KBKG: Ohmigod I got a watcher! ::Happy squeak:: From another country!

Mikey: Whoo-hoo! I'm happy for you! ::Hugs::

Leo: ...AHEM. The preview?

KBKG: Oh, right. This is chapter four of the Sturmkaiser installment, Am Blitz Geleckt Haben. It's a German phrase that means "to lick a lightning bolt". Also means to go mental or something. Which is awesome.

Leo: The power core arc of the story is finally over.

KBKG: That's right. That thing just really needed to die.

Mikey: KBKG doesn't own TMNT! Just Kai, her inventions, and...

KBKG: Nah, that's basically it.

The turtles took their new 'ally' to the sewers to escape Bishop and his men. They knew that for whatever reason, the government agent wanted their new friend deader than a doornail. They'd called up to April and Splinter using their communicators to have them slip down to the sewers.

Getting her through there had been fun. She'd panicked and basically started crying as she climbed straight up Casey to get away from any surface. It had taken several minutes to not only shut her up so nobody could hear her, but to also figure out the problem—she had severe blennophobia, the fear of slime, according to Donatello.

Only when they absolutely swore to her no slime would EVER touch her, even cleared the immediate area to prove it, and then washed off when she refused to come near them, could they get her calm enough to follow them. However, they did end up having to blindfold her to keep her from seeing it and had her hands shoved firmly into her pockets, or she refused to budge another inch as Mikey was leading her by the shoulders.

After basic introductions and a little explaining on the turtles' parts, Kaiser frowned, looking around blindly. "So… you guys aren't working with that Bishop guy. For the most part, you're all enemies." She said. "That sums it up. But what in the world made you steal from Bishop? Do you have a death wish or something?" Donatello said.

She shrugged. "I was just testing the water. Didn't realize Jaws was lurking beneath the surface. Now I know better." She said. "What did he mean by all that stuff about you causing an EPF security issue nineteen years ago?" Leo asked. "I don't have a clue. I've never seen him before in my life, before the heist." She said as she was walking with them through the sewers.

"Well, you would have been just a kid, so maybe you just forgot." Was the reply. "That crazy fuck'r Bishop seems to be worse than normal." Casey said, arms crossing. "Yeah…! He's always grouchy, but he just seems to not like you, Kai!" Mikey said, prodding her. "KAISER." Was the stiff reply. "But Kai is cuter! You're a girl, it should sound cute!" He said, and she paused.

"Well… guess that's kinda true…" She noted. Silence. "…You guys sure there's no slime near me?" She looked around paranoidly despite the blindfold keeping anything from her vision, voice warbling as she squirmed. "We're damn sure!" Raph yelled, gripping his head in frustration. "Take it easy, Raph. Blennophobia is a real phobia. It's better just to keep her calm." Donatello said behind a hand. "But it's ridiculous! And stupid! And annoying!" was the argument.

Soon enough, They reached the lair, entering, and April and Splinter were waiting. "So this is the thief that has our enemy Bishop so angry." Splinter looked at her as the door shut and Mikey removed the blindfold. She honestly didn't look like much at first glance, but his experience locked onto her calloused fingertips, her lean, wiry muscles, and faintly scarred knuckles.

This young woman had seen her fair share of combat. Kaiser paused, off-guard. Okay, the turtles had been odd, and she'd adapted. But she'd never expected to see an overgrown rat. Let alone in clothes.

"This is Master Splinter, our father and our sensei." Leonardo said, and Splinter bowed. Awkwardly, Kaiser bowed back. "Sensei, this is Kaiser Säbel, the thief." Leonardo added. "Procurer of rare and ill-gained artifacts, if you must." She said, straightening. Dull looks. "…Or bandit. Bandit just sounds cooler. Like I have a purpose." She shrugged.

"Bandit it is." Donatello decided not to argue—he was seeing some signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, too. It was amazing this woman could leave her house at all.

"This has all been great, but what about the power core? In case nobody's noticed, we got only six hours left to get rid of that thing before the entire East Coast goes KABLUEY!" Raph argued, throwing his arms out.

"Relax. I've already figured out a way to safely get rid of it. I was on my way to do that before you guys and that crazy Black Ops. guy stopped me." Kaiser said. "Oooh… Sorry 'bout that." Casey went over to where April was sitting on the couch, but the woman stood and offered her hand.

"I'm April, Casey's wife." She said. "Nice to meet you." Kaiser shook it affably enough, then she pulled out the canister. "The core is in here. I was going to take it far enough into the ocean and use this to fire it deep enough down that the pressure would not only crush the canister, but set off the premature explosion when it got deep enough, and keep everything completely contained." She said, holding up a rucksack.

