Isabella Swan POV
I was just being nice. I was being the better person, giving Edward the benefit of the doubt. Giving him a chance to prove himself as a person to me, but also to himself. When he ended our friendship, it didn't just affect me. I understood that enough, because it changed Edward too, and I was starting to see those subtle differences the past few days. He was much more outward about his feelings, as he should be.
But now, while walking down the cereal isle, the cart's wheels annoyingly squeaking, I couldn't help but think about my decision. Was everything happening too soon?
Of course it was, but life just happened that way, I guess. I had to go with the flow, adapt to change, or things would forever remain the same.
That was the last thing I wanted. But I also didn't want them to go back to how they were. I wanted to be happy. Truly.
High school drama and the way of the world were curious things, and I had a fucking hard time understanding it all.
I haven't forgiven Edward, and I'm sure he knows that. We have months of my pent up anger and resentment to discuss, and whatever else comes up along the way. I'm certain once the time came to really talk, it won't be pretty.
But that time wasn't now, and I wanted to make the most of movie night, since I was the hostess, but most importantly - because I wanted to try to be a normal high school student and have fun, be with friends.
I wasn't completely sure that's what Emmett and Rosalie were, but that's what their intentions seemed like… Emmett seemed happy, sincerely excited about hanging out tonight. And with the fact that he and Rosalie knew all about Edward and my history, it should make for an interesting night.
Thwack. Thud. Thud. Thud.
"Damnit," I said, knocking into a display of Frosted Flakes, causing a few boxes to topple over all over the floor. "Just my luck… just my fucking luck," I kept on rambling, bending over to pick them up. "I don't want Frosted Flakes, or a fucked up life."
"Hey, don't worry about that!" A high-pitched voice squealed from behind me, "I work here, let me pick those up! You keep on shopping!"
Turning around, I looked to the source of the voice. Much shorter than me, a girl about my age was skipping towards the sight of my careless crash. She had the prettiest black hair, sleek and shiny. It reached below her shoulders in subtle and soft waves, framing her small angular face. She looked very energetic, which made sense because of the way she talked.
"Really," I said, picking up two boxes, "I can help. I'm the cause anyway. Trust me, if you follow me around the store I'm sure they'll be more accidents like this." I smiled.
The girl giggled, quickly picking up the remaining boxes, putting them back perfectly. I arched a brow at her when she seemed to be lining them up symmetrically.
"Yeah, yeah," she sighed, knowing exactly what was on my mind, "I have OCD. I only work here to help with my tendencies!" She waved her hand at the rest of the shelves in the isle, which after a second look, where absolutely perfectly aligned. Each row was even, precise and in glorious order. This girl was good. I was stunned.
Then she started bouncing around, twirling in the hallway, and continuing to talk to me.
"I only work here because I get so bored at home, plus the OCD thing. My mom home schools me because she thinks high school is corrupting teenagers. Honestly! I'm dying every day for human interaction, and you've just made my day, Bella Swan!" she exclaimed, pirouetting in front of me. Her energy was radiating.
Where was Edward when I needed him? Esme had called for him to pick up a few things for her, so he was stuck grabbing apples and pork chops. Now I was left alone to deal with this eccentric girl in the cereal isle that happened to know my name.
"H-how?" I asked, clearly confused. I was absolutely certain I didn't know her.
"Jasper told me," she rambled, like it was obvious. "He comes in here a lot and rambles to me, I think he likes me! But he doesn't really know what to say, so he just goes on about nonsense about his friends and school. I really wish I could go to school with you guys!" You guys? Now I was even more confused. Jasper Hale and I were not friends…
"Ugh," she continued, "Anyway, you look like his description, so I just knew it was you! You are so pretty, just like he said. But he has to think I'm prettier – cause he comes in here just to talk to me! Me, Alice Brandon. Nice to meet you," she extended her hand, a huge smile on her face.
This girl could definitely talk without breathing.
