A/N: Once upon a time there was a little girl on vacation who didn't update her fics and was quite flattered that people actually cared enough to check up on it and protest. I love you guys and I'm so sorry for the wait. Updates will be coming much sooner from now on...

I hope you enjoy! And review! They make me work twice as fast.

Jack was not at all pleased to find Elizabeth sitting on the stairs, her eyes closed, her head rocking from one side to the other and those funny white things in her ears.

"Elizabeth?" he called.

"Elizabeth!?" he called a bit louder.

"ELIZABETH???" he shouted.

"She can't hear you. She's currently listening to a rather loud pop number on my...magical music box," Andy informed Jack with a smile.

"Take that thing..." Jack said with a wild hand gesture "away from her!"

"You forgot to say please!"

Jack looked like he'd tasted something sour. "Fine! Please take tha' thing away from her?"

Andy bowed with a smirk. "Your wish is my command!" she teased. She snatched the iPod away from Elizabeth who protested quickly.

"I was listening to that!"

"Well listening to the magic box too much can cause..." she paused to think "hearing loss. Yup! You'll loose your hearing if you listen to it too much."

Jack looked pleased."And besides Lizzie. I can think of far better ways to entertain you than music...allow me to show-"

"There's no need to show me anything Captain Sparrow."

"Back to formalities are we luv?"

"We're not back to anything. Our relationship has been -thanks to me- nothing more than proper and formal." Elizabeth said with a solemn expression.

Andy laughed loudy. "Yeah right!"

She stopped smiling and raised her hands up in surrender as both pirates glared at her. "Fine, be in denial." she said and marched off.

"Proper and formal eh? Miss Swann?" Jack said with a smirk.

"Yes as far as I'm concerned." Elizabeth said and turned to leave before Jack could answer but Jack caught hold of her arm and turned her around to face him.

He was holding both her wrists now and keeping her firmly against his chest.

"And I guess you consider kissing me on that lil' old island formal do you?" he teased.

"I meant except for-"

"And I guess rolling around in the mud and kissing a rum soaked pirate is all proper in your book too," he continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"I wasn't talking about-"

"Well if you consider all those proper and formal I would be much obliged if you'd show me your idea of improper and unformal," he teased with a grin.

Elizabeth felt like slapping him but her hands were of course held firmly by his . She probably wouldn't even slap him if she could. She'd always thought physical retorts a sign of intellectual weakness...why punish him with a blow to his face when she was smart enough to battle him with words?

"I don't know how any woman -even you dear strumpets- could be willing to engage in anything unformal with you...considering you smell like a pig."

"Pirate!" he reminded her. "You'll get used to it."

"I most certainly will not!"

"Give it a few days...without fresh water to bathe, under the hot Caribbean sun and you'll come to the conclusion that I smell like flowers."

Elizabeth chuckled coldly. "And I should imagine you think that after a few days of my brain baking in the cruel sun I'll also find you charming?"

"Of course not," Jack laughed. "I think you find me rather charming already."

"You're an egotist!" Elizabeth scuffed while trying to break free from his grasp.

"Not at all! I'm simply aware I'm hard to resist," he said matter of factly.

She smiled slyly. "You're one man I could learn to hate Captain Sparrow."

Jack frowned. "Now now luv! One shouldn't be learning such nasty things when one could be learning much more enjoyable things."

She stared at him with a stern gaze. "You're arrogant-"

"I'm confident!"

"You're a liar-"

"I just have a wild imagination!"

"You're a coward-"

"I look out for myself."

"And you're greedy-"

"I like nice things!"

"And you're positively heartless."

Jack winced at this one.

"Oh loosen up darling! You know that's not true." he said and loosened his grip on her wrists but she made no attempt to walk away. "Quite frankly my dear...I think you're dying to be kissed. In fact I think you're in bad need of it..." he said thoughtfully. "Oh yes definitely. It'll get your heart pumping, get a bit of color under that pale skin of yours, get your blood flowing...it's good for you. You're in desprate need of kissing."

"By you...is that what you meant? I'd rather kiss a pirate twice as dirty, with a smell twice as nasty and rotten teeth and...and a one eye."

He grinned. "That can be easily arranged! Oi! You with the wooden eye...get over here..." he shouted with a beckoning hand gesture.

"Jack! No! I didn't mean that literally," she protested.

