AN: Well, there you go, the 4th chapter. I thought of it as a New Year gift.
Please make sure to review. ^^
Colder
Chapter 4: Make-believe
Sakuma Ryuichi had arranged a meeting at the restaurant "Yume" with some important people involving music industry. It meant a lot, although Bad Luck was already famous and powerful. But extra support couldn't hurt, right?
I was so thrilled to meet such great producers and some of quality musicians who were interested in buying lyrics I wrote. Extra profit is always welcome.
"Yume" had a special meaning to me. It was like a dream, the day I went out with Yuki there and he fucked me so perfectly. It must sound raw when I put it that way. But somehow, that intercourse had more meaning than mere physical.
As I was sitting with my new associates, smiling at them genuinely, for I really came to like them in such a short period of time, I was praying that Yuki's meeting with his editor was going well.
I hated seeing him like that- always tired, sitting before the laptop, yet never writing a thing.
The wine was helping me get through the pressure of it all. I was endlessly grateful to Ryuichi for helping my band.
He had told me something that Hiro had never dared to tell me. Tohma was seriously ill. Hiro's mask was so perfect; it revealed none of his sadness (if he was feeling it at all). I would glance at him from the corner of my eye every now and then, looking for any kind of reaction, anything in those, always so warm and sincere, eyes. I found nothing, as if Hiro never knew him, therefore never cared.
Sometimes, when a person is so hurt, they cannot express sadness and pain they feel. That has to do with their psychical defense; something that brain does in order to keep the person sane and still.
You don't know whether it is worse if they show any suffer, or if they don't.
I excused myself and headed to the toilet. The wine did its job and my bladder was about to explode.
As I was approaching, I could hear soft female moans. I smiled. It reminded me of Yuki's and mine makeup several months ago. But it could possibly be someone with digestive problems. I could easily be wrong.
I opened the door just a little, and saw a blond man fucking the Japan's top model. I just chuckled and wanted to leave, but then she saw me and screamed. Then the man turned to see why she was screaming.
The shock was mutual for both him and me. For the man was Yuki himself.
I cannot say that I was surprised, nor I can say that I wasn't. With Eiri, you never knew. But I was in denial, I guess, or I trusted him blindly. Whatever, I just did what I had intended before she screamed. I just closed the door and left.
Hiro and Ryu immediately knew, by my terrified face, what I had just seen. They knew, for nothing could possibly terrify me if it wasn't something which involved Eiri. I didn't have to say them a thing. They immediately called the meeting over, but it was fine, since we had already made a deal and had signed contracts.
In the limo I just said:" With a fuckin' Japan's top model!" and nothing more.
My throat was closed and I was barely breathing. No tears, no sobs, no nothing.
I couldn't even move. I was a puppet. I was a plant. I was so paralyzed, so inanimate. I was an imitation of a human being.
There was no pain. I thought I was dead.
Ryuichi was furious. I could hear him swear and curse Eiri. Suguru was trying to calm him down, while Hiro was just holding me, putting his personal tragedy aside, to mourn together with me over my broken heart.
I couldn't react. My friends were reacting to the situation instead of me. They were my skin and soul, my dried eyes.
"Shuichi…You can stay at our place" offered Ryuichi when he calmed down.
His eyes were warm and kind and he gave me Kumagoro.
"Here. He'll warm you." he said gently, his words full of friendly love and affection.
He warmed my heart and I was desperately trying to recover as soon as possible. I was just repeating in my head: "C'est la vie"1 the comforting voice was saying: "It was inevitable. You must not give up on life!"
The voice was right. I could not afford to fall once again, to go through all of that.
We all went to Ryuichi's.
Tatsuha couldn't comprehend his brother's actions, but was calmed and seemed, emotionless.
He was still very young (not younger than me, but we still considered him a kid), but he was my support. He was the one to fight for Eiri and me to be together.
"You're the same as Ryu and I" he would say sometimes. But the difference was, they were faithful to one another.
In one moment, can't remember when, for I had lost the sense of time, Tatsuha sat next to me. I realized just then that we were in Ryuichi and his bedroom, and we were sitting on their bed.
"This is what we are going to do" he said calmly with high determination in his voice. "Go back there and sleep there. Don't allow him the satisfaction of seeing you hurt. Make-believe, Shu, is the only weapon you have. It's the most powerful one…" he whispered, caressing my cheek.
I slowly turned to look at him.
"How…can I?" I gulped, barely managing to speak.
"Please, do it for me. Hurt him." Tatsuha grabbed my hands. "Tomorrow, Ryuichi and I will come to pick you up. You will pretend you are glad for his adultery, for you were doing the same."
I was staring at him in disbelief. What the hell was he saying?!
"But why?"
Tatsuha seemed rather restless and angry.
"For he is Uesugi as much as I am and I'm ashamed of him. I won't let my brother destroy a friend of mine."
"You don't need to…"
"He disappointed me. And I love you like my own brother…Cannot explain…But this hit me hard." Tatsuha was sad, I could see. "Please, Shu…"
At least I had friendship to rely on. At least one bright thing.
The plan was about to realize. And I wanted my revenge. That was all that mattered all of a sudden. I never believed that love could turn into hate. I guess I was naïve.
The deal was when they come, they would kiss me with tongue. And Eiri would believe me then.
---
Ryuichi dropped me to our place, looked at me and smiled with his thumbs up.
"You can do it" he said. But his smile was forced. I could clearly see that he was sad.
Why the people were so hit by something that Yuki had done to me? Was it possible that they loved me that much?