"Um, yeah. Nice to meet you too." I replied, extending my hand, shaking it with her small delicate one. "You are really pretty too, I bet Jasper has a crush," I shrugged offering her some solace. Why else would a guy always come in a grocery store? He couldn't always be hungry.
"That's exactly what I think too! He always gets so nervous around me, it's absolutely adorable! He blushes and I just want to kiss him! He's so dreamy…" she trailed off, obviously lost in her own thoughts.
Pushing the cart forward, I thought best to find Edward and get home. I wasn't sure how much more of this girl I could handle, since talking and interacting weren't my strong suits.
"I'm sure I'll be seeing you around here, Alice. It was nice meeting you," I said with a friendly wave and a genuine smile.
"Yes you will, Bella, yes you will!" Twirling and spinning in circles again, she made her way down the opposite end of the isle, and I took off to the next one, searching for Edward.
I found him twenty minutes later, after I gathered all of our pizza making supplies, plus a few extras. He looked absolutely adorable and perplexed, looking at all the types of apples. He looked my way when I giggled at him.
"Don't laugh, she didn't tell me what kind! How am I supposed to know?" He exclaimed frowning at me, clearly exasperated, his right hand tugging at his golden brown locks.
"Hey, don't sweat it. Just grab those pinky-red ones. They're Gala's, and I'm pretty sure they'll work just fine." I consoled him, rubbing his shoulder lightly, my overly emotional Edward. It had been a long few days for him too.
"Three?" He sighed, and I nodded. Grabbing a clear produce bag, I helped him pick out the best looking ones, and we put them in the cart, walking slowly to the checkouts.
I thought it best to confront him about Emmett, Rosalie and apparently Jasper knowing about our situation. It only made sense since I was going to be dealing with it tonight. The last thing I wanted to do was be unprepared for questions that I'm sure were coming.
"So…" I brilliantly started, loading the belt up with our groceries. "Emmett knows, Rosalie and Jasper too?"
"Yeah, they didn't at first." Edward said, shrugging his shoulders, avoiding my gaze. "But after awhile they realized I wasn't… you know, talking to you anymore. So I told them about what happened."
"Hey," I softly called, reaching to grab his hand. I squeezed it, trying to comfort him again. His anguish and pain crushed me; I couldn't bear to see him upset. My eyes locked with his, and I tried to show him that I knew he was sorry.
"Do they think…" I stuttered, cautiously wondering, "um, do they think it's my fault?"
Edward released my hand, laughing and a shifty grin now on his face. "Not in the slightest. Yours truly," he pointed to himself, "almost got the biggest ass-whopping from Emmett. He was pissed. Trust me, they're all on Team Bella."
Interesting.
I took out Charlie's AMEX Black Card and swiped it, paying for the groceries, and thanked the cashier with a brief smile.
"Have a good night," I politely told her, pushing the now bagged groceries towards the exit.
Edward scowled, "I could've paid half, you know."
"I'm the host!" I scoffed, "and plus it's not often when I get to do things like this. Just give me this one."
"Fine, but next time you're not spending a dime."
"Just a nickel, then." I giggled, winking at him.
Setting off, we drove to Edwards first to drop off Esme's things. The rest of the ride home was quiet, the streets of Forks serene and peaceful, with a hint of sun peaking out from behind the dense green foliage.
A few minutes into the drive, Edward reached over the center console and grabbed my hand, holding it softly in his. He didn't intertwine our fingers, but he would occasionally brush his thumb across my knuckles with slight pressure, soothing and relaxing me.
This was definitely blurring the lines of our friendship. I smiled inwardly, thanking the heavens for answered prayers.
Did Edward like me more than a friend? Did Edward know that I liked him? Even with all the hurt and pain in the past, the huge, crazy schoolgirl crush on beautiful, dreamy Edward Cullen still existed.
