warnings: MOAR Young Avengers, Earth-339. a little het. baseball-bashing. a little slash. a little world-go-boom talk. language: pg (for ass).

pairing: Billy/Teddy, with some Tommy/Cessily flirting.

timeline: April-ish 2019.

disclaimer: i doesn't owns the movies, comics, or characters. or the assorted objects of pop culture reference.

notes: 1) baseball. epic boring. *is shot by half the population of Japan* 2) Billy's probably the only person on earth who can tell how Tommy's actually feeling. Billy thinks it's totally obvious and everybody else just isn't paying attention. 3) it's actually kind of mean to compare Tommy to BOB (who was the product of injecting a genetically altered tomato with chemically altered ranch-flavored dessert topping), because BOB literally has no brain. 4) Tommy steamrolls his way through life by sheer force of ego. ever met somebody like that? it's funny, until you're the one getting flattened. 5) i believe MerianMoriarty and KageShin (over at deviantART) refer to the overall effect of this chapter as "the hammer of foreshadowing." XD yes, i have now slapped you all soundly with foreshadowing. kinky.

Logistics

Billy was bored. So incredibly, immensely bored.

Once upon a time, Teddy had insisted that baseball would grow on him. He'd uncharitably retorted with something along the lines of, 'Like a fungus?' And in the ten years since, baseball still hadn't grown on Billy in the slightest.

"How can you call that safe?" the blond yelled.

Billy sighed and refrained from reminding his husband that the umpire couldn't hear him through the TV. Then he frowned thoughtfully. "Have you seen Tommy lately?"

"Hm?" Teddy mumbled distractedly.

"Tommy. Tom. My brother. Looks just like me, but with white hair? Talks a lot, has no sense of personal space?"

"Mm, haven't seen him since the bank robbery Wednesday. Figure he's mooching his way through his sugar mamas."

"Ted!" he chided.

"What? Not my fault your brother's a manslut."

"Honey, your emotional barometer must be completely broken," Billy said. "He's been in a funk since Lisa gave him that 'it's not me, it's you' speech."

"Don't throw it to him, you moron! Sorry, babe, what?"

"Tommy. Is. Depressed," Billy said, punctuating each word with a gentle but firm kick to his dippy hubby's ribs.

"Hey, cut that out… No way, Bill, he's like the blue goo monster from Monsters Versus Aliens: throw a rubber ball and he's good as new. Seriously, he has a rebound time of, like, an hour."

"I did not just hear you say that! My super-sensitive, overgrown-puppy husband did not just callously dismiss the idea of someone being seriously depressed after being dumped by the same girl for the second time."

Teddy muted his baseball game and looked seriously at Billy. "Babe, how long have we known Tommy?"

"Ten years. Ish."

"And in all that time, how long has he ever stayed depressed, on average?"

Okay, so Teddy had something resembling a point. That didn't make Billy's point any less valid.

"…longer than it looks like, okay?" Billy grumbled.

Teddy sighed and threaded his fingers through Billy's. "Okay. I give. What do you think we should do?"

Billy drew a breath to say he thought they should corner the speedster and make him talk about Lisa, but the elevator door dinged.

"Worry not, dear children, the object of your idolatry has returned!"

Teddy raised his eyebrows.

Billy glowered. "Ted, if you say anything even remotely resembling 'I told you so,' you're sleeping on the couch for a week."

"Is this the face of a man who would say those terrible four words to his beloved husband?" Teddy said innocently.

Tommy sauntered into the room at normal human speeds, which was a little confusing until the women following him caught up.

"Cess, Laura, hi," Billy said, standing up to go greet them properly.

"Hello," said Laura.

Cessily hugged him. "Hi, Bill!"

"What are you gals doing here?"

She looked away. He was immediately suspicious.

"Cess?"

"Official business, X-Men to Avengers," Laura said. "Stark is…assisting us with a very big, very important project."

"Is that why Deadpool was here last week?" Billy asked.

"That and he views the Avengers as a cross between a soap opera and reality television."

Tommy nodded and hooked an arm over Billy's shoulders. "And it just so happens they need a neurotic witch to help take care of some of the logistics planning over on Utopia. I volunteered you for the job—don't bother to thank me. Think of it as a couple months' vacation with your big green golden retriever."

"I can hear you, y'know," Teddy called from the couch.

"What's that, boy?" Tommy replied sarcastically. "Little Timmy fell down a well?"