I enter and take my shoes off, feeling an airwave hit my feet. The sensation is pleasant. I feel somehow calm and confident; despite the fact that I think this is the end of world. It must be some kind of shock, I suppose. My body does to me exactly the same thing Hiro's body is doing to him. I'm completely relaxed, as if somebody gave me anesthesia. I feel nothing at all. I'm all numb.
I find Yuki in his study. I enter quietly and take a seat before him. He looks at me.
"The sofa or the bed?" I ask flatly, as if it is the most normal thing in the universe.
He says nothing for about ten seconds, but then he clears his throat.
"The sofa" he says. I expected him to beg for forgiveness, although I knew that was not in his nature. Somehow, I was still hoping, like I always do, that the miracle would happen to us. I just want to forget, to forgive, and move on. If only the pride wasn't in the way.
I feel kind of pissed by his answer. "Don't worry, tomorrow you'll have the whole apartment for yourself." I manage to say calmly, but I am really on the edge. Bitterness is burning my throat and I exit his study in order not to make any mistakes. The plan must be perfect, by any cost.
My soul is decaying.
I head to the room. He stands up.
"Shuichi, wait…"he says, but I don't look back, I just close the door behind.
Pretending is more difficult that I thought it would be. But I feel glad for he collected his guts to say at least something. Whether he feels sorry or not, this warmed my heart a little. I am more determined now to destroy him. I don't know if that is going to make me feel better or worse, or it will do nothing at all, but I am ready to go to the very the end. I must fight. I must be strong.
I sit on the bed, thinking how to survive till tomorrow. This is only the beginning. The battle is to come soon. I know I cannot sleep, not after all of this, so I go to the bathroom and take some sleeping pills. Only two of them. I want to be fresh in the morning. The make-believe thing must work in order for me to break him.
When the person is hurt, they try their best to hurt the ones that hurt them, no matter how it costs. They become predators, sadists, evil, twisted creatures, whose soul is crippled, scarred, and burned.
I feel so crippled. I feel so betrayed.
---
I moved my, already packed, luggage in the living room and went to make myself some coffee. Despite the pills, I was unable to sleep last night.
I feel that I have to tell something to Eiri. Something that would show him how I really feel, how he's destroyed me. I go to the living room.
"I guess you never loved me enough to care about me." I say and my brain starts panicking. I must remain cold, distant, but happy and relieved at the same time. I have the satisfaction of leaving him. Eiri must be the one to suffer. I reminded myself of that fact very quickly.
I must not break right now…
I observe his reactions. He's processing my words. Here's the chance to correct myself.
"But that doesn't matter, really, for I wanted to break up with you anyway. I just didn't know how." I add and I can already see his reaction. Eiri and his stupid pride! As if he has one! I chuckle. "Thank you for giving me a reason! This relationship was a real burden."
He kind of frowns. And, whatever was making him impatient just a minute ago, disappeared from his face. He looks kind of offended or something. This is the n-th time I'm leaving him. That makes him bad boyfriend and lover. He's nothing without me and he knows that.
"Do you…really think that, Shuichi?" he hesitates. He is hurt and I'm glad. But still, it hurts me to see him hurt. Heart is one problematic, unnecessary thing.
"Yeah. Actually, I realized I stopped loving you as soon as I slept with Hiro back then." I say, knowing how much he's making a fuss over that even nowadays. But, in fact, that sex with Hiro was one of my biggest mistakes. I almost destroyed such a wonderful friendship.
I became such a good liar in such a short time. Too much exposure to show business, I suppose.
"But…" he tries to say. He is stunned. I made it! I just have to hold on just a bit, and then I will break, when nobody sees it.
The pain is already unbearable.
"It's alright, Eiri, really!" I say cheerfully, trying to cover my real state.
"But, Shuichi…I slept with another woman…And you didn't care?" he just cannot comprehend. He's so full of himself! He makes my blood boil and I want to strangle him. But I must hold on…
"Why would I?" I chuckle again. I hate when I do it, for this isn't how I feel at all. I'm not cheerful at all, for fuck's sake! "Why, when I was doing the same thing?" here comes another lie, fluent like a song, coming from my mouth. The greatest lie of all. I hate myself! Oh, how I feel dirty for saying such things. I would never do something like that to Yuki. He's the only one for me…I mean, he was
"I don't believe you." he says and just as I thought it was over with my charade, the bell rings.
Eiri stands up and heads to open the door.
"Tatsuha? Ryuichi?" I hear him say. I sigh in relief.
"Is Shu ready to leave?" I hear Tatsuha say. I run straight to the door, to give Eiri what he deserves.
"Yup! I am!" I shout and then Tatsuha grabs me, kissing me passionately. The same does Ryuichi once when Tatsu is done. Some of them take my luggage and we leave all of this behind, hoping that I will forget one day…
But I didn't manage to see Yuki's reaction to kisses…That was the only thing that could satisfy me. His pain for my happiness…
---
The next day
"The News of the Day!
Aizawa Taki, the ASK singer, was brutally beaten up by famous novelist, Yuki Eiri, while he was exiting the nightclub "Stars". Several bodyguards tried to separate them, but the infuriated novelist was unstoppable. Taki has several broken ribs, a concussion, and a broken arm and is hospitalized. His state is currently stable.
Taki told us that he had been invited by Yuki himself, to a meeting, to discuss about cooperation between ASK and Nittle Grasper. Yuki told him that it was Seguchi Tohma who had sent him. It was all obviously some kind of trap, since the meeting ended like this.
'It was kinda
strange, for Nittle Grasper doesn't play anymore' says Taki. 'But
I thought that they might have reunited.'
Yuki Eiri is under custody now and the bail for him is about 500 000 dollars. He refused to comment anything. "
---
TBC…?
1 For those who don't know, it's a French expression: "That is life"