"Oh it's back to Jack now is it? Belay that order," he shouted the last bit and shooed away Ragetti who was now hurrying towards them with a confused expression.

"So now that we've arrived at the subject...you'd rather kiss him than me figuratively but if we're speaking quite literally you'd rather kiss me... correct?" he asked innocently. His hands trailing down her back distractedly.

"If you want to put it that way...then I suppose...yes."

He tightened his grip on her back and drew her closer. "In that case I'll kiss you now...as literally as I possibly can," he said in a husky whisper as he took her lips in his. Why was it that every time he kissed her all other thoughts fled her mind? Why were her knees so shaky?

She should stop him, she knew she should but she reasoned with herself that the kiss didn't mean anything. They were in a constant battle of wits and to pull back now would be like admitting defeat...

That's why she kissed him in Tortuga too, she decided. Yes that was it. That was also a battle...one she won by kissing him like she meant it and then sending him flying in the mud.

So this was really vital and necessary and not at all for personal pleasure. She just dismissed the thoughts from her mind and kissed him back. It was for the best after all.

Their lips moved in perfect rythme with each other, his teeth scrapping against her lips and their heads changing position every few seconds to deepen the kiss.

When they finally broke apart Elizabeth realized she would've stumbled and fell if Jack hadn't held her so tightly.

What Jack said next shocked her more than the kiss. "I'm sorry," he whispered with his eyes still closed.

"Beg your pardon?" Elizabeth asked with her breathing still shallow.

"I suppose I shouldn't have done that and now you're going to slap me," he said sounding a bit frightened. He closed his eyes and frowned as if bracing himself for a slap.

Elizabeth couldn't help but chuckle at the look on his face. She tapped him on the shoulder lightly and he opened his one eye hesitantly.

"I think I'll choose to forgive you this once."

Jack's face brightened up with a grin. "I knew you'd warm up to me. It seems that kissing really did you some good...now if you'd allow me to show you-"

"Jack?!" she broke him off with a soft smile.

"Hmmm darling?"

"Don't test your luck," she said before turning to walk away.

"But I always do and it works out so well," he said with a pout.

"Not with me it doesn't."

"Lizzie and Jack sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-NG..."

"Andy would you please shut it?! It's things like this that make me think you're annoying instead of the sweet nice young lass I know you are," Jack said. But his expression told Andy that no way he thought she was sweet or nice.

"And where, may I ask, will dear Lizzie be sleeping tonight?"

"With the crew?" he said with a hopeful smile. He finally dropped the smile under Andy's glare and sighed.

Jack coughed meaningfully."Oh fine! I suppose you expect me to offer you and her my cabin like a fine gentleman do you?"

Andy looked thoughtful. "Well that would be asking a lot considering you're a pirate and all,so perhaps you can share the cabin... in the most honorable maner possible of course. I'll be fine in my little hammock on deck."

Jack pressed a fist on his chest like he'd just choked on something foul and coughed. "While the thought appeals to me greatly...I highly doubt Miss Swann would like that arrangement."

"Perhaps I can convince her."

Jack coughed yet again.

"Jack you should really take care of yourself..." Andy said sweetly. "That cough could kill you." she added in a threatening whisper.

Andy sat on the stairs beside Elizabeth who looked rather upset again.

"Like...what's wrong sweety? Cause you look, like, so upset." she asked in her best valley girl accent.

Elizabeth gave her a strange look. "I just really thought I'd be married."

Andy nodded understandingly as she dabbed her nose with compact powder. "I see. You probably got a bikini wax and you're disappointed that you aren't getting anything for all the trouble..." she said in her normal voice

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind Lizzie. Perhaps you should try taking care of yourself a bit...try to look good and all," Andy suggested kindly. "We are on a ship full of men after all and being on a ship full of men I'm sure we can talk some poor lad into marrying you."

Elizabeth looked outraged. "No thank you! I meant I though I'd be married to Will."

"Oh! Why of course. How could I forget bloody stupid Will for one bloody stupid second? And how was it that there was no mention of Mr.Turner whilst you were snogging our dear friend over there?" Andy asked pointing to Jack who stood at the helm. Andy got up and Elizabeth automatically stood too. Andy wrapped an arm around Elizabeth's waist and pulled her along to stride along side the railing.

"Because none of the things that happen with Jack are real. It's all a game...I had to win," Elizabeth finally answered.