Billy managed to stifle a laugh. "Tom, cut it out. That's not nice."

"Oh, yes, because your sweetheart has always been so nice to me. Never says anything mocking or derisive, and certainly wouldn't make untoward implications about my less-than-shiny legal history or my inventive and open-minded dating habits no fewer than eight times this month."

Teddy turned and rested his arms on the back of the couch. "Ouch. For a guy with the attention span of a kindergartener on crack, you sure tally up those grudges."

Tommy stuck out his tongue.

"C'mon, guys," Billy sighed. "A few months? I dunno, some of us have actual day jobs."

"Oh, sure, everybody pick on the adorable free-loading speed-demon," Tommy said with a theatrical sniffle. "Newsflash, bro—we're too pretty to work. So it's not like it really matters if you skip out. Just give 'em your notice and be on your merry way."

"My notice? Tom, be serious…" Billy ducked out from under Tommy's arm. His twin was grinning, but he got the distinct impression that Tommy was agitated…anxious. "Something's wrong."

"What? No, nothing's wrong," Tommy lied with a big smile. "They just need you over on Utopia. So pack your stuff, superhero. Everything's taken care of, room 'n board covered, a bunch of cute little mutant fanboys awaiting the presence of a badass lightning bug in a cape…"

Billy frowned. "Stop smiling, and stop lying. I can tell when you're lying, because you can't look me in the eye. Are you in some kind of trouble?"

"No, I'm not in some kind of—why do you always assume I'm in trouble?" Tommy yelped. "You and Prince Awesome-Pants are the ones who are constantly getting kidnapped or tortured or whatever, which is completely unfair because I've got way better hair and a much nicer ass."

"Tommy," Cessily huffed. "Can we stay on topic, please?"

He was by her side in an instant, cheek-to-cheek with an arm around her waist. "I'm sorry, Cessie, does talking about my ass distract and fluster you? We can talk about your ass instead…"

Billy rolled his eyes and zapped his airhead brother.

"Ouch! Twin abuse, twin abuse!" Tommy cried, hiding behind Cessily.

Laura nonchalantly caught him by the ear and twisted.

"Ow, ow, ow—"

"He's told you everything we can openly talk about," she said. "More details will be available once you're on Utopia. For your own safety, you won't get the full brief even then."

"You can let go now," Tommy whimpered. "Laura? My ear, it's gonna come off, and mine don't grow back like yours do…"

"That's not fair!" Billy protested before he could stop himself (or think of something smarter to say). "How come the bigmouth over there gets all the info?"

"Why indeed," Laura said dryly, and finally let go of Tommy while slanting a look at Cessily.

"What?" the redhead said with a guilty shrug. "He did that thing where he goes all overprotective-brother and makes the scary Magneto-faces."

The only thing anywhere near as embarrassing as a pair of open-minded doctor parents was an overprotective, way-too-interested twin brother.

Billy dropped his head into his hands. "Aw, Tom," he groaned. "For God's sake, I'm not a little kid, and even if I was, you would be, too. Lemme guess—the world's coming to an end, and the only place I'll be safe is Utopia?"

The trio stared at him with straight faces.

"Essentially," said Laura.

He should've expected an answer like that. Avengers plus X-Men pretty much always equaled end-of-the-world-craziness.

He sighed. "I'm a frigging Avenger, I'm not going to run away and hide while the world goes boom!"

Then Tommy was in front of him, hands on his shoulders. "Yes, you are," Tommy said. "You're going to that stupid island if I have to knock you out and FedEx you."

"While you stay here and play hero?"

"Pretty much."

Billy swallowed thickly. "No. Tommy, I've got a bad feeling about this. I've had a bad feeling all day."

His brother flashed a crooked grin. "Well, that's too bad, mother-hen. It's my turn to be the responsible twin, and I can't do that if you're not safe. I need you to take your dumb blond and go to Utopia."

He didn't know what to say to that.

Tommy's body language was still miles from calm and happy, no matter how casual or confident his grin was. "Just do me this favor. Pack your stuff, call the office, and zap on over to the island."

He caved. Of course he caved. He never dealt well with Tommy's 'look at me being a grown-up' brand of guilt-trip.

Shaking his head, he fixed Tommy with a stern frown. "Only if you'll do me a favor."

"Yeah?"

"Be careful."

Finally, Tommy's grin turned genuine. "Really, bro? It's like you don't know me at all."

.End.