the side.

"Alright funny man, I think you need a 'touch-up'." Dean's grin widened when Castiel pointed his finger and gave a half stern look.

" Do not dare...Dean...put it down." Cas tried to keep a serious face, but he couldn't stop a laugh or two as his mouth twitched up again. He took a quick step toward the door, Dean matching him with a full cheshire grin now in place.

"This color suits you though!" Dean laughed, blocking Castiel's escape and quickly splashing fresh paint all on his tattered shirt. Cas's mouth falls open in momentary shock, looking down at the blue glob running down his torso.

"You are in big trouble pup…" Castiel grinned with mischief of his own. Dean sauntered closer, smearing the paint around with a gleeful chuckle. His hands were gripped by the wrists, Cas trapping him. "Let me give you big hug, yeah?"

Dean burst into laughter when Castiel pressed their torsos together and rubbed animatedly. Unable to pull away, due to his wrists being trapped, the teen decided to retaliate by pressing his face against Cas's neck, ignoring the sting from the bruising, and smearing more paint upward until his cheek was against a 5 o'clock shadow. The small whiskers tickled, but he didn't back down.

Dean tilted his head and kissed Castiel's cheek several times with no warning, spreading the blue paint around with every peck. The Russian laughed deep in his stomach, the sound sending chills down Dean's spine and sparking a warmth in his groin. His lips pressed into the corner of that gorgeous smile and he hesitated in pulling away. When he did, blue eyes met his and Dean's heart sped up. He leaned forward again, much slower than his other kisses, and lightly presses into dry lips. Castiel's smile fell, his pupils expanding as he tightened his grip on Dean's wrists. It may have just been his imagination, but Dean could've sworn Castiel was trying to kiss him back before he tripped. Carefully, he pressed a bit harder and he suppressed a grin when the older male tilted his head to deepen the kiss. It only lasted a few seconds before Cas pulled back slightly, a troubled look on his face.

Not wanting Cas to flee at what just happened, Dean opened his mouth to say something but the sound of a door creaking had the moment shattered. Both men jumped apart, like on fire, as Claire stood at the entrance with wide eyes.