A/N: Ollo! How's everyone? Mirlasse, sorry about getting IT stuck in your head... :P Yes, probably that Cupcake would be in bits if it weren't the Cupcake of epicness. OneSizeFitsAll, don't worry about Sam. He's eaten McDonald's food all his life; there's no hope of him ever getting skinny. Teapot of transformation, glad you like it! Thanks for reviewing! Btw, your pen name has me laughing. CloveClove, CUPCAKES! While writing this story I have serious cravings... LaurielS, ramdomness rocks! Thank you. Here's your next chapter. :) ccgaylord, lol too bad I'll have to wait so long; I was looking forward to it! ;) 2MFriedmanFreak, your autobiography sounds like something I wouldn't need to read; I already know the ten worst ways to promote sanity... I have just recently discovered that I am not paranoid like I thought I was. Someone told me that you're only paranoid when you think everyone is going to kill you and they're not, not if you think everyone's going to kill you and they are. I thought I was paranoid because I think everyone's crazy; but happily I'm not paranoid after all, since everyone is crazy. LadyOfAnfalas, I will try with all my will-power to do the whole LotR. I will make it through! But it may take quite a while. LotR is sooo long! But that's part of its greatness. MOSObsessed, I'm sad you can't vote, too. ;( Everyone else has to to make up for it! ThurinRanger, thanks! I love to know that this story is enjoyed.

Chapter 4.

'Get out, get out, get out of my head,' sang Frodo, entering and slamming the door. 'And fall into Mount Doom instead. I don't, I don't, don't know what it is, but I need that one Ring, and you've got that One Ring.' He banged on the counter. 'Bilbo!' he yelled. 'Bilbo! I want my deluxe thingy with fries and a drink!'

'My precious,' muttered Gandalf, chewing on his pipe. Frodo started.

'Oh, Gandalf,' he said. 'What are you doing here? You're not supposed to smoke in McDonald's.' He looked around for Bilbo. 'He's gone, hasn't he?' Frodo sighed. 'He talked for so long about leaving... I didn't think he'd really do it.' He noticed the cupcake on the counter.

'Bilbo's cupcake,' Gandalf observed. 'He's gone to work at a better restaurant,' he explained. 'He's left you his job at McDonald's... along with all his possessions.'

Gandalf grabbed the cupcake and put it in a happy meal bag. Then he handed it to Frodo. 'The cupcake is yours now; but keep it somewhere out of sight.'

'Where are you going?' asked Frodo, seeing that Gandalf was getting ready to leave.

'I have some things I must see to,' said Gandalf.

'What things?'

'Hunger,' he said. 'Hunger that needs satisfying.'

'You've only just arrived!' said Frodo. 'I don't understand...'

Of course a fast-food eater like you wouldn't understand that I'll never eat McDonald's food, he thought, but aloud he said, 'Neither do I. Keep it secret, keep it safe.' He hurried out the door, leaving Frodo standing alone in McDonald's.

Gandalf jumped in his pickup truck and chugged with what speed he could to the cooking store. He searched feverishly for the cook book by Isildur the son of the critic.

'Eureka!' he cried, grabbing it off the shelf and sitting down to read it.

'"Here follows the account of Isildur, Chef of Gondor, and the finding of the Cupcake of Power,"' he read. '"It has come to me... the Cupcake of Power! It shall be an heirloom of my restaurant... all those who follow in my bloodline shall be bound to its fate, for I will risk no hurt to the Cupcake... it is precious to me, though I eat it with great pain."' Gandalf paused and considered for a moment. 'My precious,' he muttered. 'Hmm. "The marking written in icing begins to fade. The writing which at first was as clear as crystal has all but disappeared; a secret now that only milk can tell..."'

Farmer Maggot was busily chopping wood in his garden, when up out of the blue drove a shiny black Acura. To say the farmer was surprised would put it too mildly; nice cars were never seen around here.

A man in a suit and dark sunglasses got out of the car. Farmer Maggot had not watched very many movies, but he didn't need to to know that this man was up to no good. The man approached.

'McDonald's? Baggins?' he hissed.

'There's no Bagginses around here!' Farmer Maggot croaked, terribly afraid that the man in the suit would pull a gun any second. 'They all work at the McDonald's, that way.' He pointed a trembling finger.

The mysterious man was back in his sleek car and zipping away before the farmer had time to recover himself.

Frodo was just about to lock up McDonald's for the night. He paused, sensing that something was amiss. Suddenly a dark figure lunged for him and grabbed him by the collar.