"…A bag?" Raph asked dully, but she opened it, pulling out a long case and opening it. "Of course not, my hotheaded turtle friend. What's in the bag. It's one of my own inventions, created by studying and modifying pre-existing alien technology." She said, opening it to show several pieces of a metal tube, wiring, and a handle, "It's not set up yet, but it only takes me roughly fifteen seconds to assemble it." She said.

Kaiser shrugged, "Basically, it's an alien potato launcher. It has the speed and firing ability to shoot something even to the bottom of the Laurentian Abyss in less than fifty seconds. "Ooooh," Donnie went over to check it out. "Great. Another geek." Raph muttered. "Can I try it sometime?" Mikey asked.

"No way, it's still got bugs to work out. It's not far away from being able to punch a penny through the atmosphere." Kaiser argued. "It's… beautiful. Mind if I take a look at it?" Donnie asked in awe. "Uh, sure." She looked over. "Donnie might be able to work out any 'bugs'. Then we'll get rid of the power core once and for all!" Leonardo assured her. "Yeah, he's our resident geek." Raph mocked.

"Fellow geek!" Kaiser grabbed Donnie's hand and shook it eagerly."What's your IQ?" he asked eagerly. "I don't know! I never took a test!" Was the cheerful reply.

Meanwhile, Bishop was opening a file from the EPF archives. It was dated nineteen years ago, and showed the profile of a younger Kaiser Säbel. As a child, she only appeared to look even more awkward, but with larger eyes and a rounder face.

"So a six-year-old little girl really did cause a security disturbance here?" Stockman walked over, robotic arms crossing. "The biggest security alarm we'd ever had." Bishop's arms crossed behind his back, and he turned.

"Nineteen years ago, we detected somebody had successfully hacked into our security systems and entered our data files, and was going through them with apparently no issue. We detected the origination of the hack and stormed the place, taking the family of six captive, and brought them to the closest EPF headquarters to interrogate the adults. We left the children, nine-year old triplets, and the six-year old little girl in another room with some computers to entertain themselves and keep them out of the way." Bishop took his chin.

"We interrogated the two adults for hours. We were about to begin torturing them, when one of my men reported that we were being hacked. Again. By one of our own computers. So I rushed to the other room, only to find the triplets hiding away and crying… and the six-year old on the computer in question. And when I asked her what she was doing, the damned little brat just looked at me, looked at the screen, and asked if I wanted to play the next round of the game." Bishop rubbed his chin.

Silence.

Stockman immediately burst out laughing in shrill, mocking hysterics. Had he had functioning tear ducts, he would have laughed until he cried.

"The almighty EPF systems were hacked by a six-year-old little girl thinking she was playing a computer game? That's so rich, it has to be fattening…!" He choked out between his amusement.

Bishop just glared at his scientist, until, slowly, the brain recollected himself and cleared his nonexistent throat.

"…Then what?" He asked.

"I asked her to start over and show me exactly every single thing she did. She was more than happy to oblige. I watched in disgust as the world's top security system was happily jumped over and danced around by a six-year old. I fired all of my computer programmers later that day, and made sure to close off everything that little brat did. When I was done, I erased all their memories of the event and let them go." Bishop grunted.

"…Not before I tested the girl's IQ. Turns out, the little brat was a genius and nobody even knew it. She was six years old and had an IQ of over 150. I'd hate to imagine what it would be now. Unfortunately, the thing was a bit of a slacker."

"I kept tabs after that. Had her high school and college years been a little more interesting, I would have approached her for an offer to work for me. Turns out, she's a lazy, complacent little brat. Never even finished college. So I lost interest in her activities. I suppose that's where I made a mistake." Bishop said, fixing his sunglasses.

Silence.

"…PFFTT…" Stockman choked, earning another glare.

~FOUR HOURS TO GO…~

Donnie looked up. "I think I've got it." He said. "Wow, Donatello, you're amazing! I never would have thought about rerouting the core like that to redistribute the force of the kickback." Kaiser said.

"…La-la-la! Geek speech! Don't understand a word of it!" Mikey yelled, covering his ears. "Now, we barely have enough time to take this thing far enough out that we can fire it deep enough to destroy it. We'd better leave right away." Donnie stood. "Right!" Kaiser stood. "Wait, wait, the thief is coming with us?" Raph argued.

"Bandit," Kaiser and Donatello chorused helpfully.

"Whatever!" was the yelled reply.

