The Incredibly Random FF7 Story of DOOM! Chapter 4: Drunken Lullabies Part 1, a final fantasy vii fanfic

TCC: Woot. I am working on 4 different FanFics at the same time!

Gir: WE'VE MISSED YOU!!

Sephiroth: Some more than others.

TCC: Ahh, What could possibly be the matter Sephi Poo?

Sephiroth: Beside you embarrassing me at every opportunity? Nothing.

Gir: TCC owns nothing except herself and a cute plushie of me!!!

TCC: You know Sephiroth, if you are not going to be nice to me. I am going to have to put you in a French maid's outfit.

Sephiroth: HOLY SHIT!!!!

Special Guests: Xemnas, Xigbar, and Yuffie.

--------------------Drunken Lullabies------------------------

Everyone was standing around doing their own little thing. Rufus Shinra had finished the wall (Damn he's fast!!!) and was currently lugging equipment down stairs. Vincent was standing against the wall, brooding as usual. Tifa, Reno, and Rude were having a conversation about why Cloud had a stripper pole in his room. Cloud was steam cleaning his floor, trying to get rid of the black marks all over his beige carpet. Sephiroth was attempting to find his clothing, while I was trying to stash it in Cloud's dresser. Gir was randomly eating a pancake from down stairs, and Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo were trying to comfort Sephiroth, repeatedly telling him that he was still mothers favorite.

"Where the hell are my CLOTHES people??" Sephiroth screamed.

"I don't know. Maybe if you spent more time with them on, these types of things wouldn't happen." I said, stuffing the last bit of his coat into Cloud's pants drawer.

"Yeah, I've noticed that!! Who the hell do you think you are a Chip and Dales dancer???" Reno remarked. Sephiroth started to reach for his Masamune again.

To prevent impending doom I suddenly said, "I have some clothes for you Seph. But, you might not like them. "

"Anything is better than running around in my boxers."

"You shouldn't have said that dude. Gir show him what we have." Gir walked over and handed Sephiroth a...Cow costume.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS????"

"You said anything is better than running around in your boxers."

"Yes. But a Cow costume? Why the hell do you have that anyway?"

"I don't know." Gir said.

"Hey either it's that or a French Maid's outfit."

"Hey! That's from my..." Sephiroth said, before clamping his hands over his mouth, a crimson flush slowly forming on his face.

The world seemed to stop at that point. Everyone stopped doing what they were doing to stare at the silver haired sociopath (I love that word), causing several accidents in the process. My eyebrows shot halfway up my forehead. Rufus dropped a hammer on his foot letting out a yell that could have woke the dead. Vincent literally fell off the wall he was standing against, and knocked himself unconscious on the stripper pole. Cloud, who was finished with the floor and putting the steam cleaner away in his closet, actually shut HIMSELF in the closet (in other words he shut the door on his Ding Ding Dong) and let out a wail that would put a soprano to shame. I fell off of the dresser and hit the floor laughing. Reno and Rude suddenly DIED laughing. Tifa had to bring them both back with a couple of Phoenix Downs she had laying around. Kadaj turned around, his shoulders shaking. Yazoo just picked imaginary lint from his sleeve. Loz burst into tears, and the stray pancake, which Gir named George since he couldn't catch it, flew by Sephiroth's head.

"Um, is this a bad time?" Someone asked. I looked up to see a familiar looking black and silver haired man, hanging out of Cloud's ceiling.

"Nope. Just as good a time as any in this nut house." I said, picking myself off of the floor, "What's up Xiggy? Besides you of course."

"Nothing Dude. Just trying to find Axel."

"Yeah that's right. I owe him for setting Vincent on fire."

"WHAT!" The now conscious gunman screamed, "He set me on fire? I am going to shot him until he is dead, and then shoot him some more."

"Take it easy there Vincent. I'll get him back. In the meantime, will someone please help Cloud up? I don't think that he will be able to have children."

"What happened to him?" Yazoo asked.

"He shut his Manbits in the door."

"Oh my poor little Cloud!" Sephiroth yelled.

"No, it's MY little Cloud who's hurting." Cloud squeeked.

"Uh, that's my cue to leave." Xigbar said.

"Let's all go back downstairs." I said, walking briskly out of the door, "Fifty gil to whoever can find the Pyro!"

