I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas/relaxing holidays. The ending is very near. Thanks for taking this journey with me. Since I didn't get any Christmas-Presents, I'm wishing for loads of comments for this chapter ;)

Italics are flashbacks.

Disclaimer: I only own Tammy. Everyone else in here belongs to WWE and themselves.

Warning: Angst, Drama and Fluff

We had our own speed. We did things when they felt right, not when they were supposed to happen. The flow. I'm sure I've mentioned it before. I feel a bit drowsy, so apologies for eventual repeats. I'm still far away from my usual state of mind. In fact, I don't know if I'm ever going to get back there. Not without him. I'm scared that the old Tammy is going to come back, just like last night.

It is good that Kevin and Colby are with us for distraction. Jon and I haven't spoken to one another since stepping foot into 'Barney's'. A fact our friends luckily aren't commenting on. I try to laugh at Colby's jokes, but I know it sounds fake. Another fact that they don't comment on. When I order a second Whisky though, double, Kevin can't keep his mouth shut. „Wow, a second drink? You wanna go wild tonight?" They are just as used to me only ever drinking one glass, wherever and whenever we meet up, that it catches them by surprise. Even Jon quirks a brow. „One just won't do it tonight." It's all I say and neither Col nor Kev dig any deeper, but I can see out of the corner of my eyes how Jon clenches his jaw and his pupils turn dark. I'm on my sixth double-shot, I think, when my tongue gets a little more loose and my voice a little louder. I'm not used to alcohol anymore, it seems. „Nawww.. why would you marry her? You love your freedom?" Col leans back in his chair with a smirk. All the years I've known him, he's been a ladies man, sometimes more subtile than others. For him to settle down truly shakes my believes in this world. „Yeah, but I love her more than my freedom."

I snicker at that and shake my head, pointing my index-finger at him. „You, Mister Lopez, are full of bullshit." I don't mean it as an insult, really not. My sober self would be happy for him. My drunk self though thinks about Jon's offer again. Luckily though, Col puts my comment off with a wave of his hand and a scoff. A scoff that gets drowned out by Jon's snort though. „Only because you can't commit, doesn't mean others must be unhappy, too." He had at least twice as many drinks as I did, but his voice is a lot less slurry. It's so sober that it sends a chill down my back. The thing about drunken me though is, that I get defensive aggressive. Something none of the boys know. No wonder that they are a little surprised, when I get off my chair and right into Jon's face. „I was happy until today. You are the one who wants to destroy my happiness." Logic was never my strong suit when being drunk. Good comebacks neither. Jon's jaw ticks. I want to jab my finger into his chest for emphasis, but he grabs it and pulls me closer without missing a beat. I almost stumble into his lap. He hisses into my ear. „You're drunk. Leave it!"

I should have left it alone there. Shut my mouth. Switched to Soda. Saved the argument for our own four walls. Old Tammy was reeling her ugly head though and she's never been one to let an argument rest. So many times we went out together. So many times I've managed to keep myself in check. And in return I got glimpses of another Jon here and there. Carefree Jon. Romantic Jon. Crazily stupid Jon. All facades of him that stayed unbeknownst to the world. That only I ever got to see.

The club is almost empty by now. The sun must already be rising. Neither Jon nor I are tired though. We're sitting in a booth close to the dance-floor, watching the few remaining party-goers flirt or beg for one last drink at the bar. I'm in Jon's lap, his head resting on my shoulder. His arms are wrapped securely around my midst while I let my fingers play with the few stray locks dangling in his face. We're in utter bliss, no rush, just enjoying our time together, enjoying the solitude. As the last person leaves the dance-floor, I sigh and cuddle closer to him. „Wanna head home?" Jon grunts a little and shakes his head, his stubble scratching the bare skin on my shoulder. „Not yet. In a minute." Despite his words though, he shifts underneath me, clearly in an attempt to get up. My eyes sparkle with amusement as I look back at him. „What are you doing?" I get my answer a second later, when he suddenly rises from the booth, with me in his arms. I instinctively squeal and put my arms around his neck as well as my legs around his waist, while he carries me away from our booth. „I thought you don't wanna leave yet?" Jon smirks before he nuzzles my neck. His voice is raspy, a little drowsy, and if I didn't know him any better, I'd say he is embarrassed. „I don't. I wanna dance." My brow shoots up at his exclamation, but before I can say anything, he puts me down on my feet again... in the middle of the dance-floor.

I cannot help but to laugh. He lays his hands on my hips and pulls me close to him, his gray eyes shining so brightly that they could light up the whole room. I get on my tip-toes to lay my lips onto his before resting my head against his chest and encircling his body with my arms. It's moments like these that make me love him even more. Those rare times when he lets loose. When he surprises me by shedding another layer of the brick-wall he's built around him over the years. He wraps his arms around me as we start to sway to the soft rhythm of the music. I feel his lips softly graze my forehead before he buries his face in the crook of my neck. We enjoy the song in silence, just swaying, just feeling, until the music comes to a stop. Jon finishes off by dipping me low and the laughter rising from my throat echoes through the whole club. „Now we can go home." „You're a dork." He presses his lips onto mine with a big, goofy grin. „Yeah, and you love me for it."

I can't open my eyes. I haven't since the crash. I don't want to open my eyes, because once I do, I have to face reality. I have to face the fact that I might be a cripple, that I might go to jail, I might loose my job. Mostly though, I'll have to face the fact that I'm still alive and he isn't. I rather just stay here, wrapped up in my thoughts, my dreams, my memories.

TBC