Amon

I had to report the murders and wound up turning myself in. There, I learned the authorities were aware of my actions. They suspected an ex-cop was selling secrets, they just didn't know it was me. Or me and Asuman, they suspected. I remember the headline was "Married Menaces Sell Secrets". I'm no Guru Laghima, but even I could have written a better header than that. My history selling confidential material came to light and I was facing life imprisonment on charges of treason and "crimes against the people of Republic city". Never once did they threaten me with execution, which was the first thing I expected. I thought I'd be disposed of and swept under the rug. I was told this was because my case was unique. The dismissal of non-benders from the police force without reason was unconstitutional on the grounds of discrimination. There were laws forming to prevent this kind of thing, to extinguish any potential hate crimes. They feared publicity and other cases rising. A board of benders, just this once, were scared that their mistreatment of non-benders would go public and they would be charged. They hadn't changed enough laws yet to get away with it. Killing me could start a fire.

I was placed in witness protection and the current file was wiped. I would be monitored for the rest of my life but taken care of, in return for silence. I'd be moved to another city, Ba Sing Se, to be safe from Zolt and his gang activity. If I didn't accept, I would be sent to a psychiatric ward to vanish in hoards of undesirables. Another non-bending loon claiming the government was out to get him. They even offered me my job back at one point. I don't know if it was a ruse, I rejected their offer. They tried to find a way to keep me complacent after all that had happened. They recognised I had to resort to a life of crime because of their actions, but that erased nothing. I'd had enough. Benders took my job, my security and my little girl. No parent should have to bury their child.

The White Lotus agreed to let me gather what was left of my life before relocated to Ba Sing Se. I arranged to meet you that day in my old home after I'd been up to Arzu's grave to say goodbye. The message I gave to the contact was "Follow the cobblestones into the forest, touch the top of the fifth lily pad". I recognised him in the street, a stroke of luck, and told him to give you that message as fast as he could. He died of his wounds a few years ago. Anyway, forget him, he played his part well. My home was in the attic of number five, Lily crescent off Timber Street. I can't believe I came up with that stupid little riddle to describe where I lived. Not even I knew where the Lotus was lurking. You'd never been to my home but you figured it out. Unless you'd had someone follow me in the past and that's how you knew. Remember how I promised to do everything I could to rid this city of the corruption of benders? The money from the safe that I gave to you was the money I'd saved for Arzu's future. It wasn't a total lie when I said it was my life's savings. You know the rest. I proved myself to you and from there we were inseparable. You brought purpose and pride and spirit back into my sorry existence.

Amon remembered that day as if it were yesterday. "The Lieutenant" had been the older man's pseudonym even though he had not served as one for a long time. It stuck. Lieutenant never shared his real name. Amon would probably never learn it now.

Amon had indeed given orders to his operatives to follow the Lieutenant on a number of occasions in order to determine his loyalties. He knew the location well. The messenger reached him swiftly so he headed out immediately before the lead expired. He hoped that the Lieutenant would finally accept his offer to join the Equalists. He caught the man on his way out, a box of his worldly possessions tucked under his arm. Amon had always travelled with two associates for his own protection in the past, that day was no exception. They would lag behind a few paces and step in if something erupted. The men exchanged a few solemn words in the attic and left the building together, running head on into dozen White Lotus cronies. The meeting had gone on under their noses but not the escape. A brawl broke out. A lot of pent up anger was released on those poor guards. Amon's two men barely had a chance to act before the Lieutenant had set the box down and unleashed hell. Amon thought highly of the man even though he knew little about him personally – this only strengthened his opinion. This was a guy he wanted by his side.

Time passed and the Lieutenant's unfaltering loyalty brought them closer together. Their closeness went from professional, to personal, to romantic. The Lieutenant was Amon's first and only love. The revolution blossomed. Every night possible he would take the time to trace over his lover's scars and recall where they came from. He would linger on the ones that tickled or gently soothe the ones that hurt. His Lieutenant had done so much for him, always going above and beyond. That was true love. He knew it in his heart. He felt he had everything he needed to secure victory; authority over his army, devotion from his followers and, best of all, love from certain someone who would give his life to him.

The letter continued.

I've never regretted joining the Equalists. I don't regret falling in love with the man I believed you to be. I don't want to take back a minute of what we fought for or what we built. We were exceptional together, right until the spectacular, world-shattering end. Truthfully, I have wished you were one of those nobodies I screwed after a night at the bottom of a glass. Those men were faceless, you never were. I could have given you my all for a few hours and then let you go, never having known the best and worst about you. I wouldn't have a broken heart or have dedicated my life to a traitor. But I did. I wish you'd told me the truth. I don't know how I would have taken the news. Anything could have been better than finding out the way I did. You deceived me and you probably planned to stay hidden for the rest of our lives, even when you were falling asleep beside me each night. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I gave you privacy. I never asked you what your nightmares contained when you screamed in the middle of the night. I held you when you broke down behind the curtains of the rally stage, overwhelmed by the monumental pressure on your shoulders leading this fight. I made love to a mask for almost a decade and never questioned the face behind it because I trusted you with every fibre of my being. Every day I had away from the mayhem of the Equalists when we couldn't share time together, I'd spend it at Arzu's grave. It's in that meadow I brought you to after our first big demonstration together. Just beyond the tree line in a clearing by a rocky lily pond. One day, I wanted to sit down with you there and find out the real date we decided to commit to each other. Anyway, I'd tell her about the Amon I had the pleasure of knowing away from the spotlight and how you made me feel. I told her about the human being that lived inside the charismatic leader advocating at the podium. I thought she'd be happy knowing I'd found someone like you after all this hurt. I thought I'd see my downfall before it hit me. I never thought it would be you.

If I knew you survived that explosion and could speak to your face, I'd say one thing.

"I love you. You complete and utter bastard."

Poles apart.