Entering our neighborhood, Edward hit the button on the garage, opening it when we were at my driveway. I shut the car off, and raised an eyebrow to Edward, glancing at our hands. He slyly pulled our clasped hands to his lips, kissing the back of my hand gently and sweetly.
"I still hate your guts," I said, tugging my hand away. It was a lie, but I really needed some personal space.
Thoughts of kissing Edward were now clouding my head. And kissing Edward would be counterproductive, right?
"I know, I'll work on it." Smirking, he opened the back hatch and grabbed most of the grocery bags, leaving me with the least heavy one.
Walking through the backdoor, we brought all the groceries into my kitchen. Zoila was skirting about the kitchen and dining room with a duster, singing to her iPod. She didn't notice us come in, and I giggled at her. Her head swayed with the beat, her dark brown curly hair bouncing around.
"Zoiiiiiiila!" I said in a singsong voice.
"Ah!" She exclaimed, pulling out her ear buds. "Hi honey… and who is this handsome man?" she asked, her brow arched.
"Oh Z, you remember Edward," I shrugged. For her, I guess it was hard to remember Edward, since his previously buzzed hair was now long and shaggy, his baby face replaced by chiseled features, and he was now towering over 6 ft. My beautiful Edward.
"Oh! Let me get a good look at you, Eddie boy," Zoila exclaimed, her face breaking out into a huge smile. She always loved having him around, and he especially loved her cooking. She was like a second mom to him.
"Hi Z," Edward said shyly and a bit apprehensively, "I've missed you." His face contorted into a sad smile, full of regret. Edward's admission was heartfelt and I knew it to be true.
Taking two steps, he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly. They embraced for a minute, and Edward smiled down at Zoila, his face full of sorrow. She mouthed something up at him that I couldn't see, and he shook his head, whispering solemnly, "Never again… never ever again."
Releasing each other, both Edward and Zoila were finally smiling, possibly at their understanding. Two of my most favorite people, reunited again.
It made my heart swell at the thought of more of my life settling into a happy place.
I couldn't help but smile too.
Once the groceries were put away, and Zoila had a chance to pester Edward for an hour about updates on his life, I was finally able to shoo her away for the rest of the night, giving her multiple promises that Edward would be back again and she could try out some new recipes on him.
"Whew," I blew out a big breath, sinking into the couch pillows next to Edward. He had his eyes closed, but I knew he was awake. "Who knew she could be so persistent?"
Edward shrugged, curling up closer to me. His voice was just above a whisper. "I don't think I've talked that much… ever. She wanted to know about everything!"
"Hey," I replied softly, lightly trailing my fingers across his arm, hoping he would open his eyes. When he finally did I gave him a genuine smile, "She just missed you, that's all."
Sighing, Edward rearranged his legs and body, making a spot for me between them. "C'mere," he called, pulling my back against his front. Wrapping his strong arms around me, he softly said, "I missed her too."
The moment was truly remarkable. Edward seemed perfectly content with our position, so I took advantage of that and leaned back onto him, nestling myself further in his sweet embrace. His heartbeat was steady and strong, and I had a hard time not letting it lull me to sleep. I wasn't sure how long we stayed in those positions, but I was starting to think about giving Rosalie and Emmett a rain check…
The light danced through the big bay windows of the living room, the sun fading slowly. Everything was perfectly quiet except for his breathing and mine.
Shifting my head to the side I nuzzled my nose into his neck, breathing in his scent.
Edward sharply inhaled, startled by my sudden movements. "What are you doing?" He questioned, his whole body rigid and stiff.
"Iono… sorry," I shrugged and gave him a regretful look. I really wasn't sure what I was trying to do, maybe just feel closer to Edward? Being close to him surely blurred all the carefully drawn lines I had drawn, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. I had to take what I could get, before Edward left again. Trying to peel my body from his, I struggled to get up off the couch.
"Wait, what? Where are you going?" Edward grabbed my hips to pull me back down flush with his body. My body suddenly hit a part of his anatomy that was very hard.
