*song: retrograde by james blake*
*warning: mentions of violence*
Chapter Four
Suddenly I'm Hit
Part I
Back in Austin, Karma knocked on Amy's window. When no answer was heard she shakily pushed it open and crawled inside. The place looked clean and organized. It looked normal but Amy wasn't there.
Karma: WHERE ARE YOU?!
She tried. She had heard about the fight. She had seen it. A huge group of High School kids had attacked Amy in a parking lot, in a violent mob. Karma didn't even recognize them. She didn't know them. But that had been, it had been Amy.
When Karma thought of her, defenseless, she felt the rage rise in her and the anger boil over before coming again and again, each time stronger than before. It was debilitating and often she felt her eyes go black and she had to stop to breathe, to just breathe, she had to stop. She didn't know how she was standing. She didn't know how she could move. But Amy was out there somewhere and she needed her, Karma knew that Amy needed her.
Who would do that? AND WHY?! What had been said that could've possibly led to...
She sat down on Amy's bed and wept, hugging her stomach. Amy's pillow smelled like her. Amy's blankets smelled like her. Karma clutched the blanket in her hand and wailed.
She hadn't been there.
She hadn't been there.
Amy had been hurt and she hadn't been there at all.
Part II
Amy woke early at Caleb's and snuck out to find the bathroom unlocked. There was no one inside and the place was all quiet. She got some clothes and took a long shower, surveying her bruises and cuts, noticing a spot that was too purple and probably in need of care.
"Fuck," she huffed. If she went to the doctor her mom could find her fast. All she wanted was to disappear.
She cleaned herself up and put some bandaids on and some bandages where it hurt the most. She was all beat up. It had been bad, real bad. She wasn't sure but there were probably broken ribs. She tried to move as little as possible but it had been hard.
When she got back to her room she saw that Karma had tried to call. So Karma had known then. Karma had to of found out. The worst part about it all was that she didn't even know the kids who had done it. They had been from some complete other school and they were mostly boys, strong and mad, just kicking her and hitting. They called her a fag and a whore and told her she was going to hell. They even spat. If Lauren hadn't of seen, haven't of driven up and shined her brights at them honking loud, they probably would've killed eventually. She'd probably be dead.
Amy owed Lauren her life.
Amy: I'm safe. I made a few friends. They're nice. You'd actually like them.
Lauren: I want you home. You're not safe unless you're with me.
Amy: You know I can't…
Lauren: We need to report them. This isn't right.
Amy: I can't stay there. It was wrong already.
Lauren: Call me soon, please. I need to hear your voice.
Amy: I will, I promise.
Lauren: I think Karma is crying in your room…
Amy: …
There was nothing she could say. There was nothing she could do.
"Hi," Hanna said. "You look better."
"Thanks to you," Amy smiled. She saw a blush rise in Hanna's cheeks.
"Come on, I'll make you food."
"If I had known running away would be this easy, I'd have done it a long time ago," Amy smiled, following her into the kitchen. Truthfully, Amy never wanted to run away, not until she did.
"Shut up, I like to cook," Hanna smirked. "Who were you texting?" She pried.
"My step-sister. She's really worried," Amy obviously felt bad.
"We can get the money if you want to go back."
"I can't go back there," Amy shook her head, tears finding her.
"Is it that girl? Your friend?"
"It's everything," Amy choked back her bitterness and leaned on the counter hoping to make it through the day.
"Who were they?"
"Oh… them?" Amy thought. "I don't even know. I didn't know them."
"God…" Hanna shook her head angrily. "Why would they," she growled. She had seen how Amy could barely move without pain.
"People don't like gay people. Especially gay cheaters."
"It's bullshit," Hanna said.
"I know," Amy agreed.
Hanna made her a healthy omelet with broccoli and brussel sprouts and jalapenos inside. Amy ate and felt grateful. Honestly, she'd been grateful with just the company but the food fed her bones and made her feel a little stronger. Every second with Hanna had been a godsend.
"Spencer's coming to get you. I have to do something with Caleb. I hope that's okay."
"You don't have to babysit me, I'm not scared." It was a lie though, she was scared.
"Spencer wants to see you," Hanna smiled. "She's jealous I think."
"Of what?"
"You're pretty and nice. You're damaged and she likes that," Hanna teased, almost flirting. Spencer was jealous of Hanna because Hanna had a pet.
"What the hell?!" Amy laughed.
"Don't you have people like that in Austin?" Amy thought briefly about Shane.
"I do… You're right," Amy laughed. "My friend Shane is like that."
"Well then I like your friend Shane."
"And I like Spencer. Emily too," she tagged on just to be nice.
"Em's my best friend. So last night, that was her being worried. It wasn't you."
"Oh," Amy said, realizing it. "That makes sense."
"We're like sisters. She'd die if anything happened to me."
"I know what that's like," Amy sighed. Her mind wandered back to that text from Karma, that text she should answer, that text she shouldn't ignore.
"Are you okay? You look sad?"
"She text me… My friend…"
"What'd she say?"
"She doesn't know where I am. She's worried."
"That sounds scary," Hanna held her body lop-sided like she tended to do. When she was uncomfortable and overly truthful she'd always lean more to one side than the other. Amy noticed.
"I know it's wrong. I just can't talk to her."
"Give it time," Hanna said. "I just know if that was Emily It'd be killing me, not talking." She was right. It was killing her.
Part III
A knock came on Amy's door and Karma sat up. She wanted it to be Amy but why would Amy knock on her own fucking door?
"Who is it?" She asked shakily.
"It's Lauren, Karma. Can I come in?"
"Lauren… yeah," she exhaled. She didn't know it but she had been holding her breath. If only it had been Amy. If only it had been Amy.
"Are you okay? You look all pale."
"I thought you were Amy."
"Well, I'm not," Lauren said, walking to the bed and sitting down. "What are you doing here?"
"I heard… There's a video."
"A video?"
"On facebook, it was a hate group, these church kids. Someone from school found it and sent it to me." Karma spoke but it felt like a nightmare, a bad dream. This couldn't be happening. This could not have happened.
"Shit," Lauren said. The thought of watching that video pained her but she wanted to see. She'd tear them apart with her own two hands. She'd tie them to her car and drag them. They were scum. They were horrible scum. If she hadn't been so preoccupied with helping Amy, she would have run them down like dogs they were.
"Is she okay? Do- do you know anything?" Karma stuttered in her desperation. She was trying to block out the images of Amy curled up in a little ball on the ground.
"I don't know where she is," Lauren said, tears hanging in her eyes. She took Karma's hand instinctively and squeezed. "But she says she's fine."
"Fuck, she's not fine!" Karma screamed, standing up. She paced a little and Lauren watched. "I have to go to her, I have to find her!"
"We don't know where she is-" Lauren tried to remain calm.
"THEN WE'LL FIND OUT!" Karma yelled.
It wasn't Lauren's fault. None of this was Lauren's fault.
"You saved her," Karma said, dropping down onto her knees and taking Lauren's hands in her own. "You saved her, you know? It was you! That was your car! If you hadn't been there- Lauren I can't even be-"
"Shhhhh, shhh. I know," Lauren said, stroking Karma's hair and pulling Karma's head to lay against her naked knee. The tears came again. She was suddenly unable to stop. They both wept though Lauren tried not to. She wanted to be strong for her. She knew Karma loved her more than anything in her world. "I can't think-" Lauren tried to speak but it was hard. If she hadn't been there. If she hadn't been there.
She just couldn't think it.