Everyone piled out of the room except for Cloud. Tifa stayed behind to make sure that Sephiroth didn't come back in to molest Cloud. We walked downstairs to find Xemnas and Axel sipping Jack Daniels out of a couple of glasses. Sephiroth dove behind the bar and picked out the strongest liquor he could find. Probably trying to erase the last couple of hours from his memory. Every one sat behind the bar. Reno and Rude got into a fight about who was sitting where, but I put an end to the dispute by whacking them both repeatedly with a stick that I had found. Vincent glared at Axel, who swallowed and nervously played with his glass.

"You sure you want to let Sephiroth near liquor?" Vincent asked, turning towards me.

"Sure why not. I have a digital camcorder, so I can post the video's on the internet later." Vincent arched his eyebrows slightly before chuckling. I told Gir to pull out the Camcorder, but to keep it hidden for the time being. Gir just nodded, while petting George the Flying Pancake. (Holy shit! I swear I actually heard that thing purr!) I took a seat next to Xemnas and told Sephiroth that, since he was already back there, to get me sixteen shot glasses.

"Sixteen? Isn't that one too many?" Sephiroth said.

"We are going to have a visitor in 3...2...1..." Suddenly someone burst through the door yelling something about Kadaj stealing materia. "See. I told you." Sephiroth just shrugged and passed out the shot glasses.

"Is...Is that Sephiroth? Why is he in his boxers serving drinks? Why is Shinra here? WHAT'S GOING ON???"

"Sephiroth didn't want to put on a cow suit. We are about to play a drinking game. And Rufus, Why are you here again?" I asked, turning towards him.

"I just got bored."

"There you go. Questions answered, now come play Irish Hot Potato with us."

"Irish Hot Potato? What's that?" Reno asked.

"So glad you asked it is basically a game of playing catch with your friends, but with a few exceptions. When throwing to someone, you must say the name of someone else in the circle besides the person you're throwing to. For example, Joe, Bob, and Gary are playing. Gary throws to Bob and says, "Joe", that is okay. if Gary throws to Bob and says "Bob" he is out and drinks. 1. if you say the same name twice in a row, you are out and you drink. 2. if you say the name of the person you are throwing to, you drink. 3. i you say your own name, you drink. 4. if you wait more than two seconds, you drink. 5. if you peg the ball at someone (a peg will be decided by majority vote), the person pegged gets to peg it back at you for free. 6. the first person to win 3 times gets to make a new rule. 7. any stray balls, the last person on one knee with a finger on their nose fetches it. 8. when there are two people left, the same name cannot be said twice in a row between the two.(1) Get it now?"

"Yeah lets play!" Reno says enthusiastically.

"Oh no. What are you guys doing now?" Tifa said, coming down stairs with a limping Cloud.

"We are going to play a drinking game!" Gir says, sitting down on a barstool.

"You are letting him drink." Xigbar whispers to me.

"Yes. He actually belches flames. It's great." I said, pouring shots of 100 proof Hot Damn (one of my favorite drinks.)

"Good. Cause I need a stiff drink." Cloud says, gingerly sitting on a barstool.

Halfway through the drinking game, everyone is slurring (except for me, Xigbar, and Reno, but we can both hold our liquor fairly well and the others are lightweights!!!) Gir is belching up small flames, which keeps Axel entertained for the time being. Vincent has apparently forgiven Axel, because he is now talking to the redhead about everything with as much enthusiasm as he can muster. Cloud and Tifa are talking to Rufus about everything that happened before he showed up, which has Rufus, and Yuffie, in stiches. Xigbar and I are tossing coins at Loz, who passed out halfway through his first drink.

Suddenly, Xemnas clears his throat. "Ladies and...and fellow drunken peoples." He slurs, jumping on top of a table, "We have a sp...special treat for you tonight. Myself, Sephiroth, and Yazoo are going to sing for you all."

"Time for the camcorder Gir." I whisper to him. He gives me a thumbs up, as Sephiroth and Yazoo climb onto the table next to Xemnas. They start dancing (quite erotically I might add) and singing. Everyone stops, jaws hitting the ground, to watch the three silver haired men.

Sephiroth: I'm bringing sexy back

Them other boys don't know how to act

I think you're special whats behind your back

So turn around and i'll pick up the slack.

Yazoo: Take em' to the bridge

Sephiroth: Dirty babe

You see these shackles

Baby I'm your slave

I'll let you whip me if I misbehave

It's just that no one makes me feel this way

Xemnas: Take em' to the chorus

Sephiroth: Come here girl