'Gandalf?' said Frodo, startled. 'I knew that,' he reminded himself.

'Is it secret? Is it safe?' Gandalf looked like a maniac; paranoia blazed in his eyes, and he was unkempt from travelling in his old farm-use pickup for such a long distance.

Frodo somehow realized what he was talking about, and pulled out the Cupcake from his pocket.

'It's a little smushed,' he admitted. 'But I didn't eat a single bite!'

Gandalf snatched the Cupcake and ran to the giant McDonald's refrigerator.

'What are you doing?' screamed Frodo, as the critic dunked the Cupcake in the milk he had just bought. He lifted it back out.

'Hold out your hand, Frodo,' he ordered, 'It's quite dry. Can you see anything?'

'Nothing, there's nothing,' said Frodo, examining the Cupcake. 'Wait!'

Gandalf swallowed hard. On the Cupcake writing began to appear. 'It's some form of Elvish,' said Frodo the naive. 'I can't read it.'

Gandalf put on his ominous face. 'There are few who can,' he said dolefully. 'The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here.'

'Uh, why?' asked Frodo.

'In the common tongue,' said the critic, ignoring him, 'it says, "One Cupcake to rule them all, One Cupcake to find them, One Cupcake to bring them all, and make them all fat."'

'?' said Frodo.

'This is the one Cupcake baked by the dark chef Sauron, in the fires of the oven of Doom... taken by Isildur from the hand of Sauron himself.'

'Bilbo found it... in Gollum's cave,' said Frodo.

'For sixty years the Cupcake lay quiet in Bilbo's keeping, prolonging his life, delaying old age... but no longer, Frodo. Evil is stirring in Mordor. The Cupcake has awoken. It has heard its master's call.'

'That's creepy,' observed Frodo. 'Anyways, I thought Chef Sauron was destroyed!'

'No, Frodo,' said the critic. 'The spirit of Sauron has endured. His life force is bound to the Cupcake-'

'The Force!' yelled Frodo, jumping up and doing a jedi move. Gandalf lowered his eyebrows. Frodo sat back down with a thump.

'Is bound to the Cupcake,' the critic went on, 'and the Cupcake survived. Sauron has returned. His cooks have multiplied... his restaurant of Mordor is rebuilt. Sauron needs only this Cupcake to cover all the lands in the second fatness. He is seeking it, seeking it, all his thoughts are bent on it. For the Cupcake yearns, above all else, to return to the hand of its master: they are one, the Cupcake and the dark chef. Frodo, he must never find it.'

Frodo scooped up the Cupcake. 'Alright! We'll put it away, we'll keep it hidden! We'll never speak of it again. No one knows it's here, do they?'

Gandalf shifted uncomfortably. 'There is one other who knew that Bilbo had the Cupcake,' he said. 'I looked everywhere for the creature Gollum, but the enemy found him first. I don't know how long they tortured him with threats of no more oreos, but amidst the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words: McDonald's, Baggins!'

'That will lead them here!' said Frodo, horrified.

The song that Frodo is singing at the beginning of this chapter: Who can name the original? :P Whoever can figure out what song it is gets one free virtual Chef Sauron plushie. One prize per family, only while supplies last.

Side Note of Randomness: My nephew and sister playing a game; my nephew, seeing my sister walking around with a staff (which, in this case, was nothing more than a long stick), suddenly yelled into a block of wood (which, I assume, was an intercom), 'Captain, captain! A bad guy wizard has appeared!' LOL makes me want to do a Captain America/LotR mixup... ;)

One more thing, all of you awesome readers: Good humorous stories are few and far between, but sometimes I manage to find some. These I add to my favourites; so if ever you are searching for a good laugh, go read those. I promise that each and every one of those stories is amazing. Also, there are several authors who are just unbelievable. OneSizeFitsAll, ccgaylord, and Erestor are some of these. I would really recommend their work if you're wanting something to read. I love them so much, and imo they need more recognition (except for Erestor, who everybody in the LotR fandom who likes humor knows about and loves). The only problem is that if you read their stories you won't think mine is as great anymore... :P

Question of the day: Oh, this is an evil one, but I want something to laugh at. What story does your family always tell about you? And bonus question: Have any of you seen/heard of the Lord of the Rings Musical? O.o Your opinion on the subject?

*music notes of destiny again* What will happen to Frodo? How did Gandalf know about Gollum's torture? Is Gandalf the real villain? Or am I just saying that to worry you? Will the Cupcake be destroyed?
*fade out*