"Oh!"
"Fuck. I'm sorry Bella," he muttered embarrassingly.
I was frozen, unsure of what to do. Edward was hard because of me?
"Edward," I said in an impossibly soft voice after a few seconds, locking my eyes to his. "It's okay, really. I was just… surprised." Giving him a meek shrug, he seemed to calm down minimally.
"Was… was it the nuzzling? Too much?" I rushed out, trying to figure out this puzzle. I bit my bottom lip, awaiting his answer.
"That got me hard?" he responded, laughing at me.
"Yes!" I really did want to know… maybe to see if I could do it again?
Edward was really laughing at me now, clutching his stomach, his eyes light and shining.
"It's not that funny…" I muttered. I just wanted to know.
His beautiful eyes turned darker, and he placed his hands on both sides of my cheeks, purposely making me look at him. "Silly, silly, beautiful girl. It's everything that you do. The way you talk, the way you move, the way you look, just everything. And yes, the way you nuzzle."
"Why everything?" I questioned, pressing for more information.
"Because," Edward started, his fingers now stroking my cheekbones, my jaw, tucking my hair back behind my ears. His touch was incredibly soft; it made me feel so cherished. "It's just... just because it's you, Bella. You do everything to me from make me hard, to giving me butterflies in my stomach."
"Oh…" I was stunned, speechless.
"I know we haven't really talked about much of anything, but you need to know. I'm all in. All in," he repeated. The rest of his speech came out quickly and nervously. "I never realized how much you meant to me until I fucked things up so badly, and I spent months wishing I had the balls to change things, but I finally did and I don't want to screw up with you ever again. I know that's not realistic, but I truly mean it. I will do anything for your forgiveness, anything. You were my best friend, the very best. But now? I think with time, we could be… more."
"More?" I whispered, not sure if he even heard me.
"More," he nodded. "Something happened to me one day, I woke up and I couldn't stop thinking about kissing you, or holding you. But that just made me feel worse, knowing I didn't just lose my best friend, but I lost the only girl I ever loved." His voice kept breaking, and a few small tears escaped his beautiful green eyes, but he continued. "I really think I love you, and I know we're young, but I can't help what I feel. And I know this is a lot to just throw at you, but you just need to know. You need to choose where I fit into your life, because I'll take you in any capacity. I just need you, Bella. However I can have you…"
Wow. My mind was staggering, like it just finished running a marathon.
He thought he loved me? But… didn't I think I loved him? Well, aren't we quite the pair… Surprisingly, I didn't need to think much about my choice. I had months and months separated from Edward to think about a scenario like this. All those times I envisioned it in my mind, but it didn't compare to the heartfelt, truthful speech he made.
We were young, and had our whole lives ahead of us. But in reality, things change quickly, which Edward and I knew all to well. Life got in the way, bad things happened to good people. I didn't want to waste any more time, and I always knew I would follow my heart.
Detangling myself from Edward, I stood up and walked over the large window in my living room. It overlooked my back yard, which was green and lush. There were few small brick framed flowerbeds that my mom planted perennials, beautiful colorful daylilies. My favorites were the bright orange ones, but I also loved watching the light faded yellow ones bloom too. The beds that once looked pristine were slightly overgrown, from lack of care.
Turning to look at Edward, I was caught off guard by his expression. His dark eyes were glossy and wet, and he was visibly shaking. Rushing to his side, I knelt down on the carpet, and leaned forward over the couch, grabbing hold of his trembling hands. Our eyes locked, and I began to say my peace.
"I'm afraid you'll leave again. My mother left, my father practically did, and then you. Who's to say it won't happen again? It's one of my biggest fears, and it kills me inside. What makes me not good enough?"
