Okay, am I a horrible bitch? I just chose Ikuto over my best friend in this world. I know I love Ikuto, but is this right?

"Utau..."

KYA~! I love his voice when he says my name! I JUST WANT TO DIE!

"Utau, are you listening?"

"HUH?!"

Dang it! THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!

You see, Ikuto and I were at Easter's (Oh wow...hope this place isn't run by assholes). Easter's was a popular diner. Everybody ate there. So Ikuto and I were sharing a meal there. The thing was that the way Ikuto looked in my eyes, it seemed even more distant. Maybe because we had less of a connection since I wasn't his sister.

"How have you been doing?" he asked.

"Fine. It's kinda hard adjusting. I mean things are so different with out the Charas and Easter and guardians and..." I found myself rambling.

Ikuto seemed a bit confused by what I was saying. Right, he doesn't know about any of that stuff because this is an alternate universe. I tried to change the subject.

"So how have you been doing, Ikuto?" I asked.

"Fine. I guess..."

And it was silent. Ikuto seemed so distant. What was on his mind?

"Say, Ikuto, what's our connection in this world?" I questioned.

"This world?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Just answer the question."

"Fine. We met at the mall. I was with Tadase, Amu, and Kukai, and you were by yourself. Kukai invited you to join us, but you declined. Tadase asked to talk to Amu privately, Kukai secretly followed them, and that left you and me alone. We talked a bit and became friends. End of story."

Ikuto mentioned Kukai! Maybe I could find out what he did that made Kukai hate him.

"What do you know about Kukai and Tadase, Ikuto?" I asked.

"Mind your own business," he mumbled.

Ikuto continued to eat his meal and looked away from me. I know something's up. I deserve a right to know.

"Kukai is my business!" Wow, that sounded possessive.

"If he's not telling you, then what makes you think I would tell you?" Ikuto said, raising an eyebrow.

I became silent.

I was walking down the streets by now. I couldn't understand Ikuto. Why didn't I feel any sparks? It seemed so empty talking to him.

The wind was lightly blowing and the sun was setting. I turned my head to look at the houses I past by. I suddenly stopped. I saw playground. On the swing was a girl. She was Amu Hinamori.

The pink-haired girl looked so sad and lonely. Without her charas to guide her, she must have just turned into a girl who hides her true self all the time. She could never let her guard down. I felt so sorry for her.

"Amu," I called out to her softly.

She turned to me. The soft gaze in her eyes disappeared and she turned into her outer character. She gave me a cold glare.

"What do you want?!" she snapped.

"For you to be normal again..." I whispered.

Amu looked away.

"Just leave me the hell alone," she muttered bitterly.

I stared at her. She didn't want me to truly leave. She hated being all alone. Amu needed me. But I didn't know how to help her. So I walked away.

It was just another day at school. The thing was, I would have to see Kukai again. I couldn't bear looking at him after I betrayed him. I walked aimlessly down the halls. I ran into Lulu again.

"Hoshina, are you okay?" she asked.

"Yeah, I am..." I replied. She looked unconvinced, "Um, you wouldn't happen to know anything about Kukai?"

"Kukai Souma? He seems okay. He doesn't have many friends though. He used to hang out with Hotori, Tsukiyomi, and Hinamori. However, they all drifted apart. Souma seemed really close to Hinamori and Hotori. Then Hotori and Hinamori started dating. That's when Souma broke off with all of them. He gets so hostile every time one of those three are mentioned," Lulu explained to me.

"Oh wow..." I managed to say.

"But then he met you. He soon returned to his normal self. He seems to be making friends again. It's all thanks to you. You two seem really close."

I smiled. I felt bad about thinking Lulu was a rich snob. She was actually pretty nice. She did help clear things up for me. Lulu began to leave for her next class. Ooh, I should start walking to my class too.

That's when I saw him. Kukai.

"Ku...kai..." I chocked out.

He kept on walking. He ignored me. I couldn't blame him. He didn't look at me, he didn't talk to me, and he didn't see me. Kukai walked right past me like I was invisible. It was worse than a verbal beat down. In those, you can still fight back. You still have a chance of keeping the relationship together. However, he gave me the silent treatment. No, it wasn't the silent treatment. It was even worse. Like he didn't even acknowledge my existence. In this game, I had already lost. I couldn't fight back. It was already over.

I don't know why I was watching Kukai's soccer practice, but I was. It became a bad habit. Here I was, sitting on the bench near the field, watching him play. It's not like I'm waiting for it to be over so I could talk to him. It's not that at all.