Andy thought for a second. "Well that's a nice way of justifying yourself. You really are a pirate!"

Elizabeth didn't say anything. And so the younger girl continued. "Dear William is fine and dandy and heroic and everything..." she turned Elizabeth around abrubptly to face the helm. "But our dear pirate captain there," she continued as she pointed to Jack who turned the wheel and leaned on it as if striking a pose "has his own special charm...wouldn't you agree?"

The older girl merely shrugged. "I'd call it arrogance."

"I'd call it confidence."

Elizabeth shrugged again. Andy took this as a good sign. "If we were in a musical this'd be my que to start singing a dancy number where I explain to you exactly why Jack is so fantastic. All the crew would help in the dancing and singing of course and you'd join in too after a while. You would disagree with me at first but you would come to realize by the end of the number that Jack is darn good lookin' and that you'd want nothing more than to shiver his timbers, this song would be called "Look at that pirate". Of course he would then start singing a cheery number of his own where he would explain that he's a fun-loving free-spirited pirate who won't settle down..." Andy continued with a far off gaze, oblivious to Elizabeth who was clearly confused and didn't understand a word. "This number would be called "I've got my rum in me hand and the sun in me face"...however when you join in it turns into an angsty romantic duet where you both confess your confusing feelings to eachother and decide by the end that beautiful people should automatically be together, this number would be called "Burn my rum any day"." Andy finished with a sigh and a sad expression.

"Oh well! I guess we're not a musical are we?" Andy asked in a more cheerful tone.

Elizabeth realized she was actually expecting an answer. "Ummm...no?!"

"Good lass. I suppose you are right," Andy concluded.

"About what?" Elizabeth asked with a smirk.

"About Jack...he is a bit arrogant."

Elizabeth looked uncertain. "Well yes but...in an amusing way that-"

"And he really has no feelings does he?" Andy added thoughtfully.

"Well that's not true...he feels strongly about his freedom and-"

"And he thinks of no one but himself!"

"Well he did save my life when we first met without even knowing who I was." Elizabeth said more to herself than the other girl.

Andy grinned. "And I suppose you felt nothing in your kisses..."

Elizabeth tore her gaze from Jack. "No!" she whispered with forced confidence.

"And you'd be able to resist his so called irresistable ways?"

"Of course," Elizabeth said with determination.

"Willing to make a bet?"

Elizabeth looked thoughtful. "What are the stakes?"

"If I win you'll owe me one task and if you win I'll owe you one."

"Reasonable. And what's the nature of this wager."

Andy hesitated. "Well...where will you be sleeping tonight?"

Elizabeth bit her lip. "I really haven't thought about-"

"Oh...I haven't though about..." Andy said in a shrill disgusting imitation of Elizabeth's voice. "Grow up! That's why you're always in trouble...you never think," she scolded in feigned anger. "Start using this," she continued with a light tap on Elizabeth's temple.

The older girl looked a bit taken aback and surprised. "I didn't think it was important that-"

"Oh she didn't think it was important! She didn't think it was important that she's probably going to end up sleeping below deck with a crew of filthy pirates who haven't seen a woman in ages and would use any opportunity to make advances on her. You're right it isn't important," she said sarcastically.

"Well what do you suggest I do?"

"Jack's more of a gentleman than the crew...why don't you sleep in his cabin?"

Elizabeth snorted. "With him present?"

"That's the thing. You know he won't do anything nasty...he might make a few jokes. In typical Jack fashion of course and I wanger...you won't be able to resist."

"That's your wager?" Elizabeth asked as if she couldn't believe her ears.

"Oh so you agree that it's not even worth a wager because it's already apparent that you can't resist."

"Obsolutely not. I think it's apparent I'll win."

"We have an accord?"

They both shook hands.

"And how will you know if I kissed him or not?"

Andy considered the question. "I'll take your word for it."

Elizabeth nodded smugly and walked off.

Andy sat on the stairs, leaned back, hooked her fingers together and stretched out. "Cupid ain't got nothing on me baby..."

The scene where Elizabeth 'sleeps over' was originally meant to be part of this chapter but I figured I should just post as soon as I finish. I've already been so naughty...not updating for about a month and all that.

BTW I was listening to that Elvis duet from Viva Las Vegas as I'm sure anyone who heard it will realize from the conversation. I couldn't resist.