Edward looked so upset, and his mouth opened to speak but I shhed him, "But I know I can't live every day wondering if that'll happen. I need to live in the moment and do whatever makes me happy…"
Releasing his hands, I took my small ones and put them on either side of his face, smiling at him from our close proximity. "Despite everything, you make me happy." My voice was strong and sure, and I leaned in to kiss his nose. "I'm willing to work from the ground up, friendship first. And maybe someday I'll let you kiss me…" I joked, smiling. "But for now? I'm all in."
I wanted to keep my love for him to myself. It was really the only thing I had left, and I wanted to protect it as best I could.
Edward visibly relaxed and smiled back at me. "You are absolutely beautiful, strong, caring, and all too forgiving, but I'll take every bit of it… so thank you. We'll do it right, from the ground up." He reached over and pulled me up off the floor from under my arms, and onto his lap like I was a toddler. But I didn't care, because while snuggling into his chest, I felt like I was home.
"Hey, why don't you text Emmett and have them come over at 6? That way we can eat around dinner time then do a few movies, and eat dessert later."
"Oh, yeah okay. Sounds good." He pulled out his phone and made quick work the message, and Emmett replied in seconds.
"Uh…" Edward started, seeming apprehensive. "They said they're bored and wanna come over now."
"Oh." I shrugged, "I guess that's okay. We're not doing anything anyway."
"You sure?" He prompted. Edward was being so considerate, making sure I was okay with this whole night.
"Yeah, let's get this party started," I joked, grinning at him. "Do they need directions?"
"Seriously?" Edward laughed. "Bella, nobody needs directions to your house. It's like common knowledge around here where you live."
"Huh," I mused. "Well, that isn't creepy or anything."
He caught onto my sarcasm, but just shrugged. Grabbing my waist, he pulled me back against his body, safely enfolding his arms around me again.
"I wanna hold you for as long as I can," Edward said as way of an explanation, almost in a pout.
I had absolutely no qualms about being in Edward's arms.
"Mhm, whatever you say E." I wiggled my butt against his crotch, just to see if he was still hard. He hissed in response.
"Fuck! I just controlled that shit," He scolded me.
Giving him my best innocent look, I glanced at him through my lashes and apologized.
Edward groaned and shook his head side to side. "You are going to be the death of me. Between those pretty pouty lips and you grinding on me, I'm liable to explode any second."
I just shrugged, but I was suddenly curious. Who knew I had such an effect on Edward Cullen? I was now going to use this priceless information to my advantage.
"How long have you wanted to kiss me?"
Edward thought for a moment, "Iono… since Christmas?"
"Oh, okay" I replied casually, but then lowering my voice to sound sexy, "I've always wanted to kiss you." His eyes grew so wide it was almost comical. Leaning closer, our faces were almost touching.
"So…" Edward started to say, his breath catching in his throat.
I cut him off by tickling him all over. I knew all his ticklish spots and attacked him with nimble fingers, making him squirm and scream.
"Okay, okay you win!" He said loudly after a few minutes and pushed me away.
Grinning widely, I smacked his stomach. "You really thought I was gonna kiss you, huh?"
"Yeah, so what?" He replied defensively, his lips deliciously pouting.
"Dream on, Cullen."
The truth was that I was about a second away from kissing him, but that would go against everything I said about taking things slowly. Since Edward seemed to be taking cues from me, there could be no mixed signals. As much as I wanted to ravish and kiss that man until next week… it would have to be put on hold for an indefinite amount of time.
Thankfully, the doorbell rang and our guests were here. Saved.
"I'll grab the door," I said, pushing myself away from the mess of couch pillows.
Edward looked lazy and content, not moving an inch, "Yes, greet our guests, will you?" He joked.
I walked away, but rolling my eyes.
The bell rang again three more times in succession, and I cried out, "Hold on!"
Unlocking the door, I swung it open, only to be stunned into silence.
AN: Sorry this is so late and not even that long. School and life are my useless excuses, and I've also been having a tough time getting these two characters where I want them. I'll work harder. You guys are awesome. xoxo