Kukai seemed more hostile while playing. He fell down a couple times too. I felt really bad for him. He didn't look too good. I hope he isn't getting sick.

"Why are you here? I thought he dumped you," said a familiar voice.

"IKUTO!" I exclaimed as I turned to face him.

Ikuto was sitting right next to me now. I looked back at Kukai. He was looking our way. He soon got angry and accidentally tripped over the ball. The coach yelling at him and Kukai was on the ground in defeat.

"Kukai..." I whispered, feeling sorry for him.

Ikuto gave me a strange look. I didn't quite notice it though.

"Are you in love with him?" Ikuto asked suddenly.

I turned to to face him. That caught me by surprise.

"...No."

"You paused," Ikuto remarked.

"You suck," I replied sourly.

I am in love with Ikuto – not Kukai. I am in love with Ikuto – not Kukai. I am in love with Ikuto – not Kukai. I am in love with Kukai – not Ikuto. Wait, what?

"How can I be in love with him if I'm in love with you?" I shot back, unaware I had just confessed to Ikuto of this world.

He was silent for a bit and shrugged. He put his hands behind his head.

"You aren't in love with me, though. You love me," he replied.

"Is there a difference?" I asked.

"Yes," he responded.

Just then I realized what he was saying was true. I love Ikuto. Like a brother. I'm not in love with him. Like I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But what is "in love"?

When you're in love, you get happy whenever you see that person. When you're in love, you can relax and let you be you. When you're in love, you don't need a conversation because you are perfectly content with just being with that person. When you're in love, you are willing to do anything for that person. You hate not being with them. That person for you always make you smile, makes you feel comfortable, and....Kukai makes me feel a lot of those things.

I turned to Ikuto. He's my brother. I shouldn't be chasing after him.

"Ikuto, I'm sorry. Can you please come with me?"

He nodded. I took his hand and we walked to the playground. I saw Amu sitting there as she did earlier. I glanced at Ikuto. He seemed pleasantly surprised.

"Amu..." he choked out.

Amu turned to him. Her eyes widened and watered. She got up form the swing and walked up to him.

"Ikuto..." she said softly.

He hugged her and whispered in her ear:

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

Amu smiled and held onto him tighter.

"I forgive you..." she mumbled.

I smiled. I realize now that Ikuto truly cares about Amu. She's the only one he can be his true self around. I shouldn't chase after him anymore.

Ikuto and Amu broke off their hug. Ikuto then walked up to me and smiled.

"I guess I should tell you the story between us. You see, I've liked Amu for a long time. But my former best friend Tadase liked her too. I thought that it would be better if Amu were to go with him. Tadase's nice. He wouldn't try to hurt her. I decided to give him a push. He asked her out. However...his other best friend at the time also liked Amu. He blew up at Tadase for asking her out. They stopped talking.

"A month later, I was even closer friends with Amu – and still in love with her. That was the problem. Tadase began noticing how close we were. He then accused her of liking me. She denied it, but that night she confessed to me that she did. I rejected her. I couldn't ruin Tadase's happiness for my own gain. Tadase found out about her confession and broke up with her. He grew to hate me because I was the reason he lost his precious Amu. With that, Tadase moved away.

"Amu became reclusive and shot everyone attitude. She was soon known just as 'the fickle bitch' I sometimes got to see her, but she didn't talk to me.

"So that's why we were like this. Thank you for helping us," Ikuto said, finishing his long story.

Amu turned to me. She spoke to me, but something sounded weird about her voice.

"Utau, please wake up..."

The colors of the surroundings seemed dull and disorted now. I could hear a beeping noise. What was going on?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

The scenery was back to normal suddenly. What just happened?

"Huh? I didn't say anything," Amu replied.

"But you just said 'Utau, please wake up...'" I responded, confused.

"Are you okay, Hoshina?" Amu questioned.

No, I was not okay. This hell-like heaven is driving me up the wall. The only good thing in this world is...Kukai.

I took out my cell and dialed Kukai's number. Strangely, his mother picked up.

"Utau? Is that you?! Thank goodness! Listen, Kukai's in the hospital."

I dropped the phone. No way.

A/N: Hope you liked that chapter. Thank you for all the reviews :D I'm thinking of adding an omake :P I've been writing it and it's sorta really long O.O Not sure if I should add it after this chapter or after the last chapter because it might give the end away for all you smart people .