"Listen, I took this thing, and that might be the reason it destabilized. That means that it's my responsibility and the lives of everybody it endangers. I'm going to personally make sure that this thing safely detonates, so nobody has to get hurt for my mistake." Kaiser said, a hand to her chest.

"…Okay, FINE. The thief can come." Was the muttered reply.

"Bandit." Was the chorus.

"WHATEVER!" Raph stormed out.

Kaiser smirked to herself. The noble act, she told herself, always gets people to cooperate.

~~THREE HOURS TO GO~~

"The sphere has been moving over the ocean for a while now." Stockman said. "I see. They intend to use the sea's pressure itself to destroy it. A shame that we won't be able to harness the energies from the destruction process, but at least its ruin won't take anything out." Bishop took his chin.

"So you're not pursuing them." Stockman said. "No. I've decided that Kaiser Säbel might someday be of some use to me." Bishop had calmed down significantly now that he'd learned the fate of the power core. Learning he'd had to destroy it himself anyway had taken away the sting and the humiliation of its theft, so he was able to calmly look at the situation.

He turned, arms crossing behind this back. "I'm going to call this whole affair a test of a potential tool's abilities. And Miss Säbel has passed most appreciatively." He smirked. "…Hm. Does Agent Bishop have the hots?" Stockman asked. This earned another one of those glares.

"…I thought not." Was the reply.

~~THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES TO GO!~~

Donnie had lowered the chopper down as close to the water as he could. "We have plenty of time, but I can't get it any closer and that bazooka isn't water-proof." He yelled. "Leave that to me!" Kaiser yelled, pushing the button on her boot-bottoms, and jumped out. Multiple gasps—then sighs of relief as she landed in a crouch on top of the water.

Then realization sunk in and they gasped again. "DUUUUDE, SHE'S JESUS!" Mikey cried. "Water skeeter, more like it." Raph grumbled, but she just walked out of the angle of the helicopter propellers, the water not even rippling. On closer investigation, Donnie found she was hovering roughly two inches over the surface.

"Fascinating! Those things on her shoes repel surfaces, allowing her to walk over the water! Why, with the proper adjustments, she could walk on any sort of surface!" He noted, awed. Oooh, he wanted to get his hands on those so bad…!

Finally, she aimed the gun straight down, sucked in a deep breath, and loaded the canister into the gun.

"Kickback's gonna be a bitch," She muttered to herself, and fired.

There was a blast and a plume of smoke, and a wall of water burst up, and Kaiser let out a startled shriek as she was sent flying like a roman candle. The canister and its deadly cargo sunk rapidly into the depths, a burst of bubbles and air trailing up after it.

As it got deeper, the can began to crush itself under its own weight. Overhead, the turtles were pulling a now-soaked Kaiser back onto the helicopter, where she was still a little stunned from her hard landing.

Beneath them, deep in the depths, a sphere of yellow energy seemed to burst out, then rapidly shrink, then expand, like some sort of heart letting out rapid, deadly beats. It seemed to get bigger every time it expanded, and smaller every time it shrunk, before finally it shrunk one last time and the yellow light extinguished completely.

Enormous bubbles of churned water surfaced, and then there was silence.

~Later, back on shore…~

"Thanks for the help, everybody. I feel much better with that stupid thing gone." Kaiser said, standing in front of the turtles and their friends. "We jus' hope you've learned your lesson, thief!" Raph argued.

"Yeah. Don't steal from that Bishop guy." Was the reply. "Or at all!" The red-clad turtle yelled, grabbing his head in frustration. "Hey, hey, I am the Robbin'-fucking-hood of alien technology, and I'm also the mutha-fuckin' Batman! It's better I have it than somebody who would have dropped that power core on an enemy country or planet!" Kaiser argued, jabbing a thumb at her chest.

"She's got a point, Raph. Well, Kaiser, it was nice meeting you. If you ever need help again, you know how to reach us." Leo offered his hand. She paused, then she grinned, offering her own. "Likewise! I look forward to working with you! Fortunately without having to worry about a doomsday device next time!" She said.

"You can say that again," Mikey joked.

KBKG: The turtles have a new ally in Kaiser, and Kaiser has friends and therefore a reason to get out of the lab once and a while. But when the turtles come to visit her, they find that she has a surprising hobby.

Leo: An embarrassing hobby.

KBKG: A hobby nonetheless. However, they end up looped into it, Raph gets a perv moment, and... the Purple Dragons and the EPF?

Leo: ...Come back for Panic! At the Convention. Please. It'll save us all a lot of trouble.

KBKG: Review, too, if you would, please!